Starting the journey thread 3

[squirrelnutkins1]

Don't want to lose touch so new thread ready x

Wonderful news @squirrelnutkins1 😍❤️🎉 xx

Thank you lovelies 💕 I'm absolutely terrified after last time but here's hoping 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

@squirrelnutkins1 congratulations! So pleased for you, you must be in shock!(in a good way) xx

@squirrelnutkins1 oh my god congratulations! Soo happy for u ! X🍾🎉

@cloudsway @2fingers22018 thank you 💕
Very very surprised, I genuinely was just checking as a formality before drowning my sorrows!! Very scared but trying not to be over the top scared and too pessimistic - not easy tho!

@squirrelnutkins1 that's amazing!! Congratulations. How are you feeling?

@2fingers22018 how are you doing?
Hope everyone okay.

Oh guys I had a bad p bomb this week, I was an awful bitch but if you could just pretend I wasn't and that I'm totally justified I'd really appreciate it 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🙊🙊😬

So it was my first day back at work as I had 2 days off and the weekend after we got the cancellation news (partly due to the pain and sickness, partially I couldn't face it). First my work trousers press in just tge wrong spot which was hurting and causing the nausea. Then the few ppl that knew about the ivf asked about how the egg collection went. Im saying this like it justifies my actions....

One person has been great, I told her early on as we've known each other a long time, and she has been nothing but sympathetic, always interested in the little things, just great. She took me aside and asked, j went into a bit more detail with her, how upsetting it was etc. Then BAM she said 'I'm sorry I'm just going to get this over with, I'm 11 weeks pregnant'. Out of nowhere!

Anyone else saying it in passing in public I'd have smiled said congrats and left. I think maybe because I'd been a bit more open about being upset I was already on the verge, and when she told me I smiled then burst into tears!!! 😫😱

Oh my god I've never felt so awful, she has been so good with me, and even then she was saying 'It's fine, I would absolutely hate me too' and I sort of vaguely pulled it together but after she left I had a major meltdown and lookedike I'd been crying everytime she saw me for the rest of the day..... It was so awful, what an awful reaction to someone's good news, I can't even meet her eyes now! Worse still, if I'm totally honest I still can't bear to think about talking to her as often as we do as of course we'll talk about her pregnancy....
Quick! Tell me she barely noticed! 😖😬😵

Oh @CloudSway , what a totally shite day! 😨 I guess she might have panicked when she was listening to what happened and thought that she'd best go with the "band-aid" approach with her news (ie. rip the f🤬ker off really quickly and hope that it hurts less)... It was never going to hurt less with what you've just been through though, was it? 😞 Maybe just pull her aside when you feel up to it and say that you don't hate her, it was just a natural reaction after having been to hell and back in a really short time - nothing personal at all. I defy anyone not to react in the same way in the same situation.x

... And if it'll cheer you up at all, I'll tell you about the occasion that I've never felt so bad in my life 😬 Before DP, I was doing online dating post-divorce (that's probably a whole other thread but, anywho 🙄). Went to meet a guy for a date and the only time I could fit it in was a couple of hours before my parents were arriving for the weekend. Met him and, although he was a nice enough guy, no chemistry. At. All. He kept his transformer collection from the 80's in a display case and his nan lived next door and did his cleaning/laundry - 'nough said. He, however, thought we were getting on like a house on fire 🔥 😳 Told me he'd deleted his dating profile seems he was meeting me and also mentioned his mates had been teasing him about bringing condoms with him because he was clearly going to get a shag (🤢). It was getting near time to go and meet my parents off the train and he insisted on walking me there (as I say - nice guy, but not for me). He was excitedly trying to plan our next date and saying how he couldn't wait to tell his friends all about me (FML! 😣). I was polite, but didn't arrange anything and said I'd text him later (to say "thanks, but no thanks - all the best 👍" ).

Was almost late meeting my parents so was hurriedly texting my mate with how the date went before the doors on the train opened; we had this system as a bit of a safety net to make sure we didn't end up in some weirdo's sex-dungeon/on the side of a milk carton. Said "he was a really nice guy, but not for me... Bugger 🙄 Oh well, back to the drawing board". I was checking it had sent when my parents came marching towards me and, yes, that's when I realised I'd sent that message to him and not my mate - I thought I was going to throw up! 🤮 Must have looked like I was going to too because my parents were all concerned and asking me what was wrong - then I told them and my step mother literally pissed herself laughing all the way back to mine in the taxi 🚖 🤦‍♀️🚖🤦‍♀️ I have a very supportive family 😏

In conclusion, I felt like total 💩 for the rest of the evening, but it kind of had an inadvertent "band-aid" effect. I hadn't said anything mean about him and he replied and took it pretty well (I think he thought I was joking first though 🤦‍♀️). Anyway - I hope I've given you at least a snicker whilst you're feeling like crap.x

@Bambionice80 🤣😲 oh no, that is awful and hilarious!! Poor guy.... although bit much to bring up the condom thing in the first hour of meeting someone, however cocky you are! Reminds me of when people forget to turn off the microphone on a conference call, it is genuinely funny when it's not you, but if it is it makes you want to claw your own skin off and jump down a well. One time I muttered 'bullshit' and then there was silence until someone gave a firm reminder that everyone check they are on mute 😵😨

Not that I'm into enjoying people's misery (think there's a word for that!) But that did make me smile thanks 😋 and I think you're right - she def did it for the right reasons, and I did apologise at the time and said I didn't hate her and I was pleased for her... but I'm not sure that came across as genuine through the snot and anguish lol. Will have to pluck up the courage to go back to her

Absolutely revel in a bit of schadenfreude @CloudSway 😉 Glad I could get a smile out of you 🙂

My update for today is that I think I've had a sneak preview of how much of an IVF nazi I'm going to be 😣 I wasn't very nice to DP earlier because he was innocently checking with me if it'd be alright to go out for his blokey-mates Christmas do on the 6th of December (does it clash with any plans, etc)... cue me sending a snotty reply that going out drinking on the day we might (yes, might 😵) start our IVF cycle was an excellent idea - why don't we just set the £5K we've put down for the IVF on fire and bypass the down-regging, stimming, EC and ET part?! 🤨👿 As soon as I'd pressed send and read it back I thought "wow, I'm a total bee-atch 😮 Where the f🤬k did that come from?!" 😨 Have apologised and DP has said he'll absolutely be hitting the 0% Erdinger (which is surprisingly nice, BTW) 🍻 Think I'm going to have to keep a close eye on myself though... If only WhatsApp had a 'preview' button like MN does! 😂

@CloudSway poor u she obvs did panick but what a kick in the teeth! I always found it easier when folk posted on facebook or txtd pregnancy announcements at least i could hide my face of its not fair x @veeboo im gd u? @BambiOnIce80 i done that to an ex friend once went to txt my cousin sayin how moody she d been lately and sent it to her soo embaressing😶

@cloudsway oh my days you poor thing big hugs to you. Have you seen her today? I'm sure she won't have taken it personally 💕

@BambiOnIce80 your bad date story made me chuckle 🤣🤣🤣

@2fingers22018 all going okay. Scan was fine.

@CloudSway dont worry about your reaction. She sounds understanding. Hope you're feeling okay.

@IVFNazi 🤣🤣 oh @BambiOnIce80 I can hear the snark from here, that is exactly what I would say too, I'm told sarcasm is not attractive but it's all I seem to do! Poor DP, but sometimes the frustration just bursts out. Hopefully he knows not to take it too personally. (Just personally enough not to say silly things! 😜) Forgive me if i missed it but since you might start on Friday, does that mean you have all your drugs etc ready and raring to go? In which case how are you feeling?! So close!

@squirrelnutkins1 @veeboo thanks, I did find her and talk to her. She was absolutely fine, very gracious and understanding so no awkwardness thankfully. The only thing is...no matter how "understanding " someone outside of infertility is, they don't actually understand, you know? I'm still on a bit of a down, so think it's just the meds speaking (side note, yes I'm still on these poxy injections! Gahhh!) It's so lovely of her to sympathise but she has still been complaining about her pregnancy symptoms and how she'll be really upset if its twins etc. As she should be able to, its an exciting time for her! But its still pants when shes complaining and I'm thinking I'd kill to feel sick and uncomfortable for that reason! Think its just one of those uncomfortable things I need to adjust to.

In other more pleasant news, we have decided that as long as the consultant Wednesday doesn't throw a spanner in the works, we are off to Italy in January! I just want to eat and veg out, so cheapest flight we can find is to a place called Turin - anyone heard of it/been?! Any recommendations?! 😁🍝🛵✈👍

No drugs yet @CloudSway but AF is due sometime between Wednesday and Friday so if she turns up on Wednesday then our appointment might be on Friday, if that makes sense?! I'm hoping it's just going to be the pill for the first 2 weeks, so I guess they'll prescribe it there and it'll be easy enough to pick up 💊 🤞🏻

I've not been to Turin, but DP has friends there - he's happy to ask for restaurant recommendations if you'd like a couple? 🍝🍾🥂🇮🇹

@BambiOnIce80 So the pill is short protocol isn't it? Does that mean you might be egg collecting not long after? Or am I getting that muddled, I thought you said they shut for Christmas so it would be January - was that for transfer? Do they do fresh or frozen? Sorry, bit like the IVF edition of being on mastermind, don't feel like you have to answer lol!
Yes please to the food recommendations though! I thought I'd picked perfectly because a girl at works' Dad lives in Asti just outside Turin so I'd get lots of suggestions, but apparently he flies in/out of there and that's it 🙄 Very inconsiderate if you ask me.

How is everyone doing now we are officially on the run up to Christmas/the end of the year? Haven't bought a single present yet 😳 and I work on a high street in a bloody shop, no excuse

Hi'ya @CloudSway , it's long protocol I'll be on 💊 💉 Something like the pill for 2 weeks, then 1 week of down-reg injections, then a scan and if all is doing what it should be, 2 weeks of stim injections and then EC/ET roughly the week commencing the 13th of January 🤞 My temp has dropped today so I'm hopeful that AF should be on her way tomorrow or the day after (again with the 🤞🤞🤞!). It'd be great if it does all pan out like this because DP has taken Friday off thinking that's when our appointment will be and we could do Christmas shopping afterwards (bit premature with that expectation but if AF comes tomorrow it might be doable! 🤞). I've got DP working on the Turin recomndations, so I'll get back to you with that 😘

I surprisingly have made a bit of present buying progress in the last week (surprised myself there! 😄). I think I just want to get it done as soon as possible and then go and hibernate for the rest of December on the sofa, in my onesie with DP and the kitten! 🎄🚫😺

Glad you have a plan @BambiOnIce80, come on af! 😊 You seem very calm and clear on the plan.

@CloudSway How's things with you?

Dh has literally had to drag me to the shops and buy presents - I broke down last week and said I didn't care if christmas was cancelled. I haven't bought him anything...

We joined slimming world this week - I've put on 2 stone in 18 months 🤮 feel disgusted with myself.

One more sleep until my operation.... I've been so anxious, my new anxiety is that they won't remove my fibroid tomorrow and I'll have to wait for another operation to get it out. Its really started playing up recently, I think I ovulated over the weekend and it was painful to walk! Unless I've grown a cyst now... 🙄 Sigh.

Hope everyone is OK xx

Hi ladies; struggling at the minute. Maybe this time of year? My left ovary cyst is not big enough to remove apparently and they think it will go on it’s on. Hopefully it’s just a side effect of the treatment and then back to normal play next month.
Hope everyone is well and muddling through everything they are going through & feeling.

@VenusStarr - I’m joining after Christmas as the ivf made me put about a stone on and I feel so gross. @BambiOnIce80 sounds very exciting about your plan!!

Good luck for tomorrow @VenusStarr - I'll be thinking of you and sending you positive vibes 🍀💓

Sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment @GreyC 💐 Christmas certainly won't be helping 😔

Mini update from today - I'd mentioned yesterday to the nightmare that I work opposite that I might need to take either Thursday, Friday or Monday off (under the guise of Christmas shopping and working around what annual leave DP can get... there's no bloody way I'm telling them the real reason!), but DP wouldn't know for sure until tomorrow. Myself and said nightmare can't take annual leave at the same time, thus the needing to let them know. The nightmare said, "fine" and that was that. Today, however, they ask me about it again and say that they now might want to take Friday and Monday off - not for a particular reason, just to have time off 🤨 They do exactly the same thing whenever I book/need annual leave 😤 I'd had my last week off booked for 10 months and they still moaned the week before I was going away because they'd suddenly decided that they'd quite like that week off, FFS!! 😡 I need their controlling, mind-games 🐮💩 like I need a hole in my head right now! 🤯😩 The only good thing is that I told my boss I needed one of those days off yesterday and we work on a first-come-first-serve system 😪

@VenusStarr I’ll be thinking of you hope it all goes well xx

Sounds like a few of you are having a rough time of it at the minute! Be kind to yourselves!

I have to say I have done all my xmas shopping and am now in the festive mood I do love Xmas and DH really loves it! Am counting the days till we finish from work! DD is with her dad the last weekend before Xmas so me and dh have booked a little break away which will be nice and we will be back on time for all the festivities and the return of dd for Xmas day.I am in a much better place now but we are not sure what we are doing regarding carrying! Think it’s taken me this long to just break through the fog!

@VenusStarr all the best today hun xx

@BambiOnIce80 arghhhh your colleague sounds awful!! I feel so mad for you!!!!!!!!
My nightmare colleague decided to make up a load of lies about me and escalate it to three tiers of management!!!

@GreyC sorry you're struggling. Hugs xxx

I like slimming world, you can still be naughty so it doesn't feel like a diet.

Sorry if I've missed anyone, I'm on the tram and feel sick typing! Xx

Thanks everyone. I'm still waiting to go down.... Turns out the girl next to me is pregnant with an unplanned pregnancy (seriously there is zero privacy here!) really struggling. Plus I'm bloody starving!! Hope I'm put to sleep soon... Will check in later xx