Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Daughter’s break-up and holiday nightmare

307 replies

LockdownBride · 06/06/2022 18:59

Hello,
My daughter was 18 in February, had been with her BF for 18 mths and they booked a holiday together for after their A-level exams in Greece.
DD paid for the trip upfront and he was going to pay her back, she had £4K child trust fund on her birthday. The holiday was £1200.
He ended it two weeks ago, right before her first exam and we are just beginning to see the light and get angry.
He has said today that if she cancels the holiday, he’ll pay half, if she’s goes with someone else, he’ll pay nothing.
I think this is unreasonable as she will have to find someone to go with, pay transfer fees for a name change all at short notice.
If she cancels, she wouldn’t get a refund.
the holiday is booked with LoveHoliday.com

Any ideas or suggestions on her rights, if any, would be great 😬

OP posts:
pixie5121 · 07/06/2022 13:52

newname12345 · 07/06/2022 13:49

@pixie5121 Chosen not to go? Is it really an option for him to still go?

He took himself out of the equation when he cheated on her and dumped her. now you honestly think she should also have to be out of pocket and miss her holiday on top of all that because he won't pay his share?

This place is something else. It really is.

pixie5121 · 07/06/2022 14:02

As I said, I'm meant to be in Paris with my friend right now. I'm not, because I had an urgent hospital appointment come up. I didn't even think twice about still paying her the £290 for my Eurostar seats and my half of the room we booked so she can take her mum. Her mum couldn't have afforded it otherwise and my friend would have had to pay more if she went alone because the room was based on the two of us sharing. And of course it would have been a bit shit for her alone based on what we'd planned to do.

This is normal behaviour. You don't fuck people over because you've changed your mind. You commit to going on holiday with someone, you commit to paying your share, whether or not you actually go. You don't leave people out of pocket. Beyond belief this needs explaining to adults.

HoppingPavlova · 07/06/2022 14:08

Is it really an option for him to still go?

If he is made to pay, then yes, it’s an option for him. You can’t take someone’s money and then not entitle them to what they have paid for irrespective of what has transpired. As said above I know a few cases where this has occurred and it never ends well, always with the person just wishing they had of taken the financial hit.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 07/06/2022 14:40

AchatAVendre · 07/06/2022 12:12

What is it on here of late with all the posts automatically assuming the man is correct and berating the woman?

The ex boyfriend is the one that has cancelled and is breaking his promise. The daughter wouldn't have booked the holiday without his part of the bargain, so he should pay and then be refunded if she finds someone else to go or doesn't cancel.

Completely unfair on the girl to suggest that if she cancels she loses his half and he gets off Scot free.

There probably are text messages between them to prove he agreed to pay half so I suspect in the unlikely event that it did go through a Small Claim, that the judge would side with the girl. It is not required to be in writing, there is simply required to be proof of the agreement, and he is the one that has broken the agreement.

How have you managed to bring gender into this? It’s utterly irrelevant to the scenario.

Also, text messages would count as proof in writing, which contradicts your point somewhat. Although going to small claims is a bad idea in my view. The most the OP’s daughter would get is the £600 she’s being offered anyway. She would be much better off offering the trip to a friend for £300 - 400 plus name change fees. That way she still gets her holiday and minimises her losses.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 07/06/2022 14:42

Noisyprat · 07/06/2022 11:37

Have all the posters saying that he legally has to pay actually been to court e.g. small claims court? How on earth is she going to prove he agreed to this?

He can just say that she offered to pay as a Valentine/birthday/finishing 'A' level gift or that she just offered to pay! She says 'no' it was agreed we would pay our own.......

Now think, who does the judge believe? I have experience of small claims and believe me it would be very hard for her to win this case unless she has an agreement in writing. Even if she did win he could claim he doesn't have any money and pay her back at 3p a week or probably never!

She needs to think worse case scenario, if she cancels then she loses £1,200 and a holiday. At least if she goes she gets a holiday!

A sensible post at last!

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 07/06/2022 14:58

pixie5121 · 07/06/2022 14:02

As I said, I'm meant to be in Paris with my friend right now. I'm not, because I had an urgent hospital appointment come up. I didn't even think twice about still paying her the £290 for my Eurostar seats and my half of the room we booked so she can take her mum. Her mum couldn't have afforded it otherwise and my friend would have had to pay more if she went alone because the room was based on the two of us sharing. And of course it would have been a bit shit for her alone based on what we'd planned to do.

This is normal behaviour. You don't fuck people over because you've changed your mind. You commit to going on holiday with someone, you commit to paying your share, whether or not you actually go. You don't leave people out of pocket. Beyond belief this needs explaining to adults.

But as you say yourself, she’s your friend. Saying ‘You don't fuck people over because you've changed your mind’ only works if you give a toss about the person. You could also say ‘You don’t cheat on your girlfriend then dump her just before her exams’ - but newsflash: that’s what’s happened. Why are you suddenly expecting him to develop a conscience now?

Onceinawhileuser · 07/06/2022 15:30

Decent people don't fuck other people over even if they don't like them. It's caused being a principled, decent person.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 07/06/2022 16:00

Onceinawhileuser · 07/06/2022 15:30

Decent people don't fuck other people over even if they don't like them. It's caused being a principled, decent person.

Like the sort of decent, principled person who cheats on his girlfriend then dumps her before her exams?

There are only so many ways to explain this…

lightisnotwhite · 07/06/2022 16:18

pixie5121 · 07/06/2022 14:02

As I said, I'm meant to be in Paris with my friend right now. I'm not, because I had an urgent hospital appointment come up. I didn't even think twice about still paying her the £290 for my Eurostar seats and my half of the room we booked so she can take her mum. Her mum couldn't have afforded it otherwise and my friend would have had to pay more if she went alone because the room was based on the two of us sharing. And of course it would have been a bit shit for her alone based on what we'd planned to do.

This is normal behaviour. You don't fuck people over because you've changed your mind. You commit to going on holiday with someone, you commit to paying your share, whether or not you actually go. You don't leave people out of pocket. Beyond belief this needs explaining to adults.

Normal behaviour if you want to stay friends with someone.

Boyfriend has moved on and couldn’t care less if he’s he fucks her over.

Onceinawhileuser · 07/06/2022 17:47

I don't think it's ok to steal money from someone because you dislike them. Even if they've cheated on you. A nice former boyfriend might have offered his share of the holiday to the former girlfriend half price so she has a better chance of finding someone to go with her. But he's not obliged to do that. Maybe at 18 she could go on holiday on her own? Or if she has friends she may find someone to go with her for the full ticket price. The boy should pay for the admin charge for changing the name, yes. As an adult, she should ideally not be so reliant on another person being with her.

Tessabelle74 · 08/06/2022 18:14

The ex is right I'm afraid. Why should he fund someone else's holiday?

pixie5121 · 08/06/2022 18:23

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 07/06/2022 14:58

But as you say yourself, she’s your friend. Saying ‘You don't fuck people over because you've changed your mind’ only works if you give a toss about the person. You could also say ‘You don’t cheat on your girlfriend then dump her just before her exams’ - but newsflash: that’s what’s happened. Why are you suddenly expecting him to develop a conscience now?

Show quote history

The question isn't whether or not he's a cunt. It's whether a person in general should be expected to pay if they pull out of a commitment to go on holiday together. Plenty of posters think it would be unreasonable for someone to pay their share if someone else is taking their place.

pixie5121 · 08/06/2022 18:25

Onceinawhileuser · 07/06/2022 17:47

I don't think it's ok to steal money from someone because you dislike them. Even if they've cheated on you. A nice former boyfriend might have offered his share of the holiday to the former girlfriend half price so she has a better chance of finding someone to go with her. But he's not obliged to do that. Maybe at 18 she could go on holiday on her own? Or if she has friends she may find someone to go with her for the full ticket price. The boy should pay for the admin charge for changing the name, yes. As an adult, she should ideally not be so reliant on another person being with her.

Don't be so bloody ridiculous. She's 18. You honestly think it's a good idea for an 18-year-old girl to go to a holiday resort on her own? Not only is it not overly safe, but it wouldn't be much fun either.

I go on holiday alone, even to resorts, but I'm 36. I've built up confidence through years of solo travel, building it up slowly. Most women my age aren't brave enough to go on holiday alone, let alone an 18-year-old girl.

AchatAVendre · 08/06/2022 18:28

Tessabelle74 · 08/06/2022 18:14

The ex is right I'm afraid. Why should he fund someone else's holiday?

Because he made a legally binding agreement to do so. As previously mentioned, there are almost certainly text messages between the pair showing the arrangement and it doesn't have to be in writing.

The problem seems to be that she paid for it in the first place and he didn't transfer his share quickly - if I was going on a joint holiday and someone else was paying for it, I'd pay my share almost immediately so the other person wasn't inconvenienced.

Insanelysilver · 08/06/2022 18:45

Tell him she’s going to take his best friend 😂

Melx42 · 08/06/2022 18:48

If she takes a friend or you he should pay for the name changes. If they don’t go he should pay his half back.

mrsm43s · 08/06/2022 18:55

AchatAVendre · 08/06/2022 18:28

Because he made a legally binding agreement to do so. As previously mentioned, there are almost certainly text messages between the pair showing the arrangement and it doesn't have to be in writing.

The problem seems to be that she paid for it in the first place and he didn't transfer his share quickly - if I was going on a joint holiday and someone else was paying for it, I'd pay my share almost immediately so the other person wasn't inconvenienced.

Show quote history

But presumably he made a legally binding agreement to pay for his half of the holiday for his own use. If he pays for it, the second spot on the holiday belongs to him. He does not have to gift that to someone else, and very clearly he doesn't want to. OP's daughter wants him to pay for half the holiday while she still retains the use of both spots for herself.

So yes, he should pay for his half of the holiday, then that half of the holiday belongs to him. Nothing stopping him tipping up and using his half of the holiday that he has paid for, once paid for by him, it belongs to him. If OP's DD wants to sell or gift his portion of the holiday that he owns and will be paying for, she needs to pay him for it. It is unreasonable for her to expect to pay for only half the costs of the holiday, but have 100% use of both spaces.

Obviously he's behaved badly, and it would be nice if he could be a bit more generous about it in view of his behaviour. But he doesn't owe OP's DD a half price holiday at his expense just because he's acted like a bit of a twunt.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 08/06/2022 19:05

Plenty of posters think it would be unreasonable for someone to pay their share if someone else is taking their place.

It would be.

Newmummytoakitten · 08/06/2022 19:05

I would be telling him that he needs to pay £600 cause she isn't going... get the money

Then either go on her own, see if she can transfer the holiday to another destination or see if she can find someone else to go...

He doesn't need to know she is still going.... how will he find out until she puts a picture up on Social Media living it up

AchatAVendre · 08/06/2022 19:08

mrsm43s · 08/06/2022 18:55

But presumably he made a legally binding agreement to pay for his half of the holiday for his own use. If he pays for it, the second spot on the holiday belongs to him. He does not have to gift that to someone else, and very clearly he doesn't want to. OP's daughter wants him to pay for half the holiday while she still retains the use of both spots for herself.

So yes, he should pay for his half of the holiday, then that half of the holiday belongs to him. Nothing stopping him tipping up and using his half of the holiday that he has paid for, once paid for by him, it belongs to him. If OP's DD wants to sell or gift his portion of the holiday that he owns and will be paying for, she needs to pay him for it. It is unreasonable for her to expect to pay for only half the costs of the holiday, but have 100% use of both spaces.

Obviously he's behaved badly, and it would be nice if he could be a bit more generous about it in view of his behaviour. But he doesn't owe OP's DD a half price holiday at his expense just because he's acted like a bit of a twunt.

Show quote history

There is actually a correct order of doing things in contract law, which judges, even in small claims, will penalise you for if you don't follow.

The rule is that you follow the terms of the agreement and then sue. So the daughter here has upheld her side of the agreement. The solution for the ex is to pay his share, as he agreed, and then claim for it back, pro rata any additional costs, should a substitute be found, or if the holiday is cancelled.

Judges are also pretty common sense, so I doubt that one would agree that it was reasonable for the ex to go himself in the circumstances, or substitute someone himself, because that wouldn't be reasonable.

Hmm1234 · 08/06/2022 19:16

You should take her and pay your half to help cheer her up. Forget about the ex boyfriend being ‘nice’ about the situation too much work.

Lorzest · 08/06/2022 19:18

The ex Boyfriend could also pay for ALL the holiday and take responsibility for selling the whole deal on or findings AN Other to go with him. The unfairness is that the DD is having to have all the hassle plus the cost of the ticket change OR face losing her £600. What isn’t fair is for the ex to pay AND someone else goes! His losses should only be actual loses. So, if DD can find a friend to pay £600 and the ticket name change is £200 (is it really that much?!) the ex gets £400 back.

minutesturntohours · 08/06/2022 19:20

pixie5121 · 07/06/2022 14:02

As I said, I'm meant to be in Paris with my friend right now. I'm not, because I had an urgent hospital appointment come up. I didn't even think twice about still paying her the £290 for my Eurostar seats and my half of the room we booked so she can take her mum. Her mum couldn't have afforded it otherwise and my friend would have had to pay more if she went alone because the room was based on the two of us sharing. And of course it would have been a bit shit for her alone based on what we'd planned to do.

This is normal behaviour. You don't fuck people over because you've changed your mind. You commit to going on holiday with someone, you commit to paying your share, whether or not you actually go. You don't leave people out of pocket. Beyond belief this needs explaining to adults.

You sound absolutely lovely, but I think they're taking the piss a bit there!

pixie5121 · 08/06/2022 19:45

minutesturntohours · 08/06/2022 19:20

You sound absolutely lovely, but I think they're taking the piss a bit there!

Show quote history

Why? Her mum said no to going if she had to pay. She's not well off. My friend would otherwise either have had to pay way more for sole use of the room we booked or not gone at all. I genuinely do not understand why anyone would prefer to have their money thrown down the drain and nobody go on holiday than see it going to good use. What's it to me if her mum had a nice time at my expense? You really think I would have preferred it if that money was just wasted? My friend booked a trip away with me in good faith and I let her down, even if it wasn't my own choice or fault. It's my responsibility to pay my share, full stop.

I just do not understand neurotypicals and the way they think. This mentality of not wanting someone to have a holiday on your dime (when it's 100% your fault that you're not going and the third party is basically stepping in as a favour, to go somewhere they might well not have chosen to go) is abhorrent to me. So petty and mean.

pixie5121 · 08/06/2022 19:48

Hmm1234 · 08/06/2022 19:16

You should take her and pay your half to help cheer her up. Forget about the ex boyfriend being ‘nice’ about the situation too much work.

Perhaps OP has limited annual leave? Other kids to look after? Caring responsibilities? It's wild how people just assume that others can up and go on holiday whenever they feel like it.

The only way it's really attractive to a third party is if it's free or cheap. That person will still have to take annual leave, cancel other plans, spend money on food, drink and stuff for the holiday. If on top of all that they have to pay £600 to go to a destination they didn't choose and might not be all that keen on...why would they, really?