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Original poster

ex husband has reappeared and wants money

133 replies

ItGetsBetter · 19/01/2021 22:34

After 13 years of no contact, no maintenance, my ex husband has been in touch on social media.

In 2008, he vanished abroad, draining our bank account, leaving me in massive debt and with our baby son.

During the marriage, he put 90k inheritance from his father, into a second property.

When he left I sold it. It took two years to sell.

The money I used to pay off the debts he left me with and keep the mortgage paid on our house, and keep myself and my son going. I worked as many hours as I could.

I was able to divorce him as he cropped up on an internet search and my solicitor dealt with him. The divorce judge ordered that he pay all costs but he was never around so I paid.

There was no financial settlement.

I paid for a court order to legally change my son's surname to mine, which the court agreed to.

My former husband has now emerged demanding some of his inheritance back.
Our son is 13 and suffered a serious illness aged 4-8yrs (cancer). I could not work. We were constantly in hospital/chemo/vinc and dex etc.

We are back on our feet now, my son is thriving and I have bought us a small ex-council house outright so that we are financially safe.

I have never had another relationship.

My ex husband wants me to find a lawyer and get a 'legally binding agreement' to get his share of his inheritance back.

I have no idea where I stand or what to do. I don't think my ex lives in this country. I think he is still in Thailand or Cambodia or wherever.

Does he legally have rights to his money back?

I should say - after 13 years of hell, paying debts, keeping ds alive, buying our little house, I literally don't have any money anymore.

Thanks

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 20/01/2021 00:08

Ignore completely. Do not engage. He won't seek legal advice. He's met someone new and she wants a house. Or a boat. Or some fucking nonsene.

He'll go back to whatever rock he came out of once he realises you won't engage.

Enough4me · 20/01/2021 00:09

BTW don't be tempted to unblock him and do not be drawn into conversations with him online or over the phone where he attempts to coerce you into saying the properties were shared assets when they clearly were not.

Passthewinebottle · 20/01/2021 00:11

@PersonaNonGarter

Hahahaha. He can get tae fuc.

No - you don’t need to get a lawyer. And even if he gets one to write you a letter (he might try) you should just ignore it.

Please just block him. He doesn’t have a legal leg to stand on.

Cheeky fucking twatbag & what a vile excuse for a sperm donor

I agree with Persona. I hope you're ok OP

prh47bridge · 20/01/2021 00:12

@Enough4me

He's trying it on as has nothing to lose. Even if he gets a lawyer he has to pay to set-up a file and prove rights to a property that was not in his name and was yours.

He left you years ago with properties that were yours, end of. Not in his name, not his assets. If they were legally his he would have sought financial separation at the time.

Why do people keep piling in with rubbish like this. They were married. There has been no financial settlement. He doesn't have to prove rights to a property that was not in his name. The situation is the same as it would have been if there had been a financial settlement at the time of divorce. All assets have to be declared. Everything goes into the pot to be split between them. As per my previous post, that doesn't mean he will get as much as he is asking for but he may be entitled to something.
Whichnamepls · 20/01/2021 00:12

I remember your story too. It's good to know your DS is well now.

I don't know about the legalities so can't help there, however please have any threats logged with police.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Awful awful man.

cabbageking · 20/01/2021 00:17

Write out the situation when he left.

All the assets and debts along with the amount of any agreed maintenance.

Then seek legal advice.

HmmSureJan · 20/01/2021 00:18

All the lols! I've just done a quick calculation of the child support he owes you and your child, on a wage of around £30k thats up to £47,000 for the 13 years, more if he earned more, plus your divorce costs, plus all the legal costs around selling your properties etc. I would want to ask him for an address and tell him you'll discuss finances when he's paid all the child support he owes you and your outstanding legal costs for the divorce on the properties you sold. What i would actually do though is block him completely and consult a solicitor.

These fuckers never disappear for ever. They always turn up like bad smells. I'm sorry, it just have been horrendous to see him pop up like an evil jack in the box on SM.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 20/01/2021 00:18

@prh47bridge

The money he drained from their bank accounts, the 10K overdraft, the debts he left would all have also been included when taking into account all their assets to decide a split. She would have got more anyway due to being the main care provider for their son, and if I remember correctly the OP had a high earning career before marriage and child so they had a lot of money, all of which he took.
When all is said and done, and the value of the bank accounts plus the property are all added into the pot, then the OP can be fairly certain that he got his share and wouldn't be awarded anymore.

I appreciate that you may not recognised the OP from other posts she has made, but if it is the same poster I'm thinking of, then she really should be fine.

GlowingOrb · 20/01/2021 00:19

I’d write out as much detail as you can remember, gather as many document as you can, and wait for him to actually do something legally. If he does, hire a solicitor at that point

frazzledasarock · 20/01/2021 00:19

I remember you from when you first posted about this man too.

If I were you, I would consult a solicitor. Ask what chance he has of getting money from you given everything you’ve had to pay for.
How do you go about getting a clean break order.
How much everything will cost you if you take it to court and you don’t know where he is (well you have no address) but you want to ensure he is out of your life and has no recourse to take you to court for any of your hard earned money in the future.

I’d not respond to him in any shape or form and I’d block him on everything and go completely low key so he can’t find you.

He owes you maintenance. He owes you the court fees plus interest. So if it transpires he is owed money deduct the above first. I suspect he’ll owe you.

Original poster
ItGetsBetter · 20/01/2021 00:19

No. I'm going to keep him unblocked and keep sending him a message to step up. The law will evolve one day. But only if people like me make it happen.
If I had left ds for dead, I'd be in prison.
These type of dangerous men need to be in prison

OP posts:
Cheesypea · 20/01/2021 00:20

What a scum bag. Yes lodge the threats with the police. It's up to him to progress any legal action not you, it's all bluster.

Original poster
ItGetsBetter · 20/01/2021 00:23

This is a very good subject for Woman's Hour. There must be many women like me. Laws must change. Women cannot still be left literally holding the baby

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 20/01/2021 00:23

Well don’t forget to add on thirteen years of interest on any money he owes you.

Beautiful3 · 20/01/2021 00:25

No, as the houses were both in your name only, you have nothing to worry about. You do not have to repay any money. Block him and ignore him.

Yohoheaveho · 20/01/2021 00:25

I'd say don't reply or acknowledge him in any way shape or form but keep a record of everything and seek legal advice just in case hopefully someone knowledgeable will be along soon 👀

DishingOutDone · 20/01/2021 00:27

I thought when judges look for a financial settlement, they want to make sure everyone's needs are accounted for particularly children. OP and her son have needed all that money just to get by. For those saying he's legally entitled to this that and the other do you seriously think a judge wouldn't take into account what he did and what the OP and her son have been through? He's not even in the country and sounds like he's in a country that won't have a great legal system set up in any case.

By all means get free legal advice. Or if you can afford it pay for an hour with someone decent to put your mind at rest.

Namechangeforte · 20/01/2021 00:28

@Yohoheaveho

I'd say don't reply or acknowledge him in any way shape or form but keep a record of everything and seek legal advice just in case hopefully someone knowledgeable will be along soon 👀
This.
prh47bridge · 20/01/2021 00:28

[quote WhereverIGoddamnLike]@prh47bridge

The money he drained from their bank accounts, the 10K overdraft, the debts he left would all have also been included when taking into account all their assets to decide a split. She would have got more anyway due to being the main care provider for their son, and if I remember correctly the OP had a high earning career before marriage and child so they had a lot of money, all of which he took.
When all is said and done, and the value of the bank accounts plus the property are all added into the pot, then the OP can be fairly certain that he got his share and wouldn't be awarded anymore.

I appreciate that you may not recognised the OP from other posts she has made, but if it is the same poster I'm thinking of, then she really should be fine.[/quote]
I don't know if you are right about previous posts but they certainly weren't under the OP's current username. She may, of course, have posted under a different name previously.

It may be that her ex wouldn't be awarded anything, but I repeat that there is nowhere near enough information on this thread to say for sure.

BlueThistles · 20/01/2021 00:30

so where's he been for THIRTEEN years ?! Confused

prh47bridge · 20/01/2021 00:30

@Beautiful3

No, as the houses were both in your name only, you have nothing to worry about. You do not have to repay any money. Block him and ignore him.
How many times...

This would be a financial settlement in divorce. It doesn't matter that the houses were in the OP's name. That is entirely irrelevant. The fact that one of them was bought with his inheritance is likely to be more relevant than the fact the OP's name was on it.

prh47bridge · 20/01/2021 00:32

@DishingOutDone

I thought when judges look for a financial settlement, they want to make sure everyone's needs are accounted for particularly children. OP and her son have needed all that money just to get by. For those saying he's legally entitled to this that and the other do you seriously think a judge wouldn't take into account what he did and what the OP and her son have been through? He's not even in the country and sounds like he's in a country that won't have a great legal system set up in any case.

By all means get free legal advice. Or if you can afford it pay for an hour with someone decent to put your mind at rest.

Yes, the first priority is to make sure everyone has a roof over their heads and their reasonable needs are met. Yes, his behaviour may well be relevant. It may be that the courts would decide he wasn't entitled to anything. But no-one can say that for sure based on the information we have.
Original poster
ItGetsBetter · 20/01/2021 00:33

And for those who remember me, thank you. It's been a long time. Ds is really well now. He's officially cancer-free and cured thanks to the wonderful oncs.

5 years since EOT. How lovely is that!

OP posts:
Santaiscovidfree · 20/01/2021 00:33

Send him a most very definite invoice. Include all cms he should have paid. All debts.. Everything he should have provided 50 % of for his dc. Advise him when the amount has cleared in your bank you will ask your solicitor to negotiate him a fair share of any monies left he is owed..

YNK · 20/01/2021 00:35

I agree with you - record all communication but respond to nothing, unless via his solicitors.
I doubt very much if he will go down this route or if he can afford to.
If he is in one of these developing countries that relies on western tourism, I can imagine he is in difficulties due to covids impact.
Countries without a developed health service have had very strict restrictions and I'm sure if he has been working things will have changed.
Who knows really what has prompted him to surface again, but I imagine it's desperation, which would put him on the back foot.
What a twat though!