Starting the journey thread 3

[squirrelnutkins1]

Don't want to lose touch so new thread ready x

Ugh. Just got back from my scan. Good news is that I have loads of follicles (so many that she actually couldn't tell what was left and right at one point, they are meeting in the middle!) but my blood test Friday showed quite high oestrogen, and the nurse said they may have to cancel due to the high risk of ohss 😖😞 they will call me this afternoon, but I am naturally thinking the worst.

I can't bear the thought that I've been this uncomfortable and pushed through 5 horrible weeks of injections for absolutely nothing. I keep thinking it's not the end of the world, but I just want to cry from the frustration 😓😤😟

I'll update you later girls, I need some good vibes 🤞🤞

@CloudSway i had the same thing happen and they said i might need a different trigger shot to stop ohss happening but when i went back my hormone levels were k so try and not think the worst x

@BambiOnIce80 its freezing glad u had a nice hol 🌞

@CloudSway they shouldn’t cancel it should just mean you will have to freeze all! That’s what happened to me and you won’t use the trigger that has hsg in it! Fingers crossed for you!

I am reading everyone’s post on the back ground! I am not doing very well and am contemplating a trip to the doctors as my MH is just at an all time low! I’ve told dh I don’t think I can go through it again so this might be the end of the road for ivf for us! Obviously we need to talk it all through some more I just don’t want to feel like this again!
Hope your all well and am thinking of you all xx

@finallytakingtheplungewithivf @2fingers22018 do you have any more info on what they used instead?

My clinic has just cancelled completely, but it also counts as a failed cycle so we have used up one of our 3 paid attempts. Didn't suggest any other types of trigger at all, just said my oestrogen was way too high and we can't do it. Absolutely heartbroken. I know we can try again but it feels like the world has imploded.

@CloudSway I'm so sorry hun. Gutted for you 💔☹️ I cant believe it counts as one of your cycles. Biggest of hugs xxx

Will catch up later with everyone else but couldn't leave you message not replied to

@CloudSway I'm so, so sorry - I'm devastated on your behalf 💙 How can medical professionals be so useless at delivering you with the essential information?! If there's a secondary trigger they can use in such situations (which clearly there is from @FinallytakingtheplungewithIVF and @2fingers22018 's experiences), then why are they not telling you why that's not an option in your case?? Is it because they're a private clinic and it's not in their policy of practice (which would be a totally appalling reason 😠) or is it because your risk is so high that even the non-hCG trigger is too dangerous?? If they don't give you this information to help you understand what is happening then they are making a heartbreaking situation so much worse 😔 Do they have a patient liason officer for the clinic that you can speak to to get answers? I'm so angry for you that they haven't taken the time to explain exactly what's going on and to ensure that they've exhausted every option 😢

And I'm really sorry to hear that you're still going through so much after your cycle @FinallytakingtheplungewithIVF 💐 I think going to the GP sounds like a very good idea to try and help you through this (and keep talking to us too - we're always here ❤️).x

@cloudsway yes I was told to use buserelin! I’m so sorry that has happened to you I would be so mad !! Hope your ok xx

@BambiOnIce80 awww thanks I don’t know why I’m struggling so much the only way I could describe it to dh was that I’ve been running on adrenaline since we started in April and no we stopped I’ve just crashed and can’t find a way out! I have been to PT so I am feeling a bit better but i just want to be again! Just got to pluck up the courage to ring the drs now! X

@CloudSway sorry i dnt know the name but i dnt understand that at all if ur hormones are high they normally do a freeze all cycle id ask for a print off showing your hormonal levels and say u want a 2nd opinion maybe thatl put the fear in the them to investigate further soo sorry this has happened to u must b soo upset! X

Absolutely nailed it @BambiOnIce80, and I've given them the feedback that they just need to give me a lot more information right away. As you said, it makes a devastating situation worse by not knowing why. They asked if I had questions when they rang, but I was just a bit shellshocked and hadn't seen what you guys had said about a different trigger. When I tried to call back, I couldnt get hold of my consultant, and noone else would answer anything!!

I finally have spoken to her, and the reason is that the alternative trigger shot they use for short protocol is Buserelin, which won't work in this situation because I've already been using it for 5 weeks. I asked why this happened, and she said they put me on long protocol because my AMH is low, it is just always what they do and its very unusual for someone with my numbers to over respond to the stims like I have. Next time it will be completely different drugs on short protocol so that they don't have to give me the hgc trigger.

Everything she said makes sense, and also because we only get one chance with DH sperm and there's a potential it will be low quality, chances are they won't want to risk freezing so will do fresh, so its even more important I dont get OHSS....

I hear all this but I actually just want it to be someone's fault because I am just full of rage, I can't believe we got this close and that I have a belly literally full of follicles that are making me feel so unwell and I can't do anything with them!! Its ridiculous but it feels like every one of these eggs was grown specifically for this purpose, and like I'm abandoning all these potential babies without giving them a chance, if you know what I mean...? I'm really weepy and angry, we can't start again until January which will mark 3 years of ttc, and we pushed so hard to get in before Xmas, what a waste of time and emotions. Why does this have to be so fucking hard?!

Honestly, when I got told that we get a partial refund of £650 I could have murdered the poor woman. We paid £10,000 for 3 rounds, if this counts as a round then £650 is a kick in the teeth.

I'm sorry a few of you are finding it tough, and even though I'm ranting, I can't tell you how much I appreciate you all sending the messages you have... what would I do without this forum I wonder!!(probably commit murder) Thinking of you all x

@CloudSway your right it does make sense but that doesnt matter when your the one going through all this i feel terrible for u hun its soo much to go through hugs take care ivf and infertility fuckin sux!

I can absolutely understand the rage @CloudSway - I would/will be exactly the same if I go through what you're going through 😔 I had absolutely no idea that we could be at risk of OHSS if the AMH is below average, let alone low - I can't fathom the shock and hurt of it all 💙 I'm probably way off base with my next question, but did they test your AMH more than once and it was low both times? I only ask because the doc said it's unusual for someone with a low AMH to respond to long protocol stims that way 🤔 At the end of the day, nurses are only human and could have made a mistake with muddling up yours and somebody else's sample (very uncommon but it can happen, sadly). Certainly the first clinic nurse who attempted to take my bloods was making a total arse of it - I had to gently point out that she wasn't supposed to use a butterfly needle on someone with good veins... cue the head nurse coming in and promptly taking my bloods with a straight needle (the correct way!) and apologising that the last nurse was new and not confident 🙄 She then did an examplary show of asking my name and DoB and showing me her labelling the correct samples with the correct labels, which was much appreciated! 😄

I think I'd be asking for a second AMH to see if the low result was genuine or not, but I guess it makes no difference going forward for you because clearly long protocol gives you OHSS 😔 However, if they did somehow mess up your AMH then surely they should be giving you some more of your money back? Apologies if my musings aren't helping, but these are the things that jumped into my head when I read your update - hope they're a help and not a hinderance!

And I fully get what you're saying about all those follicles - I'd be thinking exactly the same way 💙 It's grieving for not getting at least the chance to use them for what they've been nurtured for... not trying to upset you, but I really, really get it.

Please keep ranting at us as much or as little as you want - always here for you.x

Hi everyone, thanks for thinking of me. I had my first session yesterday - turns out it's not counselling but actual therapy. It was a tough session and I felt completely wiped out after but she seems quite experienced and skilled, we're focusing on grief and trauma therapy.

I'm just waiting for a GP appointment. When I was swimming on Monday I suddenly got a headache and palpitations, the palpitations lasted all night. No pain and I wasn't panicky, it was just really odd, so thought I should get checked out.
Less than 2 weeks until my operation now...

@CloudSway I am so sorry, how are you today? ❤️ Xx

@CloudSway I’m so sorry to hear this.

@VenusStarr; good idea to get it checked!
I’ve been to the gp as they think I have a Ovarian cyst... typical isn’t it!!

Oh @GreyC I'm sorry to hear that. Are you being sent for a scan?

So, I'm having an ecg next week 😔 my BP is slightly raised - the diastolic is higher then he'd like. So obviously I went on google and my BP is stage one hypertension! Ffs. It makes sense though, in 18 months I've put on nearly 2 stone, plus with the stress of everything, not eating brilliantly and not exercising as much as I used to 😔

How is everyone? X

Going back next week. I’ve done some googling and apparently on other ivf boards many lady’s around ovulation now experience pain and bloating 😢
I can’t even cough without it being painful!

Oh @venusstar; I’m sorry to hear that. Infertility sucks

@VenusStarr oh no, just what you need..! Easier said than done, but try not to let it worry you - you are doing all the right things to get yourself well, you've made some tough decisions, swimming for your body and seeing this therapist for your mind, the only way is up 🙂

@BambiOnIce80 Definitely a help not a hindrance! If nothing else I can wave my phone under DHs nose and shout 'Ha!', he thinks I am shockingly cynical just because I question things so its nice when others think the same way! (I wouldn't mind but part of the reason is that he's a nurse and that's how I know he and his colleagues aren't super heroes, they can make mistakes or have alterior motives like everyone else)
So we have a meeting on 4th Dec to talk with the consultant in person both about investigations for DHs sperm falling off a cliff (Not literally, ew 🤮) but also more detail about next time. I'm definitely going to ask for another AMH, if nothing else I'd like reassurance that growing all these follicles hasn't lowered it hugely, and if that shows they made a mistake all the better. Don't know why I'm being a knob about the money because it's least of my problems and bottom of the list of things that I'm upset about, but it's easier to bitch about that than anything else. I said it to my boss and found it's something she can relate to being angry at much more than it being cancelled...
Have you done anymore thinking on the job front? Or are you settled in until after the ivf? January is exciting, it'll be here before you know it. We may end up being cycle buddies after all!

@squirrelnutkins1 how are you doing? Any more thoughts on your next steps job wise? Still super impressed at your decision to put your foot down and take control, I'm jealous!

@2fingers22018 hope all going well, thanks for the support!

@greyC oh no, what's the next step with the cyst? Sorry af is causing you pain, that is so unfair ☹ hope it's just a one off, might just take a while to settle back down hopefully

@BambiOnIce80 sorry you're back to the cold but hope you had the best time. How was the weather? The latest we've been to Italy in September.

So sorry you're struggling. Biggest of hugs to you @FinallytakingtheplungewithIVF

@CloudSway it all sounds horrendously frustrating. How are you feeling now? The partial 'refund' is a bit of a kick in the face isn't it 🙄 hugs xxx I'm glad you've got another appt to discuss things. Let us know how you go won't you.
I've started an application for a new job, just want to make sure it's perfect before submitting it. It's at the same place but another department so we'll see. I do feel good for taking control. The cow bag is still being a cow bag and has been told by management to sort things out with me but she's refusing!!! How pathetic!

@greyc sorry to hear about the cyst ☹️

@VenusStarr glad your session went well but sorry to hear you've got to have an ecg. Hope it was just a freak thing and not serious. It's the last thing you need isn't it!Hugs xx

@squirrelnutkins1 It makes me so angry that people can be so self centred - if I found out I was making someone's life hell, even if I didn't like them I would want to stop and sort it out! I hope you get the job and get a massive raise and she is super jealous but can't touch you. Plus then you can afford a hitman 😜😆 Seriously, it'll just make a world of difference in a trying time, and allow you to focus on looking after yourself. Lots of luck for the application 🤞🤞
I'm feeling much more like myself now, thanks. I'm still hurt and frustrated, but I am starting to see the silver linings. Those first couple of days I just kept bursting into tears. And when I say bursting, I mean like mini explosions! DH helpfully made me see it's tied in to a lot of other things too, big one being that I massively miss my parents (naturally) and haven't been dealing with that lately either. But definitely doing better, thanks 😊

@CloudSway she denied that's been off with me etc I don't want to put too much detail here in case of an outing but her subsequent behaviour has just proved she is being off amongst other things! I'd feel the same as you and I approached her in the first place for the sake of the team cus they could all feel the atmosphere. I had the teams interests at heart, she clearly doesn't. Ah well she just looks stupid now 🤣 thanks for the well wishes re the job. We'll see what happens!

Ah bless ya, you had absolutely every reason to feel like that and have your explosions of tears. Totally natural in a testing time. This journey is beyond frustrating without more hiccups along the way. Glad OH is being good with you. He sounds like a keeper 😉Are you still sorting your parents house or is that all done now? Biggest of hugs to you 💐💐💐

I've had a couple of days to try and process this, so time now to share.... a few days ago would've been my 'due' date and af was due the next day. I thought I'd get all the sadness out the way on one day and do a test and then have quite a few drinks on the weekend to drown my sorrows 😳

Beyond shockingly I got a BFP.

I just wanted to let you fab ladies know cus I feel like I need a bit of support and wouldn't want you to see me posting on another thread before I'd told you. You guys really are the best and feel like my closest pals

Fantastic news @squirrelnutkins1

Positive vibes to us all. Xxx

Congrats @squirrelnutkins1 xx

Awwwwww, that's fantastic news to read on a Monday morning @squirrelnutkins1!! 😍 Congratulations!! 🎉💐🎉💐