Masturbation around sleeping child

123anon · 2024-06-04T22:37:20+00:00

I’m really sorry if my title offends anyone. I don’t know where else to turn. I sleep on the sofa most nights and my now ex partner sleeps upstairs with our 2 year old daughter in the same bed. I found evidence of him masturbating in the same bed as her….. he’s admitted to doing it more than once. It just doesn’t sit right with me and I feel physically sick. I made him leave there and then and he hasn’t been back since. His family are taking his side and calling me a Psycho. In their opinion he’s done wrong but not enough for me to cut contact. Can I please have other parent’s opinions and advice also if possible legal advice. I feel sick to my stomach.

Passiflora2 · 04/06/2024 23:41

Why on earth was your child sleeping in the same bed with him in the first place? You did the right thing
kicking him out. How utterly disgusting and inappropriate

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 04/06/2024 23:43

Absolutely not okay.

Well done for doing the right thing.

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 04/06/2024 23:44

You should have been sharing the bed with your child. I think he has behaved appallingly but I think many men would have done the same. I would be making sure he didn't share a bed with her again

Marblessolveeverything · 04/06/2024 23:46

How on earth can any rational human consider this acceptable? The mind boggles.

NotAllowed · 04/06/2024 23:47

Why was he sharing a bed with her and not you? What a sicko. Good riddance. I’d be reporting that to the police and having his hard drives checked.

FuckTheClubUp · 04/06/2024 23:49

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 04/06/2024 23:44

You should have been sharing the bed with your child. I think he has behaved appallingly but I think many men would have done the same. I would be making sure he didn't share a bed with her again

What are you talking about? Why should the OP have been the one to sleep in the bed, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with dad’s sleeping in the same bed as their DC (unless their fucking disgusting like this man).

You think many men would have done the same? Well what type of men do you know then? Common sense would tell you to have a wank before you get in the bed with your child or leave it for another day.

Sorry OP I have no advice but that is not okay. You’ve done the right thing in telling him to leave but I have no clue what your next steps are. Hopefully more people comment in the morning

FuckTheClubUp · 04/06/2024 23:51

NotAllowed · 04/06/2024 23:47

Why was he sharing a bed with her and not you? What a sicko. Good riddance. I’d be reporting that to the police and having his hard drives checked.

Another one, why should the OP automatically be the one to sleep in the bed?

Maybe their DC doesn’t sleep well and OP was sleeping in another room to get a good nights sleep. Maybe their DC prefers to sleep with their dad or maybe the OP doesn’t like co sleeping. There’s so many examples I can think of why OP may not have been in the bed. Do people really not hear of DCs sleeping with their dad?

BoundaryGirl3939 · 04/06/2024 23:52

Women can abuse too. It shouldn't automatically be assumed that only women can share beds with their child.

Pallisers · 04/06/2024 23:53

well to be quite honest, yeah it is more likely a child will be abused by a man sleeping in its bed than a woman - we all know that. We know it isn't all men. We know we trust a lot of men (would have had no problem whatsoever - and didn't - with my dh sleeping in the same bed as my kids) but that is the reality so getting annoyed with someone pointing it out is odd. Men are more of a risk to children than women (not all - as a class - yada yada yada - we all know it)

OP you are not wrong here.

Original poster

123anon · 04/06/2024 23:54

My daughter has never slept well on her own and has co-slept from a few months old. Now that she’s getting bigger there was less room so I decided to sleep on the sofa because he refused to. He is her dad, I trusted him. Him being inappropriate around her never even crossed my mind. I feel like a horrible mother.

OP posts:

Amybelle88 · 04/06/2024 23:55

Many men would have done the same someone said?

What the fuck?

They absolutely wouldn't - this is abhorrent and I'd be taking steps to ensure abuse hasn't been carried out, too.

The mere thought of it is turning my stomach and I know my husband would say exactly the same. Many men would have done the same? WOW. Raise your standards.

OP, I hope you're ok - please reach out for support via the right avenues - this must be so hard to navigate.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 04/06/2024 23:56

Pallisers · 04/06/2024 23:53

well to be quite honest, yeah it is more likely a child will be abused by a man sleeping in its bed than a woman - we all know that. We know it isn't all men. We know we trust a lot of men (would have had no problem whatsoever - and didn't - with my dh sleeping in the same bed as my kids) but that is the reality so getting annoyed with someone pointing it out is odd. Men are more of a risk to children than women (not all - as a class - yada yada yada - we all know it)

OP you are not wrong here.

Men are not more of a threat to children. Mothers can be horrific.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 04/06/2024 23:58

123anon · 04/06/2024 23:54

My daughter has never slept well on her own and has co-slept from a few months old. Now that she’s getting bigger there was less room so I decided to sleep on the sofa because he refused to. He is her dad, I trusted him. Him being inappropriate around her never even crossed my mind. I feel like a horrible mother.

Is he having mental health difficulties? Taken drugs or abused alcohol?

It is disgusting but he didn't do it to her. He just seemed oblivious or numb to the fact she was in the same bed.

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 05/06/2024 00:01

BoundaryGirl3939 · 04/06/2024 23:56

Men are not more of a threat to children. Mothers can be horrific.

Show quote history

Of course they are. Men are statistically far more likely to harm a child than a woman is, especially if that woman is the childs own mother. This isn't opinion, its fact

FuckTheClubUp · 05/06/2024 00:01

Pallisers · 04/06/2024 23:53

well to be quite honest, yeah it is more likely a child will be abused by a man sleeping in its bed than a woman - we all know that. We know it isn't all men. We know we trust a lot of men (would have had no problem whatsoever - and didn't - with my dh sleeping in the same bed as my kids) but that is the reality so getting annoyed with someone pointing it out is odd. Men are more of a risk to children than women (not all - as a class - yada yada yada - we all know it)

OP you are not wrong here.

I’m not annoyed and my responses haven’t been odd. I’m interested in why posters have questioned OP for NOT being in the bed with her child. What if the OP just didn’t feel like co sleeping for a few days and wanted to get some rest on the sofa? This expectation that mothers are the ones who should be doing everything and fathers barely lift a finger is what I find odd.

OP, you are certainly not a bad mother. You made the sacrifice to leave your bed and sleep on the sofa, you probably wouldn’t have considered that something like this could happen. I know I certainly wouldn’t have

Original poster

123anon · 05/06/2024 00:03

Neither of us touch alcohol and definitely not drugs.

He keeps telling me he just “didn’t think about it” but to me that’s no excuse

OP posts:

caringcarer · 05/06/2024 00:04

This is so sickening. What kind of a father would be able to get turned on sleeping next to his tiny DD? You did right to kick him out. I'd be keeping him away from her at bedtime to protect her, definitely no overnight stays with him. If you divorce him you could site it as grounds for divorce. If he disagrees let him try to explain to a court that what he did was reasonable.

NotAllowed · 05/06/2024 00:11

FuckTheClubUp · 04/06/2024 23:51

Another one, why should the OP automatically be the one to sleep in the bed?

Maybe their DC doesn’t sleep well and OP was sleeping in another room to get a good nights sleep. Maybe their DC prefers to sleep with their dad or maybe the OP doesn’t like co sleeping. There’s so many examples I can think of why OP may not have been in the bed. Do people really not hear of DCs sleeping with their dad?

Show quote history

OP said she sleeps on the sofa because her partner refuses to. Lovely scenarios you’ve presented there, but not applicable to this situation. How any decent man could consciously let his partner and the mother of his child sleep on the sofa is crazy. And then to do this on top of it. My partner would NEVER. It’s disgusting.

SpringKitten · 05/06/2024 00:22

OP, you are not unreasonable.

Shiningout · 05/06/2024 00:23

Fuck me why not go to the sodding bathroom if he's that desperate sorry but that's disgusting

TheCultureHusks · 05/06/2024 00:27

BoundaryGirl3939 · 04/06/2024 23:56

Men are not more of a threat to children. Mothers can be horrific.

Show quote history

Yes, they absolutely are. For goodness sake. We all know this, it is fact. It is a fact all decent men wouldn’t dispute either. Christ almighty!

Ubugly · 05/06/2024 02:31

Absolutely repulsive.

daydreamsandsunbeams · 05/06/2024 02:48

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 04/06/2024 23:44

You should have been sharing the bed with your child. I think he has behaved appallingly but I think many men would have done the same. I would be making sure he didn't share a bed with her again

Don't be so ridiculous of course many men would NOT do this because they're not sick

HereToday99 · 05/06/2024 02:56

He shouldn’t have done that—its gross. But I wouldn’t rush to the conclusion that the other commenters are, that he was turned on by sharing a bed with a toddler and this was some form of sexual abuse. It seems totally believable to me that he just didn’t think about it.

comoatoupeira · 05/06/2024 03:49

I wouldn’t be bothered by it if I was absolutely certain the masturbation had nothing to do with the child.
Just him being lazy and it’s probably a before going to sleep habit.
But it does make you wonder.
Also quite bad hygiene to not clear up properly?