Daughter’s break-up and holiday nightmare

[LockdownBride]

Hello,
My daughter was 18 in February, had been with her BF for 18 mths and they booked a holiday together for after their A-level exams in Greece.
DD paid for the trip upfront and he was going to pay her back, she had £4K child trust fund on her birthday. The holiday was £1200.
He ended it two weeks ago, right before her first exam and we are just beginning to see the light and get angry.
He has said today that if she cancels the holiday, he’ll pay half, if she’s goes with someone else, he’ll pay nothing.
I think this is unreasonable as she will have to find someone to go with, pay transfer fees for a name change all at short notice.
If she cancels, she wouldn’t get a refund.
the holiday is booked with LoveHoliday.com

Any ideas or suggestions on her rights, if any, would be great 😬

[minutesturntohours]

@LaSevillana

I said I don't understand what I presume is a neurotypical way of thinking. Quite a few PPs have said they wouldn't want someone having a 'free holiday' at their expense, and this mentality is completely alien to me. You're already screwing someone over by pulling out of the trip...the least you can do is try to let them enjoy it without you!

I also think it's a nice gesture for the person going on the trip as a 'stand-in' to pay something towards the cost of it, but by no means should it be expected. As I said, that person may have plenty of other expenses they incurred by going on the trip.

There seem to be two issues here - whether the ex should pay for the holiday (regardless of whether the daughter finds a replacement for him) and whether he will. I think he is both legally and morally obliged to pay her the £600 he agreed to pay. I also think he just won't. And then it's a question of whether it's worth taking to small claims or whether OP's daughter has just learned an expensive lesson (and £600 is a lot of money at 18) about not to be the only one paying upfront and trusting a boyfriend to repay her.

Again, at the risk of you going off at me again............You didn't screw anyone over! You had a hospital appointment! And if your pal's mum did spend money ont the trip that you paid for her to go on, thats hardly your fault!

[Meraas]

I don't think all NTs think like that, but I do think all the people who think like that are NT.

That’s ridiculous. NDs can be just as tight as NTs.

[minutesturntohours]

ND can be slightly more naive and trusting, which was my original point, but fuck me did I get a hammering for that.

[Shaniice]

She’s going to be £600 down no matter what so I’d rather go on holiday and get a friend to come at a reduced price of any amount or even free because she’s losing the £600 if she goes and £600 if she cancels🤷🏽‍♀️

[LaSevillana]

@minutesturntohours

Again, at the risk of you going off at me again............You didn't screw anyone over! You had a hospital appointment! And if your pal's mum did spend money ont the trip that you paid for her to go on, thats hardly your fault!

But it's not my friend's fault I had a hospital appointment, is it? Why should she lose out on her trip because of it? When you book a holiday with someone, you commit to paying for it, whether you go or not, but you don't seem to get this point of view, so there's no point saying it over and over.

[minutesturntohours]

Okay. Again, as I said earlier, you genuinely (apart from your attacks on me) seem like a lovely friend, but I do think people can take advantage of people. Thats all.

[LaSevillana]

@minutesturntohours

Okay. Again, as I said earlier, you genuinely (apart from your attacks on me) seem like a lovely friend, but I do think people can take advantage of people. Thats all.

I think it would actually be taking advantage to expect someone to fully refund your tickets/hotel to go on a trip they wouldn't have chosen themselves and aren't that arsed about going on, but at this point I think we can only agree to disagree!

[minutesturntohours]

@LaSevillana

I think it would actually be taking advantage to expect someone to fully refund your tickets/hotel to go on a trip they wouldn't have chosen themselves and aren't that arsed about going on, but at this point I think we can only agree to disagree!

Fab. Il take that.

[Mumofsons87]

Yes this is fair because if she cancels they will BOTH be down £600 . She will be down her 600 and he will be down the 600 he gives her. And she will have learned a valuable lesson too.
Maybe he could pay the name transfer fee If she finds someone else however I don't think it's unreasonable for him to expect she takes on some extra cost if she gets to go on the actual holiday. Booking couple holidays always comes with a risk.

[WomanStanleyWoman2]

How is it not petty and mean?!

Is the homeless person your ex? Have your cheated? Do you understand context?

[CelestiaNoctis]

Personally, I'd tell get her him it was cancelled and get him to pay his money. But instead I'd go with her on the holiday and help her forget about the whole thing.

[dancebob1980]

@HoofWankingSpangleCunt

Get the money off him asap.

He should have paid for his half before now.

I definitely think if she can go with a friend then something is salvageable. You can always pay him back afterwards.

The splitting up bit is irrelevant really in terms of him owing his half for the holiday. Regardless of relationship status he promised to pay his half and hasn’t. He should only get his money back if a) they can get a refund which sounds unlikely or b) someone takes his place and pays their way.

This. 👆

If he agreed with the booking and, from the beginning, agreed to pay half knowing there are no refunds then that should be what happens now. If someone else can be found to go with your daughter, and they are happy to pay half (or a fraction thereof) over the cost of changing the name, then he should get that money.

He has her over a barrel at the moment - either she skips the holiday and gets £600 but loses the rest, or takes the holiday at double the cost (or more with cost of transfers if she takes someone for company who can't afford to pay). He should NOT have control of her behaviour like that - he is basically threatening withholding his due payment in order to get her to miss her holiday and lose her half of the £1200 (cancel the holiday or else I won't pay). He should cough up his £600 immediately, but she can be nice and let him have some of that money back if she finds someone to go with her, and that someone is willing to make a contribution above the out of pocket costs of changing details.

I do think a) he might not pay anyway regardless of what is "right" (and I think you only have common decency in your favour, no legal weight to bring), and b) she has to either use the holiday or accept she will lose "her" £600 contribution (or possibly all £1200 if he doesn't cough up) as it would be unreasonable to expect him pay more than half.

Any siblings or cousins that could go with her, or female friends? I confess if I was the mum/dad in this I would be tempted to take her myself, for a parent-daughter trip away, and I would make the effort to help her have fun on the trip so as to get over him and turn the trip into something different from what they had planned (e.g. take different day trips, or enjoy the local restaurants and scenery if they were planning on clubbing, etc).

[MrsRinaDecker]

When I was in the dd’s situation many years ago, my ex paid the transfer fee and my mum came on holiday with me. I would check all t’s and c’s and travel insurance carefully though, in case there are more options to change or cancel in the current climate.

[Mamanyt]

It sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I'd not be paying for someone else's holiday, either.

[Anastar23]

sadly you can’t change what he is willing to do. But if you dd will be down £600 whether she goes or not I would push her to go and take a friend, maybe just ask the friend to pay the transfer fees. Better making it into a good experience and having a fab time with a friend.

[Londoncallingme]

I think he’s being reasonable and she should grab the £600 before he changes his mind - once the guilt wears off he won’t want to pay. If she then decides to go with a friend she can return his ££.
Can you go with her?

[ahunf]

This is now in active / trending threads so you will get people commenting about the relationship not just the legal side.

I'd get her to call the company she booked with and or airline first for advice.

If you can afford it and don't have other commitments I'd go with her on holiday and pay the other half plus any extra fees.

I hope this doesn't affect your daughters grades. Absolute nob head he is.

[Carol02]

Your Daughter has to put this behind her just now, and concentrate on passing her exams!!

[Laurie000]

If she doesn’t want to go there with anyone else, can she asks her ex if he wants to take over the holiday and find someone to buy her place?

[TheRobotsAreComing]

@ghoulie

I wouldn't trust a guy who cheats to keep his word on paying half if you cancel. She could quite easily end up with no holiday and no money back.

This!

Get the money then cancel. Or if payback is her style OP, take the money and go to Greece with a friend, too.

He's perfectly entitled to end a relationship but not to cheat and then call the shots.

[N1no]

@DelphiniumBlue

He should have paid her half already. If he had done what he promised, he would be asking her to find someone to take his place, not telling her that he's not paying if she does find someone .
I'd be suggesting that he pays her what he said he would, and then if she does find someone to go with her, she can pay him back.
He owes her his half whatever she does with it. He's the one cancelling. Why should she go short?

I agree with you. It’s also the BF duty to pay the transfer fee and possibly the difference a friend is not able to pay. She might be able to find a friend who wants to go and has the time but not a spare £600 at 18.
if she finds someone who is paying him £400 back then he can count himself as lucky.

I also have to disagree with those who said that he has the right to break up with her. He has in principle but at 18 he should be mature enough to consider the timing and the importance of the examens in your DD’s life. He could have waited a few weeks.

[Ohthatsexciting]

Quite simply op you want to “punish” him

but you don’t have a leg to stand on

his timing was shit but who knows what went on between the two of them. Perhaps he was desperate.

anyway - he is being totally reasonable

[N1no]

@dancebob1980

This. 👆

If he agreed with the booking and, from the beginning, agreed to pay half knowing there are no refunds then that should be what happens now. If someone else can be found to go with your daughter, and they are happy to pay half (or a fraction thereof) over the cost of changing the name, then he should get that money.

He has her over a barrel at the moment - either she skips the holiday and gets £600 but loses the rest, or takes the holiday at double the cost (or more with cost of transfers if she takes someone for company who can't afford to pay). He should NOT have control of her behaviour like that - he is basically threatening withholding his due payment in order to get her to miss her holiday and lose her half of the £1200 (cancel the holiday or else I won't pay). He should cough up his £600 immediately, but she can be nice and let him have some of that money back if she finds someone to go with her, and that someone is willing to make a contribution above the out of pocket costs of changing details.

I do think a) he might not pay anyway regardless of what is "right" (and I think you only have common decency in your favour, no legal weight to bring), and b) she has to either use the holiday or accept she will lose "her" £600 contribution (or possibly all £1200 if he doesn't cough up) as it would be unreasonable to expect him pay more than half.

Any siblings or cousins that could go with her, or female friends? I confess if I was the mum/dad in this I would be tempted to take her myself, for a parent-daughter trip away, and I would make the effort to help her have fun on the trip so as to get over him and turn the trip into something different from what they had planned (e.g. take different day trips, or enjoy the local restaurants and scenery if they were planning on clubbing, etc).

I think you might be wrong in saying that he can’t be held liable. Your daughter can take this case to the small claims court and get her money back.
He has entered a verbal contract with your daughter by saying that he will pay £600 towards the joint holiday. If he decides not to go, he still has to pay for the holiday. If someone else can be found, great but that person has no legal obligation to refund him in full or in part. The only payment the replacement traveler might have to make is the change of name on the travel documents. You could even argue that he has to pay the transfer fee because the holiday would not be enjoyable if your daughter would go on her own.

[Ohthatsexciting]

Small claims court?

ha. Not a chance.

Rel breakdown and he’s offering half

[Ohthatsexciting]

£35 court fee
£70 court issue fee if over £500
£85 court fee of over £500

All paid for by person pursuing the claim

And in this , next to no chance of winning and by time heard - holiday would have come and gone ages ago!