The mind numbing boredom of infertility IV

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

Yes it's the return of the thread where we're so fucking bored of being infertile and talking about infertility and thinking about infertility and worrying and infertility and learning about infertility treatment and explaining infertility to other people and making up lies to cover up for going for infertility tests and treatment that we can't even be bothered to think of a better name for the thread.

Join us if you are barren, bored and bitter, or any combination of the above. We'll listen to your tails of woe when everyone you've ever met upduffs in an instant, accompany you through the trials of tests and treatment and commiserate the inevitable setbacks and disappointments.

Welcome to the ghetto.

When I can work out links, I'll post linnks to threads 1, 2 and 3

Oh ffs Bean, sorry 'saying' not 'dying' obviously :( totally inappropriate typo

So this is new! The metro have decided to do a page where people announce babies born yesterday to brighten up my commute. Awesome!

The Cheryl story is annoying. I agree. I have no feelings about her in general, but how fucking annoying to have constant speculation about whether you're pregnant. Jennifer Aniston too. What if you are, and you miscarry? What if you're not and you're struggling? What if you don't want to be? And what if you'd like to be known by random strangers for your work not your pregnancy status? Urgh.

Hello friends,

I had a 6 weeks + 0 days early scan today and saw a little heartbeat. Fortunately just ONE which is a relief having transferred two blasts on 13 September. Positioned far away from my Section scar, and measurements normal. I feel cautiously optimistic, happy and blessed.

So now is probably the right time for me to haul my ass over to the Pregnancy Board. I will likely head to the May 2017 antenatal club (if this all works out then my due date is 1 June but as I'm ancient I will almost certainly be having another C-section a week earlier).

I will also limp back to the Hyperesemis thread with my Tupperware bowl and peeling lips. I am already puking everywhere and must focus on staying out of hospital this time around. No better way to feel really useless than to be in hospital on a drip with no one quite sure why you are there.

The main reason for this note was to thank you all for your wisdom, knowledge, reassurance and encouragement - you have all been invaluable to me. I have faced a fraction of what you all have, but your kindness throughout has been inspirational. Your generosity and humour during my IVF treatment while you all face far greater challenges and heartache has meant so much to me.

There is nothing I would like more than to see lots of you over on Pregnancy as fast as humanly possible. In the meantime I will lurk quietly over here to see how you are all getting on but will remain quiet.

If my pregnancy does not work, I till have a VERY long way to go, I hope I can come back here and re-join you. But for now I must work on the basis that it will and get on with it.

Thank you all again - and I send every piece of best fortune (AND GLITTER SHIT - first time I have dared use that term) all your ways.

Potatoes FUCK OFF METRO!

LH - I wish you all the best. My friend had dreadful hyperemesis twice and it is a whole new form of hell. Good luck!

So glad to hear your news LH (about the heartbeat anyhow).

As expected my AF turned up ages before my OTD (which is Monday). Feel very down and spend most of my time trying desperately not to cry in public. I'm also having trouble trying to get any private clinic to get back to me with a price on a hysteroscopy to get rid of the polyp. Have appointment with GP next week to ask about it but will probably have to get clinic to send my gp their findings and how long will that take (and I bet they bloody charge us for it too, as if we've not paid enough already) and then god knows what the waiting time will be. I feel like my time has nearly run out anyway so this is probably the nail in the coffin. I really just want to crawl into a ball and not have to deal with the world anymore. Probably won't be back here for a while (at least not posting) so I hope everything works out for the lovely ladies on this thread and thanks for all your support.

What ho fiends

Big hugs to barrens all - also Cheryl Cole and Metro can fuck the fuck off

Had my hysteroscopy yesterday and had a good clear out - some very minor adhesions and tiny area of calcification but they got flushed away with saline and nothing needed resecting

I now have a copper coil and started my first HRT cycle to work on my endometrium and try and get me menstruating properly.

Being on contraception to try and help us have a baby is WEIRD

We don't really want a break from treatment but the enforced break will do us both good, need to remember how to be a vaguely normal person and not just a professional infertile. Start a new job on Monday which will be a suitable distraction from what would have been my due date if the first pregnancy had stuck.

Realised my first egg collection was 12 months ago exactly to the day. Only had 3 more ECs, 2 transfers, 2 pregnancies, 2 losses, 1 D&C and 2 hysteroscopies since then. Fuck me 2016 can just bugger off!!

Glitter shit to all xxx

Cross post with Tammy - big hugs and a bathtub of glitter shit. Thinking of you - please be kind to yourself. This is the roughest, toughest, shittest rollercoaster around

I'm sorry Tammy, that sounds really rough. Take care of yourself.

Banana what a year for you! Hope the contraception does what it's supposed to.

LH good luck with everything.

Potatoes thanks for the Metro warning, managed to avoid it today.

AFM I had my consultant appointment today, and her main concern was about whether we were sure that we were mentally ready to try again. I just feel like I don't want to wait any longer if there is no medical reason to wait. She wants me to do a saline scan thing (I didn't catch the proper name) to check everything is ok after my pregnancy and as it needs to be done the first half of a cycle and I'm on CD13 today, I'm booked in for tomorrow afternoon! If all looks OK, I may be able to start a long protocol this cycle. I've been thinking about it for months but now it's here it feels like it's all happening really quickly.

Good morning all, both old fiends and lurkers.

I am sitting in the cells at court waiting on a drunk custody sobering up so I can deal with them and go home. I have wifi (this is a new exciting development) lots of files so I look very busy but can actually catch up properly for once.

Blue roses, hope all goes well today and you can start soon. Hospital seemed to be the opposite for me and didn't give a damn as to my mental state. Looking back I was so not in the correct place. Now I feel like you, just want to get on with it.

Banana , I was like that about the pill. So I am going on the pill to help me get pregnantok then. Good luck in your new job. Is it a different role?

Tammy, sending you hugs and thanks for the support you have given me. Take some time for yourself and keep lurking. I didn't post for a while but was glad to check in from time to time.

LH! I am so genuinely utterly happy for you. Another thank you from me and wishing you a healthy and calm journey. NO I don't work for forever but have used aloe Vera on dry lips since before forever was invented. That's my farmers wife tip of the day.

Potato, that copy of the metro was in the clinic when I was there this week. I swear to god they do that shit on purpose.

Closephine, I didn't see this morning (thankfully) but agree with you. I must say there have been loads of threads on mumsnet this week giving me rage. Mainly on aibu and chat. Going to end up hiding more than I can see at this rate.

Karla, how are you feeling?

Bean, I totally get you re optimism and stress. A difficult balance keeping mental state on an even keel. How are you today? Is the short protocol going ahead?

Pea op, I am thinking of you

Tiger dog, how's your throat? Another control freakery person here. That is not what you need.

Sara, snap, periods have been awful since cycle failed. Hate them. Horrid.

Beaky, how are you doing? Are you still in Prague?

Icy, how are you getting on?

Hello to everyone else and sorry if I have missed anyone.

I'm still plodding along. Next cycle is to be January, well down reg December and start January. Started a private counsellor last week. Not sure how I feel about that. I sat and cried for an hour. Came home and felt like I had been battered. Not sure if that will help but have booked six sessions initially. Period due this week so am grumpy, bloated and wish it would hurry the fuck up. You all know that feeling when you know it's coming but doesn't appear when it should. Purely because the mental part of my brain can then start to convince me that I have defied medicine and nature and accidentally fallen pregnant. Yeah right. Then it will arrive, a day late and upset me all over again.

No other news here, better go and do some actual work.

Hi Ladies. Can I join you? I've had a quick scan through your thread, and I think I may belong!

My story is one of extraordinary shittiness, so apologies for the pity party.

In November 2013 I had my left tube removed due to an ectopic, conceived at 39 with no effort at all. The very next month I got pregnant again and had a beautiful, clever, perfectly healthy little boy called Billy-Joe. When he was 13 months old (Nov 2015) he died very suddenly of sepsis, in the ambulance on the way to hospital. I don't know how we survived, but I think the thought of becoming parents again kept us going. We had a bfp in February, which was over by week 5. Another bfp in march, which was over by the next fucking DAY. Then another bfp in May, which went great guns until the end of June and ended in a D&C. Nothing since.

We saw a fertility specialist last week and the verdict is that I'm old and now have secondary infertility. My AMH (7.4) & AFC (9+) aren't too bad for an old bird (I'm 42) but it would appear that my eggs have all decided to shrivel up and churn out duff pregnancies. So we now have a fridge like a Lloyds Chemist and an empty bank account, all ready to start IVF with PGS.

Feeling totally cheated, hacked off with the world, and ready to torpedo the next glowing mother who strolls past my front window. It's coming up to the first anniversary of my boy's death, and the shops are already filled with fucking 'family magic'.

So, may I join you?

Four no it's not. New scan end of the month the see if the cyst has gone. Frustrated and fearful. Started the pill in July and we've still not cycled :(

Oh Fuzzy, you've been through so much. I'm so sorry for your loss. Welcome to the thread.

MrFuzzy, welcome, but I am so unbelievably sorry to read of the loss of your son and what you have been through (as if that wasn't enough) since. Of course you can join. When do you start your IVF cycle?

LH - good luck in your pregnancy, I hope it all goes smoothly :)

Fourpaws - yup I know that feeling. Even though every symptom points to pms I still manage to convince myself every single month that maybe this time it's not! I hope the counselling helps you and that your drunk didn't keep you waiting too long :)

Banana - I agree an enforced break might be nice although must feel weird being on contraception. We coundn't try in February when I had my laparoscopy and it was actually amazing having a month where there were no 'what if's?' or 'could I be's?'

fuzzy my god I'm so sorry to read what you've been through. I'm so so sorry about your little boy; I can't begin to put such grief into words or formulate adequate condolences. Of course you're welcome here; failure stories is also an excellent thread full of women who get it.

Thanks for the welcome closephine85. I'm all ready to go on a short protocol (because I'm old!!!) so as soon as AF shows her face. I've had some shorter cycles since the D&C, but this month my body has decided that an old fashioned 28+ day cycle would be nice, so it's keeping me waiting.

fuzzy you are absolutely welcome here, so sorry to read your story though but I hope you can find some comfort and lots of support from this thread because it's been my savour the past year or so and I haven't been through half as much as you have!

blue good luck with the next cycle!

tammy sorry to hear AF arrived. Shite isn't it?!

Well as for me, not much to report. I finally start DR on 21st October. Last failed cycle was 30th May. What the hell happened to the past 5 months!
So I assume early December will be transfer deadline day! Anyone else with me?

Hi to everyone I missed. Happy Friday fiends. Don't work too hard 🙂

Well I've just spent the last two hours crippled over in horrendous pain! DH and I were prescribed some anti viral medication from serum in Athens as a result of the hidden infections tests we had. Listed in the common side effects 'abdominal pain' does not do it justice... jeez. At least it's finally passed now and I'm watching a Modern Family to cheer me up.

MrFuzzy - always the way isn't it! Hope you can get started soon. Pardon my ignorance but if you have PGS testing does that mean you don't have any embryos put back on this cycle? Sorry I'm not clued up on how it all works.

Karla - I know that feeling of where the hell does the time go! I can't believe we are approaching our fourth Christmas and still not got anywhere! Last Christmas I announced there was no way I would let another year go by without doing IVF. Somehow I have. I admire all of you that actually manage to just get on with it and take the plunge.

January... I will earn my stripes in January... (if nearer the time I come on here with some garbled excuse as to why we're going to wait a bit longer can someone please give me a virtual slap?!)

closephine85 sorry you've been so ill.

Yes, that's right. They will collect the eggs (if any!) and the ones that get to 5 day blasts (if any!) are frozen and tested. The good ones (again, if any!) are then used for FET once my body has had a rest from the stims, so usually 1 or 2 cycles later. The whole process takes a bit longer, but the Consultant thought it was worth it given my recurrent miscarriages. This is our first go, so I'm sure we'll hit plenty of potholes along the way.

Fuzzy hope you don't have too long to wait to get started.

Closephine hope you feel better soon.

Fourpaws hope the counselling helps, I find it's helped me so much.

My scan (3D Saline Sonogram) felt really awkward, like having a smear test with liquid squirted in along with a probe by a dildo cam. But the good news is that it showed nothing problematic (only a little fibroid that has been there for years and no-one seems concerned about), such a relief. Next step is a booking appointment before starting DR. The receptionist claimed that they were fully booked until the 19th (which means I'd have to wait til the next cycle) but the nurses were more sympathetic so if the clinic can fit me in next week, I could start DR on CD21 which is next Friday 14th so Karla we may become cycle buddies.

Oh fuzzy how awful. I'm so sorry you find yourself here.
Karla - I'll potentially be with you. Either October or November depending on cysts....

fuzzy welcome and I'm so sorry you lost your little boy. Life can be spectacularly cruel. Fingers crossed for your cycle.

four love the image of you sitting in the cells at court and dealing with the drunks whilst doing a bit of Mumsnetting!

Glad to hear you're doing ok, is your cycle NHS or private this time? Did you resolve your dispute? I know exactly what you mean about the angry and bloated few days before AF, hope it arrives and puts you out of your misery. Wine and chocolate would be my suggestion!

bean hope you don't have any more delays.

karla glad you can get going. blue hope you can get underway soon too.

I'm so sorry tammy. It's just fucking shit. Hide away but the thread is always here.

banana how are you doing?

Well, I have two blasts on board. The transfer went really well, it seemed a better experience or perhaps I'm just used to it. Now to try and prevent myself from going slowly insane. OTD is 16(!) days post transfer but I will test next weekend as they are day 6 hatching blasts and 16 days seems unecessarily long. Plus I bled at 8dpt last time. Intralipids seems to have got rid of the cold symptoms, which is a bonus!

Lazy weekend ahead. What is everyone up to?