ExH wants the house

[DreamyJasmine]

ExH and I's divorce was finalised a few months ago but no financial order is in place.

Married 20 years with 3 DC. He walked out unexpectedly just over a year ago which turned my world upside down and I am still adjusting to working FT and having DC apart from EOW.

I never thought he would come after anything financially, at the beginning of the breakup he said everything was mine.

However, he is now pressing for all marital assets to be fairly split (the house to be sold) after disclosing he has sought legal advice and attended mediation, which will be financially and emotionally devastating.

Before marriage, I had a mortgage on a small property and after DC bought a larger property, everything is in my name as well as the mortgage. EXH has very little pension, no property or savings and appears to now be in debt.

I am petrified of having to sell and split the house. This is my and DC's home, where we are building new memories. Will I be forced to sell?

I know I need to seek legal advice but I am desperate for some advice on what to expect.

If you are married I think it's likely that he will have a claim to half of everything. This is the contract you agreed to when you married.

So he had not paid towards the mortgage at all?

Did you ringfence anything if it was all in your name?

You'll 'build memories' wherever you are. That's just being alive.

I imagine he was just relieved to get out when he left, but now he's realising he was entitled to half, and is thinking he can have his cake and eat it too.

You have been married for 20 years. He is entitled to half.

He has a claim on the property. You were married. What do you think it meant to be married? What's yours is yours?

You might get more of the assets depending on the needs of your children. You should see a solicitor and then work out what you need financially.

Mediation is good and a lot cheaper than court. Give it a try.

No, he did not directly contribute to mortgage payments but did pay utilities and bills though his income was significantly lower than mine.

I am honestly shocked at the suggestion he could be entitled to half the house.

Will there be any possibility of staying in the house until the DCs are much older ( currently mid/pre-teens) if it is split?

To be clear there is something wrong here as your ex cannot have attended a mediation by himself.

So are you for real OP?

If your financial contributions were greater, then that will be taken into account. Did you put any equity into the house from the sale of your previous property?

They will also take into account the best interests of the children, but that does not necessarily mean you automatically get to stay in the house.

Depends on location - as Scotland differs from England rules. But like what others have said, you’re entitled to half the assets. In Scotland it’s what’s gained together within the years you were married.
sometimes the split can differ. For instance maybe you’d get more house equity if you didn’t take anything from say pension. (Although I know you’ve said you were the higher earner). I’ve been through it recently, and I totally get where you’re coming from. But I’m settled in my new home with my kids and I absolutely love it. And we’re making new memories. But when me and my exH split it was 50/50 for the years we were married.

You are married so yes he is entitled to at least half.

That's what marriage is

A 50-50 split is not inevitable. Some general advice here:

https://raydensolicitors.co.uk/blog/dividing-assets-on-divorce-is-it-always-50-50/#:~:text=The%20division%20of%20assets%20in,needs%20of%20any%20children%20involved.

As OP is the higher earner is it not possible that he will be awarded more than half of the marital assets in order to adequately house himself with space for the DC to stay?

Why are you shocked, you’re married so of course he’s entitled to a share of all assets. Everything will go into a pot and you’ll both get a share.

I hope that this helps everyone realise that a divorce really should not be finalised until the financial order is in place.

Are you seriously expecting him to leave with nothing after 20 years??

Yes, I am for real. I was made aware he had attended individual mediation as I was invited by the mediator to attend one myself.

I am shocked, this is happening fast and after being reassured when he left he would not take anything I am in disbelief and worrying about my DC. I am also hurt after putting so much support and time into the finances and marriage.

Will it have made a difference with the Financial Order now we are divorced?

It certainly does. You should have attended the mediation imo.

"No, he did not directly contribute to mortgage payments but did pay utilities and bills though his income was significantly lower than mine."

And without that payment your monthly outgoing would have included those. So fair to say he did contribute to the home.

Sorry but it sounds like he is entitled to a share.

It's the marital home - regardless of who paid what, the starting point when splitting marital assets is 50/50, whilst taking needs into account. If the dependant children are with you, then you may get a greater share. As you already pay the mortgage by yourself, you could always fight for a Mesher Order, although there's no guarantee that will get signed off. Is he paying CMS?

You need a shit hot lawyer and a deep well of anger.

How did you finalise the divorce without sorting out the financials?

You dont need to if you divorce online they tell you several times you should and remind you that the online divorce does not include financial separation

The main options are to sell the house and divide the equity in whatever way the court rules. you are likely to get more based on you being the main carer for the kids. Or you stay in the house until the youngest leaves education ( mesher order) but I think these aren't so popular now as judges recommend a clean break. Or you need to buy him out of whatever share is considered his.

Never ever get a divorce without first agreeing the finances.

OP it's obviously too late for that now. What have you offered him so far as a settlement? Or what do you think you will offer him as a reasonable settlement? Could you keep the property and give more of the pension instead?

The closer your youngest child is to 18, the more likely he'll be awarded 50%. How old is your youngest?

If you were married 20 years then yes, the starting point will be half.
You'll need to engage a lawyer to argue it out for you.