how many is too many?

[oneinamillieon]

i have seven which i think is just the right amount but i have heard people say it's too many. thoughts?

my dad is number 6 of 14 - that was too many!!

Too many is however many you can't afford to give time, attention or financial resources for.

Too many for what?

I couldn't keep up with the needs of that number of children so, personally, it would be too many for me but I wouldn't impose my own limitations on a judgement about what other people can manage.

Seven is way to many, how do you have time to devote to them each? 5-10 minutes doesn't really cut it.

Each to their own though for all I know you get up at crack of dawn and don't sleep till gone midnight making sure they get 1-1 time with you.

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Seven?! how on earth will you support them then through uni?

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Too many isn't a number.

Too many is when you start making your children get their siblings ready for school/bed/clubs etc, or hand other parental responsibilities onto them.

Or if you can't provide a basically decent standard of living.

I do think there has been a recent and rapid escalation in what people imagine children need in terms of attention though and they seem to think that it is a quality that can only be given by a parent, rather than other family members or siblings.

Attention when they are small is one thing. Time consuming but relatively easy. The teenage years are completely different, and the implied parental contribution to university education is another level entirely. It seems many families are unaware of this until their child/ren hits sixth form but it should have a major impact on family planning and decisions.

I'm finding the teenage years to be easy-going and pleasant and I haven't needed to employ this great intensive period of life coaching over the small stuff that many mnetters seem to imply is inevitable.

The parental contribution at university is a huge burden if your child wants to go and you feel obligated to fill in the gulf of cash required to make it happen though. I wouldn't fancy doing that seven times over. Being rich, or I suppose poor, helps here, I suppose.

Honestly, I just don’t know why you’d choose the workload of a home with 7 kids, which is 9 people. All that grocery shopping, washing, uniforms, homework, illness, bedtimes, swimming lessons, dental appointments, new shoes, the cost, the noise..

I guess some people just love the busyness of it!

As this is on a larger families page I'm not really qualified to comment but for me one for each hand crossing the road is enough.

My colleague is one of a family of 20!!!!children. Interestingly none of them went on to have any more than 2 kids each themselves, so possibly in their eyes 20 was maybe too many!!! I personally feel any more than 4 or 5 is too many but it depends on your own ability to cope, how spaced out they are and what support you have.

This.

I knew a couple with 8 but they'd had them over 24 years together - which is obviously different experience to having same number in less than a decade.

If we hadn't experience really bad health care with third pg we'd have had another one - I'm glad we didn't as time passed as attention and money have felt stretched at times with three.

But there are people out there outraged at three kids - but then some think one is enough per couple.

I think 5 is too many. I think it would be very difficult to help 5 children and teenagers individually with their homework, talk to them properly, take them to their activities and relax watching TV or reading or something with them on a daily basis on top of all the work and organisation that multiple children bring with them. Maybe you don't have to do all those things with each child if you don't have the time. I just think it would be better to do all those things with your first 2 or 3 children and really enjoy them than to have lots more and no proper time for any of them.

I have 11..4 still at home now.. Getting quieter!!

Why do you assume everyone goes to university?

Lots of people aren't supported by parents at uni. They get part time jobs.

How long is a piece of string - other people’s answers will be useless to you. 4 is too many for me - I have 3.

I don’t want my whole life to be about one thing personally - be it job, kids etc. I feel like 3 is a good balance.

Like on X Factor when people are like ‘Singing is my whole life!’…. How sad! (And I’m a singer myself!)

you'd be amazed how many do these days. Easily 80%. And household income over £25k immediately reduces the maintenance loan available. There is an 'implied parental contribution' which could easily be £500 / month minimum. I wouldn't want more than two at uni at any one time personally.

a part time job won't make up the difference between minimum maintenance loan and hall fees in many places. Never mind living costs.

I have one, and it's just the right number for me 🙂.

I had a part time job but in my final year my rent was more than my loan and I didn't have to pay tuition fees, no.part time job pays enough to bridge that gap!

@Desecratedcoconut I'm the youngest of 6 and I totally agree with you about the escalation of attention, and also what people think are 'necessary' expenses - a million clubs and scheduled activities for instance to structure children's time.