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Legal matters

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My husband has been paying for lap dancing and escorts through his company. He said he would take legal action against me if I told anyone.

145 replies

watchout · 24/11/2019 17:45

Sorry, shaking at the thought of this. I'm at my dads. I've left him.
But if he, through expenses, in a limited company has paid for lap dancing clubs - can I share this? Would it be subject to a freedom of information request?
He said if I told anyone he would take legal action.

OP posts:
TiddlerontheRoof · 24/11/2019 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 24/11/2019 21:09

I'm sorry but I'd be telling people that you've separated, and if they asked why, I'd be telling them the truth. I might not go into specifics around the business side etc but I'd certainly be telling my close family and friends that he'd been using family money to pay sex workers whilst you and the dc haven't had enough money to pay for activities for yourselves.

Oh and it's highly unlikely he can sue you for anything. He's bluffing

shouldhavecalleditoatabix · 24/11/2019 21:19

OP the other posters are right. By all means tell people why your separating but DO NOT start naming and shaming all the others involved. For one, you have absolutely no idea who actually engaged in the services, you will also be deliberately trying to ruin goodness knows how many families and it most definitely would be considered harassment or malicious communication if you start posting information. Now it could be argued it's fine if it's true but the problem is twofold. Your 'truth' stops at the point of the receipts. You can't know what each man did or didn't do. Also your motives are
Malicious. Why would you share this information if not to cause pain/distress/harm to the others? I fully expect there would be a monumental back lash in your small town and I would not be surprised if people turn it on you. Oftentimes when people don't like the information being given they turn on the deliverer! Finally, as an aside, if your husband is paying for escorts and dancers, you have absolutely no idea if they're vulnerable trafficked victims or, as often the case in the clubs, these girls choose to be there and do it for the money.

FWIW, I think you should tell those close to you but leave the hate campaign alone. Think of your children who still have to walk those streets and should be able to do so without shame or harassment because of both your actions. It's bad enough with what he's done.

wibdib · 24/11/2019 21:22

I would tell the tax office directly - maybe ring up and frame it as asking for their advice rather than do it as bean-spilling or revenge so there’s no comeback. It’s a legitimate question and remember that in the end it was the tax man that brought down Al Capone and many others rather than the police!

Maybe wait until your divorce is through - not only so he has no comeback on you or the divorce but so that the expenses are well and truly in the system, not a receipt in a pile that got mixed up and accidentally processed that he didn’t have time to pull back or even not submit (if it’s recent and you saying about it has spooked him).

Can you write the reason why you’re divorcing on your divorce papers so that it is there in a legal document to satisfy your need to get it out there?

Lulualla · 24/11/2019 21:22

You'd be a whislteblower to financial fraud surely? And that's protected.

watchout · 24/11/2019 21:29

I have a telephone recording from a conversation with the escort so it's not my accusation but her account of who was there and what happened

OP posts:
watchout · 24/11/2019 21:30

We have two children

OP posts:
PollyShelby · 24/11/2019 21:30

If I were you there wouldn't be a single person who lived within a 100 mile radius who didn't know what a pig he was.

LazyDaisey · 24/11/2019 22:21

You have a recording of a woman who made claims which you didn’t witness and you can’t prove are true.

watchout · 25/11/2019 01:32

I have texts, receipts, a recording with names of multiple men (with details, with their unusual names). It adds up.

OP posts:
TiddlerontheRoof · 25/11/2019 01:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nachthexe · 25/11/2019 02:06

Technically only your husband has paid for these things. Not the husbands of all the other wives. Your husband was having sex workers visit him at the office. Not the other men. From your account so far, the worst that the other men did was sit at a table watching a lap dancer gyrate? It’s horrible, obviously, but you will look like a loon if you message all their wives.
Possibly they went home and said ‘omg mr watchout is Nuts. It was a fecking strip club. So awkward.’
I’ve been in this situation many times with male colleagues. All mouth and no trousers. There are a few sleaze bags like your dh, but probably most of them just went along for dinner and wouldn’t have dared to arrange and pay for it themselves.
The sleazebags are usually few and far between. Fortunately those in my acquaintance were all single. The married ones ogled at the tits, brave in company, then ran home to their wives. I lost a lot of respect for men various, but I’m sure most of the wives weren’t oblivious. I imagine most of the blokes told their wives about the sleazebags.
It’s entirely possible that you’ll tell the wives your dh was using sex workers and they will say ‘we wondered how long it would take you to find out.’
Tell your friends and family what a pig he is. And then move on. Unless you have actual proof that anyone else’s husband was doing anything other than drinking beer and ogling.

RichTwoTurkeyFriend · 25/11/2019 02:45

Aside the moral implications of all of this which I won’t comment on, a couple of quick points:
Did you seek permission before recording this woman?
I don’t live in the UK but in my state a recording like that without permission would put you in breach of the surveilling devices act and is a criminal action. I would be checking into this before I did anything.
By your own admission, your house needs work and your small children are missing out on activities due to a lack of money. If you do this, and his business then goes tits up and what little money he has is no longer coming in, what does this mean for your children?
He’s obviously a pig. All actions, his AND yours, have consequences. Make sure you’re willing to live with the consequences of yours.

filka · 25/11/2019 05:23

I don't want a penny from him

Maybe you don't want or even need anything from him. But in a divorce, both your assets go into the pot to be divided up. If you destroy the value of his asset then you could end up giving him a share of your assets in the divorce. This could be cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I would get the divorce totally completed first, then think about the revenge if you must. But remember that if successful it is not only going to hurt your STBXH but many other families too. Anyway, the old saying is that revenge is a dish best eaten cold.

shearwater · 25/11/2019 05:50

You can tell people exactly why you are getting divorced, just don't spread information about other people you don't have evidence were involved. Get yourself a solicitor as well.

RolytheRhino · 25/11/2019 06:23

Tell your family and any friends that matter your version, before he twists it around to being your fault and leaves you without support. ONLY tell people who you can legitimately say you needed support from- no judge is going to say you should have suffered marital breakdown alone and in silence because of potential for the truth to harm a business.

IF it gets out after that, it's not your fault.

RolytheRhino · 25/11/2019 06:25

Oh, and tell anyone who asks the truth- no one would be legally expected to lie.

ForeverFaff · 25/11/2019 06:46

I'd tell. Telling the truth isn't a crime.

Courtney555 · 25/11/2019 06:50

Right. OP. You need a reality check. Because you're getting some terrible advice from "women scorned" and it's going to 1) bite you on the ass, 2) achieve sod all, and 3) is largely incorrect with all the "it's fraud" nonsense.

Paying for non business expenses through the business, is only a matter for HMRC if his accountant declares them as legitimate taxable costs in the statutory accounts and corporation tax return.

If I have a limited company, and use the work credit card to buy £10k of designer shoes, as long as this is recorded as Director's Loan Account when the financial statements are submitted, that's perfectly fine. If he's spent £10k on escorts, as long as the accountant isn't putting that £10k under the guise of "motor expenses" and claiming tax relief, then you've got bugger all to report to HMRC.

I get that you're pissed. And if you told everyone it's over because he's been shagging escorts, that's your call. It matters not one bit which card he paid for it on though. Trying to drag his business down just means less of a divorce settlement for you. See the bigger picture.

I mean, you've phoned the escort??? What exactly is your big master plan with this? Who's going to be affected by the "big reveal" of a recorded message? You'll embarrass yourself looking like the type of person who's hellbent on revenge at any cost. He's a cheat. People will know that by you saying, "he cheated on me." Have some dignity and be smarter than to look like the obsessed ex-wife throughout the divorce proceedings.

The woman scorned look is not a good one. Honestly, harsh as it sounds, no one will care. Your best friend and your mum will etc, but everyone else that you think will be shocked and outraged on your behalf, will make sympathetic noises, then avoid you and having to listen to your drama/dirty laundry like the plague.

KristinaM · 25/11/2019 06:51

It’s ok to be angry and want to destroy him, he has behaved appallingly.

But while you are on MN ranting about him and plotting against these other men, he’s getting legal advice and hiding money.

Your anger and distress is understandable but it’s misplaced. You need to start focussing NOW on your children and getting the best possible settlement for them. Get a SHL - phone around today - and do exactly as they tell you.

This isn’t about him, he’s history. It’s about YOUR FUTURE and YOUR KIDS

And please see a counsellor , so that you have someone safe to rage at.

KristinaM · 25/11/2019 06:52

Great post from Courtney.

SirHumphreyDrinkalot · 25/11/2019 06:55

You can tell your solicitor everything and they will be able to advise you about whether this can be escalated or not. Your solicitor may put this info in the divorce petition. Or not.

But for gods sake do not contact the wives and do not plast it all over social media.

OverByYer · 25/11/2019 07:06

Great advice from Courtney.
Time to put your foot in the ball and think long term

katewhinesalot · 25/11/2019 07:06

You do want the money for your kids, if not yourself. Concentrate on that. Get your revenge financially.

Stupiddriver1 · 25/11/2019 07:08

I agree I don’t think hmrc would care. Whether it’s dinner or lap dam ing it’s still entertaining clients....so a legitimate business expense. Grubby yes, but still legal.

Also don’t get the advice about ringing the wives and tell them to get STD checks......unless I’ve missed something it was stripping and you don’t get an STD from watching a stripper. The ex may have been paying sex workers for more but I didn’t get the impression that involved the clients.

Find a solicitor and concentrate on getting the best settlement. Yes you could tell people with the hope of embarrassing him and spoiling his business but wouldn’t that just bite you on the arse? If the business goes bust you won’t get as good a divorce settlement?

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