Child maintenance System has no regard for the fathers family

[Lsimms97]

I’m absolutely in shock at how many posts I am reading from women slating their children’s fathers who are refusing to pay maintenance through CMS. I am a woman and if I ever break up with my husband, I would never ever put in a CMS claim because I respect him. I understand that sometimes there are deadbeat fathers and CMS is the only option, but for loving fathers who actually see their children, please do not use CMS! My husband’s ex, who has a drug problem, is unemployed and takes up drug habits whilst my stepchild is at school all day, has decided that after years of a family based arrangement, that she would like to put in a CMS claim, in which she has lied about the existence of my children and the amount of nights we looks after my step child for. CMS are being extremely difficult about this and forcing us to go through tribunal courts to resolve the incorrect information whilst at the same time they are taking incorrect payments from us which is everything we have after paying rent. The result is that we are now left struggling to feed and clothe two toddlers. I love my stepchild and would never see them go without, we are a huge part in their life and have never refused to pay for school uniforms, lunch money, top ups, holidays etc, clothes, haircuts...anything which is needed! But the reality is my stepchild is walking around in a pair of £200 trainers, has all of the latest gadgets etc and we have nothing left for our children. His ex has even sent us a picture of a takeaway and said ‘cheers’ because she is getting so much money and it does not take that much money to raise one child. Do you not also think that as mothers, you should also contribute to the child’s upbringing? CMS payments mean that fathers pay for everything even though it takes two to tango. My poor husband has Had his life ruined by this woman constantly using the child as a weapon and now she’s found a new way to get to him. The sad reality is he is going to have to quit his job or we lose our home. I also work part time by the way, but we cannot cover the unrealistic payments and still support our children. CMS do not care about this, I have cried down the phone to them and they literally couldn’t care less.so please women, if you have any respect for your ex, please seek a family based arrangement. So many men have committed suicide over this, and been left in poverty. It isn’t fair. The CMS are awful!

I’d like to see if you were still singing this tune if your DH left and refused to pay a penny or even provide for your child when he has them because “legally I don’t have to honey” (quote from my lovely ex). And CMS doesn’t have to “have regard” for the fathers family - it’s there to ensure that the financial needs of the child are met, hence the name Child Maintenance.

Druggie mum but kid being spoilt. I don't see how!

Unless he's earning a fortune to begin with the rate is unlikely to be very high for one child.

You can't just walk out of a job and claim benefits btw. There's a delay of upto 26 weeks if you voluntarily leave your job.

Go on tell us private vs cms payments? Let's really get to grips with this.... I wouldn't want to judge with out a full picture

Why is his child living with a drug addict?

Really struggling to see your POV here OP, my DH has 2 DC from his first marriage and has always used CSA/CMS figures as a starting point and then added a decent chunk on as it clearly wasn’t enough to raise two kids. I knew he had that responsibility when I met him (it was obvious as he has two kids!) so that figure has always been set aside before we consider anything else, including whether we could afford to have another child together. His ex isn’t perfect by a long chalk, never worked etc but I can never understand why anyone thinks that’s relevant to maintenance payments for children, DH is responsible for his DC regardless of her lifestyle. For CMS to be taking a big enough chunk to leave you with nothing to feed your kids your DH must have been massively underpaying for years and that’s on him. Stop blaming his ex/the CMS for his fuck-up, he should have been paying for his kids all along at (at least) the minimum CMS rate and there’s no one to blame but him if he chose not to.

Unless I am wrong, it seems that what the op is saying is that her do has been wrongly assessed and they are going through court to resolve, but until resolved he may be over paying. If that is the case then yes it seems unfair to the other children.
Cms is there to ensure children are looked after but they are human and get things wrong.
The other emotion tripe, I think is a result of the rest of the issues with ex and if she really is a druggie then fight for custody. The clothes your step child wears are non of your concern. Focus on the children's welfare.

From what the op says the child is with them most of the time and the mother has lied to CMS. OP, honestly you are mixing 2 issues. CMS are taking her word for it and she is lying. That doesn't translate into, please don't use CMS because they ruin the fathers new family. A non resident parent should always make sure that they can afford the children they have before they have more. That's what most parents do. In your case he could, but her kids means the payments are lots higher. As for many men commit suicide over this.......how many men have killed themseleves rather than pay maintenance to their kids? Can you give an exact figure of men who would rather die, than financially support their children? Let's not count people with previous history of suicide attempts. A man, with no mental health issues, who would rather die than support their child is a dick. I aren't worried about them. I am worried about kids being brought up on the headline because their shitty nrp doesn't care. Your husbands ex is a liar and it will be proved. That doesn't mean using CMS is wrong or that CMS causes suicide.

Surely if DSC is with you the majority of the time, that makes his Dad the resident parent? Couldn't you apply for CM from Mum?

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So. Mums a drug addict, dad's happy for child to be with her. Child wearing £200 trainers. Paying the legal minimum to support 1 child is leaving you unable to feed your children.

Did you have to much cheese before bed?

Too *
But seriously no drug addict has a child with £200 trainers and all the latest gadgets! I get the slight impression tgat you dislike her, are very bitter about her getting cm so I'm not sure your judgement of her character can be taken for gospel!

Seriously do women like socks and op t ally exist! It totally baffles me. Children are completely raised on fresh air.

Sorry for your situation OP but seriously, piss off with the rest of the crap you've spouted- you really have no clue.

Maintenance for 0ne child is 12% of salary. Not dismissing all you say that still leaves you with the other 88%. Not quite true as the 12% is calculated on Gross Weekly income. NRP has to find the 12% after they have paid Tax and NI. So for sure they will not have 88% in hand. I can assure you that most resident parents spend a hell of a lot more than 12% of income on their child This is very true

This makes no sense. If the step child lives with you the majority of the time then their mum would be the one paying their dad maintenance, not the other way around.

Your dh is a deadbeat and by the sounds of it so are you!
I cannot believe that there are women like you in this world, I've had to fight my ex for £30 while he walks around pretending he's poor with brand new designer clothes and I'm buying second-hand for our dcs off eBay.
Both of you disgust me and if the mother is a drug addict why isn't the child with you? Because you can bet your last £ that if she was, she would be costing a he'll of a lot more than What your deadbeat dh is paying now.

Dollydimplespimple OP says the child is with them the majority of the time and that the ex has lied and they are having to sort it out through court.

@MissedTheBoatAgain, I have seen your previous posts and you paint your Ex as having no positive attributes and is just a money grabber. I would question why you seem to have no empathy for your child's mum. If she is doing such a bad job your son will want to live with you.If he lives with her then be grateful that she raises him whilst you can pursue your career and can earn good money.
I suspect your son vents at times and you thrive on that as it feeds your narrative about your Ex.Either support her or have your son with you.

The fact is women ARE worse off post divorce as their careers usually have suffered. This is factual from various studies. Single Fathers end up much better off so count yourself lucky to be born male.CMS is not a hardship on most salaries.

I could earn more by working much longer hours BUT dc don't want that...they need and ask for my support at home. I would happily skip out the door at 7am for 12 hours, go away on business trips but it wouldn't suit them. Ex would love to not support them/me and he is extremely petty but it reflects badly on him with the DCs. The money he saves now will be inherited by DC anyway so he could choose to help them now, during their childhood, by being generous. They won't thank him for taking them on nice holidays if they know he is petty and stingy with financial support on the life they have with their mum. The truth is always known to children in the end and they will never truly respect a dad who begrudged money.

@socksortights & Op, you have faulty thinking....cms is not deemed generous by anyone so don't focus on that as you become bitter which is misdirected and destructive to you.
If your partner doesn't earn enough to pay basic cms and contribute to your household that is HIS issue. If you took away CMS your issues would not be magically solved. I suspect you have issues with your partner which are being projected onto the Ex. I speak from experience so for your own mental wellbeing try and switch off the negativity to CMS, it is generally accepted that it is a reasonable amount to pay.

One you change your focus it will reveal what is really causing you to feel unhappy.

Having no money is crap but blaming CMS takes away your partners responsibility in the situation. If you want to change the situation, change your focus to where the problem actually is.

Notacluewhatthisis I said what I said and I stand by it!
There is no way on this earth I would allow my child to go back to a house where the other parent is a drug addict, it just simply wouldn't happen.
So she and her dh need to stop complaining about the ex and do something about it. There are thousands of Rp struggling to feed, clothe and keep a roof over their dcs heads while the NRP lives the life of Riley with his new wife/girlfriend who gets pissed off that the child comes to stay with them or that their partner has to pay for something, you all knew he had dcs When entering into a relationship if you cannot accept what has to be done, find yourself a man who has no 'baggage' there are plenty out there,
Just because you no longer live with your child that doesn't mean you shouldn't support them.

The simple fact is, CMS wouldn't exist if NRPs paid fair contributions to their children more than they didn't. If the majority of NRPs considered their children rather than trying to stick one over on their ex there would be no need for CMS.

Given maintenance is a percentage of a wage - and i believe it is just the NRP wage not household income? - i really struggle with the notion that on a FT & a PT income you cannot make ends meet after maintenance. To me that suggests you live above your means.
As for the custody issue, that would be a priority above & beyond what my ex was getting; no way in hell would a child of mine be going home to a 'druggie'

What is it with fathers and 99% of the time it is father's doing whatever possible to get out of paying for DC they have helped create?

Ive a family member works for CMS or whatever it's name is, now, he's heard every excuse going. He gets a ridiculous number of recently separated fathers with serious medical problems (usually cancer) which means they can't possibly be expected to pay for their own DC.

They can't send hospital letters or proof of this though. Funny.

How about men pay what they should to support their dc?

Then we wouldn't actually need cms

What would you do if your dh refused to pay? Would you still refuse to claim ? Would you still respect him?

. I am a woman and if I ever break up with my husband, I would never ever put in a CMS claim because I respect him.

I notice you have not supplied how much you think is too much and how a druggie can buy 200 trainers?