To ask what childless woman do to feel a sense of purpose in life?

[loserlikeme]

I've recently had a lot of tests to confirm that I'm unable to have children. Can I ask any childless women out there what you do to have a fulfilling life? I expect to get slated asking this, but I feel you grow up with the expectation of getting married and having children and now I feel a bit lost :( I think I just need a bit of inspiration and reassurance.

I hope you don’t get a load of posts telling you how lucky you are op

I think it’s tricky and if you are sure you want to be a mum are any other options open to you?

Goodness i feel for you.. whilst i do have two kids now grown up, i greatly miss any type of career to go back to. So am feeling worthless, no direction etc etc..
Ramp up your work life and enjoy the world without having to consider kids etc..
I am sorry if you were really keen on having them
Be kind to yourself as i see it written on Mumsnet xx

I know it’s not a popular opinion on here, but my parents adopted. That started out fostering then adopted me and my brothers. I know it’s a long and gruelling process and it’s not for everyone but worthwhile if you really feel you have love to give to a child.

Oh OP I'm so sorry.  I do have children but my SIL can't have kids - she does a lot of charity work with foster kids etc. This has really helped her. Perhaps it's something you can look into?

Also don't forget that just because you can't carry a child, doesn't mean you won't be a mother. There is always adoption and fostering.

I have no children, I don’t want them. While I understand if you want them and can’t then it must be hard, it’s incredibly strange to act as if you’re only purpose in life is to have children. The works is your oyster, OP. If you still want children in your life, foster, adopt or work with children. And if not, there’s a whole lot of world out there to explore, both physically and mentally.

OP, there is a terrific Google+ online community called Gateway Women which is for women who don't have children for whatever reason, and who need some support with their experience. I recommend it very highly

Jesus five posts in.

Yeah, don’t worry OP. Kids aren’t that great anyway. At least you have a career.

Sigh.

Don't have children, don't want them.

I can assure you my life has meaning - My husband and I don't measure our worth by whether we can produce offspring.

If I was the type, I'd be offended by your post for implying I'm not worth anything.

Who said that lily

I have a friend who couldn’t have children, she has gone on to adopt and she has an amazing child and an amazing life as a mother to him. They have their challenges but there is so much love and reward in their family.

Oh my goodness! I chose not to have children and I've never felt unfulfilled or lacking purpose. I'm sorry if you were wanting children, that must feel very different, and I hope you can find ways to come to terms with your situation. But I have such a full life - I have a happy relationship, I love my work, I love my friends - I absolutely love learning new things. I also really enjoy being on my own, writing, drawing etc.

I've never felt 'less than' because I don't have children. Very happy for people who do, if that's what they want, but am very happy with my choice. And the older I get, the happier I am with myself - the best thing about ageing!

Don't see children as a 'purpose'. Never wanted them, so perhaps I'm in a different situation. My purpose is to live a happy life with a job that fulfills me, good friends and to cause no harm to others.

Lily, was that aimed at the OP?!

I’m sure you are thrilled you asked, OP

For me it's mostly through hobbies, and I also tutor as a hobby. The tutoring means I get to spend time with kids, and it feels great knowing that I'm influencing them and encouraging them to improve on themselves.

I have one sporty hobby and one musical hobby I do each week, and those keep me sane for the rest of the week. I also have a pet that I love far too much I still feel the desire to have a child but it's definitely better than before I piled on the hobbies!

I am truly sorry if having children was your long-held ambition - that would be tough to have to let go. That said, honestly, I can't imagine a more fulfilling life than I have right now. No children but several godchildren whom I like more and more as they get older, a wonderful partner and job (also working with young people). I don't think I'd have had everything I do have if I'd also had children - there are always trade-offs.

OP, I would move this to a different board, already you've got people not able to pick up on the issue which is the huge shift in what your future will hold despite it being blindingly obvious.

I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now, but be kind to yourself.

(in answer to your question, I have a childfree friend (by choice) and she and her partner clearly were at a slight loss mid-way through their 30s and looked at any number of things including overseas voluntary work, and actually fostering older children. They ended up emigrating to Australia and have carved out a great life there. But I think when surrounded by more and more friends starting families, they felt the need for a shift in their own lives too.)

Buy a horse

You might be better to post on the infertility boards
Aibu isn’t a very understanding place

Children shouldn't give you a purpose in life, if they do, then I'd say your life is lacking on the whole and you're putting a lot of pressure on the kids.

Not everyone grows up wanting to get married and have children.

If your family or friends live close, you could be a great Auntie/Uncle. You can get a job or volunteer with children or something not related to children. You could become a step parent. I assume that you will need time to come to terms with your diagnosis. Perhaps start a new hobby, do something for you (anything of your choosing) Set some short and long term goals. Life some times throws things at us that are unexpected, but something better may be round the corner.

and can all the sneerers fuck off? You're not helping.