Social services involvement ?

[Cari4]

Hi I'm stuck as where to go for help. I have a partner who is in prison for a domestic violence offence and he's been there for the last 4 years. I know he will have social services involved due to his offence but will social services need to tell her father of my children and school? He is going to be attending relationship groups and is attending rehab for his past alcohol issues. Please can someone help me with some advice.

Sorry to be clear

You are in a relationship with a man who committed domestic violent (against a previous woman/girlfriend/wife)

You have children of your own and want to know IF SS will need to speak to your children’s father and your children’s school in his release? Even though he’s attending a group?

My advice is to put your kids first.

Whereas I dont think you should consider taking him back, at an absolute minimum you should wait until he is released and attends all the meetings, counselling and everything else first, then take the advice of social services as to where you stand, then leave it a good year or so just to be sure, he will never agree to this, and that should tell you all you need to know.

You really need to get rid, these men never change, they can put up a good act for a while though.

Everyone professional in your lives will be informed, and probably your kids dad as well. If hes in jail now though it will be common knowledge anyway, or just take a quick Google and it will be discovered.

How did you meet him ?!

Yea it was with a previous partner. I have known him a long time and he's going through rehab which is the root to all his issues. He never had previous DV and he was with her 15 years. They got back together and only split up a year ago because she left him for someone else. I do want to be with him but I don't want social services to inform other places is this what will happen.

Are you aware how serious this would have to be for him to get 4 years for a "first offence"?

There are millions of men out there, why choose one who puts you and your kids at risk?

You have a responsibly to protect your children and if you fail to do that then SS their father and school will shoulder that responsibility.

These men don’t change. They use charm. They worm their way in and then undermine your confidence so you don’t know night from day and before long you are stuck in a nightmare cycle of violence and apologies

Don’t fool yourself you’ll change him or he’ll get better. He doesn’t know any different.

I suspect it is likely that there will be some kind of SS intervention if you take an ex dv offender into your home. It was only once to your knowledge , unfortunately it rarely is.

4 years for a first offence? Not a chance. How many times was she assaulted before that, but didn't report it?

He got four years or more for dv? Then he did something terrible.

He might be in rehab but yes if you bring this man into a child’s life social services will be involved.

What are you thinking?

Is he still in jail? Is he an alcoholic?

Perhaps your DC should go and live with their dad, then you can have the DV chap.

Yes of course social services would be involved.

He has previous violence offences but not against his ex partner. I know it can seem that it is a silly choice and I understand. I have no plans to move him in or even meet my children a lot but take it very slow. Would SS need to be involved for that

He won't have social services involved, your children will and if they need to involve other people to safeguard them then they will.

Much of it will depend on how confident they are that you can effectively safeguard the children which may mean making sure the children have no contact with him (that will depend on the offence and the risks they have found around him).

Do yourself and your kids a favour and walk away from this one. Honestly do not even consider having a relationship with a violent person.

Honestly, that sounds worse. I still don't understand why you would risk it. Yes if you are in a relationship with a known violent offender SS would have Safeguarding concerns. It may even breech the terms of his parole. What sort of example would it set your dc?

Your “partner” has been in prison for 4 years but only split up from his last partner a year ago? So you’ve been in a relationship that’s been conducted entirely during visiting hours and you call him your partner? And even worse- plan for him to be in your child’s life?

If that’s true then yes- SS absolutely should inform your child’s other parent that they should be keeping their child from you.

He’s inside ,for the past 4 years
Only broke up with his girlfriend a year ago
Now he’s dating u
Well...where have u dated if he’s still inside
Why ..just why
Do you like the drama or something

Yes soc services would be involved. If he has been to prison for violent offences he will be a risk and they will protect your children .
Honestly don't get involved wuth him . It is not worth losing your children for him.

will social services need to tell her father of my children and school?
I hope so

Hopefully someone who knows you ,and what you are planning ,will of already informed social services

Why would you want to take it slow with a man in jail for DV??! Sorry OP, struggling to understand. You do know there are many men out there who manage to get through life without assaulting anyone, right?

This was not a minor offence if he has been in prison for 4 years so far.

I would not risk myself or my DCs. I would not have children with him, which creates a permanent tie. I would end the relationship now, before it goes any further, for you and for him.

If you chose to take the risk for yourself and, even more importantly, your DC, then the more people in your lives who know his history the better, in order to help protect you both - so yes, your DD's father and her school should know.

I suspect you and your DD will be happier without him and live a more peaceful life. You will always know what he is capable of. You know there are better men out there OP, don't you?

To get 4 years for DV is exceptional. It must have been a brutal and sustained attack, which left his partner with serious injuries.

Regarding the timeline are you saying that the ex stayed with him after he went to prison and left a year ago and you are now “in a relationship” although he is in prison?

I've known him my whole life and he's had a troubled life. He wrote to me and then we started from that and vists. I can assure you it was a one of dv but I did just want some advice on moving forward