IVF/ICSI May/June 1000 posts plus :)

[Cauliflower82]

Hi peeps :)

I’ll hyperlink this to our old thread so we can continue bitching about crystal82 😂

I can’t believe we’ve almost got to 1000 posts. I didn’t even know that was a thing - thank you @kittykatsmile because I had no idea it would just max out and I can NOT go on without you all. That’s not even an option.

@AliciaWhiskers I've done 2 halves (sp?!) before, first was a struggle, second I trained loads for. To be honest I only entered this one to try and jinx the universe so that has worked well. I've been running a little bit in the last 2 months or so but I'm so so far from my best it's not funny. I might take it up a notch or two in the next few weeks and see if I think I'll be half ready by October. I am maybe totally kidding myself.

I will definitely be exercising as long as it still feels good; running I'm less sure about as it's quite bouncy

Take care ladies x

@KittyKatSmile yes to the bouncing - double bra maybe?! Loving your style of entering a race to jinx the universe! Long may that last!

@AliciaWhiskers I don't have enough there to bounce! It's more about this progesterone gunt I appear to be sporting these days :-)

@KittyKatSmile just you wait...mine went from a 32DD to a 34GG in pregnancy! Not comfortable for running! Ahhh...the delightful side effects of progesterone. Worth it though :)

I wish I could say my belly was the progesterone. However I'm just a greedy shit it seems. I've gained so much weight. I also don't have any boobs either!

@Ginandtonic31 well yes; it's possible I am just making excuses for my gluttony :-)

Thank you so much for the support and well wishes. I really couldn't manage this journey without you all.

I've had my scan at the EPU (it has felt like an eternity) and she is all fine. The bleeding eased off my last night so just brown spotting today. They couldn't come up with a cause for it, other than to say that it can happen when the embryo/foetus is 'bedding in' and apparently it is not unusual to get some around the 7-8 week mark.

Gave me the biggest fright so I am just so relieved. At least work did keep my mind off the worry and I have next week off anyway so will be having lots of rest, since my only symptom is still the tiredness.

Hope you are all well x

Aww @cornishmaid1 that's good news glad to hear :) I did post yesterday but I don't know why half the time my messages don't end up posting I blame the shitty WiFi ! Bet you are so relieved :) when do you have your next scan is it soon?

@Cauliflower82 bet you can't wait for scan now next week too it does feel like such an eternity waiting

@KittyKatSmile your fitness mentality breaks me , I feel like such a slob now I'm not working it's enough for me to literally take a walk around the shop and take my dog out, I'm really cautious about starting gym or something now as all the advice insists on not taking up anything new.... I think I need to just up my walking massively and it would be nice to go gym even if I don't do anything to intensive! I haven't been for a few years but I do miss it.

Been feeling a bit nauseaus the last couple of days normally worst around 3/ 4pm , I cry everytime I'm sick so I really not looking forward to that part, I have scan on Thurs and I just want to know if everything's ok so I can be a bit more excited !

@CornishMaid1 thank goodness, I’m so happy everything is going well. It’s a very scary time xx

@welshpugmomma I’m very eager... im the day after you.

On the nausea front, I’m good as long as I’m always eating 😂 but I’m not craving chocolate, mainly cheese, eggs and milk. Lots of milk.

That's great news @CornishMaid1! It does seem like a few of us are suffering around the 6-7 week mark. I'm 7 week today and spotting again. Just brown though. My next scan is Monday. When is yours?

I'm going to ask on Monday about exercise. I used to do HITT training at home most days, or cycling or swimming. So I would really like to continue. Although I'm unsure about HITT.

My nausea is worse around 5 @Welshpugmomma. I think oh I'm hungry. Then 5 mins later I'm like oh Jesus if I don't eat I might throw up! And then as soon as I wake up too. I'm eating so much. Would love to get some exercise going to feel better.

I've had my midwife appointment through today. It's not until August but need to have a think about which hospital to have the baby. We clash slightly on that one!!

Also I think we should be signed off work for 12 weeks when you find out you're pregnant. It's so hard trying to make it through a day so tired! And then the heat on top and no air con!! And you can't just tell people to leave you be 😂

@CornishMaid1 so relieved for you hon. Take care of yourself. Plenty of R&R.

@Ginandtonic31 totally agree about being signed off. I slipped out of work at 4pm today and came home for a nap. Fell asleep on the tube and was asleep within 10 seconds of lying down. Really want to nap tomorrow but am looking after my 2 year old godson all day! Lie in and then nap once he's gone to bed I think!

@Welshpugmomma I suspect I actually just sound like a dick :-) I never used to exercise years ago then I worked out it sorted my head out and then shortly after I worked out I'd become one of those dicks who says 'exercise really sorts my head out'

I made a complaint to my clinic about them messing up my drugs and spoke at length to the clinic director including about exercise. She said their advice was basically catering to the lowest common denominator because no-one can be sure of the effects (she made a great point: you can't do a study on women having recurrent miscarriage to see if those who run a marathon do miscarry because a) it's inhumane and b) no-one would sign up!)

Sending weekend love to all you lovely ladies xx

@cornishmaid31 - that's great news!

I think you lot may be the wrong ones to ask but is the first bleed meant to be heavy?
I constantly feel like I'm wetting myself.
Had an emotional breakdown today at work, I don't normally cry in front on anyone.
I'm angry that it's clear that this cycle hasn't worked but I still have to act like it's ok. I just want a glass of wine or a G&T.
Is bad to say, I just want this cycle over so I can start to move forward again and get ready for the next.

@Mrbay I don't really know that but it stands to reason to me that it would be the case as your body is dealing with something unusual and drug fuelled so it's got quite a lot to deal with. As have you. It's no wonder that you feel all over the place. Give yourself time and the chance to grieve. This is real. And it's definitely not wrong to just want to get on with things. When I miscarried that was the only thing that ever really got me through.... I don't quite know why you can't have a g&t or a wine, or indeed the whole bottle if you're definitely out; sorry if I've missed something. That's something I also did pretty much every time. It obviously isn't the answer but sometimes it can help. Take care of yourself x

@Mrbay yes the withdrawal bleed is heavier than normal. I am so sorry you're going through this. It's heavier because of all the drugs used to suppress things. It does end though, I promise! I also found what came out of me pretty revolting too! I am sorry your clinic are making you wait until Monday. If you're still bleeding heavily now I would just have the G and T! And no it's definitely not bad to think you want this cycle to be over. That's what got me through the bleed to be honest - that as this one had failed at least I didn't have to wait around ages for my bleed so I could move on!

Hi all-I have been following your updates from afar. Pleased to see lots of you are progressing well in your pregnancies-great news. Hope the scananxiety isn’t too horrendous.

@Mrbay I’m so sorry to hear the cycle hasn’t worked. It’s so tough. There is so much hope for a cycle and it’s real grief when it doesn’t work. I hope once the bleeding stops it allows you to feel like you can move on a bit more.

@Zest11 I’m sorry that your cycle didn’t work out too. Hope you have managed to treat yourself to all the things that make you happy since you found out. Have you got plans in place for the next round?

My miscarriage bleeding finally stopped after 3 and half weeks-it got lighter and then got really heavy again and was getting me down so much as felt like I couldn’t move on and progress. Had my follow up last week and I can move on fairly quickly once I get my cycle back. Should get my period in 4-6 weeks and then will downreg halfway through the next cycle -prob g at transfer beg-mid Oct. Still feels so far away but I’m on summer hols and I’m trying to focus on having a good time -been doing lots of drinking and eating and then will reset health wise in September to prepare for the cycle. They also said I will have the option of one or two to put in -not sure what to do there -the grading of my remaining embryos is not super high -mid range I think.

Anyway -wanted to send my love to you all - hope every one of you is getting on as well as you can be wherever you are on your journeys right now.

@AliciaWhiskers Sorry to hear your cycle didn’t work out. Sending a hug. Have you thought about frozen or fresh?

@mouse1234567 so good to hear from you and that you've got a plan to move forward. I was the same after my last miscarriage; just wanted to have a plan I could action. The very best of luck to you and enjoy your fab summer xx

@mouse1234567 So nice to hear from you. I am glad the bleeding has finally stopped for you and you have a plan in place to move forwards. I know what you mean about the summer holidays - I am also trying to make the most of them too. :) How many eggs in the freezer do you have? Are they day 5?

I too have been following everyone's posts. I am glad we have had many successful scans and those who have had bleeding have been comfortably reassured. I cannot imagine how stressful this must be for all of you. I guess the anxiety never ends!

My follow up is in a couple of weeks time. However I have a GP appointment coming up before then and I am going to get all of the Level 1 tests done and basically bully my GP into prescribing the steroids/bloodthinners empirically! I'm going to tell him that I'm going to take these drugs with or without his help. I'll tell him about the guy I met on the Internet called Keith (@KittyKatSmile) who said he'd give me whatever I needed but obviously I'd prefer to do it in a controlled way! I also have saved loads of information from the fertility friends website to bombard him with, I might cry, who knows - I'll do it all. Oh and I could also guilt trip him by saying how I feel really let down that I wasn't made aware of the different contracts our CCG has with clinics across the country and that I could have gone to somewhere like CRGH on the NHS but was only offered my local NHS hospital . To be honest this failed IVF has raised more questions than answers which is extremely frustrating. I am absolutely fine, good even, when I don't think about it but when I do the anxiety floods back xx

Thanks for the love @kittykatsmiles, @zest11 and @mouse1234567 (Sorry if I've missed anyone)

I feel bad saying that I'm not overly upset about not being pregnant (I knew it was unlikely this time) as I've had such a positive experience so far. I'm pretty selfish as my clinic have told me to continue as planned so I cannot have my normal pain meds and the hormones have got me feeling low again. Don't really want to speak to the GP as they have a habit of just throwing drugs at you!
As I've been told to continue as normal the hubby won't let me have a drink, given that he has been so good I don't want to go against his wishes as I'm potentially carrying half of him.
@mouse1234567 - I am so sorry to read your update, that sounds horrific and I just don't know what to say.
I'm glad that you've had a good few weeks of enjoyment and you've got a plan for next steps.
I wonder if we will have our next cycle at the same time?

@Mrbay It's not bad to not be overly upset. I think I cried for 2 days and then was completely fine. I guess for us we are still relatively young and we know this isn't our last embryo so that could be why we are not devastated. I am sorry the hormones are playing with your emotions, it's all such a mess and completely gets things out of sync. I'm sure that crinone gel is the worst!! However your clinic must have some ground to think that you could still be in with a chance as they are getting you to carry on? After I told mine I had tested and said I was bleeding they said I didn't need to come in for the blood test. Have you tested again to make sure?

Hello @mouse1234567 hope you're ok. Definitely enjoy having a good time eating and drinking. October will soon be here.

@Mrbay I also don't think it's bad not to feel sad. Before this round I felt torn really as to how i would feel as part of me thought I wouldn't have to accept any change if it didn't work. I don't think I'm great with change.

I wonder @Mrbay And @Zest11 Whether your clinics would consider the pessaries rather than the gel. I notice you both hated it and you both bled still on it. Not saying the outcome would be different but I wonder if I different form of progesterone might help you mentally?

I've had a speeding awareness course this morning. That was fun anyway but the added queasiness made it even better. I got home for 1.30 and been in bed ever since.

@Ginandtonic31 thanks. Oh my a speed awareness course when you are feeling nauseous doesn’t sound fun! Well done for getting through it!

@KittyKatSmile thank you -got lots of great summer plans -DH and I are off for a hol in Greece shortly and a few weddings etc.

@Zest11 my embryos are day 5 -with my PCO I got a lot -just think it’s more quantity than quality -I still have 13 in the freezer. But as I say their gradings aren’t the best -my highest for b+b+ but that’s the one I have used. I do know how lucky I am to have them though and how tough it must be with lower AMHs. The doc says not to focus too much on quality -hard not to tho. Good luck at the GP-Sadly we had to really be our own advocates with all this fertility stuff -so I think it’s great you have lots of info to bombard him with. I’m actually with UCLh (so sort of CRGh) and I did have the blood thinners but haven’t been prescribed any steroids. I think they are going to do the same protocol and just hope for a better embryo next time. So much of this seems to be down to luck. I hope you get your new drugs sorted.

@Mrbay don’t feel bad for that -it’s such a strange process and you mind goes to all sorts of places. Totally get it. I’m sorry you are feeling low. Sending love. We may we’ll be cycling together again soon! I understand your partners feelings -even when you feel it’s over you sort of feel you have to follow the doctor’s orders until OTD. I remember doing all my injections when I knew I was miscarrying -new levels of low!!

@zest11 - you've hit the nail on the head, it's not the head of the road and there's plenty that can be done still. I didn't even consider the gel may be messing me up!
@ginandtonic31, I'm going to ask why I bled early and see if they will put me on a strong dose next time. Ps, the speed awareness course just feels like you're being told off by your parents!
@mouse1234567 - I have to respect his view point, it's not like the blokes get a lot of control of the process.
Sticking to docs orders is hard, but have been harder in your case. I expect they say it as they don't want you to say well this clinic does this and you've caused my failure.

I'm feeling much better now, I got off my arse (around midday) did some chores and rewarded myself with a walk to the fun fair for candy floss - wasn't worth it as tasted off nothing. Maybe it's time I realised I'm not longer a child!!
@Ginandtonic31 - Sorry for the personal question and feel free to tell me to buzz off but do you find the counselling has helped? I'm strongly considering it as the past few years haven't been great but I've felt that I've coped too well and I'm wondering if this process is bringing regressed emotions to the surface.

@Mrbay I've actually got my first face to face with the ivf counsellor on Monday. I'm looking forward to it as I feel I can open up about what I'm worried about. Although I still have this fear people are judging me when I'm open and thinking what the hell have you done this for then?! I've been going to a therapist for hypnosis and CBT and I think the techniques are good. But I'm so worried about one thing in particular I find it hard to put that aside and look at all the positives in my life!