Potential grandparent requesting DNA test..

[user1499775533]

Hi, was wondering if anyone knows if a potential paternal grandparent can request DNA by starting the mediation process etc. Any advive would be appreciated.

Does your younger daughter recognise that her daddy is the same man as your older daughter? Or does she think she has another, not present, daddy? Because I feel this might be important for how you play this. And, obviously, important in years to come when she finds out you’ve been lying to her about who her father is...

At the time with my first Daughter i had no clue what my rights were so agreed for a quiet life. And when we went to court she put her nice face on so they thought all was well as she was being friendly and chatty but not the reality. She has a face for every occasion

When i first found out i was pregnant her son told me to get rid and was nothing to do with him. Since then he stuck by that. So DNA is irrelevant. It doesn't make a man be a father.

I don't think it is fair on the children to have different contact, if they do have the same father. How will you explain that when they are older?

I'm trying to prevent this from happening but very hard when seems like the family courts may not recognise or respect this

I’d stop all visits for both children. Let her take you to court and seek to have the earlier visiting agreement overturned. Don’t consent to DNA testing, she can’t do anything legally it would be up to the father to seek testing (and it doesn’t sound like he’s bothered).

I would have thought that any DNA testing would have to be requested by the potential father, rather than potential grandparent. In your situation I'd be working to cut her out of your dd's life as well. If she keeps hassling you, such that the police have threatened to arrest her, I'd stop her contact and tell her to take me to court.

Do you claim maintenance for the oldest child?

Can you keep notes about the things she says to your child? Grandparent relationships are only beneficial if they are not upsetting the child and undermining the parents. A woman who would take her own son to court for access is not someone who'd be allowed anywhere near my DC.

He pays as and when for my elder Daughter. And i want to rearrange the contact with my elder Daughter but not sure how to go about that? I just feel relations have broke completely down and it's not healthy for her to be there now. Could a solicitor sort out both cases??

I feel the same way but if she goes all the way through the court process then a judge could decide differently. We have had no contact for 2 years and her son takes my Daughter to her house even though it states on the order for her to pick up and drop off it has never happened cos she can't bare to be near me. She told the police officer that we have no direct contact in 2 years too so surely the order for my Daughter is pointless.

At 13 a court would take your daughters wishes into account, does your daughter want to see her grandmother? If not then just don’t send her back and let the grandmother take you back to court. Involve cafcass and let them speak to your DD.

WRT your baby- the grandmother has no right to force a DNA test on your baby. ignore her. If she contacts you again in any way, contact the police.

What a mess...
But you need to think ahead for the future - are you going to tell your children that they have the same father ? Your dd2 has a right to know who her father is.

Think the dd1 is 3 years old .. not 13

Op, if your ex is not on your younger child’s birth certificate and he has no interest in claiming parental responsibility (regardless of whether he is the dad or not), your ex’s mum can request anything but you can ignore her or keep saying no.
If your long term plan is to prevent your elder daughter from going to her gran’s house, that’s more difficult because the woman might claim they have an established relationship. You would need a specific reason to cease contact, I think.
Does your elder daughter like going?

Oh sorry. 3 use a different matter.

Is

To flip this a little bit - this woman is facilitating a relationship between your dd and your dd's father/paternal side of the family. And she wants to do the same for your younger DD (the DNA is a red herring, you all know she's your ex's).

You've said nothing to indicate there are safety concerns with the grandmother (she'd probably be more at risk with just her father by the sound of it) other than you don't like the grandmother and 'believe' she is saying bad things about you.

Obviously the harassment is a concern but sounds like you've dealt with that - she may be coming from a place of desperation,

What's the relationship like between you and your ex now? And him and his DM? You say he didn't want his mother to see dd either but he now takes her there.

I think this is more about your relationship with your ex's mother than what is in the best interests of the children.

But you need to think ahead for the future - are you going to tell your children that they have the same father ? Your dd2 has a right to know who her father is.
This.
Especially when it emerges that mum decided to allow one child to know their father whilst lying to the youngest for years, allowing them to believe they are half siblings and not full siblings.

It's a bit of a mess really. If the OP is concerned about this woman in her child's life to keep her out of DD2, surely DD1 shouldn't be involved? Either way, she needs to give some serious thinking to how this will blow up when the children find the truth (unless the plan is to lie to DD2 indefinitely).

Stop contact. Get legal advice if you're concerned.

My ex's mother has always been very controlling and pushy, if you don't do what she says she'll make threats to get you to do what she says. She does not accept boundaries either so very difficult to deal with. I need to speak to a solicitor again but from a brief chat i have had with one she said they couldn't do anything until something more happens but she said to keep saying no because no means no and it will cost her alot of money and a long time to see a result if any.

The mediation place also suggested calling the police and gave the solicitor numbers. My emotional state after 3 years of fighting for my Daughter against a woman that has no rights has taken its toll on me. I refuse to go through all of the letters etc again with my child that has had no contact with her. She feels a sense of entitlement to much more than other grandparents.

And if my ex wanted to be a dad, he should be able to do that without his mother. If not then it says it all.

That's why you have to say 'no' and leave it at that. Don't repeat yourself. Just refuse to engage.

You should get the mums net mods to change your title as the woman in question is not, actually, a potential grandparent, she's just a pushy woman who happens to be grandparent to your first.