Ex's contact with children

[saoirse17]

My ex has apparently sent in an application to court regarding his contact with the children. I don't know more than that he's sent me an email saying this.

We did have parenting plan that we both signed after the separation but the children really don't want to see their dad for all that time and I can't force them to do anything against their wishes. Which has resulted in him losing out on some of the time that was in that plan.

Every time he sees the children they always seem to have a fight and they're always upset both before and after he's seen them. I really don't think it's in their best interest.

He has also had a new child, the children don't want to see her, or his new partner. So far he made them see the new partner once, 2 years ago, which was a horrible experience for the children. Can he make them see the partner and new child?

Would the court make the children see him if they say they don't want to?

He wants to make out I'm stopping it but I've never stopped anything. It's totally their own opinions. And I won't force them.

Anyone that can give me any guidance?

Sounds like the exact situation we're dealing with, my partner's exwife could have written all of these statements of OP's.

OP: I seriously do not understand this behaviour, why do you not want your children to have contact with their dad?? What do you think is going to happen? They might like him better and not want to live with you..?

I think everyone is being a bit harsh on OP. Yes I understand the children need to see there dad but OP isn't stopping it. She should encourage it more n try n build it up so they will be excited to go but if her children are genuinely upset when they see him what can she physically do? He isn't giving her any money towards any of the children- granted he has non but even so she's done everything on her own. He left her for another woman and had a baby with that woman the kids are old enough to understand this and turn against the woman themselves, I didn't like my dad's new girlfriend at age 7, my mum never talked badly of my dad n i always remained contact but I hated going and I used to cry to my mum to not make me go! My mum told me to stop being daft n i stayed every other weekend as he lived quite far away but going from mum n dad to just mum n thendad n another woman was a big adjustment. The OP is in a difficult situation and obviously is still grieving over the end of her marriage, children aren't dumb they are obviously aware of what's happened. I do not agree with the children having NO contact with the father but I think they need to be eased into it gently until they build a relationship again both with the father and the other woman. I don't feel OP has stopped this to be spiteful I think she's genuinely saddened that her children are upset. I feel sorry for all party's in this situation, OP, the children and the father who is obviously missing out on time with his children.

To OP could u not increase the weekend visits to maybe one off one on rather then four weekly as that is quite a bit stretch of time to go without seeing them and I can understand why he is upset. I think cus they are only seeing the father once monthly it's probably hard for them to feel comfortable around him when they are going for the longer periods and that's why there getting upset cus there being taken out of there environment. To ease them back into a relationship with there dad maybe let him take them every other weekend to start with and a tea time during the week if he could do that? Would he accept this or was he the one who wanted 4 weekly visits? They will slowly start rebuilding there relationship if they see him a little bit more and often, not just bam your going to your dad's for a week.

I obviously don't know the details of OP's situation, but it does sound very similar to our situation.

In our case the children's mother has involved them wayyyy to much in the adult matters of their parents divorce, down to details about finances. She has also made a lot of stuff up about both my partner and about me.

For every contact occasion she just leaves it down to the kids to decide if they should go or not. Saying she won't force them etc. That doesn't sound very much like any encouragement of going to me. I think this is highly stressful for them as what they're really asked to do then is choose between which parent to please.

Sisterland your partners ex sounds really terrible, she's obviously fed a lot of stories to her children which in turn has turned them against there father. That's not right but in years to come I think it will backfire on there mother and they will grow spiteful towards her for keeping them from there dad. Like I say I went through this as a 7 year old my mum was brill never ever to this day has said a bad word about my dad n made sure I got regular contact weather I wanted it or not at the time. I don't think OP is being spiteful I think the children are genuinely uncomfortable with there dad due to the fact there not seeing him enough she needs to increase visits to him and then the week long visits won't be as traumatic even start with just tea time visits n then slowly build it up. I hope she sorts it out n everything works out in the end if they can be amicable maybe they can avoid court.

Quite frankly she is rather terrible. Every time the kids are about to spend time with their dad she makes out that she's so lonely and has nothing to do. As well as telling the children to "be brave" and "it will soon be over". Great way to make them feel comfortable about spending the time worth their father... When challenged she always gives the same types of replies as OP here, just protecting her kids (from what is not clear) and she can't make them go. Even that bit about them overhearing stuff and she can't help that is the same.