ExH wants the house

[DreamyJasmine]

ExH and I's divorce was finalised a few months ago but no financial order is in place.

Married 20 years with 3 DC. He walked out unexpectedly just over a year ago which turned my world upside down and I am still adjusting to working FT and having DC apart from EOW.

I never thought he would come after anything financially, at the beginning of the breakup he said everything was mine.

However, he is now pressing for all marital assets to be fairly split (the house to be sold) after disclosing he has sought legal advice and attended mediation, which will be financially and emotionally devastating.

Before marriage, I had a mortgage on a small property and after DC bought a larger property, everything is in my name as well as the mortgage. EXH has very little pension, no property or savings and appears to now be in debt.

I am petrified of having to sell and split the house. This is my and DC's home, where we are building new memories. Will I be forced to sell?

I know I need to seek legal advice but I am desperate for some advice on what to expect.

I did believe as he decided to leave the family home that we would be able to stay.
The larger property was bought from my previous home and being the higher earner, I thought I would be able to keep the majority and at least stay until all the DCs were much older. I have supported him endlessly financially on multiple ventures of his.

He has put us through so much and is now playing happy families with the OW and her DC. Supporting her and her DC financially and emotionally whilst his DC has been left for EOW and not a bedroom.
Why should we suffer because he chose to leave the marriage?

Because it is all no fault these days. See a solicitor, if you don't get a grip on this he will do far better than you. Divorce is a marathon. If you are angry at this man use it.

you are disingenuous and avoiding answering the Q and no surprises there.

after too much was initially made of being a high earner, you then admitted it was a joint decision, and that he did majority of pick-ups etc of kids, so you are no the high earner madam, but was enabled by HIM to earn higher. so he is entitled to 50%.

a charge will be put on property until youngest is bigger- if you are lucky.

I say good luck to him. mn say the same to sahm in your situation.

Why should we suffer because he chose to leave the marriage?

That's the downside of the legal contact called marriage when one party wants out.

The higher earner/person with more assets has to share them with the lower earner regardless of what the lower earner/person with less assets brought to the marriage.

The sex of either spouse now doesn't matter.

I urge you to take the initiative and instigate the divorce. I didn’t, so my exh called the shots re the timeline.

You seem to simultaneously think he shouldn't have any asset accrued from your time together whilst berating him for not providing a bedroom for your children. He can't!! You want, and currently have, all the joint money!

You need to remove 'I put more money in' from your frame of thinking. You put more money in because he was doing your joint childcare. You both contributed to the money going in, one paid, one unpaid job. In fact, if you called it 'your money' during your relationship, not 'our money' that would be financial abuse.

Often the party who is having the kids the majority of the time will get a bigger percentage of the assets. A friend of mine got 75% of marital assets and kept the house. You need a good solicitor!!

Again, @DreamyJasmine you need a reality check...

I did believe as he decided to leave the family home that we would be able to stay.

On what planet is this a thing? This doesn't happen. Why did you think special rules applied to you?

The larger property was bought from my previous home and being the higher earner, I thought I would be able to keep the majority and at least stay until all the DCs were much older.

You might be able to claim back the deposit if you put significantly more in, were you married at this point?

I have supported him endlessly financially on multiple ventures of his.

And? That's what married couples do.

He has put us through so much

Sorry, but the courts don't care

and is now playing happy families with the OW and her DC. Supporting her and her DC financially

Well, this might be a thing, if you can prove he is cohabiting with a shared household income, his "needs" are far less financially.

and emotionally whilst his DC has been left for EOW and not a bedroom.

Well this is going to suggest he needs more money to provide his child with a bedroom!

Why should we suffer because he chose to leave the marriage?

Because splitting matrimonial assets, on dissolution of said marriage, is not "suffering." It's what happens. It's called downsizing and living within your means. Why do you not qualify to fund your own housing costs because once you were married? If you can't afford the house alone, you need to sell it. If you need to buy him out, you buy him out. You need to house yourself. Again, as every other divorcée does.

They are divorced. They just didn’t sort the finances during the divorce so they still need to be sorted out.

Because it does not work that way and you know that this fake naivety will only work for so long