The mind numbing boredom of infertility IV

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

Yes it's the return of the thread where we're so fucking bored of being infertile and talking about infertility and thinking about infertility and worrying and infertility and learning about infertility treatment and explaining infertility to other people and making up lies to cover up for going for infertility tests and treatment that we can't even be bothered to think of a better name for the thread.

Join us if you are barren, bored and bitter, or any combination of the above. We'll listen to your tails of woe when everyone you've ever met upduffs in an instant, accompany you through the trials of tests and treatment and commiserate the inevitable setbacks and disappointments.

Welcome to the ghetto.

When I can work out links, I'll post linnks to threads 1, 2 and 3

Closephine, I'm waiting for Jan too. Sorry to hear your mum doesn't really get it. Dont know why the emotional toll of all this isn't blatantly obvious to others but it does seem that you have to feel it to grasp it. In fact the more I think about it, 'sensitive' is the label people give others to absolve themselves of their own lack of empathy. So much easier to just blame the person that is suffering. Heartbroken, terrified, crushed, bricking it, lost is all how I feel not fucking sensitive. Rant over.

Forgot to say I like the mix on here. Just no scan pictures please!☺

Icy I wonder if that feeling of bitterness and cynicism that comes with infertility ever leaves? Even when pregnant, I couldn't totally shake it off. Now it's just magnified... (I joined the other thread before my first scan, I think many people do, because of all the uncertainty and not really talking about it so early on IRL)

Closephine thank you. I'm sorry you were made to feel bad, you're not oversensitive. I feeling wishing the rest of the year away anyway so bring on January for you and Sara.

Sorry that should say *I feel like wishing...

Anyway so a self indulgent whinge. Today is day 28 of dr. Finished the extra progesterone pessaries yesterday. TBH I feel like this is doomed to failure and want it over. I suspect I won't bleed in time and then I'll have to wait for a proper period to the start short protocol. And depending when that happens we may have to delay a month as the manshape is away for a week in November.

Sara - you've nailed all the feelings there. However, I suspect you're right. I could show that list to my mum and she'd still find a way of labelling me over sensitive. It's just easier to lay the blame elsewhere.

Bean - I'm sorry your cycle has started so badly. Could your DP have a sample frozen in advance if his trip away in order to avoid delaying?

Yes 3am post... infertility insomnia strikes again!

I guess so. I'm worried that trying to have ec while he was away would be logistically and emotionally hard. I'll discuss with the consultant if we get to that though.

Hi there. I'm hanging on in there - almost to the end of Schrodinger's 2ww. Tomorrow sunday* I shall poas and Monday will be a blood test to confirm whichever way. Whilst I really just want to know, there is also some comfort in still having the possibility that it has worked. Either way, at 11dp3dt we are the closest we have ever been to a bfp. At least we know something went in. Hugs to all fiends and glittery dog shit in heaps.
*depending if I can hold out...

peaop you have a will of iron. Keeping everything crossed for you. Any symptoms?
At 14dpo equivalent I would say that you're safe to test, but I will stop there at trying to encourage you to test early!

bean the unpredictable timing of treatment is something I find really hard. I hope this cycle turns around for you.

blueroses I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. It is even more cruel, if that's possible, that a baby conceived through IVF is lost, as it isn't as easy to start trying again.

On my way to another scan, hoping they give me the go ahead to start on the progesterone and book in for transfer.

For some reason I've agreed to go and see Bridget Jones Baby this evening. Not sure why - suspect that a film about a 40 year old accidentally getting pregnant will be very annoying!

I think I'm terrified that it will say no and that we will have to start all over again. Going to test tomorrow as I now have to work on Sunday morning. Fx.
tiger you are braver than me going to see that film... How did your scan go?

Fx for you PeaOp.

Bean the wait is tough.

Tiger that's how I feel sometimes, just feel so unlucky. How was the scan today?

Im so over this. If I don't bleed tomorrow I'm going to ask my consultant if we can abandon. I can't do this. I feel so bloody awful. Could barely manage work this week. Banana there may be tears on Tuesday.

blueroses welcome, sorry to see you here. So sorry for your loss.

Interesting discussion about whether to post or not post after getting pregnant. I may have been the first bfp on the mind numbing thread in Jan this year? Not sure. I certainly posted after the bfp and up to, including and after the viability scan which showed a dead baby. Had that scan showed a live baby maybe I could have believed it was real and headed off to a pregnant after infertility thread. I don't think there's any hard and fast line (except no scan pics, definitely no scan pics), it's just like any post on Mumsnet where you would consider why you're saying it, who's going to see it.

Does life cease being mind numbingly boring on the pregnancy after infertility thread? Does it become knife edgingly nerve wracking or similar?

PeaOp I have everything crossed for you tomorrow. Really - you have done so well, I am so impressed.

Tiger, how did the scan go today? Are you getting close?

Bean, I'm so sorry that this feels so rubbish. Please don't ditch everything yet - I don't know much about the long term impact of infertility just yet, but I do know that I fear regretting an angry and spur of the moment decision.

Banana, thinking of you also and hope you are getting closer to a new plan of action that you feel positive about. Do let us know when you feel like it.

Wishing you all a relaxing weekend. I am a lump in front of the Ryder Cup. I love watching golf for days on end - does anyone else get sucked into the Ryder Cup?

Lh I just mean ditch trying to save this and then doing a short antagonist protocol instead.

I've got you, sorry I misunderstood Bean.

It's a bfn from me.

Oh PeaOp, I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself today and wallow and indulge all you want.

PeaOp, so very sorry. Come back and talk when you feel like it.

So sorry PeaOp, how shitty

Bean, so frustrating for you. Hopefully you'll still be able to go ahead this cycle.

Blueroses so sorry for your loss. My mil had to have cervical stitches for her pregnancies but they only realised after she lost 5 babies.

Closephine, I totally agree with Sara. It's as if they are excusing themselves by making out it is you in the wrong. Hope you're ok.

Tammy I hope your 2ww is going quickly and you're feeling ok.

Tiger you're a brave lady going to see that film! Are things going ok otherwise?

Icy, LH hope you both are doing ok and enjoy the Ryder Cup LH! I found watching the Olympics made the time pass quicker which was nice!

Banana, how are you doing? Were you back to the clinic yesterday? I didn't get gas and air for my biopsy at Coventry, it effing knacked too.

I'm off to Prague tomorrow for bloods and a scratch. Was thinking of getting medication over there too but I can't work out the price list! Arghh. I feel stressed at the thought of doing another cycle this IVF stuff is just shit.

PeaOp I'm so sorry (You may need to prepare yourself for the worst AF ever, the drugs, extra hormones and disappointment wreak havoc)

Beaky thanks for sharing, how heartbreaking to go through 5 losses. I imagine prices are much better in Prague, can someone at the clinic help with working out what you need? Hope the scratch goes well.

I'm sorry to hear that peaop. Take care of yourself this weekend.

Have a good trip beaky, good luck with the price list!

So sorry pea.

I've had a chat with my consultant and we've decided to abandon this cycle. 30 days of dr is just beyond what I can deal with and still no bleed so would be at least 33 before I could start stimming and we think I'd have a really blunted response.
So we wait for a bleed and then try short protocol. I'm anxious as I don't know much about it and also becuase consultant additionally pushed for long again as I got plenty of eggs last time and she was worked my respnse wouldn't be so good. Obviously given how absent our fertilisation was I was hoping for a good number of eggs to have a change of getting an embryo this time. So feeling pretty down. What a waste of 7.5 weeks.

Bean, I am so sorry you have gone through all this for what feels like nothing. What a total punch in the face.

I think you and I are a little similar, if I recall correctly you have had some very poor fertilisation rates with IVF so doing ICSI this time? Re moving to short antagonist - I don't know anything different, as that is all I have tried. Perhaps I would have done better on long protocol, but at age 40 with AMH of 2.9, I have been pleased to get 5 eggs back in March when we did an all-freeze round, and 6 eggs on my recent fresh round. And when I moved to ICSI my fertilisation when from 20% to 80%.

Please don't feel disheartened by a short cycle - and after the marathon you have just been through something that is VERY FAST might be refreshing. I look forward to hearing that your period has started and you can get this show on the road. You are doing ICSI this time yes?

Beaky, wishing you a very successful trip to Prague tomorrow.

And Tammy, how slowly are the days passing? Comically slowly?