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Legal matters

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Original poster

ex husband has reappeared and wants money

133 replies

ItGetsBetter · 19/01/2021 22:34

After 13 years of no contact, no maintenance, my ex husband has been in touch on social media.

In 2008, he vanished abroad, draining our bank account, leaving me in massive debt and with our baby son.

During the marriage, he put 90k inheritance from his father, into a second property.

When he left I sold it. It took two years to sell.

The money I used to pay off the debts he left me with and keep the mortgage paid on our house, and keep myself and my son going. I worked as many hours as I could.

I was able to divorce him as he cropped up on an internet search and my solicitor dealt with him. The divorce judge ordered that he pay all costs but he was never around so I paid.

There was no financial settlement.

I paid for a court order to legally change my son's surname to mine, which the court agreed to.

My former husband has now emerged demanding some of his inheritance back.
Our son is 13 and suffered a serious illness aged 4-8yrs (cancer). I could not work. We were constantly in hospital/chemo/vinc and dex etc.

We are back on our feet now, my son is thriving and I have bought us a small ex-council house outright so that we are financially safe.

I have never had another relationship.

My ex husband wants me to find a lawyer and get a 'legally binding agreement' to get his share of his inheritance back.

I have no idea where I stand or what to do. I don't think my ex lives in this country. I think he is still in Thailand or Cambodia or wherever.

Does he legally have rights to his money back?

I should say - after 13 years of hell, paying debts, keeping ds alive, buying our little house, I literally don't have any money anymore.

Thanks

OP posts:
MarieG10 · 20/01/2021 05:52

@VeniVidiWeeWee
"Sometimes I wonder why you bother.

You have given the OP valuable advice which she has not acknowledged and got the usual MN Muppets putting in their misinformed opinions.

For what it's worth you have my admiration."

I totally agree with your view of @prh47bridge. Valuable factual advice given which unfortunately isn't welcome. So the angry MN hoarders give advice based on the ex being a twat! If it was a woman posting who left her husband (there was such a thread last week) and years later wanted a share of what she saw as hers the sympathy would be there.

Frankly I think some of the laws around financial settlements in divorce stink, but that's tough because it is the law (albeit developed over years by precedent) and it applies to both sexes.

I don't know how the Op got her divorce but I suspect if was some DIY type one as I find it hard to believe any solicitor worth their salt wouldn't have advised the OP of the risk of not obtaining a consent order.

A friend of mine divorced and her ex said he wasn't bothered about a consent order and if she wanted one it was up to her to pursue, at her financial risk. He wasn't bothered as he was skint but also knew what her inheritances were going to be over the next few years. She just laid up and forced the issue

Original poster
ItGetsBetter · 20/01/2021 06:26

@prh47bridge thank you for your valuable advice. He himself acknowledges in public, in print, that he remarried. If that marriage wasn't legal, only he knows.

OP posts:
Original poster
ItGetsBetter · 20/01/2021 06:36

MarieG10 it was not a DIY divorce.
My solicitor was wonderful. And expensive. And warned me about the dangers of having no financial settlement.
As my ex husband has publicly stated, he remarried Little Minx. I am indebted to prh47bridge for advising me that he therefore has zero claim on me financially.

OP posts:
MotherExtraordinaire · 20/01/2021 07:17

@Enough4me

He's trying it on as has nothing to lose. Even if he gets a lawyer he has to pay to set-up a file and prove rights to a property that was not in his name and was yours.

He left you years ago with properties that were yours, end of. Not in his name, not his assets. If they were legally his he would have sought financial separation at the time.

But if married they were at the time of divorce, joint assets. The manner in which they divorced with no financial agreement is the only element I would seek advice on, whether he can now make a retrospective claim. I'd hope not, but for peace of mind, I'd want clarification.
Onmyleft · 20/01/2021 07:32

You really need to seek professional legal advice. Most of the responses here are based on emotions and the law will approach this differently. No matter how wicked he has been he has rights. You need to get yourself in a position to be able to fight back legally. Don’t expect this to simply go away. Deal with it properly by getting legal advice to know where he stands.

From my reading of your facts, he may have a claim. Please get proper legal advice. There’s a legal advice section on mumsnet. You might want to post there too but that is no way a substitute for proper legal consultation.

Onmyleft · 20/01/2021 07:36

Precisely, the assets were joint and there was no legal document saying he was signing over his share to OP. I’ll repeat - OP get legal advice. Based on what you’ve said it sounds like he has a claim. Unpaid child maintenance is a different legal issue and you can pursue him for that.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 20/01/2021 08:39

OK, OP, so you were aware that this could be a possibility.

I would see if you can look up his new marriage, to make sure it wasn’t some hippy moonlight beach number with no legal standing, and then get your solicitor to write to him saying that his claim is groundless.

Then maybe get her to send another letter about CM and that you intend to take action to pursue him for it legally should he return to the UK.

Personally I would want the matter dealt with rather than have this horrible intrusion hanging over you and be dealing with threats and demands.

AlwaysLatte · 20/01/2021 08:48

Unless he can prove that the money you were able to use to buy the property was a loan and not a gift (assuming he didn't put a charge on the property?) then I would have thought he would have more in common with a zero-footed flamingo. But obviously legal advice is the key, and don't have ANY direct contact with him.

Peridot1 · 20/01/2021 09:08

I remember your previous threads. I’m so pleased your son recovered so well. I have often wondered.

As other have said - get legal advice.

We can advise but there is no substitute for proper legal advice. I would sit down and write out exactly what debts he left you with and any other costs. Plus child maintenance.

Take that plus his messages to your solicitor.

@Abi86 - I don’t think that was wise. That could come back on the OP. Yes he’s a waste of space but she shouldn’t have linked to that article really and identified him.

prh47bridge · 20/01/2021 09:28

@AlwaysLatte

Unless he can prove that the money you were able to use to buy the property was a loan and not a gift (assuming he didn't put a charge on the property?) then I would have thought he would have more in common with a zero-footed flamingo. But obviously legal advice is the key, and don't have ANY direct contact with him.
He does not need to prove that at all. They were married. There was no financial settlement when they divorced. Provided he has not remarried he is entitled to apply for a financial settlement. That doesn't necessarily mean he will get anything, but he is entitled to try. If he does, all assets will go into the pot for consideration.

More recently the OP has suggested that he has remarried. If that is the case he has no claim.

frazzledasarock · 20/01/2021 09:36

I'd speak to a solicitor and ask how you'd go about getting a clean break order if you have no idea where your ex is.

I wouldn't want this hanging over me, he might not be legally married and that could have repercussions on your financial security.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 20/01/2021 10:03

TBH I would get this thread taken down now.

Publicising his name and eliciting hostile messages on his self indulgent blog might feel satisfying (and who wouldn’t want to name and shame this pathetic excuse for a father), but an emotional reaction is one thing and the law another.

Googling his name will now lead to this thread and his knowledge of your plans.

Keratinsmooth · 20/01/2021 10:42

Write down all the debt, divorce costs, solicitor fees and estimate of a solicitor cost for this agreement. It will be more than £45k won’t it? He’s only entitled to half the 90k

HmmSureJan · 20/01/2021 11:00

@prh47bridge

Great advice you've given. Might I ask a quick question please? Is it possible to obtain a consent order a few years after a divorce? Circumstances haven't changed at all, I just divorced him quickly myself with no solicitor but I am worried for the future, inheritances etc and also want to request a HA tenancy to be solely assigned to me.

I'll start my own thread if you'd prefer?

prh47bridge · 20/01/2021 11:06

@HmmSureJan - Yes you can provided your ex agrees. If he doesn't agree you can still get a financial order, but it won't be a consent order. I would recommend consulting a solicitor.

HmmSureJan · 20/01/2021 11:07

Thank you very much, I will do so Smile

prh47bridge · 20/01/2021 11:10

@Keratinsmooth

Write down all the debt, divorce costs, solicitor fees and estimate of a solicitor cost for this agreement. It will be more than £45k won’t it? He’s only entitled to half the 90k
No-one on this thread (including me) knows what he is entitled to. It might be half of £90k. It might be a lot more than that. It might be nothing at all. He may even owe the OP money. However, he is definitely not liable for the OP's divorce costs.
bongsuhan · 20/01/2021 11:18

I'm not an English lawyer, but wouldn't 13 year old claims - if there were any to begin with - likely be statute barred (or similar) by now?

MrsMoastyToasty · 20/01/2021 11:21

Whose names were the debts in ? His, yours or joint names.

frazzledasarock · 20/01/2021 11:28

@bongsuhan

I'm not an English lawyer, but wouldn't 13 year old claims - if there were any to begin with - likely be statute barred (or similar) by now?
In 2010 there was a case called Wyatt v Vince, the ex-wife successfully sued for a financial settlement 18 years after a divorce.

So currently I don't think there is a statue of limitations on UK divorces.

frazzledasarock · 20/01/2021 11:31

@prh47bridge OP says she was awarded divorce costs, which her ex didn't pay. So if he didn't pay costs as ordered at the time would he not still be liable (with interest) now?

Bubbles1st · 20/01/2021 11:37

Can't you work out how much he owes in child maintenance and until your son is 18 what the forecast will be and tell him after you deduct from the £90 k he will still be the one owing you....

prh47bridge · 20/01/2021 11:41

[quote frazzledasarock]@prh47bridge OP says she was awarded divorce costs, which her ex didn't pay. So if he didn't pay costs as ordered at the time would he not still be liable (with interest) now?[/quote]
Unless I have misunderstood, that was more than 6 years ago. It is therefore now too late for the OP to enforce the costs order.

LaurieFairyCake · 20/01/2021 11:43

Don't talk to him. Do nothing.

Do something when you get a court ordered date. With current backlog it will be years (bet he doesn't do anything).

prh47bridge · 20/01/2021 11:44

@Bubbles1st

Can't you work out how much he owes in child maintenance and until your son is 18 what the forecast will be and tell him after you deduct from the £90 k he will still be the one owing you....
He doesn't owe anything in child maintenance. There was no financial order and child maintenance claims cannot be backdated. The OP could make a claim through the CMS for maintenance going forwards but that is all.