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Original poster

ex husband has reappeared and wants money

133 replies

ItGetsBetter · 19/01/2021 22:34

After 13 years of no contact, no maintenance, my ex husband has been in touch on social media.

In 2008, he vanished abroad, draining our bank account, leaving me in massive debt and with our baby son.

During the marriage, he put 90k inheritance from his father, into a second property.

When he left I sold it. It took two years to sell.

The money I used to pay off the debts he left me with and keep the mortgage paid on our house, and keep myself and my son going. I worked as many hours as I could.

I was able to divorce him as he cropped up on an internet search and my solicitor dealt with him. The divorce judge ordered that he pay all costs but he was never around so I paid.

There was no financial settlement.

I paid for a court order to legally change my son's surname to mine, which the court agreed to.

My former husband has now emerged demanding some of his inheritance back.
Our son is 13 and suffered a serious illness aged 4-8yrs (cancer). I could not work. We were constantly in hospital/chemo/vinc and dex etc.

We are back on our feet now, my son is thriving and I have bought us a small ex-council house outright so that we are financially safe.

I have never had another relationship.

My ex husband wants me to find a lawyer and get a 'legally binding agreement' to get his share of his inheritance back.

I have no idea where I stand or what to do. I don't think my ex lives in this country. I think he is still in Thailand or Cambodia or wherever.

Does he legally have rights to his money back?

I should say - after 13 years of hell, paying debts, keeping ds alive, buying our little house, I literally don't have any money anymore.

Thanks

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 20/01/2021 00:37

@ItGetsBetter

This is a very good subject for Woman's Hour. There must be many women like me. Laws must change. Women cannot still be left literally holding the baby
The law is the same regardless of sex. Wyatt v Vince got a lot of publicity a few years ago. Ms Wyatt applied for a financial settlement from her former husband, Mr Vince, 19 years after they divorced. He had little or no money when they divorced but became a multi-millionaire later. She was eventually awarded £300k, on top of which he had to pay £325k costs.

Too late now but it was open to you to apply for a financial order when you divorced. If you had done so he would not be able to make a claim now.

I suspect he won't be entitled to as much as he wants but, if you want peace of mind, you need to consult a solicitor.

ItGetsBetter · 20/01/2021 00:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ as identifying of non-MNer. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Yohoheaveho · 20/01/2021 00:39

It seems pretty sketchy to hear nothing for 13 years and then suddenly he rocks up👀
you gottawonder what prompted that don't you🤔

Original poster
ItGetsBetter · 20/01/2021 00:40

But I agree with YNK that maybe he and his wife have financial difficulties. I have no idea.

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 20/01/2021 00:42

stay strong OP... Flowers

prh47bridge · 20/01/2021 00:42

@ItGetsBetter

But I agree with YNK that maybe he and his wife have financial difficulties. I have no idea.
If he has remarried he cannot make a financial claim against you. However, if he has not remarried but simply has a partner, he can make a claim.
8obbingabout · 20/01/2021 00:43

Wow OP you are amazingly strong after coming through all that. All credit to you. Do not let this joke of a man have any negative effect on your new life now after 13 years!

For your own piece of mind I would see a solicitor but If both the properties were in your name he does not have a claim. I highly doibt he will have any evidence to show that he had invested the 90k and I find it very hard to believe that he will pay money to hire a solicitor to try to get his money back. Especially with him being outside of the UK. If he was serious about getting his money back you would not have heard about this first through facebook. He is now threatening you because he knows that he hasn't got anyway to get his money back.

Block him, Block him, Block the bastard!

IrishCharm · 20/01/2021 00:52

Omg what a creep! As others have said @ItGetsBetter please please keep a record of ALL correspondence and consult a solicitor asap. He cannot (or should not be able) walk back into your life and make demands after everything he put you through and literally abandoning your son.
What a sorry excuse for a human being he is!
Great to hear your son is doing so much better now too. Good luck with this, I honestly don't think he'll get anywhere if this were to go to court but I'm wondering if he's trying to threaten you into handing money over without consulting a solicitor etc so make sure you let him know that's exactly what you'll be doing and he can only contact you through them in future. He may well give up when he realises bullying and threatening you isn't going to get him anywhere and it's all going to be done through the lawyers!
Xx

Original poster
ItGetsBetter · 20/01/2021 00:54

I am not going to block him. He can message away. It's all a mind game. I just need some knowledge of his likely financial rights.

I have no address for him and no idea where abroad he lives.

He has threatened me and told me 'his son will get in touch when he is old enough.'
Maybe he will.
Maybe he won't.
My son (ds) and I spent hours suspended at the highest point that a mechanical hospital bed will take you to, pretending sharks were down below.
I've pinned him down for chemo. Carried him bald everywhere.

I know these things don't equate to a man's inheritance...

The law needs to evolve.

OP posts:
Sweettea1 · 20/01/2021 00:58

Am shocked! What real man would do this never mind walking away from child with no contact but leaving the family in debt. Then having the cheek to get intouch now because he's skint. How you can keep your cool is beyond me everything you and your son have been through. You done the correct thing sold the homes to pay of his debts. Do not give this man a penny let him go seek legal advice and be laughed out the solicitors office. Good to hear your son is well an over his illness. Stay strong don't roll over for this piece of s##t.

Sweettea1 · 20/01/2021 01:03

Also don't engage with him. You don't need to block him just don't respond.The houses were in your name and if he wanted any money from the sale he should of said so in divorce papers. No agreement was made so he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Tavannach · 20/01/2021 01:04

If he has remarried he cannot make a financial claim against you. However, if he has not remarried but simply has a partner, he can make a claim.

Well, that's reassuring. He does say he's remarried.

dublingirl66 · 20/01/2021 01:05

I am so sad reading this

Op how dare he

You have done so well without him

HmmSureJan · 20/01/2021 01:10

You were one of the first people I noticed on MN OP. I was horrified by your story and couldn't comprehend how a person could behave as he had, it sounded like something from a nightmare. Then a few years later my ex did similar, not as bad but enough to make me remember you. I'm glad you're settled and your son is well and happy Thanks

Original poster
ItGetsBetter · 20/01/2021 01:24

Men like my ex are two a penny.

They really think they are something.

They're not. Any more than I would be as a mother who did the same.

But men can do it. Can't they.

Why? Why cant women just disappear then read women threads telling them to do nothing?

OP posts:
AcornAutumn · 20/01/2021 01:34

OP sorry to be thick but I can't see how it benefits you to get messages from him on social media

If he thinks he is entitled to anything, you will hear from a solicitor.

Until then, I think he's just hoping to hassle you into giving him money.

VeniVidiWeeWee · 20/01/2021 02:17

@prh47bridge

Sometimes I wonder why you bother.

You have given the OP valuable advice which she has not acknowledged and got the usual MN Muppets putting in their misinformed opinions.

For what it's worth you have my admiration.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 20/01/2021 03:08

OP: what a shocking story. I am so pleased your Ds is now better.

Many posts in this thread suggesting you get free legal advice.

You are getting it. PRH47bridge is a lawyer.

Your ex is scum and his behaviour is outrageous, but in your shoes I would be listening to PRH47bridge to save yourself ongoing hassle.

If he is formally re-married, hopefully his claims are hit air as PRH47bridge indicates.

Gingerkittykat · 20/01/2021 03:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ for repeating deleted message. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LividLoving · 20/01/2021 04:14

I just read that article and I’m FIZZING for what a self-obsessed immature arse he is, and while I have no legal advice just wanted to say OP, you’re a hero.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 20/01/2021 04:46

His patronising references to ‘exploring’ Thailand, Cambodia etc - as if millions of people didn’t live there.

Travelledtheworld · 20/01/2021 05:01

@ItGetsBetter, just read your link.
Sorry no advice from me, but sending you sympathy.
What a smug twat he sounds.
Travelling with his effing chefs knife. FFS.

Redburnett · 20/01/2021 05:29

Did he remarry before you divorced him? Article suggests he married in 2008/9.

Abi86 · 20/01/2021 05:31

I left a message on the linked site, but it needs to be moderated before publication, so I doubt it’ll be published. He’s a bit of a cock. My message read as follows:

"It might have been nice had john not abandoned his newborn son and wife, when he left England in 2008 having drained their joint account and leaving his wife in debt. His son got treatment for cancer for several years. John didn’t support his abandoned family financially or emotionally during that time. Not a bloke I’d have a beer with."

Coffeeallday · 20/01/2021 05:47

You’re an absolute hero and sound like an amazing mother and father to your son FlowersCake

Block him. He’s such a disgusting piece of slime and wants YOU to go through all the legal hoops and costs to get him his share of your hard work and sacrifice. Beyond selfish.

Don’t do anything for him. If he wants anything he’d have to go to court to seek money.

I would strongly advise you see a solicitor though. Just to explain the finances and debts he left you with and then the costs over the 13 years of raising your son as a single parent. Then the solicitor can estimate what he owes you and apply to the court to seek that money. The minute he lands in this country he’d have a nice surprise and he’ll forget his £90k. £90k is a lot of money but not over this many years when you have a child. Or your solicitor could arrange a clean break agreement now, they’ll advise you accordingly.

You seem anxious, which I completely understand, but honestly he really is one of those ‘crawled out of the woodwork’ types. He’s getting low on cash and trying his luck. I can’t believe how he is still treating you. Don’t give him any power.

One day your son is going to be a strong and successful young man. Your ex is going to try to do the same with him if he can. You be tough now so your son can continue to follow your lead and he’ll always recognise his ‘dad’ for what he is xxx