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Original poster

DP’s ex after my salary

1000 replies

Needhelp1000 · 31/05/2023 18:57

In a bit of a pickle and not sure what to do.

DP has been split with his ex for over four years now, but not divorced. Not sure exactly why they’ve waited so long to start proceedings.

Me and DP moved in together a few months ago. Ex started up the divorce proceedings immediately after finding out.

They have three kids and each look after them 50%. All three are in teenage years.

The ex is working 12 hours a week and is refusing to work full time. She has now gone to her solicitor and DP has received (through his own solicitor) an email demanding my full salary and financial savings. She has told my DP that she wants me to contribute to her as both mine and DP’s salary combined is way more than hers and she feels it isn’t fair.

DP was ready to go ahead and give her the details!!! I’ve denied and now he’s upset at me, saying he can’t divorce her now and he will just delay proceedings.

has anyone been in this position? I feel she’s just taking the complete piss.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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WiseUpJanetWeiss · 31/05/2023 19:37

He is absolutely wrong. She has no right to any information about your financial situation. She can ask, but you can decline. Anyone saying otherwise on this thread is wrong.

It’s true that because he is cohabiting with you that it is assumed his living costs are less than they would be on his own, and this is taken into account when the financial agreement is made. The only time you’d want to make a financial disclosure is if you wanted to prove that his living costs weren’t less (i.e. he was in some way subsidising you). Which is not the case in your situation.

Either his solicitor is rubbish (possible) or he’s a weak and foolish person, and you should leave.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 31/05/2023 19:37

It does make me laugh, you say that he doesn't like confrontation, but he's happy to punish you for not doing as he wants, not so afraid of consultation now is he.

Your income is none of her business and she can't claim anything from you. She can request all she likes and her solicitor will write whatever she wants. However it might impact his final settlement figure as it's based on how you can house yourself, and if he's living with you, then his housing needs are met.

Is there a house or other assets that need to be split?

TomatoSandwiches · 31/05/2023 19:39

Op if you remain with this... specimen, I would advise you to speak to your own family law solicitor and get a comprehensive breakdown of what to expect if a divorce is taking place because it's not as clean cut as ignoring the paper work.

mycoffeecup · 31/05/2023 19:39

Move out, cool the relationship significantly and tell him to let you know when he's divorced.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/05/2023 19:39

Afraid of confrontation you say? Not with you he’s not. This is a salutary lesson, he’d rather upset you , his cohabiting partner, than his ex, a woman he’s no longer in a relationship with.

He’s a total fucking chancer and spineless to boot. How incredibly unattractive.

Campervangirl · 31/05/2023 19:41

Ffs I've finally heard it all.
I'd dump him just for being a complete gullible fuckin idiot.
Are you sure he's not being so insistent because he thinks if your financials are taken into consideration then it'll reduce his payments and thinks you'll have to pay half, he sounds dumb enough, especially as he thinks you should hand over your financial details to his stbx wife to support her and the DC who are not yours just because her solicitor says so.😂
You seem savvy enough to see right through this malarkey.
Dump him tout suite!

WheelsUp · 31/05/2023 19:42

This incident is a massive red flag and I hope that you're not seeing a long term future with him like children. If he's like this now, what's he going to do when you need someone to stand up for you and your child? He will clearly offer you on a platter.

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 31/05/2023 19:43

Your DP is an idiot, he really wanted to send your financial details to his ex wife lol. Is he scared of her?

carly2803 · 31/05/2023 19:44

WheelsUp · 31/05/2023 19:42

This incident is a massive red flag and I hope that you're not seeing a long term future with him like children. If he's like this now, what's he going to do when you need someone to stand up for you and your child? He will clearly offer you on a platter.

this

ditch him and let him go back to his ex

seriously

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 31/05/2023 19:45

Needhelp1000 · 31/05/2023 19:07

@LeilaRose777 apologies I don’t think I wrote it well!

As soon as ex found out I had moved in together with him she started to make noises about divorce and then it started. He was quite happy to go along with proceedings especially as our relationship had become serious but has now said he will delay the divorce if I don’t disclose my financials as ‘apparently’ he can’t get divorced if I don’t provide the financials.

it’s all a bit of a mess to be honest and I really wish I never got involved.

I was going to say move on from him but wanted to hold off but this update just firms up my opinion that this is a huge mess and you should try to stay out of it.

Chickpea17 · 31/05/2023 19:46

Run alway fast.

Gh12345 · 31/05/2023 19:46

I feel like he can’t see this is way out of line. Don’t do it OP!

BravoMyDear · 31/05/2023 19:47

Why is he only working 12 hrs a week? Why is he refusing to work FT? Is it to avoid paying CM? Meanwhile you’re paying towards his childcare!

Sorry OP but you’re a mug.

Original poster
Needhelp1000 · 31/05/2023 19:48

I’ve just tried to broach the subject again. I said I wasn’t happy with him passing on the information and therefore asked him to deny answering to the solicitor.

He’s not happy and is saying again and again that his ex will fight this and take me to court and I’m going to end up costing myself money and more importantly, him money.

His solicitor has told him that I should disclose my details too.

housing situation - he has purchased his own place after they split. He gave her around 80 percent of the equity of the marital home so she could buy somewhere as she would only get a small mortgage.

I moved in with him and am not on the mortgage or deeds. I am currently in the process of buying my own property so that I own something.

OP posts:
Original poster
Needhelp1000 · 31/05/2023 19:50

@BravoMyDear He works full time. His ex only works 12 hours a week.

We even offered to have the kids more so she could work full time but she refused - she just states she doesn’t want to work full time.

we pay for everything for the kids and it seems we pay for most expenses even when the kids are with her.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 31/05/2023 19:50

I hope you aren't paying his mortgage or bills on top of childcare vouchers op 🫣

IncompleteSenten · 31/05/2023 19:51

Sounds to me like he's got his greedy little eyes on your cash every bit as much as she has.

Starlightstarbright1 · 31/05/2023 19:51

IncomingTraffic · 31/05/2023 19:14

Basically she’s going to argue that his needs are less - because you’re covering part of his living costs etc - so she should be able to get a greater share of the marital assets.

Personally, I think this is one of several blatantly unfair aspects of the divorce system in this country. It amounts to asking on woman to subsidise another.

The problem is, however, that your partner should have got his house in order before moving in with you.

The court may order you to disclose the details. Just be aware of that.

This is what I read on the internet by a solicitor post however you need to seek proper legal advice to clarify this not the opinions of people on the internet

Original poster
Needhelp1000 · 31/05/2023 19:51

Not paying his mortgage, no. I help out with bills. I refuse to put a penny towards his mortgage.

OP posts:
IHateLegDay · 31/05/2023 19:52

Oh god he sounds awful! Do yourself a favour and walk away.

frazzledasarock · 31/05/2023 19:52

OP leave him.

your income has nothing to do with the proceedings. Apart from that she will argue her ex has two incomes so she should get more family assets.

you’d be a fool to disclose your assets.

tell your P you’ll deal with it if you get a court order to disclose your assets. But till then you’re not going to.

this all sounds very fishy to me, why is he so anxious to throw your money into the financial pot when splitting marital assets legally? It doesn’t make sense unless the pair of them are wanting to fleece you.

ShandaLear · 31/05/2023 19:52

Sounds like he’s landed on his feet and is trying to stiff you for even more. Do you pay rent/contribute to bills a - and is the split fair?

Floofydawg · 31/05/2023 19:53

Erm what did I just read? Don't tell her a fucking thing, or give her a penny. What an absolute cheek. She's not entitled to anything from you - the solicitor is trying it on.

BishopRock · 31/05/2023 19:53

@IncompleteSenten is bang on the money.

Only a mug would do as he demands. Tim to get that property purchased and move on.

Doggymummar · 31/05/2023 19:53

I would post this in legal if I were you

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