IVF/ICSI May/June 1000 posts plus :)

[Cauliflower82]

Hi peeps :)

I’ll hyperlink this to our old thread so we can continue bitching about crystal82 😂

I can’t believe we’ve almost got to 1000 posts. I didn’t even know that was a thing - thank you @kittykatsmile because I had no idea it would just max out and I can NOT go on without you all. That’s not even an option.

@Ginandtonic31 and @KittyKatSmile I know exactly what you mean! The last few episodes have been a bit dull but I feel I have to see it through! Did you hear they are going to two seasons a year? Not actually sure what I think of that but I know we will definitely end up watching both.

@Zest11 I have just put it on now. Snore. I am actually going to not watch it anymore. I feel I've really let myself down watching this one; it's been so contrived. Last year was the first one I'd actually watched live; previously I'd watched the Nathan and Cara one a year after it had aired. I'm going to go back and watch the Kem and Amber one at some point then I'm done

@zest11 - don't be sorry, it's not like you gave me it!
AMH can change during your cycle (as I found out).
I told my parents today, I think they were more upset than I am.

Hey everyone! I've not been posting much but have been doing my best to keep up with everyone!

We were really relieved to have our 6 week scan yesterday and saw a perfect heartbeat. Had a little bit of brown discharge about a week ago so glad everything is ok!!

Thinking of everyone xx

@KittyKatSmile arghhh last year's was the worst I thought. But yes, LI really is the ultimate trash TV and it's probably good that you're calling it quits! The Kem and Amber series was really good. There is a chris/Kem bromance which I liked and I also liked the Cara and Nathan one!

@Mrbay I know, I just meant I am sorry that someone so nice has to go through that pain, it's unfair. Well done for telling your family. 2 few more frosties and 2 more cycles is great though. Do you get to transfer all viable frosties with your funding or is it up to a certain amount?

Not sure about how I am feeling now tbh. At first I was okay about it all but the reality is now sinking in. I went to my GP asking for steroids and blood thinners. He was basically like no way, you could sue me. I also asked about how I was able to get more funding from the nhs and he said I had to prove I was exceptional which I'm not. I actually went crazy (retrospectively I sounded like a right psycho and I am too embarrassed to tell anyone what I said) and he said I needed psychological help. And then I unexpectedly burst into tears about how I just wanted a baby now and would do whatever it takes, I have nothing to lose anymore, I don't care. He said he could write to another clinic for a 2nd opinion (I said I didn't trust my clinic anymore but really it's because I found the success rates at another clinic way better). I feel completely lost. I don't know whether to transfer my nhs frozen at my current clinic or go for a second opinion and try elsewhere. I'm so confused that I had a cp naturally yet not even a whiff of a line with IVF. It's just so so hard. Oh and on top of that a week or so ago I took it upon myself to reduce my AD dose from 150mg to 100mg as I had generally been feeling good for a few months. Maybe that hasn't helped. God knows.

Oh @Zest11, sending massive hugs. That all sounds so hard, I’m sorry. You don’t have to make a decision right now (you might feel like you want to, but you don’t have to). Give yourself a bit of time to figure out in your head what move you want to make next. Are you the sort of person who finds writing pros and cons helpful? If so, maybe try that? What are the options, and what are the pros and cons of each of those options? What does your DP think about it? I find decision making utter agony, and I felt more pressure to make the “right” decision regarding IVF than probably any decision I’ve ever had to make. Adding into the mix the completely bonkers hormonal stuff that’s going on after a round of IVF and I think your GP was unfair to say you need psychological help. I think you are doing great. I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been through IVF themselves would have the first idea what it’s like, and how it feels, and how hard it is. And on top of that the desire to have a baby. It’s all such difficult and highly emotional stuff. Be gentle with yourself and you will work it out. Xx

@CornishMaid1 have been thinking about you today and hope your scan goes well tomorrow.

@RRoonilWazlib lovely news about your scan :)

@RRoonilWazlib - thats great news!! At least you can relax a little.

@zest11 - gee thanks! Apparently, I have may frosties in and if they don't take I can have another 2 full cycles and any frosties. It's even better than I thought! Feels like hubby is getting a little bonus for serving, well he is 3/4s of the way through his 22 years so I think we deserve a little something back!
My clinic is doing the frosties on a natural cycle, yay less drugs!!

Ref the GP appointment, I think it would be best for you to discuss your concerns with the consultant at the clinic as they would be best to advise what's happened, unfortunately the LPR is low after only one cycle. For example my clinic is 36% for my age group and 91% after 3 cycles, unfortunately it means that multiple cycles are needed.
Sorry I started typing this and then got distracted by other dogs whist walking

@Zest11 I'm so sorry. That sounds like an utter cowbag of a day. You poor thing. Make sure you take time for yourself and to grieve properly for this last cycle. This is proper grief and should be treated accordingly. Be kind to yourself. There are places with great statistics but they are often over a number of cycles where they can continue to monitor and test and retest you over time and build up a database about you. I think you may need to go with your gut, although I agree that writing a list is a great idea to give you a clue of what your gut is saying.

Always here for you xx

@AliciaWhiskers thank you for such a kind and thoughtful response. Yes, you're right, I don't need to make a decision now. And yes, I find making important decisions extremely difficult...I go a bit mental tbh and like you, really feel the pressure to make the 'right' one! Maybe I'll try the list making as to be honest I've no idea what my gut is anymore...when I was going through treament, my clinic were great but now it's failed I'm searching for reasons why. To be honest, I don't think my GP was wrong in saying I needed help with dealing with all of this so I guess I will see the fertility counsellor.

@Mrbay you completely deserve all of that...I have no idea how hard it is for you both to have that kind of job. That's great that you can do it on a natural cycle too...that will be much better for you. Does that also mean you will be able to get going sooner rather than later? Yes I guess I should speak to my clinic and yes, the success rates for fertility treatment are relatively low. Are you by any chance at Bath? I'm sure I was browsing their website and those success rates caught my eye!

@KittyKatSmile haha I like the use of the word "cowbag" that's a great way to describe my day. You're right that this is grief and yes, clinics will build up a database of you so things can build up.

@CornishMaid1 Thinking of you today and the best of luck xxx

@zest11 - well it's hubby that's done all the work, I just spend the money!! But it all seriousness, we are really lucky that we have skipped the postcode lottery.
Yeah, I'm at Bath. It's a really nice clinic, the consultant has been very direct (which I like), the nurses are very lovely (if not a bit to lovely, again, I've very black and white but I appriacte that not everyone is).
But I figured, that clinics don't do this unless they want to produce babies and they have to stick to guidelines so all clinic should be proving the same service but there viable is the quality of egg and sperm they get to work with.
I didn't get worked up about the clinics results but the ease of getting there. I could have gone to Salisbury but that would have been a bit further to travel.
Before you started this process, did you sit down with your partner and discuss what your plan was? IE have many cycles and if it didn't work, what you would do?
My limit is 4 cycles, if it doesn't work then we are going to process that it's not meant to be for us.

Thinking of you today @cornishmaid31

Thank you everyone.

Scan was all good and we're okay. Apparently it was a subchorionic haematoma, so they said a vein in/by the placenta popped and caused the bleeding. They said there is still some blood there so I may have some brown bleeding bt hopefully nothing more.

Apparently it is more common in IVF pregnancies for some reason.

Hope you are all doing okay and no- one is suffering too badly enough sickness

Super news @cornishmaid1 :)

@CornishMaid1 I did think it would be that. I've got the same (it looks huge though on the scan). Were they concerned about it?

@CornishMaid1 thank goodness! So relieved for you. These bloody haematomas. I hate that a bruise can cause so much stress and anxiety. Although everything really seems designed to cause us stress and anxiety these days...

I've got another reassurance scan tomorrow. Scanxiety is real. I don't know how I'd be feeling now if I were waiting until next week for the Harmony test and scan but I'm certainly worried again now that there will be no heartbeat.

@KittyKatSmile I've been anxious today as I don't feel sick anymore!! I've no scan now until 12 weeks!!

@CornishMaid1 I am so glad for you, that must be such a relief!!

@Mrbay yes he is the one that does the work but it must be tough for you if he is away. Or do you make the most of the time you get to yourself? :) Yes Bath sound very similar to mine and you're right they do have guidelines they have to follow. I was given a choice of 2 clinics and chose based upon distance as the difference in rates between the 2 was nominal.
To be honest, I haven't had that chat with my husband...he's been a bit unhelpfully naieve about all of this in thinking that it will work because "there's nothing wrong" and he bought many people's comments of "it's stress." He was very suprised when this failed and I think he has found that difficult. The financial constraints of more cycles are more from his end rather than mine (I know, we still have our "own" savings ) and he is trying to build up. Obviously I will just pay myself and tell him not to worry but I know he won't be happy with that.

You girls with the scanxiety...it sounds so tough and I am thinking of you xx

Ladies, in other news, we are going to hit our 1,000 posts again soon. We are so freaking cowbag amazing. Now I currently feel like we should keep going on here? It seems to be working for us? I'm wondering what we should call the next thread (as @Cauliflower82 said I was allowed to do the next one!). Do we continue with our current name or do we go for Back Passage Girls or something slightly more obscure to dissuade new joiners

Thoughts ladies? I'm confident I won't be able to hyperlink the new one to the old. Keith isn't good at technology.

Lots of love x

@KittyKatSmile I think we've got to have Keith in the name. "Keith's back passage?" Or "Keith's back passage girls?" And yes, this seems to be working!

That's a great idea @Zest11; that should certainly put anyone off from joining us :-)

@cornishmaid1 that's great news :)
@zest11 sorry to hear your breakdown at the gp but better to get your feelings out rather than keep them in ;) you have to think realistically this is probably one of the toughest scenario that life could throw at you... Of course its going to take time to work it all out and get your head around things.
@Ginandtonic31 also been feeling nervous as my boobs are back to normal and no nausea... Praying for tomorrow
@Mrbay I never know how the wives manage, my DH dad was marines and his mum passed before I met DH, the stories he tells me I think she had patience of a saint, not sure how well I will cope with DH away especially around due date :/ just think will cross that bridge when it comes to it ;)

@KittyKatSmile to be honest if I saw that thread I would have to have a gander ;) wouldn't be able to resist the urge!

Back passage girls - I love it!
Sorry guys - I’ve really let down the side by not keeping up with the bantz. I’m so nervous about Friday and just keeping myself busy. Sending you all love.

@Cauliflower82 Keith's Back Passage Girls (phone auto corrected to capitals befitting of a girl band; very appropriate) it is then. If we get too much unwanted attention we'll just set up another one with a really boring title. I'll set it up (if I still have your blessing) when we approach our milestone...

@Zest11 don't know if this will help at all but it's been proven that going through IVF is as stressful as having cancer.... definitely be kind to yourself lovely. Don't forget to focus on Project You as well as Project Baby (and of course feel free to punch me in the face for saying that; if I could get the right angle I might well punch myself in the face xx)

@KittyKatSmile absolutely 😂 go ahead!