Potential grandparent requesting DNA test..

[user1499775533]

Hi, was wondering if anyone knows if a potential paternal grandparent can request DNA by starting the mediation process etc. Any advive would be appreciated.

Yep i agree and for these reasons i chose not to give him PR for my second Daughter. He has alot of his own issues that he needs to address before being responsible for another child. He hasn't disputed that either because i think he knows his lifestyle doesn't accommodate children. And the contact with his mum just doesn't work under this supposed order she has because she has had no direct contact with myself for 2 years and she told the police this too so I'd like to get the order suspended seen as my elder Daughter has been going there once a month with her Dad. The order was not necessary and not what i agreed or what cafcass recommended. This is what happens when you go to a civil court without a solicitor 🙈my mistake! This time I'm prepared, I'm just waiting for court letters then I'll go and see my solicitor, speak about getting the order suspended and about my refusal of any contact for my baby. Also if i can after this i would like to try and get a permanent restraining order of some sort put on her. I have a lot to sort out but as regards to my baby, no means no. And that's life sometimes. I know in my heart I'm doing the right thing. She's a wicked, manipulative troublesome woman and i want no more of my children around her. And my understanding is that applying for orders for children is if you have seen them prior but she has never seen my baby, not even once, but she could lie on her application. Last time she stated that she was a maternal grandmother! She's very cunning.

I'm going to try and message you. As I think really even if DD's DF isn't Father of the Year material, I think having contact is important, I also think yes you've had issues with other family. It's important not to relay your feelings onto your children, not saying you're doing that, I'm just thinking children ideally need both parents in their life, unless something awful happens, which makes it a no go.

He says his life style isn't conducive to children, I wonder, it could be conjecture, how much of that is you saying, look you're not in the right place to be an active parent, his confidence doesn't allow him to say surely I can have some contact.

Parents who do it by themselves sometimes get a complex where they'll say to DC, I do everything for you, what does your other parent do? It creates this situation in a child's head where they think well why? If life was straight forward that would be amazing, it seldom is.

I've posted on here a few times, rather than come up with a counter argument, maybe sit on what I've said for an hour or too, see if anything resonates at all. If not perfect, if you do feel superior as the sole carer, you need to address that.

I watched a programme recently with a fantastic ending, I loved it, as it said lies are told in the debt of truth. So no matter how minor the lie, if you think it's helping DD's, it's in the debt of truth.

I have worked supporting people on many levels, you get parents who are made to feel they're not parent material. As time goes on they think well the child isn't bothered, the other parent will likely have said something, to negate the absence of a parent. The confidence struggles to recover to a point where the other parent feels like they can't say, well Id like to see DC.

Every moment, every milestone they miss with a DC makes them feel more worthless as a parent.

I would also suggest contraception, as you don't want this a third time round.

Ffs . I s he not confident enough to be a parent. He is confident enough to go out score drugs .

It is not op job to mother dad into been the parent they should be .

He should be stepping up and been a role model for his children.

It doesn’t matter what a single parent posts about these days it seems someone has to blame the rp for the nrp failings . Someone should be telling these parents about their child’s best interests

Have you read the thread?

Do you think choice is involved @Starlight456

It's ok jumping on now, try and grasp the whole situation.

I saw a great post on Fathers Day which was about the Mum's going on about how they did everything. I'm the same post it said choose the child's father carefully, as they're in your life forever. I know how far some parents will go to alienate children from NRP.

It's not all fluffy and sparkly, with NRP having all their flaws listed. If they're that bad, why have children with them?

Yes I have read the thread thank you and commented earlier.

I stand by my comments.

Dad is involved as much as he can be arsed. He doesn’t want to change his lifestyle to be further involved.

But yes blame op...

Squirrel, you are talking out of your arse. This is a man who has chosen not to be a father - he has time and money for drugs and the things which are important to him. The things which are important to him are not his children. OP has not blocked access and his failings as a human being are not her responsibility to fix.

I have never stopped him from being a father and if anything i try and encourage him to be more involved but what's that saying, 'you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink'. How very true. My Daughter will see for herself who does everything for her as she's older because she has eyes, I'm not the type of person to sit there telling her how wonderful I am and how crap he is. I believe children have their own minds and will make decisions one day. And unfortunately my ex won't change his lifestyle, I've accepted that. He actually said once that he wasn't ready to be a father with our eldest as he didn't realise how hard it was, if I'm honest maybe he shouldn't of had responsibility for her but with our second i knew putting him on her birth certificate was not an option. People can slate me but I've sacrificed a lot for my children. I work to provide for them and spend all of my free time with them raising them up, because that's my duty as a mum.

Thank you OP for clarifying that. Unfortunately I'm going on what I've dealt with through work. It is harrowing, as it does sound like help is needed on his part. Not your place obviously, I'm sorry if I've misread anything.

Well the dreaded day has come guys. She put her paperwork in! She's now asking for 2 half days or 1 full day with my Daughter and regular contact with my baby. I received a c21 paper saying i can ask the court to change their decision within 7 days. I have no clue about all of these papers so waiting to find a good solicitor who can help me out. I just struggle to see how an order can be put down on a baby that has never seen her!? I have obviously wrote to the judge explaining there has been no contact with my baby or any direct contact with myself in 2 years and stated i would like the current order suspended as my Daughter visits with her father and has been doing so for almost 2 years. I'm not sure what the outcome can be but i can tell you this is the worst feeling, being taken to court again by someone with no rights and being made to feel like a criminal 😭😭😭

It's outrageous that someone who is not a parent or had any hand in raising a child can do this. Get the best solicitor you can and if it looks like bad news I really would investigate going abroad if you can possibly manage it. No court can force you to return here just because grandma wants it,big your child's dad has raised no objections.

I know, it's bad. The judge is all ready to drop an order down on a baby that has never seen her. This is how abusers continue to manipulate and control through the family courts and it's allowed. I feel sick to my stomach. I told cafcass last time that she would do it again and then again and again because she's being given permission to do so. Under the current circumstances between herself and i there is no way I'm handing my baby over to her unsupervised. Judge or no judge there is just no way. It's morally wrong. And my ex says he wants nothing to do with it, says he won't be talking to cafcass or going to court and he really won't either.

Hope you can fight this good luck op

Thank you. I'm definitely going to need it. I'm fighting for both of my children now and their fate lies in the hands of a judge. I'm dead inside at this point 😭

Hey OP, just wondering whereabouts you are in the country.... if you are London way then I can recommend an excellent family lawyer.

Also I have to say I've been following your post as I fully expect my child's grandparents to pull some sort of similar shit in the future...

I will keep my fingers crossed for you:

I'm in the midlands. My dad knows 1 solicitor well but he's criminal law and his brother is property law. Were just waiting to hear back from someone with hopefully the name of a good solicitor. There would be no way i could afford legal fees to this extent so my parents are sorting it, thankfully. I feel for you hun because it isn't nice having to fight for your parental rights and your children's rights to not be around certain individuals. My only hope is cafcass. I wish you luck and hope they don't do the same to you because things will never be the same again.

You have clearly misunderstood everything you've received. You will have received a C2 application for leave to apply, and a C100 (the main application form). You should also have received a C6 Notice of Proceedings formant a C7 acknowledgment, which is what you have to complete and return in 7 days (saying presumably you do not agree to her having leave to apply).

The judge is all ready to drop an order down on a baby that has never seen her.
This comment makes no sense. No judge has made any decision in respect of your child.

I recieved the main application and i have filled in the acknowledgement form and posted that with the C21- it is a 'direction on issue and allocation' order form. It basically says because the hearing was made without a hearing i have 7 days to ask the court to reconsider! I have no clue as i didn't recieve this one before. I really do need some legal help asap.

Reconsider what? It also asks on the C7 acknowledgement form if i contest and asks details of solicitors etc. That is straightforward but I'm clueless on the allocation one because how it looks to me is a judge has sat in private and given permission for there to be an order on both of my children. I'm literally not thinking straight at the moment and with 2 little ones i don't have the time to sit going through paperwork with a tooth comb. My elder Daughter would want to scribble all over it and my baby would want to tear it to shreds.

The court cannot grant leave to make the application without there being a hearing. they don't do this sort of thing without notice.

She has no solicitor. This may be the only thing going in my favour! On the C21 blank order form it says i had to write to the court to ask for the court to reconsider so i have wrote a very brief business like letter to the judge explaining the huge fact that there has been no contact with my baby of myself in 2 years, police involvement due to the fact I'm emotionally done with this after 3 years and i mentioned i would be asking to get the current order suspended as my Daughter visits his mother with our Daughter. She has had no unsupervised and i would never agree to that, especially the way things are. I suspect she threw my elder Daughter into the mix for daring to report her behaviour to the police.

I didn't think they could but how it comes across to me is that the judge has sat in private and made a decision that he's going to allow an order to be made in respect of my baby and i have 7 days to ask the court to reconsider their decision 😱i have tried googling this and a C21 comes up in legal terms as an order but a blank one!

I am totally on your side here OP and shocked at the responses you've received. If I were in your shoes, I would do the following:

1. Start keeping a written record of everything this woman does which is inappropriate or distressing to you or your child; letters, emails, anything your DD repeats.

2. Have a serious conversation with your ex, tell him your concerns and feelings about this - this woman should not be having contact with either child and it is possible your ex may agree to support you rather than his mother in this. If he does, she will have no legal recourse whatsoever. She has no right to see your children; contact with their father should be the only route to her seeing them, and if he doesn't want it she can't have it.

I was extremely fortunate that my abusive, narcissistic manipulative vampire grandparent was my own mother, and my husband fully agreed with no contact, which is much simpler - as long as both parents oppose contact and are fit parents with PR, no grandparent has a cat in hell's chance of getting contact. Plus she went rather further than yours in how batshit and abusive she was, so the police were extremely helpful and prepared to back me up in getting rid of her. It's been 13 years and I have no regrets. My children have "missed out" on a whole world of misery. It gives me joy every single day that they have absolutely no idea what having a person like her in your life is like.

Stick to your guns and stay calm. You're in the right. Try to get your ex onside, because if you are united there is fuck all she can do.

I know you say you ex doesn't support his mother and won't help her gain access if the baby, they fact he's doing literally nothing to back his words up I would not be surprised if he's not feeding his mother the same bullshit and telling her he doesn't support you and has said he won't ever stop contact with the eldest. He's basically but nothing but say he doesn't want to get in the middle of it, that doesn't sound like him agreeing with you and it doesn't sound like him agreeing with his mother, it sounds like him being a lazy twat and telling you what you want to hear to avoid him having to get off his arse and take action and probably agreeing to her what she wants to hear for the same reason.

You say he could easily afford legal fees, takes drugs and drinks but only financially supports his children by giving what he can when he can. Wouldn't be surprised if he didn't ditch his eldest daughter completely and not see her at all if Gran didn't have ordered contact.

You feel that you youngest isn't missing but trust me, she may not feel that way and will wonder why she wasnt treat equally by any of the adults in her life. My own dad had a child he didn't bother with, he was minimally involved with me and I feel my half sister didn't miss out on not seeing him but it when we met a few years ago it fucked with her head and she had a lot of questions she couldn't ask as he died. Imagine how much if bigger head fuck it must be to live with the sibling and have BOTH her parents allow the father to treat them both so differently. By the time your youngest is old enough to understand your reasons why she will have been witnessing her difference in treatment for years.

I don't doubt you love you children and what you think is best and I can't imagine how stressful this all is but it sounds like every adult involved here needs to take a good hard look at themselves and consider if they letting a bit of personal vendettas, point scoring and in the deadbeat dad case a wish to have the easiest life and no responsibility for the children he created cloud what they want.

You say you think it's odd his Mum spoke about him like she did when she found it you were pregnant? She wasn't wrong though was she, she was correct that he's just like his Dad and a useless parent. Both those girls should have relationship with their paternal family though or none should and it does sound like even without the gran pushing to see dd, you and the dad would still be allowing him to be involved with one child and not the other. That's always going to make the children feel like they are treat differently.

Best of luck because I think you all need it.

At the start of this 2 years ago cafcass recommended no orders should be put on my Daughter and she should visit monthly with her Dad. My arguement now is that this has been happening so the order isn't working as we have had no contact with each other in 2 years and definitely not a good idea the way things are. This is why i have asked for the order to be suspended because i feel i have more than enough grounds to do so and she confirmed to the police too that we haven't had contact in 2 years so that order needs destroying, it's just a piece of paper that she can use to control with and this his her power trip. I know the police believe me and have offered to help with this if they can. She is an emotional abuser and a bully and these kind of people hit you where it hurts and it is with your children. As far as I've been aware this application was about the baby but she's suddenly thrown a whole day in with my Daughter. She's a evil nasty woman and the minute she opens her mouth you can tell exactly what kind of person she is. And it sounds awful but i feel at this point her having ongoing contact will be detrimental to my elder Daughter and not good so if my ex wants his mother to have contact then he will have to do something and if he doesn't then he clearly doesn't think it's in her best interests either. Wait until cafcass check him this time anyway 😩