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Original poster

Contact - father has failed to return my DS today

170 replies

mumofthreesweeties · 27/08/2010 17:30

Dear All,

I urgently need some help please. My DS was supposed to be returned today from two weeks at his fathers but I have tried ringing him, texting him but no reply. I have been waiting all day for him to return him or contact me to say things had changed. There is some history to this but surely he cant just decide to do this. I know my son will be upset about this as he has football practise tomorrow and he was eager to join the league which he will now miss so I know he will be upset about that too. We were married and are now divorced. Please can you let me know what I can do about this, can I call the police at all or have to go to court. Are there any open over the weekend. God I am so stressed.

Thank you for reading

OP posts:
smallwhitecat · 27/08/2010 17:33

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ilovemydogandMrObama · 27/08/2010 17:41

Don't want to make less of what has happened, but is there any possibility that he is late? Did they go on vacation somewhere and plane was delayed perhaps? Could he be driving? Would anyone else know their plans?

Yes, call the police if you think there's more to it than he's just late and you have reason for thinking this.

Original poster
mumofthreesweeties · 27/08/2010 17:42

Hello Smallwhitecat, thank you for answering. No he has not done this sort of thing before. The history being that we have not been getting on at all regarding contact etc. He never kept up his end of the bargain all the time and threatened not to bring him back etc but always did. This is the first time he has avoided all my calls, texts and not brought him back when he was meant to. If he does not reply to my text but 8pm this evening then I'm afraid that I will have to get the police involved. I have posted a number of threads concerning the history. Will find you a link soon. Thanks for answering

OP posts:
CheeseandGherkins · 27/08/2010 17:47

Have you spoken to him at all over the 2 weeks? Where were they supposed to be? I would be on the phone to the police. So sorry you are going through this.

kittywise · 27/08/2010 17:51

It's the fact that he has avoided all contact that would be really ringing the alarm bells. You poor thing. Phone the police. At Least they will be able to advise you. keep us posted.

sorrento56 · 27/08/2010 17:53

Are they out of the country?

I would be ringing the police now tbh. If there is an innocent reason, then fine, I am sure the police will understand. If not, then well the sooner they are on to it the better.

OnlyWantsOne · 27/08/2010 17:54

Agree with cheeseandgherkins have you had much contact with your son / ex over the last two weeks?

What was the agreed time of return for your son?

Do you have a residence order? Any court order at all? Any one else you could contact to speak to your ex, his parents for example?

Original poster
mumofthreesweeties · 27/08/2010 18:21

Thank you for the replies, I am so stressed out it is unbelievable. His father has just responded saying that X is having fun and he is on holiday and is in no rush to come back. I then text him back saying the agreement was today and in fact even if he is not coming back today then he should inform me when he is bringing him back. I then tried to call his mobile, no response, landline is off the hook, son will not answer his phone. I have had to call the police about this. They are not out of the country Sorrento, and Onlywantsone there is no court order at all but I reckon I have to apply for a residence order now.

Cheese - I have been speaking with him regularly over the two weeks. I text my DS this morning asking him if he was coming today and he said he did not know,fast forward an hour and I text him again around 11ish and since that time he has not been answering his phone or texting back.

I have called the police who are now going round there. I will keep you posted. Thank you for the replies

OP posts:
sarah293 · 27/08/2010 18:31

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Message withdrawn

saintlydamemrsturnip · 27/08/2010 18:40

God you poor thing. Hope he's back with you soon.

MortaIWombat · 27/08/2010 22:13

Any news??? Hope he's safely back now.

STIDW · 28/08/2010 00:51

I'm sorry, you must be very worried. Without a court order the police can do little more than talk to your ex and check your son is alright.

If your son isn't returned over the weekend it's possible to apply to the courts for an emergency hearing for interim residence. Hopefully he will be returned before then though and you can make an ordinary residence application. When there is a residence order in place the police can take a more active role.

mumoverseas · 28/08/2010 07:07

What an awful situation for you. Hopefully by now you have had reassurance from the Police that your DS is ok or even better, he has returned home.
If not, I'm afraid it is as STIDW says, you will need to make an emergency application for a Residence Order. Good luck

Original poster
mumofthreesweeties · 28/08/2010 12:42

Thank you all for your posts, unfortunately he hasnt been returned and his father called me yesterday accusing me of all sorts and that my son was now going to go to school there and that I was a bad mum who pressured my son etc etc. I was so distressed I had a major panic attack, you can imagine. Today my son called me saying that he wants to come home and he was crying. I will have to apply for an emergency residence order now as it does not seem as if his father will be bringing him back. Trying so hard not to break down in front of my other 2 DC's. The police did go round as you said STIDW and all they did was check he was ok. His father then rang straight after saying that the police had informed him that I was wasting police time and that I was a crazy mum who stopped him from seeing his son etc etc. All of which are lies. I certainly need all the luck in the world, he is meant to be starting school Y7 on Friday and now that means he will not be able to start school with everyone else as he will not be here.

OP posts:
sorrento56 · 28/08/2010 14:03

Do you not have custody? I am just not understanding why the police can't return him to you. Apologise if you have said, I am having trouble reading and retaining the information at the moment.

Original poster
mumofthreesweeties · 28/08/2010 14:39

Hi Sorrento and thanks for posting, no I do not have a residence order so the police will not intervene unless I have one. He has sent me various texts saying that he wants to come home but is not brave enough to tell his dad and that he is finding it hard. God knows what his father has been saying to him. I will just wait until after bank holiday and get the solicitors involved to bring him back home in time for school I hope. What a mess

OP posts:
sorrento56 · 28/08/2010 14:45

Can I say what I would do?

I would go to the house, show the texts to your ex saying your son wants to go home and remind your ex you are the grown ups and agreed to do the best for your son? Appeal to his better nature, suck up to him if you have to do whatever it takes to get your son home with you now. Remind the ex about school.

Giddyup · 28/08/2010 14:46

Oh gosh I really, really feel for you. This may be totally the wrong advice (if so then sorry) but if your son wants to come home can't you go and collect him?

stripeyknickersspottysocks · 28/08/2010 14:53

I think that there are emergency solicitors who deal with this kind of thing over the weekend. Don't know how you find one though.

Hope you get it sorted.

IsItMeOr · 28/08/2010 14:57

Really feel for you.

Is there any chance that you can talk sense to him? Otherwise you need to get the lawyers involved asap.

The reality is that he's very unlikely to be able to sort a school for your DS starting this term - unless he's already done it - so perhaps you could try saying he needs to be back by Weds at the latest to get ready for school on Friday. And that it seems like your ex is unhappy with the contact as it stands, so perhaps you could have an adult conversation about it.

But him simply ignoring your agreement and failing to return your calls or your DS is totally unacceptable and truly awful parenting.

Very best of luck.

BudaisintheZONE · 28/08/2010 14:58

I would also show the texts to the police and ask if they would accompany you to collect your son.

And then I would start proceedings to get residency and court ordered visitation.

ivykaty44 · 28/08/2010 15:00

i would get the poilce involved again and show them the texys you have been sent fron your ds phone

this is awful for you and your ds who should be strarting school with all his mates

ivykaty44 · 28/08/2010 15:03

If your ex hasn't got a school sorted for your ds then he would be breaking the law by not sending your ds to school... perhaps a flimsey argument but possibly threaten your ex with SS if your ds isn't in school on friday?

also bumping for you so possibly soemone with good advice may come along and help

mumoverseas · 28/08/2010 15:58

Terrible situation but unfortunately the Police have no powers to force your ex to return DS to you. Sods law it is a bank holiday weekend so you can't really do anything until Tuesday when you should attend a firm of solicitors with a family department and throw yourself on their mercy (try to find one that has a public funding/legal aid franchise incase you are eligible) You need to get an ex-parte/without notice residence order and if granted you will then have an order and can attend the property and ask the police to attend with you basically to ensure that DS is returned and to potentially prevent a breach of the peace.
It may be a good idea as others have suggested to attend your ex's house and show him the texts and hope that he will see sense.
Good luck

Jaybird37 · 28/08/2010 16:16

Feeling for you [shocked].

There are lots of firms of solicitors who work over the weekend, or at least have someone on call.

I think it would be difficult to negotiate given that the police have already been round, although that is always preferable.

Unless you have the police on your side and are sure it would be successful, I would be wary of breaching DS's disclosure to your XH. Puts him in the middle and makes him very vulnerable if you cannot persuade your XH to hand him over, both now and in any future unsupervised contact.