Potential grandparent requesting DNA test..

[user1499775533]

Hi, was wondering if anyone knows if a potential paternal grandparent can request DNA by starting the mediation process etc. Any advive would be appreciated.

OP already stated only one DD is biological to the grandmother.

At no point has the OP denied that it's his child. It clearly is.

OP if you have any legal representation I would check with them.

OP already stated only one DD is biological to the grandmother.

No she hasn't, she's been very careful not to say that! She's said she initiated contact between the grandparent and the elder child.

Surely if the younger one was not biologically related a paternity test would stop all these shenanigans? The father doesn't have PR clearly, but it's odd for one sibling to have a relationship with their grandmother and not the other.

I feel whether my Daughter may or may not be her grandchild it's a private matter to do with her son and myself. If he is not bothered then it is not upto her to dispute anything

My guess here, from what the OP has said so far, is that both children have the same father, but she is not acknowledging this for the youngest. The OP was not together with the father when she fell pregnant with the second child, and at this time was in dispute with the grandmother although she saw her granddaughter once a month. She now does not want the grandmother to see the youngest child for some unknown reason. Father of the children has an issue with substance abuse. Presumeably OP knew this before she became pregnant with their second child?
OP, it's important that your children know of their family otherwise they will imagine all sorts! If their father is deemed an unsuitable parent by social services or the courts, then obviously they don't see him unsupervised. But that doesn't automatically exclude the grandparents. Admit it; you don't want them to have a relationship with her because of your ex. So you're trying to deny that he is her father. The whole thing is very sad!

Fuck me but you are making this difficult.It is an anonymous forum.If you want help or advise stop going around the houses.Whos the Daddy

What is DNA at the end of the day?? Especially if that potential father is not bothered. Surely as a mother i should be allowed to say who my children are around? Like i say the potential grandmother and myself do not get on, her son is not interested and never fed or changed my Daughter or spent any time with her so where am i meant to hand her over? In a contact centre? I don't choose this for any of my children. Relationships are that strained that it would be very difficult now. She is basically a stranger to me and her husband and trust is massive to any parent

The way I'm reading this is that maybe op isn't sure who's the biological dad , all very confusing anyway.

My query to start was i have always been honest with his mother from the start and stated we were not in a relationship at the time i concieved so there's a chance my Daughter isn't her sons. Was wondering how she was planning on putting an order in for a child she's never seen and may not be hers?

So stop visitation with the oldest too.

It is ridiculously unfair to say to eldest this is Daddy and Nanny. They're useless but they at least see you.

Youngest child, I know who your Daddy is but it's MY secret and I'm not telling (especially as if he wasn't the Dad, or you were certain he was the least likely candidate, you wouldn't be being so obtrusive over answering a simple question on an anonymous forum)

And if you genuinely don't know, you're being unfair to not find out with a test either from ex or the other options

She probably won't get very far for an application for a child with whom she has no existing relationship but I suppose the fact that she sees your other DD does complicate matters.
You and her son may not have been in a relationship when the baby was conceived but presumably you aren't denying to his family that he's the father, so a DNA test isn't necessary. The question is, can she request contact via the courts? Usually no, but possibly yes is the answer. We don't know and you won't know until she tries.

She can't get parental responsibility in any case.

I don't choose this for any of my children

It's irrelevant what you chose or what you want. A court will only ever be interested in what is best for the children. And that is to a relationship with both sides of their family. Add in the fact that one sibling has regular contact with their paternal grandmother it's utterly unreasonable of you to deny that of the other child.

If you think the paternal grandmother is not safe then contact centre.

So stop visitation with the oldest too.

I think there is a court order in place.

If you think the paternal grandmother is not safe then contact centre.

That's pointless advice as contact centres are only ever meant to be short term options as a step towards unsupervised contact. And if the GM applies through court it won't be up to OP.

Just ignore it. As a potential or actual grandparent she has zero legal rights to your child.

I don't understand how the family courts work because if i hold parental responsibility for my Daughter then how can a stranger/judge opose my choices as the parent? Unless I'm proven a criminal or bad parent then i think it's a breech of my human rights and like i said i agreed the contact she has with my elder daughter but i don't feel it was the right decision. Relations have broken down too much.

Why would you have a second child with someone who wasn’t even interested in your first? I feel like you aren’t being honest - there would be a huge reason (involving you or her son) to explain why a grandmother has received parental rights. Are you on drugs / involved in drugs? Are there other self-guarding issues? Are you with an abusive partner?

Do you not want child support from the father of both children? (Whether that is one man or two)?

Judges can make all sorts of decisions. PR is a red herring. Court has already decided that a relationship with this particular grandmother is a good thing and have ordered that to happen. Why wouldn't they order the same for the other child. The father doesn't have to have PR for the court to recognise her as paternal gm and be awarded contact.

A judge did not decide to make an order for my first daughter. My ex partner and myself agreed to her monthly contact at a first hearing so an order was made even though it was against cafcass recommendations. Her dad takes her there and that's kind of been how it is for 2 years almost. And i have not lost PR to my Daughter. I do not drink or take drugs etc. I have had all appropriate checks.

Given a paternity test would confirm the second child isn't related to the grandmother, surely not wanting to do one and being vague in phrasing means the dad is probably the same guy but keeping it open ended allows a trump card to be held.

What I don't get is how when the children are older you are going to justify two children where one has been given a relationship with their wider family and knows who their father is and the other doesn't. What then if/when the youngest finds out their mother has played God by using them seemingly to settle old scores because all those years their sibling was with their dad's family they should have been there too? When youngest asks are you going to give them the facts? Or fob them off? These are things you've got to consider before committing to creating a story regarding their family.

The court has awarded the contact. You may hate the woman. But there is part of me that thinks you're brewing problems and conflict for your children down the line.

Relations are that strained that my Daughter asks why mummy doesn't go to grannys with her and her daddy. And i believe she just say nasty things about me to my daughter or things that are negative. Maybe if she'd of behaved like a grandparent at the start it wouldn't of got to this stage but like i say i agreed to the contact she has and she took me to court not because i refused her contact but because she wanted it at her house.

I don't understand why you agreed for the first one given what's she's like.
Unless she was responsible for care of your dd she wouldn't have got any access.
Now you've agreed to it you can't allow one and not the other, unless of course you prove through DNA she is no relation.
Stop all visits and let her take you to court, she probably won't as she'll be arrested by then.
Please ask yourself why you allowing a narcissist access to your child.