Potential grandparent requesting DNA test..

[user1499775533]

Hi, was wondering if anyone knows if a potential paternal grandparent can request DNA by starting the mediation process etc. Any advive would be appreciated.

So does your youngest see your ex-partner's father? Or anyone on your ex partner's side?

If not, why not?

I feel that it really should be what the parents decide is right and especially now there's been a harassment warning issued I'm going to be enemy #1 to her and she is a very vocal woman. What others decide is what they would decide for themselves and their children, we all think differently i suppose.

And my exes dad is a big drinker, his girlfriend and himself are out most days. They will come to my house maybe 3 times a year but they totally respect that life is busy and they have their own lives. The rest of his mums family are either in prison or been sectioned through alcohol problems etc. He also has a brother but his girlfriend, himself and their Daughter live private lives and keep themselves to themselves.

She may have very little traction in court, but all she has to do is have legal paper work prepared and have your ex sign the documents so technically he is the one pursuing custody and visitation.

My ex will not get involved. He told me he wants nothing to do with it and not taking my baby off me to take there. He ended up doing it with my elder Daughter and said it feelw so controlling and when our Daughters not feeling well she doesn't want to go but he still has to take her. It's awful and no more of these orders for any of my children.

If I was your baby’s grandmother I would want to see my grand daughter and I would do anything to step up to see her. You were happy to have sex with her son and now are trying to deny her any access. You should have used an anonymous sperm but in all honesty you knew what you were doing. It is also cruel to not tell a sibling who her father is.

I can respect that but this is not just black & white. I'm sure you'd agree to see your grandchild anywhere too but she originally took me to court to have contact away from my Daughters home. My elder Daughter was 18 months old when she did this. She put on her order that contact was good, just that she basically couldn't be bothered to come to our home anymore. So i feel if she could of respected boundaries to start with then she could of continued coming to the house to see my Daughter but that would of been too easy.

And my Daughter will know the truth about everything but like you said yourself i clearly had sex with her son, not her. So it's our business.

A pin notice is just a friendly warning and means nothing in the large scale of things. You used the Police to try get one up on her, and you know it.

Keep ignoring advice from pp on here, your not a good mum, a good mum would not treat her youngest child as tool against her GM.

I used the police to report her stalking and harassment. Since my elder Daughter has been born I've had 14 letters through my door, that isn't including cafcass and court invites. My Daughter is 3! Not to mention all of the emails. I called them initially because there was an abusive phone call in September then a letter in November then emails in January then a mediation letter. I've had enough and i consider her behaviour stalking and harassment. One morning she was standing outside my property at 6am. I don't want anyone behaving like this. It's scary.

So at what stage will DD2 be aware of her Father, if her sister is a full sibling or half a sibling? Are you saying your ex doesn't want to see DD1?

Yes it may have seemed wrong that things went ahead when DD1 was poorly. Your ex agrees on this situation. A contact order is a contact order, are you saying he's scared of his own mother, so took poorly DD1 to see her anyway?

Were the letters to you, trying to reason with you, or letters to the DC?

You will ultimately create a situation where the GM gets arrested, for nothing more than spite.

There's plenty of women on here, in the wider world too, that don't get on with their PIL. Most suck it up for the children, as they are important, they have a right to know their grandparents and other family, plus their identity.

You need to be careful with how you handle DD2, as this could cause damage, that 'could' make her ultimately resent you.

It's a bit like talking to a brick wall though, as you think your feelings are paramount, not those of your DC. The amount of women that dislike their PIL whilst DC are growing up, then get a great relationship when it's not about rules and boundaries, must be considerable.

Just an example, the woman who hated that her MIL spoilt the children, but when DC were older, had her children not biologically related to the ex MIL visit, as she realised it was love and care that drove the GM behaviours.

I know I'm a good mum. And my ex knows I'm a good mum too which is why he's always said he'd start no legal problems over kids because i go above and beyond for my girls every day. Clearly he can't think his mum was the same seen as their relationship has always been strained or maybe he doesn't want to be controlled anymore. There is definitely more to her I'd say and maybe she's the reason why my ex does the things he does as an adult? Who knows...

But the huge problem you have is she no longer needs her son. She has independent healthy contact with her grandchild. You have no reason to stop this and now you can't justify keeping the other child from her.

Like I've said on previous threads my Daughter will know who her dad is but i don't recall ever being in a relationship with his mother. She should respect he's an adult and can handle his own affairs. I've tried to look at this situation from every angle possible and i stoll cannot understand how mother to mother you could do this! She knows and i know the truth and what she has been doing, a lot of gaslighting too where I'm actually at the point of break which is why the police had to get involved. And i never said my needs are paramount but i feel my health is paramount to my kids. Surely..

If your ex MIL is as you say, won't her son as you say, support the fact she's controlling etc?

If so you have little to worry about.

No one is saying you're a bad Mum per se, apart from the vague situation over DD2 paternity. This stuff even though it seems trivial as you're doing most of the parenting, children get their identity from their Mother & Father.

You must know roughly when you ovulate, you must know who are potential Fathers. Get this sorted now, as you've said your ex won't fight you over this, so what do you have to lose?

I would say over saying the negatives of relatives that co-operate, focus on the positives. They may be able to help when you need it most. Especially when moving country.

Please consider sorting out DD2 now, whilst she's young. As it will have an impact.

I understand what you mean and these are all issues my ex and myself need to address in the future. My ex will not support his mum because he knew too that she put the order in against both of us not because contact had stopped but because she didn't want it at my Daughters home. In my opinion this is not a valid excuse to be taking people to court and it makes a mockery of the family court system and I'm horrified that these kind of bullies can actually continue doing it. With my Daughter i lost 3 stones in weight over the matter, couldn't sleep and was literally double doubting myself over the gaslighting and lies she had told, to say it made me ill is an understatement and it's kind of going the same way again.

But what will you do if the court grants her contact? You've not answered - you've repeatedly said what you think the court should exist for but that's not the reality you're dealing with.

If the court grant it i will appeal it. I do not consent to her taking my child to her house alone so if it happens then i have no choice but to keep fighting. The only way the contact would happen is if someone from the court or police were to collect my child because i don't want her at my door, as silly as it sounds this would actually be the only way. When a person feels they have no other choice but to contact the police it's pretty grim, my GP suggested counselling too a few months ago. Honestly, the impact of 1 person is ridiculous.

It is a big mess and when you disagree with someone to this extent the most sensible thing you do is have no contact and get on with your life. Things could possibly esculate more in the future. Yep, maybe she has 2 granddaughters but she could have more out there, who knows and fortunately I'm the parent to my children, not her so i have to make decisions for them what i think is right. She's an under handed woman and psychologically she's dangerous. I don't want my children being exposed to the same. 2 hours may sound like no big deal but in the future she would apply for more and more because the family courts allow abusive people to abuse more by going down this route.

You can't simply appeal an order you don't like. There needs to be grounds to appeal.

Anyway, that's too far ahead. She must first apply for leave to issue her application, and you fight that application if it ever comes.

This all sounds such a mess

It's a huge mess, but the problem has been me making it too easy for her the first time around when really what i should of told her is I'm the parent that my child lives with and my child is very young so you can continue the contact you have but maybe in a neutral place, i did suggest this but she refused. I should of taken this offer to the first hearing, but i backed down again through fear of what she'd do next. She will never stop until she is stopped. I told the police she will be making malicious calls in the future to the authorities etc, they've logged all of this. I live in constant fear and psychologically having to deal with her behaviour and making me feel like i am keeping her child from her. It's been damaging to say the least. And I'm prepared to appeal anything i have to this time. My wellbeing cannot handle anymore of this.

Could you do one of those genealogy DNA tests on your children to find out if they are full siblings - ancestry DNA, myhertiage etc. The numbers of shared DNA would indicate whether half or full siblings, and if they have almost all of same family matches then again it is a way of knowing for sure yourself. You can make the results private and you don't have to use real names.

If you decide to test - DNA detectives on Facebook would help you understand your results. You dont need a potential dad to test to know for sure.

Make sure your username is non-identifying too if you go down the DNA testing route.

Make sure your username is non-identifying too if you go down the DNA testing route.

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