How many kids makes you judgey?

[silkyfilament]

So I'm 43 and unexpectedly pregnant with baby number 5. Our other children are aged 13, 10, 7 and 2.
I'm utterly terrified about the judgement. My mother will be 🤦‍♀️. She won't say anything, she'll smile and say things like 'there's plenty of love to go around', but I know what people will really think. I'm paranoid what mum's in the playground will think!

For the record, we have the space in our home. DP has a great really well paid job, which is totally secure. I don't work! Which I think adds to my anxiety. But I'm totally supported financially and am happy with the arrangement we have. I do the home things, he earns the money. We share the house work because his job is cushy and he works about 15 hours a week.

Should I just screw what anyone else thinks and do what we want? Or do I need to stop being single minded, think of my existing kids etc, get back to work....?

[Nortam]

I have 4 and understand where you're coming from as I also felt like this when I was pregnant with my 4th. Once I had him, I wasn't bothered anymore. I don't know why. Hopefully it will be the same for you. But to answer your question... Screw what anyone else thinks. If they judge, what can you do about it? Enjoy your pregnancy and congratulations

[Pinkpinkpink15]

Certainly not 5. The family with like 25 kids, yes.

If you want the baby go ahead & enjoy your pregnancy. Your 13 year old might be a bit 'ewww' (at the though that means parents have sex 😂😂)

No need to do paid work if you two are happy with the situation, BUT I do think there should be some money invested in your name AND a decent pension too.

if you're happy being a SAHP, then do it.

Does your Mum do a lot of childcare or buy essentials for the kids (shoes/coats etc)

[LittleBlueUnicorn]

I have 4 and get judged constantly.

[idontknow54789]

Depends how much you care what other people thing. You have a two year old so no big gap there, you're financially comfortable as well so sounds fine to me. I'd imagine your older ones are getting more independent plus plenty of love to go solid between siblings with those age gaps. Enjoy!

[LucyInTheParkWithDragons]

However many you like, as long as you can parent and finance them all.

I judge a women I regularly meet in the park with 7 (yes really). They’re a bit feral and she can’t keep on top of them all at once, which means they’re often a danger to themselves or other kids.

I also judge people who intentionally have more kids than they can house and feed without state support. It’s not on to make other people pay for your choices.

Beyond that, you do you!

[SwordToFlamethrower]

Sounds wonderful! Congratulations to you all. I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy

[theduchessofspork]

I can’t imagine anyone cares?

[Dotcheck]

OP, I assume you are keeping this child?
Other people’s judgement won’t change anything, so just enjoy your family.

[theduchessofspork]

@LittleBlueUnicorn

I have 4 and get judged constantly.

Really? How does that manifest?

[LauderSyme]

If you want this baby go ahead! You cannot make serious life decisions based on the judgments of others.

People are very often simple-minded and ignorant so who cares what they think? It's a crude phrase but my db always says "opinions are like arseholes: everybody's got one" and sometimes he really has a point.

[User890976]

I do judge people with more than 2 just because there are already too many people in the world and whether people like to admit it or not overpopulation is what’s driving climate change and environmental damage

however, as long as you have enough love, time, attention and money to go around them all I’m not sure why it matters what anyone else thinks, outside of your immediate family

[MissSmiley]

I've got five and have never noticed anyone one judging, my fifth was also unexpected after the first four were born from ivf, i conceived naturally. I was terrified of telling my mum though, my sister told her in the end but I shouldn't have worried. Honestly they are all young adults and teens now and I'm really proud of my unexpectedly large family.

[LittleBlueUnicorn]

@theduchessofspork

Really? How does that manifest?

Mainly on MN but it happened on other groups I'm on. I don't like mentioning that I have 4 on here as it mainly comes with judgement.

[Nospecialcharactersplease]

I judge people with more than two, but I was one of four and disliked a lot about my childhood. I don’t associate large families with being calm, supportive places where everyone gets their needs met.

[Darknessoldfriend]

I would judge more that you have 5 children, don’t work and are not married! But that’s probably from my years spent on mnet seeing the sticky situations women get into.

[Kezhoust2586]

Don't even give other people a thought , I've just had baby number 9 and really couldn't care less about what other people think. They don't live in my house or have to look after my children. Anything after 3 was a breeze for me 🤣.

[Grimmz]

No judgement assuming all your kids are well cared for. I have one DC but really admire mums who can manage multiple!

[JaniceBattersby]

I have four and have never had any judgement IRL other than the odd person who says ‘wow you must be busy’ (which I am).

Literally the only people I ever see judging large families are on MN. It is not representative of real life.

[Zoraflora]

Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks, if they aren’t judging you about your family size it will be something else!

[FreshWinterMorning]

Having just one brother, and having just 2 kids myself, I LOVE big families. I don't judge, and think 4+ children is great. There aren't that many families with 4+ children, so when I see one, I am quite endeared by it. I know some judge @silkyfilament but ignore them, they are not worth your time.

CONGRATULATIONS on baby No. 5!

[Runnerduck34]

I hope I wouldn't judge but would be surprised at 6 or more DC.
I felt like that when I fell unexpectedly pregnant with number 4. ( which you've already gone past!)
People would ask if it was my first or second when I said 4th , they looked taken aback.
Certainly didn't get many gifts cards or flowers when DD was born so it felt like people thought it was less special or less important which made me a bit sad.
But tbf I stopped caring what people thought pretty quickly and am very proud of my 4 lovely DC! You will be too once DC5 arrives. Congratulations.

[Desecratedcoconut]

Why would you care what complete strangers think about your choices? Make good choices for you and then make the best of them. Congratulations.

[ZiggyZowie]

I have 5. When I was pregnant with my 3rd mother-in-law said "that's ok if that's what you want". With my 4th a complete stranger said to me "thats you finished". And when I had my 5 th I got a nasty anonymous poison pen letter criticising me for having another.

[ZiggyZowie]

Even when I had my first I got no help from either gran. No one offered to buy me a pram or cot. I had to buy it all secondhand. When I saw how others got treated it made me sad.

[blueshoes]

@Darknessoldfriend

I would judge more that you have 5 children, don’t work and are not married! But that’s probably from my years spent on mnet seeing the sticky situations women get into.

OP is not married?