Potential grandparent requesting DNA test..

[user1499775533]

Hi, was wondering if anyone knows if a potential paternal grandparent can request DNA by starting the mediation process etc. Any advive would be appreciated.

Also the friendship with my ex is positive. I keep this for the sake of my Daughter keeping my feelings to myself. What he does when he isn't around my Daughter i can't control just as long as it isn't around her then it isn't my business and he only sees her at my house so i don't have a reason to be concerned.

1moremum I think it's clear she IS the biological grandmother. There'd be no point in posting if that was not the case.

OP you still haven't said what you intend to tell your youngest about her father.

1moremum she IS the biological grandparent.

OP you keep taking about your rights as a parent, your human rights etc. But this is not actually about your rights - or the grandparent's rights either - it's about your children and their rights.

They're going to grow up all kinds of screwed up when one gets to have a dad, one doesn't and then eventually it's worked out that dad #1 is also dad#2 but has never been involved or interested.

How can you let him come and see his eldest child but allow him to ignore his youngest child?
How will you explain to dd2 when she asks where HER Daddy is?

If and when he wants to be a dad the door is open but as it stands he treats the eldest and youngest the same so niether are missing much

So do they both know he’s their daddy? I presume the 3 year old calls him that and the younger one copies her?

He has said he didn't want PR for our first child so definitely would not want any responsibility for my Daughter anyway. Says it all doesn't it!

Do NOT just stop contact with your older daughter without court agreement. That's very bad advice.

David Miliband didn't have PR for one of his - not sure it 'says it all' at all

My elder Daughter calls him by his name 🙈

Does your oldest only see her dad for two hours a month at his mothers?

Most of the time yes. Or he'll nip in to see her during the week for half an hour. He's never been hands on and never wanted to spend quality time with her. I've raised her alone more or less

I can see how awful this is for you, and it would be best if you could rearrange or cancel contact completely.

Looking into the future though, if your children share the same father, how are you going to explain that one is acknowledged by their father and grandmother, but the other is not. This could prove very damaging for the youngest.

You seem completely overwhelmed by the situation you find yourself in and this woman having access to your child, which is completely understandable, you really need to (and you obviously want to) cut all ties with these people. But if both children share the same father I think they should be treated equally.

I think you're right. When my girls are old enough they'll make their own choices about who they want to see but until then i have a duty to protect them from people that could be emotionally damaging to them, just how she's been to me. I think it's gone to the point of no return now and going to get messy so my elder Daughter needs her contact suspending.

But the dad does see the eldest child.

Did everything go wrong after having the second child?

this is a whole mess.

no real advice but do think about how you daughters will feel as adults/teenagers not having a father or any relatives on their father side.

Knowing you father doesn’t care about you at all hurts. Not knowing half of you hurts.

Sometimes you don't know someone until you live with them and some men appear charming at the start. The apple didn't fall far from the tree.

after one kid?

then another ?

I feel like you aren’t telling the whole story, OP

It’s confusing so let me see if I have the facts right

Both have the same biological father (don’t care what is on the birth certificate)
Both have a grandmother who wants to be involved in their lives
Court order in place for contact
You have a good relationship with your ex
I’m unclear on his wanting a relationship with them as 1) he has the arrangement and 2) you say he pops in once a week (says he does want s relationship with them to me-although may not win father of the year)

I understand it’s difficult to let your children build a relationship with others but I think you need to be consistent. I haven’t seen any reasons why a court would stop contact and therefore to achieve ‘consistency’ both should go.

My ex's dad is an alcoholic. His mums husband a wife beater that is on his fourth marriage. His cousin a persistent thief and drug/alcohol user, another cousin has been sectioned due to alcoholism and an uncle with the same problem. Hardly role models so defo not missing much.

There are reasons why i feel i need to protect my children and especially my new Daughter. You forget i know and have seen these people for who they are. I have decided that regardless of DNA my new daughter isn't going to a house around people i do not know. Like any mum i want to supervise my child. And the reason she took me to court with my Daughter was for contact at her home, not that i stopped contact.

Prior to this mediation letter we had a phone call in September where she said vile things, i figured if she speaks to me like this over the phone then what is she saying freely around my child etc. Her language and mannerisms are so bad. If she cannot respect me as the mother to my children then maybe she shouldn't be in their lives at all. Hence this is why i went to the police. Her letters are all bullying tactics that she uses to upset and scare me with.

It does very difficult and I don’t doubt for a second that you don’t have your children’s welfare front and centre.

However, you did go on to have a second child with him despite all of this. I think therefore you have to be consistent and I think as you haven’t sort to stop contact for the first you should allow it for the second.

I just don’t know how you could explain this to your children in the future.

Why did you have a second child with this ex?

Sounds really confusing for both the kids tbh. Especially if contact is often at your house and he treats them both the same. But the youngest isn't allowed to know that he's her dad? My DDs dad was a feckless druggie too, I get it's shit and a minefield and sometimes it feels like whatever you say/ do there's a risk of hurting your child but I do feel you might want to reconsider this before she gets older and can understand more.