Page 11 | Daughter’s break-up and holiday nightmare

LockdownBride · 2022-06-06T17:59:32+00:00

Hello, My daughter was 18 in February, had been with her BF for 18 mths and they booked a holiday together for after their A-level exams in Greece. DD paid for the trip upfront and he was going to pay her back, she had £4K child trust fund on her birthday. The holiday was £1200. He ended it two weeks ago, right before her first exam and we are just beginning to see the light and get angry. He has said today that if she cancels the holiday, he’ll pay half, if she’s goes with someone else, he’ll pay nothing. I think this is unreasonable as she will have to find someone to go with, pay transfer fees for a name change all at short notice. If she cancels, she wouldn’t get a refund. the holiday is booked with LoveHoliday.com Any ideas or suggestions on her rights, if any, would be great 😬

Onwards22 · 08/06/2022 19:49

I wonder if he wants to go instead?

It’s odd he’ll pay her only if she doesn’t go on it.

Tell her to ask around to see if a friend can come on such short notice. See if she can get a twin room instead.
She needs to show him she’s not sitting at home crying after him for him to take ger back whenever he wants.

I’d rather go on my own than not go at all.

Mygosh · 08/06/2022 19:51

Just a thought, if it's a package holiday, it should be atol protected. If your daughter happened to 'test covid positive' before the trip she should get a full refund. Happened to a friend of mine last year.

Madamum18 · 08/06/2022 20:11

I dont think he should pay if she finds someone else!

Mackymacmacface · 08/06/2022 20:53

Get your daughter to confirm she'll cancel the trip (but not do so), get the £600 from him and then do what she wants: go alone, go with a friend, mum or dad go with, whatever.

pollymere · 08/06/2022 20:53

Could she go on her own and he pays her £600?

minutesturntohours · 08/06/2022 21:09

pixie5121 · 08/06/2022 19:45

Why? Her mum said no to going if she had to pay. She's not well off. My friend would otherwise either have had to pay way more for sole use of the room we booked or not gone at all. I genuinely do not understand why anyone would prefer to have their money thrown down the drain and nobody go on holiday than see it going to good use. What's it to me if her mum had a nice time at my expense? You really think I would have preferred it if that money was just wasted? My friend booked a trip away with me in good faith and I let her down, even if it wasn't my own choice or fault. It's my responsibility to pay my share, full stop.

I just do not understand neurotypicals and the way they think. This mentality of not wanting someone to have a holiday on your dime (when it's 100% your fault that you're not going and the third party is basically stepping in as a favour, to go somewhere they might well not have chosen to go) is abhorrent to me. So petty and mean.

Show quote history

Eh, because you paid 300 quid and her mum got a free holiday? You have a hospital appointment! I'm sorry, but especially as you have now told me you're not neurotypical, I do feel the mum was taking advantage of you.

pixie5121 · 08/06/2022 21:19

minutesturntohours · 08/06/2022 21:09

Eh, because you paid 300 quid and her mum got a free holiday? You have a hospital appointment! I'm sorry, but especially as you have now told me you're not neurotypical, I do feel the mum was taking advantage of you.

Show quote history

What is wrong with you?!

Her mum didn't have the £300 to spend. She's a widow and a pensioner. She never would have booked a trip to Paris to stay in a fancy boutique hotel. I had already paid for my tickets and my part of the room. They would have literally just gone to waste if she hadn't used them, and my friend would have wasted her money too. I was happy that my friend still got to go and that her mum had a nice time, rather than the hotel just keeping our money and reselling the room. Her mum paid for the name changes and obviously paid for food and drink in Paris, so was still out of pocket for a trip she wasn't that bothered about going on.

You honestly would rather that £300 went down the drain than someone get a free holiday, and you're acting as if I'm the one with something wrong with me? You think it's normal to be that level of petty, that you'd rather pay the same money for the entire thing to be cancelled than someone else enjoy it?

We obviously move in very, very different circles. I'm glad I don't have friends like you.

😬

Onceinawhileuser · 08/06/2022 21:27

Meanness and nastiness isn't anything to do with being neurotypical (I think). There does seem to be a lot of it about on MN these days. A sign of the nastiness of the times.

minutesturntohours · 08/06/2022 21:29

pixie5121 · 08/06/2022 21:19

What is wrong with you?!

Her mum didn't have the £300 to spend. She's a widow and a pensioner. She never would have booked a trip to Paris to stay in a fancy boutique hotel. I had already paid for my tickets and my part of the room. They would have literally just gone to waste if she hadn't used them, and my friend would have wasted her money too. I was happy that my friend still got to go and that her mum had a nice time, rather than the hotel just keeping our money and reselling the room. Her mum paid for the name changes and obviously paid for food and drink in Paris, so was still out of pocket for a trip she wasn't that bothered about going on.

You honestly would rather that £300 went down the drain than someone get a free holiday, and you're acting as if I'm the one with something wrong with me? You think it's normal to be that level of petty, that you'd rather pay the same money for the entire thing to be cancelled than someone else enjoy it?

We obviously move in very, very different circles. I'm glad I don't have friends like you.

😬

Show quote history

You're glad that you dont have people who wouldn't blatantly take advantage of you? Okaydoke.

I'm pretty glad you dont do, since you're so unecessarily mean!

I didn't say anything was wrong with you. You expressed the neurotypical thing and I pointed out I thought they were taking advantage of you - I didn't deserve the attack from you.

pixie5121 · 08/06/2022 21:35

minutesturntohours · 08/06/2022 21:29

You're glad that you dont have people who wouldn't blatantly take advantage of you? Okaydoke.

I'm pretty glad you dont do, since you're so unecessarily mean!

I didn't say anything was wrong with you. You expressed the neurotypical thing and I pointed out I thought they were taking advantage of you - I didn't deserve the attack from you.

Show quote history

Well, the implication is that if you were in my position and you couldn't go, you'd expect a widow in her 70s to refund you, for a trip YOU had to pull out of.

That is taking advantage of someone.

Curlyhairdonotcare · 08/06/2022 21:37

You and your daughter go away and have a blast!!!!!! Send us the pics!! Fuck it
£600 quid down but small price to pay to make sure she doesnt get dumped by a wee prick before exams again!!!!

pixie5121 · 08/06/2022 21:38

Onceinawhileuser · 08/06/2022 21:27

Meanness and nastiness isn't anything to do with being neurotypical (I think). There does seem to be a lot of it about on MN these days. A sign of the nastiness of the times.

Yes, maybe it's just here. It's mind boggling. I am truly appalled at what so many people think is reasonable behaviour.

Imagine being the kind of person who would rather throw £600 down the toilet than someone else have a nice time with it.

horseyhorsey17 · 08/06/2022 21:47

Unfortunate that your daughter forked out for someone who maybe never intended to go - sounds like he kept his options open and his cash to himself. Sounds like he's probably a bit of a tw@ which for some reason seems to be an unpopular opinion in these here parts. Hope your daughter gets over him and moves on - and doesn't pay for stuff for boyfriends in the future, let them pay their own damn way.

Mollymoostoo · 08/06/2022 21:50

DelphiniumBlue · 06/06/2022 19:28

He should have paid her half already. If he had done what he promised, he would be asking her to find someone to take his place, not telling her that he's not paying if she does find someone .
I'd be suggesting that he pays her what he said he would, and then if she does find someone to go with her, she can pay him back.
He owes her his half whatever she does with it. He's the one cancelling. Why should she go short?

I agree. He is trying to get out of this financial commitment as well as treating her badly. Face it, he isn't going to cough up.
Personally I would go with my daughter in this situation.

You must feel angry and hurt for her, it might be better to cut him out of her life and help her just move on quickly.

horseyhorsey17 · 08/06/2022 21:50

Also - he owes her £600. He can have it back if she finds someone else to go with. Nobody would have expected her to pay him back for his half of the holiday if he'd actually paid his half before dumping her.

minutesturntohours · 08/06/2022 21:56

pixie5121 · 08/06/2022 21:35

Well, the implication is that if you were in my position and you couldn't go, you'd expect a widow in her 70s to refund you, for a trip YOU had to pull out of.

That is taking advantage of someone.

Show quote history

Eh, no - your mum didn't have to refund you anything.

Anyway. i'm bored. You've somehow managed to make this whole thread about you!

pixie5121 · 08/06/2022 22:00

@minutesturntohours the OP's question was whether it's unreasonable for the boyfriend to expect to be refunded if she finds someone else to go with. It's the entire point of the fucking thread.

Dee00 · 08/06/2022 22:07

I was in this exact situation about 15 years ago, I had paid the deposit he had paid nothing. Long story short my mum ended up coming on holiday with me and we had such a lovely week away just the two of us. We still talk about that holiday to this day, we had such a laugh and spent such quality time together. Would you consider going with her?

minutesturntohours · 08/06/2022 22:08

pixie5121 · 08/06/2022 22:00

@minutesturntohours the OP's question was whether it's unreasonable for the boyfriend to expect to be refunded if she finds someone else to go with. It's the entire point of the fucking thread.

Thanks for the swearing, but you sending your pal's mother on holiday and paying for it is in no way similar to the situation described in the OP.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 08/06/2022 22:11

I just do not understand neurotypicals and the way they think.

This* *is where you lost your audience. Slagging off anyone ‘neurotypical” for disagreeing with you was never going to go down well.

I think you were very kind to let your friend’s mom have the trip for free if she couldn’t afford it. But not everyone can afford to do that - and not everyone would feel comfortable with accepting it. I understand that your friend’s mom might not be in a position to pay anything, but if I could pay, say £150 towards a £300 trip, I would.

Really, expecting a nice person to pay if they can is no different to you expecting the wanker ex to pay.

minutesturntohours · 08/06/2022 22:14

All I actually said was the PP sounded lovely but I thought the friend took advantage a wee bit, which apparently was the most awful thing to have said and deserved a ton of abuse!

Meraas · 08/06/2022 22:16

@pixie5121

I just do not understand neurotypicals and the way they think. This mentality of not wanting someone to have a holiday on your dime (when it's 100% your fault that you're not going and the third party is basically stepping in as a favour, to go somewhere they might well not have chosen to go) is abhorrent to me. So petty and mean.

Eh? Are you really saying all ND people are generous and all NT are petty and mean?

pixie5121 · 08/06/2022 22:26

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 08/06/2022 22:11

I just do not understand neurotypicals and the way they think.

This* *is where you lost your audience. Slagging off anyone ‘neurotypical” for disagreeing with you was never going to go down well.

I think you were very kind to let your friend’s mom have the trip for free if she couldn’t afford it. But not everyone can afford to do that - and not everyone would feel comfortable with accepting it. I understand that your friend’s mom might not be in a position to pay anything, but if I could pay, say £150 towards a £300 trip, I would.

Really, expecting a nice person to pay if they can is no different to you expecting the wanker ex to pay.

I said I don't understand what I presume is a neurotypical way of thinking. Quite a few PPs have said they wouldn't want someone having a 'free holiday' at their expense, and this mentality is completely alien to me. You're already screwing someone over by pulling out of the trip...the least you can do is try to let them enjoy it without you!

I also think it's a nice gesture for the person going on the trip as a 'stand-in' to pay something towards the cost of it, but by no means should it be expected. As I said, that person may have plenty of other expenses they incurred by going on the trip.

There seem to be two issues here - whether the ex should pay for the holiday (regardless of whether the daughter finds a replacement for him) and whether he will. I think he is both legally and morally obliged to pay her the £600 he agreed to pay. I also think he just won't. And then it's a question of whether it's worth taking to small claims or whether OP's daughter has just learned an expensive lesson (and £600 is a lot of money at 18) about not to be the only one paying upfront and trusting a boyfriend to repay her.

ThistleTits · 08/06/2022 22:27

LockdownBride · 06/06/2022 19:13

It’s more that the cost will go up with a name transfer, and it’s the holiday they picked together. To find a friend who has a spare £600 + fees to go on a holiday they didn’t have a choice in, is a big ask.
she’s also not really wanting to go somewhere they’d planned on going together with someone else.
She’ll get no money back if she cancels, she’d be down £600 at least.

At least she'll have £600 and not zilch. As you say it will be difficult to find someone willing to pay 600++. Better losing half as all.

pixie5121 · 08/06/2022 22:30

Meraas · 08/06/2022 22:16

@pixie5121

I just do not understand neurotypicals and the way they think. This mentality of not wanting someone to have a holiday on your dime (when it's 100% your fault that you're not going and the third party is basically stepping in as a favour, to go somewhere they might well not have chosen to go) is abhorrent to me. So petty and mean.

Eh? Are you really saying all ND people are generous and all NT are petty and mean?

I don't think all NTs think like that, but I do think all the people who think like that are NT.

It's just not a logical way to think. The money is gone either way...why would you prefer it to be totally wasted with nobody going anywhere to being used for someone to enjoy it?

It's like ordering a massive bowl of chicken wings at a pub, realising you're too full to finish them, and walking past a hungry homeless person to tip them into the bin outside because you don't want someone else to eat the food you paid for.

How is it not petty and mean?!