Potential grandparent requesting DNA test..

[user1499775533]

Hi, was wondering if anyone knows if a potential paternal grandparent can request DNA by starting the mediation process etc. Any advive would be appreciated.

These are issues i need to speak to a solicitor about and as it stands for nearly 2 years my ex takes my Daughter to his mothers house. What was on the order hasn't been happening so in my eyes it's the contact with her dad really and he takes her to see his mom. If he wanted this contact again for a second child he should be doing something. I just feel that it's come to a head this time and it can't go on.

And sometimes things happen that probably shouldn't but i believe it's quality not quantity and as long as i be the best i can be for my children and they know i love them very much this is the main thing. His mum is a very manipulative woman that puts things into peoples heads and makes you believe it. She's done it to me for 3 years. After going to court with my elder daughter she wrote another letter a week later demanding i hand my daughter over on bonfire night. The problem is boundaries and she'll never respect or accept them. As the parent it makes it very hard but i feel by calling the police this time i am standing up for myself.

If all of this is the case though then there's reasonable grounds for stopping contact with his family, telling BOTH children who their father is and then use the legal advice you're getting to have things set up properly.

What many of us are finding hard to get our head around is lying to one child about who their father is (so by default lying that they are half siblings not full siblings), allowing one child A relationship with these people (who do sound awful) but not the other. Somewhere in all of this there are going to be questions asking:
A) why did you lie to us about our father and sibling status?
B) if these relatives are good enough for my older sister to see, why was I deprived of seeing the other half of my family for years?
C) if these relatives are horrific individuals then why did you protect my younger sister whilst allowing me to suffer?

Either way OP the questions come back to you and your actions in this. There needs to be some careful thought before allowing two siblings to have totally different familial contact.

Lolasmiles-exactly. It’s treating them differently

Either contact should be stopped or both should have contact.

I don't understand how the family courts work because if i hold parental responsibility for my Daughter then how can a stranger/judge opose my choices as the parent? Unless I'm proven a criminal or bad parent then i think it's a breech of my human rights and like i said i agreed the contact she has with my elder daughter but i don't feel it was the right decision. Relations have broken down too much.

Your first mistake is thinking that family court children matters are about you, or any other adult. The fact is that they are all about the best interests of the child(ren).

It's not a breach of your human rights, but it is, or could be, a breach of your second child's right to know who her paternal family are (including her father). The court will be interested in knowing for her sake and as such may well order DNA testing on the basis that there is a strong possibility that the child is the full sibling of the child that gets to see the grandmother.

Your second mistake is to contemplate preventing the court ordered contact. If you want to stop contact, you must make an application to the court to vary the order, otherwise you will likely be finding yourself in court facing an enforcement application. If, as you have said, you have valid and convincing evidence that contact is detrimental to your older child, then you should have no issues persuading the court of this. However, it'll have to be compelling as you've now allowed the grandmother to have a lengthy relationship with the child and it is likely to be detrimental to the child to just stop it dead at this juncture.

It sounds as though the grandmother is proceeding with court action - so you'll be able to raise the issues you have with the current contact and put forward your case for your second child at the same time.

Thins will not end well. op, you're changing your story as you go along.
If your MILs family are as horrendous as you say they are, then why are you allowing your eldest to go there? By your own story the courts haven't ordered that. You say your ex is a drug taking alcoholic yet you still see him every week and he takes one of his children to see his mother. I just don't get this. Also, when another Pp asked about you taking drugs you said you have passed all the tests. You would only have had tests if social services were involved and you had been taking them so at some point you must have taken drugs whilst either pregnant or when your child was little. You then said you don't actually know who the father of baby 2 is but go on to admit it's the same man as baby 1.
I think you should read through this post from the beginning and get your story in order.

At the moment my baby has only just turned 1 so can't understand much at the minute and doesn't call anyone anything. Her favourite word is 'yeah' and she jabbers. I feel the most important relationship that actually matters the most is the relationship they have with each other. And tomorrow i need to contact a solicitor to get something in place. The fact I've had to get the police involved shows that things will esculate and i need to see if i can suspend my elder daughters contact.

Or better still leave the country. I hold dual nationality after all. I feel the family court is a very secretive corrupt place where anything goes. As a parent you make decisions what you feel are right for your children. Nobody has the right to over turn that i don't feel. I feel the right of my baby is not to be put on a contact order away from me with people she doesn't know. How is that in her best interests?

Leaving the country is a very risky option and could backfire in you

I don't normally do this but after an advanced search there seems to be so much going on here dating back to 2017 regarding grandparent access.

You're clearly wanting people to confirm your point of view and nobody here is qualified legally to give accurate legal advice (Or they might be but we are all strangers online).

It still makes no sense to be that (if another poster is right and you mentioned passing drugs tests and tests are a sign of social services involvement) you've gone from it's fine for the ex to see both kids
but youngest doesnt know he's her dad to 'but I dont trust the courts anyway and I'd contemplate moving overseas to get away from them'. There's so many question marks.

There is clearly a whole lot more here than anyone on mumsnet can realistically assist with.

If they're all so horrendous, why did you have unprotected sex with this man at least twice?
You knew that he was a bad father with a fucked up family and yet you got pregnant to him again???

1. i have never taken a drug in my life other than paracetamol
2. social services have never been involved with me and the appropriate checks I've had were with cafcass are criminal checks and social service checks. My exes mum is the kind of woman that would be straight on to anything like that. She would actually love it if i was a drug taking alcoholic. Whatever this is i just feel I've not commited a crime and my Daughter is very young, I'll do what i have to do to not have her put on a contact order away from me. It should be up to the potential father to initiate any contact he may want, i don't think these kind of grandparents should be allowed to use the family court process because they abuse it. It should be for fathers and the nice grandparents that have lots of contact but that gets stopped.

Potential father?
So who is the father of your youngest?

So theres been criminal checks and social services checks and tests. That's still a sign there's been some concerns surrounding the children (for any reason).

As people have said many a time on this thread, the courts will make a decision based on the child and the child's needs and the child's safety.

Taking your children overseas in this situation does not seem like a wise move to me.

Do you come from a country that is following The Hague Convention?

Yes there has been checks because the exes mum took us to court before for contact at her house with my eldest Daughter. The courts have to do checks on any civil cases involving children. It's standard.

Are you taking about CAFCASS?

I am half Spanish so have dual nationality there too and to be honest with all of this brexit business who knows what will happen

Do you still have sex with him?
Are you likely to have a 3rd child with him?

I'm no legal expert but it still strikes me that any parent locked in a battle over a child taking the children overseas in order to prevent contact would be foolish.

Yes cafcass checks

And that is abit of a personal question but the answer is no. I'd rather stick pins in my eyes

I'm unmarried and have PR. Legally i can. But i shouldn't have to even feel like this

This all sounds horrendously messy. I can well understand you not wanting younger child to go to this family, but can not for one second understand why you are letting the 3 year old go. Just refuse. It's wrong to treat them different. Despite you describing this vile father so badly, it sounds to me like you actually still have feelings for him? And you are hoping he will step up and claim this daughter himself? I really hope I am wrong. Another part of me wonders if you even know the paternity?

If you tried to take either child out of the country without leave he would have grounds to force the children to be returned.

If the baby is reasonably presumed to be his then he will be able to begin a petition for access.
He will then also gain PR.

You will not be important in the courts eyes. It's what they believe is best for the children. You need to think smart here not get annoyed and combative