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Original poster

Should I just let them carry on stealing?

191 replies

Toytownupthehill · 17/09/2021 07:47

My elderly DM has had tens of thousands of pounds stolen from her by my two siblings for entirely different reasons. When I try to intervene I am told it is none of my business, which is true, it still pains me to see someone stripped of everything that she and my DF worked for. I have power of attorney but I can't stop her being robbed. Should I just give up?

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 17/09/2021 09:20

I agree with the advice to report this financial abuse. Either get advice from the CAB, social services or contact the bank. You should be pointed in the right direction. Abuse of a POA is common.

Your other option is to turn a blind eye to it. You seem more concerned that you're implicated in criminal activity for some reason?

Positive21 · 17/09/2021 09:20

As @Beachtrip and @Sightlinesandsolutions said.

If she has capacity and is happy to allow them access to her money then it is difficult. But contact the police for advice, it could potentially come under domestic abuse as could be financial abuse depending on the exact facts.

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 17/09/2021 09:25

Does she lack capacity?
Is the LPA registered?
Is it joint with any of these other people or just you?

If she lacks capacity the LPA is registered and you have sole LPA then it is very much your responsibility to protect a vulnerable adult from financial abuse

You do this by
Informing the bank and the police
Informing social services
Informing the court of protection if any of them are joint LPA holders

If it's not registered and she still has capacity then she can do as she likes with her money but I would still report to police and social care.

diddl · 17/09/2021 09:31

What is the point of you having POA if she gives access to her card to others?

If she is allowing it then I wouldn't be sorting it out.

Original poster
Toytownupthehill · 17/09/2021 09:33

I am not quite sure how any of this has become my fault, I am fully aware that my relatives are criminal scum but I am not involved with their activities. If I reported them to the police then my DM would have to enter residential care, she doesn't want to do that and it would remove any semblance of independence that she has left.

OP posts:
CovoidOfAllHumanity · 17/09/2021 09:35

If you don't want to act in this then I would actually resign the LPA because as it stands you do have a responsibility
If you didn't have the LPA and you feel she is just making an unwise decision that she wants to make then leave her to it and walk away.
It's one or the other really though.

audweb · 17/09/2021 09:35

@Toytownupthehill

I am not quite sure how any of this has become my fault, I am fully aware that my relatives are criminal scum but I am not involved with their activities. If I reported them to the police then my DM would have to enter residential care, she doesn't want to do that and it would remove any semblance of independence that she has left.
Why have you jumped to the assumption it would mean residential care? There are steps before that even if someone is being taken advantage of.
MrsRobbieHart · 17/09/2021 09:35

What is the point of this thread then OP? You have no intention of doing anything about this.

Doggiedementia · 17/09/2021 09:36

How exactly is the relative stealing? What are they doing?

You mum has given permission for the other person to use her card?

Toytownupthehill · 17/09/2021 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

moynomore · 17/09/2021 09:38

OP, unfortunately if your mother has capacity and doesn't want to do anything about it, it's not really stealing. Is it? You mum is acquiescing to the taking of the money.

Posters who don't understand what a POA is need to stop giving advice. I have POA for my mother, but as long as she has capacity, I can't just step in a take over!!!

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 17/09/2021 09:39

It's not that it's your fault but if you don't act to stop it then you are turning a blind eye and allowing it so you can't really complain that it goes in happening.

If you think that actually there are good things she is getting from these relationships that outweigh the bad eg they provide care to her/ she would not want to lose the relationships then maybe it's an OK decision to leave it alone but you have to resign the LPA if you want to do that.

Ontheroadtorecovery · 17/09/2021 09:39

You should contact adult safeguarding as its financial abuse. It may be that your DM doesn't want to follow through with the police though. Really as POA it would be good if a plan could be put in place to protect her from this. Why do they have access when it's clear this is happening.

MrsRobbieHart · 17/09/2021 09:40

You have absolutely no idea of what I am going through and what my intentions are, don't be so fucking arrogant and ignorant.

Yep, this is exactly the response I expected. Im right.

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 17/09/2021 09:41

It's true you can't act until the person lacks capacity and the LPA is registered

OP hasn't made it clear if that's the case

Still I would resign it if I was sure I did not want to get involved because if she does lose capacity it becomes OPs responsibility

SmileyClare · 17/09/2021 09:41

Why not cancel the card and change the PIN so your sibling cannot withdraw cash as suggested?

moynomore · 17/09/2021 09:42

@SmileyClare

Why not cancel the card and change the PIN so your sibling cannot withdraw cash as suggested?
Because her mother doesn't want her too most likely. Having a POA doesn't automatically give you the right to take over someone's life.
CovoidOfAllHumanity · 17/09/2021 09:43

If it's registered then it actually does
If it's not then it doesn't
It hinges on whether the lady has capacity or not

moynomore · 17/09/2021 09:45

Just because it's registered does not mean the OP can take over without her mother's permission if the mother has capacity!

titchy · 17/09/2021 09:46

Well you can choose to completely ignore it, in which case surrender the POA. And vent on the elderly parents board.

Or you can try and do something, in which case you'll need to be prepared to do whatever it takes, and if you want advice here, be much clearer about what is happening, how much money is in that bank account and the link between siblings and residential care.

Fluffypastelslippers · 17/09/2021 09:48

@Toytownupthehill

I am not quite sure how any of this has become my fault, I am fully aware that my relatives are criminal scum but I am not involved with their activities. If I reported them to the police then my DM would have to enter residential care, she doesn't want to do that and it would remove any semblance of independence that she has left.

Why Luke she have to go into care if you reported your siblings for theft?

This makes absolutely no sense because her care needs are not linked to their activities
.
And if you want advise from people it would be easier if you explained how this theft takes place.

Fluffypastelslippers · 17/09/2021 09:48

What WOULD

moynomore · 17/09/2021 09:48

Why does she have to give up the POA? Again, unless the mother doesn't have "capacity", the OP still needs her mother's permission to act. No one would ever sign a POA if it meant losing all control BEFORE you lose "capacity".

OP, I would get real legal advice.

LIZS · 17/09/2021 09:48

You can report financial abuse to police. Could she cope with carers instead?

ManifestDestinee · 17/09/2021 09:52

Also, having POA doesn't literally give you any responsibility

POA literally gives you ALL the responsibility! You say you are not complicit in this, but if it comes out that they were stealing, and you not only knew about it but did not take any steps to stop it, you will legally be an accomplice, and can be charged as such.