My husband has been paying for lap dancing and escorts through his company. He said he would take legal action against me if I told anyone.

[watchout]

Sorry, shaking at the thought of this. I'm at my dads. I've left him.
But if he, through expenses, in a limited company has paid for lap dancing clubs - can I share this? Would it be subject to a freedom of information request?
He said if I told anyone he would take legal action.

Why would an escort give you the names of her clients?

I rang her as I wanted to find out the truth. She mentioned the names of the men who frequented the clubs with my ex. One has an unusual name.
Fuck knows why I did it but I felt like I was going insane with his lies and twisting the truth.
I'm just a normal mum with a normal job trying to make sense of all this. I've not slept a wink.
I suppose I want him to hurt like I am.

It was the lap dancer from the club who he paid for extras at his office while I was at home with our toddler.

See a solicitor. Let them keep you safe. You don't need to keep his secrets, tell your friends /family by all means but don't go looking for people to tell, you'll regret that in the long run. I wouldn't mention the other people's names as you don't know their part in this. You only need to concern yourself with your XH actions. People will regard you as bitter ex wife and there is the risk of claims of harassment /slander.

The company if he owns it is a marital asset, think carefully before you act, it could be detrimental to you. However distasteful, I'm not sure entertaining at a lap dancing club is illegal when it comes to expenses, I could be wrong but I know people who have been to them for work ... much to their partners disgust.

I would seek legal advice and try to concentrate on getting the best financial settlement rather than revenge

He'll never hurt like you are because he doesn't care. Oh he'll be angry, he might lose his business etc but he'll never hurt like you are, it's pointless.

Focus on getting divorced. Get a good lawyer and get all you can from him,if not for yourself then the kids. Do it quickly if possible.

Tell your friends and family because you need your support. No one can stop you from doing that.

Once the divorce has gone through you can reassess the situation and/if you still want to tell the others.

But get your priorities sorted and focus on the important things first,being free of him.

I can't see the point you will just come across as bitter. Not everyone is horrified at lap dancers so think it would be a home goal.
Not 100% but if he's put it and entertain expense don't think anyone official would be interested .

Of course you need his money - you have his children to look after.

I would get the divorce sorted before I even thought of talking to the other women. I would tell my own family the truth, though.

From your updates this morning it sounds like he's the only one who's actually cheated

If he puts this under client entertainment and he owns the company then it's not fraud. Clearly if he's paying for it for himself alone then he's defrauding the tax man.

I also can't perceive what legal action he can take against you.

It's not necessarily fraud. OP doesn't have enough details about how the expenses have been allocated. If they're against a hospitality budget or a Director's Loan or Dividend then he hasn't done anything financially wrong.

OP tell your family what he did. You need their support. Hold fire on telling the other wives. It shouldn't be your priority just now.

He can't take you to court for devaluing the company when its his actions that have 'potentially' brought the company into disrepute. However, you do need to think long and hard about where else you'll access money if you try to destroy his company. You also have to be prepared that many people won't care that he went to lap dancing clubs.

Again, there’s no evidence he is defrauding the tax man. He is putting the payments through his company. There are many ways these can be treated that does not impact on tax.

Please read Courtney555's post carefully.

Saying "I don't want a penny from him" is madness. Think about your children.

You are blinded by rage at the moment. The absolute best thing you could do is find yourself a shit-hot solicitor and screw him that way.

And one final thing - does he have employees? Do you want to ruin their, and their families', lives by destroying his business?

So if you spent 20 years together, and have toddlers, you must have been childhood sweethearts.
I think you need to divorce and move on.
As no way can you ever forgive or sleep with him again.
Tell him you want a divorce and get s good deal.
Once sorted and you have the cash in your hands, then think if you want to out him.

Truth is a complete defence to a defamation claim, so I'm not sure quite what sort of legal action he thinks he might take. However, it is usually best not to act in haste while you're angry and in shock. Revenge is a meal best served cold, etc.

Don't do anything now, but let him sweat and worry about what you might do.
If You want revenge then serve it up cold but you should wait until your anger has faded so that you can think more carefully about the long-term implications of any action you might take

So sorry for what you're going through OP

Honestly, if it was me, I would ruin him. Fuck his business! People will tell you to take the high road. But what for? So you can feel shit and you get painted as the deranged crazy ex? Fuck that.

I would be dropping that bomb and shattering his world. Prick.

Yes drop the bomb ...but drop it strategically