To ask what childless woman do to feel a sense of purpose in life?

[loserlikeme]

I've recently had a lot of tests to confirm that I'm unable to have children. Can I ask any childless women out there what you do to have a fulfilling life? I expect to get slated asking this, but I feel you grow up with the expectation of getting married and having children and now I feel a bit lost :( I think I just need a bit of inspiration and reassurance.

Some of you are bloody horrible!!

Its like you have to be a rocket scientist and break down common sense to some people on this site.

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to read the OP and see she is talking about HER life and HER expectations for that life. She's not passing judgement on anyone else's life and choices. FFS

No that is not what she's saying Belina. She is upset, has just had bad news, has had the expectation she and many other females grew up with pulled away from her, and wants reassurance from those who have been through that experience that there is a future of fulfilment for her. I, and many others, have also grown up assuming motherhood was going to be a big part of our future and have had to come to terms with the fact that it won't be. That is a bit like a bereavement, and it can be very hard to look ahead and see an alternative future when it's something that was important to you.

I'm so sorry OP 

I'm involuntarily childless due to infertility and it's shit

I can also recommend Gateway women, and a number of FB groups for women who are childless not by choice

Books that are super helpful include:

Living the Life Unexpected: 12 Weeks to Your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfilling Future Without Children - Jody Day

Motherhood Missed: Stories from Women Who Are Childless by Circumstance - Lois Tonkin

Finding Joy Beyond Childlessness: Inspiring Stories To Guide You To A Fulfilling Life - Lesley Pyne

Beyond Childlessness: For Every Woman Who Ever Wanted to Have a Child - and Didn't - Rachel Black & Louise Scull

Life Without Baby: Surviving and Thriving When Motherhood Doesn't Happen - Lisa Manterfield

Silent Sorority - Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos

Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Own a Childfree Life - Justine Brooks Froelker

Otherhood: Modern Women Finding A New Kind of Happiness – Melanie Notkin

Dreaming of a life unlived - Yvonne John

Dear You: A Letter to My Unborn Children - Tessa Broad

You might also find these books offer a different perspective on the social expectations of motherhood and females identity:

The Baby Matrix: Why Freeing Our Minds From Outmoded Thinking About Parenthood & Reproduction Will Create a Better World - Laura Carroll

Baby Hunger: The New Battle for Motherhood - Sylvia Ann Hewlett

Reconceiving Women: Separating Motherhood from Female Identity - Mardy S. Ireland

the post is offensive because its indirectly saying different groups of people are almost "worthless" because they cant have kids

It's not saying that at all. The OP is struggling to come to terms with the recent realisation that her life is probably not going to be how she hoped it would be, and she is finding that process painful and asking for help in recalibrating her expectations.

Some people get great joy in giving a good kicking to posters in AIBU. Sad fuckers

Yep, there's a huge amount of defensive spite on this thread.

@Belina (and many others) why don't you spend less time 'calling people out' like some social media parody and more time working on your compassion (and reading comprehension)?

Belina, that was very, very nasty.

Well spotted @RedDrink

Belina what an absolute raging narcissist you are. It is you who are offensive, offensively stupid and unempathetic.

@Belina you are clearly no rocket scientist.... the last time I checked being gay or trans certainly didn't mean you were unable to have children. Perhaps you should learn how to critically appraise sentences in context before criticising others - the OP was simply asking people without children to share details of their fulfilling lives. Perhaps it is you who needs to get a life..kicking women when they are down is really not cool.

think before you post

Pot, kettle?

What a horrible thread, with some vile comments.

Also if you are so easily offended Belina, I suggest you look away from AIBU.

You’re talking a load of nonsense belina. Adoption isn’t an easy way to get a baby.

You’re looking to be offended where there’s no reason to be.

Given the high rates of depression associated with infertility and involuntary childlessness, and even feeling suicidal, I'd have hoped for a little more empathy for someone who very much wanted children but has been told they couldn't have them

Rationally of course I know that you don't need to have a child to have a purpose in life

But emotionally I don't feel that way about myself because it's not the hopes and dreams I had for my life and the expectations for my future identity were shattered. It's about having to come to terms with a different life paths than the one you'd hoped and expected, and all that goes with that

My reason for me saying It’s not the job of infertile women to pick up the left overs of the overly fertile is that adoption is only ever mentioned to infertile women as if to say “well you can’t have your own children so have someone else’s”.
Adopting is a amazing thing to do that isn’t like going to the local dogs home and getting a puppy. People trot it out like only infertile people would ever consider adopting. I am in awe of adoptive parents as I know it is something that I am not mentally strong enough to do.

I apologise unreservedly for a comment that has clearly upset people. But please understand that when people find out you can’t have your own children the ‘just adopt’ comments are hurtful.

YANBU.
Many don't have children by choice and it is completely different feeling to someone who wanted children.
I assume you got the news very recently and even though it is difficult just try to see how it goes and don't worry too much. When the dust settles you will see that you will find something to "give you purpose". It can be different for everyone. Some adopt, some foster, some do things not related to kids to leave some lasting impact on the world.
You will find your purpose x Hang in there

Very true sparkle

However while adoption wouldn’t be my first choice I would consider it if other routes failed, so I don’t see any harm in raising it as a possibility. I do however really object to the OP tersely being told she has nothing to complain about because she can adopt.

However while adoption wouldn’t be my first choice I would consider it if other routes failed, so I don’t see any harm in raising it as a possibility.

As if she hasn’t already thought about it as a possibility. There is no need to raise it. Any couple struggling to conceive will think about it.

My female relative is unable to have children and has been distraught....until she and her DH got approved as adopters.

She's really happy about it. It's not for everyone.

Anyone else think @belina is the type of ahem 'woman' to get offended by the dictionary definition of "Woman" too? 🙄

@purpledaisies

We don't know what the OP has or hasn't considered. So suggesting adoption or fostering is perfectly reasonable.

Had she said "I've already considered adoption" then your comment would be valid.

@Sausageonafork

Your username made me hungry

It’s not the job of infertile women to pick up the left overs of the overly fertile.

But then your post made me sick.