Child maintenance System has no regard for the fathers family

[Lsimms97]

I’m absolutely in shock at how many posts I am reading from women slating their children’s fathers who are refusing to pay maintenance through CMS. I am a woman and if I ever break up with my husband, I would never ever put in a CMS claim because I respect him. I understand that sometimes there are deadbeat fathers and CMS is the only option, but for loving fathers who actually see their children, please do not use CMS! My husband’s ex, who has a drug problem, is unemployed and takes up drug habits whilst my stepchild is at school all day, has decided that after years of a family based arrangement, that she would like to put in a CMS claim, in which she has lied about the existence of my children and the amount of nights we looks after my step child for. CMS are being extremely difficult about this and forcing us to go through tribunal courts to resolve the incorrect information whilst at the same time they are taking incorrect payments from us which is everything we have after paying rent. The result is that we are now left struggling to feed and clothe two toddlers. I love my stepchild and would never see them go without, we are a huge part in their life and have never refused to pay for school uniforms, lunch money, top ups, holidays etc, clothes, haircuts...anything which is needed! But the reality is my stepchild is walking around in a pair of £200 trainers, has all of the latest gadgets etc and we have nothing left for our children. His ex has even sent us a picture of a takeaway and said ‘cheers’ because she is getting so much money and it does not take that much money to raise one child. Do you not also think that as mothers, you should also contribute to the child’s upbringing? CMS payments mean that fathers pay for everything even though it takes two to tango. My poor husband has Had his life ruined by this woman constantly using the child as a weapon and now she’s found a new way to get to him. The sad reality is he is going to have to quit his job or we lose our home. I also work part time by the way, but we cannot cover the unrealistic payments and still support our children. CMS do not care about this, I have cried down the phone to them and they literally couldn’t care less.so please women, if you have any respect for your ex, please seek a family based arrangement. So many men have committed suicide over this, and been left in poverty. It isn’t fair. The CMS are awful!

Why is child maintenance your main issue here?

I'd be more concerned about the child who's RP is messing with drugs while the child is at school...

I think usually CMS is a lot less than the agreements parents make between themselves, so you're actually pretty lucky.

I am a woman, and I did put in a claim to the CMS because I respect my children.

I can't raise them on fresh air.

To LifeBegins50

Wife never worked in the 18 years I knew her. At final hearing judge rejected her application for Lifetime Spousal Maintenance and quoted what in my view was one of the most sensible court rulings ever. The well known “Get a Job” ruling made by Lord Pritchford in February 2015.

She has never paid Tax in UK as from another country and never worked in UK. However, what she receives in benefits is greater than my father’s pension after 40 years working for NHS. If that’s considered fair British justice I am pleased I have never worked in UK since late 80s and hence never paid UK Tax.

No wonder UK voted Brexit when they see foreigners getting more than those who have worked all their lives in UK

I'd be willing to place a large bet that if, in the event that OP ever split up from her H, she'd be putting a claim through CMS - and rightly so.

Missedtheboat. What does Brexit have to do with cms?

You are very ignorant

I can see you frustration but as a single mum of three one a baby and I work part time the fathers pittance maintenance doesn't even cover the children's costs. To top it off I had a snotty email today about how my sons shoes are too small ( I had him
Measured last month when I forked out £70 for two sets of school shoes for my other children) and he says he will buy them but will allow me to share them. Wtf big round of applause your buying your son some shoes I don't have that luxury of spare cash to do that I was waiting until I got paid to buy some. It's not only the lack of money it's the belittling and condescending attitude is single mums have to put up with from these dads who think as they pay the legal requirement we should shut up and put up.
If your step child's mother is a druggie why don't you apply for full custody be better for your husband and the child

Wow some of these responses are outrageous. Why on earth would I come on mumsnet to tell lies to strangers? I can think of much better ways to fill my days but ok...
We are paying a hell of a lot more than we should be paying. We have my stepchild 3-4 nights a week... 50% and we have been put down as 1 night a week. This includes every weekend not every other weekend as she doesn’t seem to want to spend any time with the poor child who also spends Mother’s Day here with us - I don’t understand how a mother could want any weekend time with their child but it works well for us as my stepchild is much better off in our care. The original application did not include our children whose existence we managed to prove in the first stage of appeals through CMS as they looked them up on the child benefit register but they refused to accept any evidence other than a court order for the correct nights even though we have texts from the number she has given as her own arranging nights etc. On top of paying for incorrect nights, we also have a back log of arrears added onto monthly payments as CMS did not start payments until the appeal had gone trough, and then on top of this there are collection fees added. CMS states they can’t force a father to use direct pay if there is no history of non payment, but they now say because that’s the first option they were given they will only review the case yearly. We are told a different thing on the phone every time and they couldn’t give a toss that incorrect payments are now putting my children into poverty. Not only that, I can guarantee the money will not all be spent on my step child as there are habits to fund. When my stepchild is actually supposed to be with their mother, they are quite often at their grandparents and regularly stay there one night a week . The grandmother is quite wealthy and the reason for for the expensive clothing etc.

All I’m trying to say is the CMS are absolutely ridiculous, we now are overpaying until the tribunal hearing, which takes months, and then if we have no luck there I do think from those of you posting seriously that perhaps going for custody is our only option.
I’m not looking for sympathy I just want people to see there is another side to the story, and the CMS is an evil system that screws men around as well as women but there are only ever posts about dads refusing to pay and nothing about poor dads that have a big hand in raising their children and still get mugged off.
I’m not going to come back to this post anymore because I don’t see the point in arguing with strangers. I just want people to see the other side of things and to also consider a family based arrangement if their children’s fathers are decent enough to stick around and be amicable.
To those women doing it on their own, and fighting for CMS payments and not getting anything, I do feel for you. But that’s not the case here and the CMS treat every case the same and it’s not fair. The only way around it is spending money in court, money that you don’t have because they’re already taking everything.

Yet after you continue to ramble you actually fail to disclose the amount youre dp is paying...

• this is the point from a step mums prospective! Not that it's skewed in any way... or manipulated or exaggerated in any detail either

I’m not looking for sympathy I just want people to see there is another side to the story, and the CMS is an evil system that screws men around as well as women but there are only ever posts about dads refusing to pay and nothing about poor dads that have a big hand in raising their children and still get mugged off.

Cry me a river, my son has had fuck all in 10 years.

It's not "the other side", it's a load of rubbish. Post the proper numbers.

Yet after you continue to ramble you actually fail to disclose the amount youre dp is paying...

Funny that eh?

This sounds like nonsense.

OP won't be back, she's been rumbled

women should seek a family arrangement where possible

No were possible both sides should agree on a reasonable amount of support that is best for the child. It is not just the mothers responsibility. Mainly because CMS at 12% is a low amount to support a child!

Oh cry me a river. My DD’s dad has never provided a single thing for her. Not even a single nappy or a bottle of milk. If you make kids you provide for them. If you don’t then authorises need to be involved. No one should ever argue about handing money over for their child it’s disgusting and makes them shit parents. Life is fucking expensive, deal with it.

OP comes back and still and back her 'men commit suicide over this' claim.

I'm sorry but this post is ridiculous! To go through that the receiver has an amount taken out of the money received for the service! And the amount goes of the income of the father (or the mother if it's the other way round). Your step Child's mother will be receiving benefits so that may be why she seems to have so much money. For example my ex partner earns approx 300 a week and if we were to go through that we wold receive approx £40 for two children! Can't remember the exact figures. Baring in mind Nursery fees a day is £45 per child!

Hi Lee!

Yes, CMS are ridiculous! Ridiculous in that when my parents divorced when I was 2, my dad paid nothing, not a penny towards my upbringing and only CHOSE to see me each birthday and Christmas with £20 and a card. My DM would have gladly given him access at weekend, or whenever suited him but he never CHOSE to do so. when she pursued a maintenance claim he CHOSE to go on permanent sick from work so he didn't have to pay anything.

My DM worked up to 3 jobs at once and was still there in the morning to see me off to school and to see me home and make my tea and put me to bed. At any point if my dad had CHOSE to change his mind and have me for an afternoon, over night or even for an hour anywhere else other than my DM's house, she would have encouraged that.

So before you bleat on about how hard done to your partner is, take a moment for all of the children who's parents CHOOSE to not pay for a life they were 50% responsible in creating. My DM didn't have a choice, she just fucking got on with it. And people like you have absolutely no clue. I hope one day you are never in the position where the father of your child leaves you up shit creak with a boat, never mind a fucking paddle

OP, you shouldn't have had more children if you two can't afford to care for them all. 🤷🏼‍♀️

This post is offensive and full of so much shit.

If your h can't survive on 88% of his salary then he shouldn't have had more kids with you. Having 3 or more kids is a luxury (he has 1 child with ex and you use the word children so at least 2 more)

If the CMS claim is more than the family arrangement then your husband should be thoroughly ashamed of himself. His life isn't ruined because of the CMS. Ffs!

"So many men have committed suicide"? Ffs! These men would spend more than 12% of their salaries on their child if they were with the mum. How many Resident Parents are busting their asses coping without money from the Resident Parent? Give your head a wobble.

I'll never understand these people who go and get with some guy who has kids, then procreate with them again, then bitch about maintenance like the 'poor man' is hard done by. Dipshits.