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Original poster

DP’s ex after my salary

1000 replies

Needhelp1000 · 31/05/2023 18:57

In a bit of a pickle and not sure what to do.

DP has been split with his ex for over four years now, but not divorced. Not sure exactly why they’ve waited so long to start proceedings.

Me and DP moved in together a few months ago. Ex started up the divorce proceedings immediately after finding out.

They have three kids and each look after them 50%. All three are in teenage years.

The ex is working 12 hours a week and is refusing to work full time. She has now gone to her solicitor and DP has received (through his own solicitor) an email demanding my full salary and financial savings. She has told my DP that she wants me to contribute to her as both mine and DP’s salary combined is way more than hers and she feels it isn’t fair.

DP was ready to go ahead and give her the details!!! I’ve denied and now he’s upset at me, saying he can’t divorce her now and he will just delay proceedings.

has anyone been in this position? I feel she’s just taking the complete piss.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
strawberry2017 · 31/05/2023 18:59

I'm pretty sure that she has no rights to your financial information and it has no bearings on payments for child care or divorce.

HirplesWithHaggis · 31/05/2023 19:00

She is indeed taking utter piss. Your income and assets are none of her business.

BounceyB · 31/05/2023 19:02

He can divorce her. Your relationship has nothing to do with their break-up. Her maintenance is dependent on his income alone. They both sound like sharks and I'd get rid of both of them tbh.

zoomiesdrivememad · 31/05/2023 19:02

Absolutely do not disclose.

Even if she went through CMS for maintenance they cannot take your financials into account.

I'd have thought a good solicitor would advise that you don't have to do this.

asilikeit · 31/05/2023 19:02

I might be totally wrong but I think once you have been living with him more than 6 months it would be considered that his living costs are now less as you would be sharing them with him and they can indeed ask for this info.

LeilaRose777 · 31/05/2023 19:03

Absolutely not! Do not give her any information about yourself whatsoever. I'm a bit puzzled by these two statements though:
"Ex started up the divorce proceedings immediately after finding out."
"saying he can’t divorce her now and he will just delay proceedings."
So they split up four years ago and he never initiated divorce proceedings, but is now worried that the divorce will be delayed because he won't give her your private information? That bit doesn't make sense at all.

BounceyB · 31/05/2023 19:03

asilikeit · 31/05/2023 19:02

I might be totally wrong but I think once you have been living with him more than 6 months it would be considered that his living costs are now less as you would be sharing them with him and they can indeed ask for this info.

Even more reason to get rid of him. He sounds like a chancer.

sunlovingcriminal · 31/05/2023 19:03

The other side can ask (and his solicitor I believe is duty bound to pass on letters), but there is no obligation on you to disclose your income or assets.

gogohmm · 31/05/2023 19:06

You do not need to disclose. Dp's ex's solicitor sent a form that included space for my income and savings, we wrote n/a on the form. Funny enough the reason we were told is that it might actually reduce spousal support payments to his ex wife if he was supporting me rather than her gaining anything extra (in our case we didn't want to reduce payments anyway, complex reasons and it's fair)

WouldYouLikeYourMuffinButtered · 31/05/2023 19:06

BounceyB · 31/05/2023 19:02

He can divorce her. Your relationship has nothing to do with their break-up. Her maintenance is dependent on his income alone. They both sound like sharks and I'd get rid of both of them tbh.

This sums it all up. I'd be moving out and taking my salary and savings with me.

Original poster
Needhelp1000 · 31/05/2023 19:07

@LeilaRose777 apologies I don’t think I wrote it well!

As soon as ex found out I had moved in together with him she started to make noises about divorce and then it started. He was quite happy to go along with proceedings especially as our relationship had become serious but has now said he will delay the divorce if I don’t disclose my financials as ‘apparently’ he can’t get divorced if I don’t provide the financials.

it’s all a bit of a mess to be honest and I really wish I never got involved.

OP posts:
CornishGem1975 · 31/05/2023 19:08

She has zero rights to your earnings. Tell her to get to fuck.

musixa · 31/05/2023 19:09

She has told my DP that she wants me to contribute to her as both mine and DP’s salary combined is way more than hers and she feels it isn’t fair.

😂

TrishTrix · 31/05/2023 19:10

Buy her a jammy dodger. That's more than she is entitled to you from you.

TomatoSandwiches · 31/05/2023 19:10

If he is living with you she could argue that he has more disposable income since you are sharing living costs, it would be relevant if she was still single and not working was already her established arrangement before separation.

It definitely is a tricky area because they are not divorced and obviously no financial order in place.

I would move out personally.

CatastrophicCat · 31/05/2023 19:11

When you say 'he will delay the divorce' do you mean he's threatening to slow down proceedings deliberately to 'punish' you for not providing details? Or that he's saying it will delay things in terms of the legal process if you don't provide them?

Mrsmillshorse · 31/05/2023 19:12

You have a DP problem!!! His ex is irrelevant, it's his behaviour that you should be questioning

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 31/05/2023 19:14

I'd end the relationship tbh. It's just going to be hassle, if the ex wants more money, she can get off her ass and work more hours. I would leave him to it.

IncomingTraffic · 31/05/2023 19:14

Basically she’s going to argue that his needs are less - because you’re covering part of his living costs etc - so she should be able to get a greater share of the marital assets.

Personally, I think this is one of several blatantly unfair aspects of the divorce system in this country. It amounts to asking on woman to subsidise another.

The problem is, however, that your partner should have got his house in order before moving in with you.

The court may order you to disclose the details. Just be aware of that.

ProfessorXtra · 31/05/2023 19:15

You wouldn’t be expected to contribute to her directly.

However, your finances could be used for her to get a larger portion of assets as his housing needs are better met than hers.

personally, for now. I wouldn’t.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 31/05/2023 19:15

So your DP thinks it's a good idea for you to contribute to his ex? I'd be reconsidering this relationship if that's the case.

ProfessorXtra · 31/05/2023 19:15

And also he sounds like a dick

Original poster
Needhelp1000 · 31/05/2023 19:16

@CatastrophicCat He has basically told me that if I don’t give my financials then the divorce cannot proceed and that it will be delayed.

I think he is trying to guilt trip me into giving across the details though because her solicitor is being insistent. Truth be told he doesn’t like confrontation and would quite happily provide them with the information needed.

He has just said that if I don’t give the details then she’ll get a court order out against me and it’ll cost me money lol!

Thanks for all your help.

OP posts:
SooninBrisbane · 31/05/2023 19:17

Maybe they're working as a team to fleece you, OP?

ThatsNotGoodMelon · 31/05/2023 19:17

He's talking complete shite.

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