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Contact - father has failed to return my DS today

170 replies

mumofthreesweeties · 27/08/2010 17:30

Dear All,

I urgently need some help please. My DS was supposed to be returned today from two weeks at his fathers but I have tried ringing him, texting him but no reply. I have been waiting all day for him to return him or contact me to say things had changed. There is some history to this but surely he cant just decide to do this. I know my son will be upset about this as he has football practise tomorrow and he was eager to join the league which he will now miss so I know he will be upset about that too. We were married and are now divorced. Please can you let me know what I can do about this, can I call the police at all or have to go to court. Are there any open over the weekend. God I am so stressed.

Thank you for reading

OP posts:
PosieParker · 31/08/2010 08:42

Good luckxx

lollymad · 31/08/2010 09:02

Just noticed this thread - so sorry you've had to go through all this, hope all goes well today.

Aitch · 31/08/2010 09:06

good luck today

bottyburpthebarbarian · 31/08/2010 09:13

Good luck

Thinking of you

ilovemydogandMrObama · 31/08/2010 10:02

Good luck today. How does it work getting text messages introduced as evidence? Is there a way to get them printed off as the text messages here are rather important as it shows her ex knew the boundaries of contact and is in violation.

babybarrister · 31/08/2010 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pumperspumpkin · 31/08/2010 10:20

Good luck - I've just read this and will be thinking of you today and checking back for an update.

SpiderObsession · 31/08/2010 11:19

Best of luck today. Hope all goes well for you & DS. xx

chattymitchy · 31/08/2010 16:11

Good luck, I hope everything works out well today. Will check back for update.

EightiesChick · 31/08/2010 22:48

Any news? Have only just read this thread. I do hope some progress has been made. Very best of luck to you.

mumofthreesweeties · 01/09/2010 12:34

Hello All, I have been dying to update you all but yesterday was a rather fast packed, stressful day but the important thing is that HE IS BACK HOME NOW!!!! Thank you all so much for your support, advice and just generally being fantastic. Babybarrister your advice about the out of hours judge resulted in a Court of Appeal judge being the one to call me back and she kindly briefed the High Court judge who heard my case who was absolutely lovely and calmed me down as I was in such a state. I represented myself as mumoverseas suggested and it was really nerve wrecking to say the least.

The out of hours judge had recommended a tipstaff collection order to remove my son from his dad's and the impact of it was that if he did not comply with it he would be arrested. In addition I was also given a residence order on the spot by the judge although I am back there on Friday morning and my ex will be there as well. The hearing itself was pretty quick, I had printed off all the text messages I had between myself and my ex and also between myself and my son which the judge read. I had also typed up a statement which showed the background and also how my son being returned home complied with the welfare checklist.

Once the orders had been given I had to then get a train to the city my son was in (but I waited at a station before while I waited for the tipstaff team to pick him up and call me that they had him. He was finally returned to me around 7pm yesterday and we made our way back to London. Yesterday morning my ex had called me hurling abuse saying I was mentally manipulating our son because he wanted to come home and that he was paying me all this money for him. My son then told me that they were bad mouthing me like crazy there and his father had showed him the CSA documents and said that if he stayed with them they could save that money for his university. He also said so many other negative things about me in an attempt to make him stay there.

Upon arrival of the police and tipstaff to remove him his father guilt tripped him by saying that he would never come and see him again and his partner chipped in saying that my DC had put his father through a lot. I was livid, more the other way round. All of this wanting to keep him there was purely because of not wanting to pay child support.

Well there is now Friday to worry about as I do not really know what to expect. I am going to take my phone as evidence again because he left about five abusive messages on my phone so I am hoping that the judge will agree to supervised contact at a contact centre. My DC has said that he does not ever want to go to his dads again and that it would take him a long time to trust him again. My son is just so overwhelmed with emotions. His father had taken his phone away from him and went through is text messages and one message he left on my phone was to say that he bought our DC that phone so he was now taking it and I would not be able to reach him (this was before he knew I already had the order and that tipstaff were on the way to his). He was gloating about how he would show solicitors text messages between my DC and I where I was urging him to delete his text messages incase his dad went through his phone. Little did he know that a High Court judge had already seen that text message. What an absolute lunatic putting my DC through all of that.

Well we are now trying to put it behind us but my poor DC is not coping very well I'm afraid. I am actually worried about his mental state right now. I will need your help again please with regards to what to expect on Friday as the residence order says that the case will be restored before the judge on Friday for an estimate of 30 minutes. Will I be able to bring up the contact and prohibited steps issue as they are on the form and also in the statement the judge read. Furthermore, can I play the messages on my phone to show the judge that my DC going to his fathers will not be the right thing at the moment given the bitterness he is displaying towards me and all the things his partner and him said about me to my DC to tarnish my image in his eyes. What a lowlife....

So that is it lovely people. My DC IS HOME, I just thought I would never see him again.

So really a massive thank you and some very unmumsnet hugs just this once.......

OP posts:
Dartsissolastseason · 01/09/2010 12:41

I have been lurking but very glad to read this news. Best of luck for Friday. Smile

LadyBiscuit · 01/09/2010 12:43

Oh my goodness, I have to confess I welled up reading that. I am so, so pleased for you both that he is safely back home with you now. What a complete shit your ex is - I am furious that anyone could try to manipulate a 7YO like that, let alone their own child.

I don't know if he's due back at school this week but if he wants a bit of time, are you able to stay home with him? I'd think you both just want to hold one another close right now.

You're amazing - so very brave and your DC are very lucky to have you for a mum x

BudaisintheZONE · 01/09/2010 12:49

So please you have him home. And what a total shit your Ex is.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 01/09/2010 12:56

Wow -- what an ordeal.

Just wanted to point out that on Friday, you want to tell the court you want fully supervised contact. This is different from a Contact Center which strictly speaking is supported contact and staffed by volunteers.

You want supervised contact where there is someone in the room at all times and someone else to escort your DS back and forth so you don't see your ex.

As there is history of not returning your DS, it is absolutely reasonable to request.

Action for Children would be able to help locate your nearest facility or recommend where fully supervised contact sessions take place.

But don't agree to a Contact Center. They are fine for 99% of the children and non resident parents, but don't have the security you may need.

mumofthreesweeties · 01/09/2010 13:02

Thank you all. It was a trying time indeed, I have no idea how I got through it. It all seems so surreal, but I do know that without all the advice and support on here, I would have been done for..... Babybarrister I served him via Special Delivery and he should have received them today. I will check in a minute if it has been delivered. I hope that is an acceptable method. Wish I had had the time to check this thread yesterday as I would have looked for process servers as you have suggested. Have just been on the Royal Mail website and it says that the documents are out for delivery. Can I serve via email and how would I do that please. I do not want him to use that card against IYSWIM

WRT orders - yes I would be hoping to get a prohibited steps order to prevent him from removing him from me / school apart from contact. A contact order which fully stipulates when contact will be so that I do not have to liaise with him or see him (ideally in a contact centre for a while). How can I word what I hope to achieve by the orders I have asked for as again I will be representing myself. This time will be even more nerve wrecking as I am sure he will have legal representation and I will be on my own.

So I am preparing another statement now which includes what my DC told me and I shall also listen to the voicemail he left and type it out in addition to having my phone to play the messages in court

OP posts:
Theochris · 01/09/2010 13:07

Can I just say I have been following and hoping for the best, well done at getting your son home.

How could anyone treat a child like that, let alone his dad, makes me feel very sad.

Good luck on Friday

EightiesChick · 01/09/2010 13:08

So relieved you have him back OP! I can't offer any useful advice I'm afraid but will be thinking of you on Friday and wishing you and your DS all the best.

StewieGriffinsMom · 01/09/2010 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumofthreesweeties · 01/09/2010 13:09

Thanks ilovemydog - did not realise that contact centres were not fully supervised. Will certainly ask for that as I do not want him to be in any position to manipulate and try and turn my DC against me. My son was truly stuck between a rock and a hard place and what really hurt me even further was that I could not reassure him that I was working on it in case it tipped off his father. He told me that he had now resigned himself to the fact that he was going to be stuck there because his father had told him there was nothing his mum could do. Hence the complete shock when the police and tipstaff turned up with the order.

If I was such an awful parent why didnt he go through the right channels and ask for residence. Forgot to mention that he even hid my DC's charger for the phone I had given him to take there so that I wouldn't be able to get in touch with him. My son also told me that apparently at some time during our relationship in 1999 my ex had secretly recorded an argument we had concerning our DC and he decided to play it to my son to reinforce what a dreadful parent I am

OP posts:
CarGirl · 01/09/2010 13:17

Perhaps you can ask for cafcass to be involved, they will interview your son privately and ask him what he wants/thinks.

Very glad to hear he is home. I would also recommend joining families need fathers despite the title they will help anyone. Lots of help on self representing what you should expect at various hearings etc etc

mumofthreesweeties · 01/09/2010 13:25

Thanks CarGirl, I will go on their website

OP posts:
IsItMeOr · 01/09/2010 13:35

So glad you have your DS home mumofthree. Sorry I can't add to the good advice you have already have, but will be thinking of you on Friday.

So impressed with what you have managed to achieve already.

edam · 01/09/2010 13:47

Bloody hell you poor thing - your ex is clearly a shit father and a shit human being. So sorry for you and ds but very glad he is home again.

babybarrister · 01/09/2010 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.