How many kids makes you judgey?

[silkyfilament]

So I'm 43 and unexpectedly pregnant with baby number 5. Our other children are aged 13, 10, 7 and 2.
I'm utterly terrified about the judgement. My mother will be 🤦‍♀️. She won't say anything, she'll smile and say things like 'there's plenty of love to go around', but I know what people will really think. I'm paranoid what mum's in the playground will think!

For the record, we have the space in our home. DP has a great really well paid job, which is totally secure. I don't work! Which I think adds to my anxiety. But I'm totally supported financially and am happy with the arrangement we have. I do the home things, he earns the money. We share the house work because his job is cushy and he works about 15 hours a week.

Should I just screw what anyone else thinks and do what we want? Or do I need to stop being single minded, think of my existing kids etc, get back to work....?

Can I ask how did baby 5 impact your lives

Too many people on the planet. Everywhere seems rammed. For the love of god stop having so many flipping kids!

Shouldn't everyone stop then ?

I'd judge you as having much more energy than me

Five?!?! One or two is reasonable any more taking the piss - totally unjustifiable with the climate as it is.

Oh absolutely.

Don't criticise politicians lying if you've ever lied. Don't complain about your partner cheating if you've ever been attracted to anyone else. Don't criticise terrible parents if you've ever shouted....

Obviously

Well everyone has different levels on energy judging

This what I cant wrap my head round how is having 5 a problem on the plant with every 10 women 5 might not want children surly them ones are balancing them out ?

Find something else to occupy your time the planet cannot sustain more and more and more people - can barely move for people. Just too many of us all living the western lifestyle so destructive. Houses being built over our nature, rivers full of our shit. What will you get from a fifth you haven’t got from the others? Can you put them all through university?

It seems to be the rule of mumsnet that any answer besides 2 is unacceptable for all their own reasons 🙄

If you're happy OP then I'm happy for you. The only amount I personally get judgey with is any amount that's above what you can reasonably afford and provide time for. If you can only afford and have the time for 1, then just have 1. If you want 7 and have the funds and time for them all then go ahead. I have 4 and have never regretted it ☺️

Personally anything above 4 I start wondering “why, what’s the point?” 😂 but not in a nasty judgement.. just a ponder. But that’s probably because I can’t think of anything worse than 2 children, maximum 😅

For me to be actually ‘judging’ there has to be other components to their lifestyle. If they have 3,4,5+ children, neither parent works or income is scarce and they continue to have children.. it does make me wonder where the thought process is behind bringing another child who need financially burdening care into the world. They’re going to feel the struggle as much as the parent(s).

But, it’s very rare you know someone’s full
story so I try to steer clear of actual judgment. Age doesn’t call for judgment in my opinion. Yes ok, she comes with possible complications, babies conceived are at higher risk of complications and birth defects. But no one can say for sure if someone is going to be unlucky in that way and if someone wants a baby then the ‘what if’s’ shouldn’t scare them off. Cross those bridges when you come to them..

It’s not a “rule of mumsnet” it’s a general view. Most people are too polite to say it your face as you have multiple kids that’s why you only read those views on an anonymous website.

You should probably start your own thread if you want direct responses.

Hoping for a big family myself :)
the judgement from me would be positive- “that’s lovely, and what I dream of”

you do you!!

…what does your partner do for a job? Sounds like a great setup

all the best OP

I wouldn’t judge the amount of kids someone has as long as they can provide for them financially without relying on benefits.

So basically what the general vibe is if you have 4 and u fall pregnant you are basically to end that pregnancy to save the planet .. because climate change

I would be thinking less about it impacts your lives and think of how it impacts the children's. Can you give them all attention? Can you afford the things they need? Do you have the house space etc.

Ever heard of contraception?

Nobody is saying you have to terminate and it's your choice. It's still wise to remember the impact on your other children and the environment.

So yes then , contraception can fail

Yeah sure.

MN is rife with eco-fascists pedalling the false narrative that more children is necessarily a bad thing. But MN isn't real life and most sane people you meet day to day don't think like that.

As a mum who is close friends with a lot of other mums, I really don't think that's the general view

Righty oh then you tell yourself that. “Eco fascists” too funny. Do you ever watch the news or indeed look out of the window?

Op did ask how many kids made you judge- assume she wanted honest responses rather than gushing “you go girl” to mums of multiples.

Your rich and don't work, in your shoes I'd Def have 5.as it is I've 3, DH in an age wage job and don't work so Def no more.