Having a third that husband doesn't want

[baboon2]

I have recently found out I'm expecting baby no3. Husband really doesn't want another. He's stopped talking to me until I see 'sense'.
He's said some pretty nasty stuff that I don't want to go into detail and I feel like this could break us.
I have always wanted a third and it's never been a secret, I want to keep the baby but husband feels i am being selfish and doesn't think we will be ok financially.
We are currently in a two bed house but are not in a position to move as youngest is only in nursery two days a week and we have no other childcare. So I'm not back to work properly yet.
I don't want any negativity I just want to ask if anyone else is in/been in a similar situation and can share your experience etc.
Please be nice.

I wasn't putting pressure on her to terminate, that is her decision to or not, what I was doing is pointing out the (potential) consequences of having a third when her husband doesn't want one

Well, it's for those people to decide why they aren't content with two.

I wouldn't question other people for why they decide to have a certain number. There are people I know with 5!

@Playingintheshadow I am pro choice making a decision based on the whole family rather than a cluster of 6 week cells, which you obviously are not.

OP, are you okay?

I guess you won't want to post here again given all the comments.

It's also pretty nasty some posters are blaming OP for 'falling pregnant deliberately' when it was never said this was the case. OP also doesn't have to come back and tell how she fell pregnant as she doesn't own it to anyone. She asked people to be kind and most weren't.

He can’t force you into terminating a baby you want, but you can’t force him into a baby he’s made it clear he doesn’t. Ultimately, if you terminate you’ll resent him and it’ll destroy your relationship, and if you keep he’ll likely resent you and it’ll destroy your relationship, not to mention whether that’ll spill into his relationship with the baby.

It’s your body and your choice but freedom of choice unfortunately doesn’t mean freedom from consequences. I really feel for you though and I hope whatever you decide everything works out for the best x

Exactly! Whatever happened to working as a team?

And you carry right on, because that's fine for you. I totally support anyone who feels they have to make the choice to terminate. I just know I couldn't have lived with myself if I had. I totally understand if the OP doesn't feel she can do it either.

Well said. There have been some horrible posts.

@baboon2 I too hope you are ok x

I think the OP is well aware of the potential consequences either way. Whichever person's view prevails is likely to harbour resentment towards the other. It's a really invidious situation, but a story as old as time.

I am just a little shocked at how people think she should have a termination with the same amount of enthusiasm as if they were telling her to go to the supermarket.

The OP wants the baby. Its is NOT an unwanted baby

OP my Dad was raised in a 2 up 2 down house. He was one of eight siblings. If they can do it with his two parents you certainly can!! It may be a bit cramped but you can declutter as others have said.

I myself have 3 little ones aged 4 and under so I understand what it's like. We were surprised with our third pregnancy and I asked my husband if he would like the child adopted as it was too late for a termination. He didn't say anything negative thereafter. He realised he would hate to have our child adopted. I think he needed to hear the reality of our situation, we keep our baby or adopt. Btw I could never have gone through with giving my baby up. I love my husband to bits but I would have despised him if he had made me choose that option. We both love and adore our third son just as much as our other two. Yes it's hard work. I work full time, shift work including nights as I work in the emergency services and I'm studying for promotion. Child care costs and cost of living are through the roof. They are only young once and I'm missing chunks due to having to work. I have no choice as we live in a 4 bed detached house in the South East.

My point is there is never a right or wrong in these situations. They are unique to you and your family circumstances. You can make it work. My elder two could easily share and my youngest could be in with my husband and I. It's not forever, if you have a plan on how to move forward or you don't and you make sacrifices. Your son or daughter will give you both joy, don't despair, there's always light at the end!

I can not imagine a situation with me where I'd get pregnant with a third unless no protection used or condom split. Context please

Seriously?

@Playingintheshadow yes as everyone I know is very very careful not to get pregnant and use birth control etc

Hi OP! I had 4 kids in 2 beds. We had 2 lots of shorty bunk beds in the biggest room. The kids are more rounded individuals for sharing and now we have been able to move to a 3 bed and spread out more. Would love a 4 bed!! Before they are adults and move out any way! Hahaha!

I don't think you should have an abortion when you clearly don't want to. You'll resent him for it for the rest of your life. People on here act as if abortions are nothing, but while I totally support the right to choose, an abortion is not nothing and the right to choose should also include the right to choose to go ahead with a pregnancy.
Also this attitude of 'the poors shouldn't have kids' from some posters is absolutely dreadful.

I don’t have personal experience to share OP, but please find some counselling to support you at this time. Wishing you all the best 💐

https://www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists

I always think that we regret things we don't do .do we regret things we do? Maybe sometimes.
But I can't see you regretting having your 3rd child ,no matter how things work out.
Longing for, and regretting not having this baby could be a huge loss to you for the rest of your life.
Accidental or not ,you are pregnant .and want the baby.
Hope it all works out x

Grown adult men should get vasectomys if they are done having or do not want children.
Otherwise they need to accept that they may impregnate someone... no contraception is 100% effective other than sterilisation or vasectomy (altho very rarely those sometimes fail too!)
And if they did not even bother to use any contraception it's makes it even worse if they act all shocked when a woman falls pregnant and doesn't want an abortion.
Honestly this man needs to pull himself together.
He knocked you up and he fully knew you'd want to keep a baby if that happened as you've openly talked about wanting a 3rd.
He should have taken responsibility for his own contraception.
We had a suprise 3rd and it was hard but I'm glad we did. My husband is now booked in for a vasectomy as we could never afford a 4th. He sorted that out himself. He took responsibility.
With our 3rd He wasn't exactly thrilled initially but he was completely supportive of it being my decision whether or not I aborted.. and certainly was at no point nasty to me or cross with me as though it was totally my responsibility.
Decent men do not act like your husband is acting. It's one thing to be a bit worried and stressed. It's another to try to coerce you into having an abortion and act angry with you as though they didn't help create that pregnancy and its all your fault.

OP it is your body and it should be your choice.

You need to consider that you might have to become a single parent though.

I think that even if you were to abort this child, your relationship would not recover anyway because:

• you would always blame your husband for forcing your hand and you would regret no having third child when you were really keen to do so

• your husband reacted like an immature bully and that is hard to forget. I assume he was very happy to have sex with you and the reality is that grown ups understand that no method of contraception is 100% effective. A decent guy would not have reacted like he did, even if he is rightly concerned about the practicalities.

If you want this baby then keep it. I would always choose/prioritise a child over a man...

Does everyone you know discuss their birth control with you? How quaint.

In this case it hasn't happened, and it's none of your business how.

OP think very carefully your options, but as PP have said, if you do decide to terminate, your relationship may be dead as you’ll feel such regrets. You may actually land up being a single parent to 3 children, but there’s many more worse scenarios than that.

That's incorrect. The rod is more effective than sterilisation. IUDs (mirena or coper) are about the same as sterilisation.