The mind numbing boredom of infertility IV

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

Yes it's the return of the thread where we're so fucking bored of being infertile and talking about infertility and thinking about infertility and worrying and infertility and learning about infertility treatment and explaining infertility to other people and making up lies to cover up for going for infertility tests and treatment that we can't even be bothered to think of a better name for the thread.

Join us if you are barren, bored and bitter, or any combination of the above. We'll listen to your tails of woe when everyone you've ever met upduffs in an instant, accompany you through the trials of tests and treatment and commiserate the inevitable setbacks and disappointments.

Welcome to the ghetto.

When I can work out links, I'll post linnks to threads 1, 2 and 3

[LHReturns]

Well done PeaOp, you are getting there!!

[icy121]

Yes never had a sniff of a positive before now. 3 years of trying (8 months of clomid, a lap and ovarian drilling with endo removal and a tube unblocked in July15) it's just been a disaster. Am naturally barren! Anyway. we're off the starters blocks but on the basis (according to online calculators) am 4+4 (ha!) it's so early I feel it almost doesn't count... Is that unusual?

Tammy good luck with shitting - it seems to me that I'm back to normal now in that dept, although fuck ME I did an accidental fart on my way out the office and it was horrific. Hope not a sign of things to come.

Tiger lots of women knocking about who went to Czech for treatment that was cheap, clean and open to trying lots of stuff that NHS wouldn't.

LH going to read that thread now. Diving in.

[icy121]

pea oh that's good news give NR had a full on droid, stay away you horrible period dream killing motherfucker!

[LHReturns]

It totally counts Icy...bet your pregnancy test lines are getting stronger and stronger too...

[karlafox]

icy did you look at the nearest person in disgust when you released the killer parp or did you own it?💪

peop hang in there, hope you can stay sane for a little longer!

tammy well done on the embies you have onboard. Fx for you.

Had a hysteroscopy today to rule out any abormalities and spotting/bleeding I get from day 21ish. Apparently I have a golf ball size endometriosis between vagina and bowel (tmi sorry) consultant said it can be quite complex to remove (although he was trying to explain this when I had just come
round from sedation where I had been dreaming about Oreo's!) so he suggests I leave it if it's not causing any problems apart from contact bleeding and spotting and it won't affect fertility so at least I know it's not some sort of hormonal thing that's stopping conception menopause. Luckily he's also one of the consultants who works at Nurture so he had my sample in his satchel which he was taking with him to clinic this afternoon to be sent off. Hopefully no trip and spills along the way! I can now book for round 2 so currently limbering up, doing my stretches ready for the fight against the barrenness!

[Sara237]

Icy - such luscious news, you are unwittingly carrying me through September!
Peaop - it is so torturously slow but your signs sound good. Fingers crossed for you.
Karla- sounds like it was well worth having that done and must be good to know it won't affect fertility. Keep limbering.
LH- glad you're doing so well. Have good rest when you get home.
Fourpaws- I agree with the advice re baby party thing- just don't go. Or book a night away on same day. Much more pleasurable. I wouldn't feel obligated and am literally surrounded by pregnant family and friends. Nephew expecting in Nov, close friend due at Xmas- enough! Those that love you will totally get it, if they don't well life's too short x

[LHReturns]

Sara good to hear from you! Think about you and your next big plan lots!

Karla, I have had something similar. About a decade ago I suddenly started getting agonising deep pain during sex. As my partner at the time was not especially well endowed, and scans showed nothing, a Laparoscopy was the agreed next step.

The first Lap showed, like you, a 'golf ball sized' chunk of something untoward down low. It explained why I felt like I was laying an egg every time I sat down. It was right between my rectum and posterior of uterus, area I believe is called the Pouch of Douglas (makes me cringe every time!). It was also leaking a lot of blood into my abdomen.

Surgeon wanted to know what it was first. Biopsy showed it was not an ectopic preg or something more sinister, and Endo was diagnosed. It was clearly not a typical case given its location and size.

So three weeks after the first I had another Lap. Surgeon wanted to get every final Endo cell as apparently once you start removing it you must get at all, because any remaining cells can get so sticky and adhesive. This Lap was more than 5 hours of intricate work, but he did it and it has never returned.

I did a lot of research at the time, and I agree with what you have been told. If mine wasn't causing me so much pain it would have been absolutely fine to leave it be, and was not expected to impact my fertility.

If you do every decide to get your 'golf ball' removed then I cannot recommend Angus McIndoe (Harley St) any more highly. Such a lovely man and such an expert. Bupa covered both my procedures.

Wish you well with this and hope this gives a little reassurance.

[karlafox]

LH thank you for sharing your story! I must admit, I was a little taken aback when he said 'golf ball'.. 😐
I have been chatting to banana and beanhunter over on the Facebook group about how I may have been diagnosed without having a laparoscopy just hysteroscopy. So the mistery continues for now!

Hi to everyone else. peaop you doing ok?

[bananafish81]

karla glad you’re on the mend, although I’m so curious to know how he’s diagnosed endo without a lap! Good luck with the uNK biopsy - great to have had that done while you’re under - I understand if you go to Coventry to have it done they give you gas n air to huff while they do it!

Sara hope you’re doing OK and having some time for yourself

Peaop you’re doing so well, home stretch now!

tammy wonderful news on the embryos!!! May the coming week fly by with a beautiful BFP shaped ribbon across the finishing line. And Movicol for the pooing.

tiger hurrah for the miracle mayonnaise. Hope scan went well and that your plan B won’t be needed cos of imminenent upduffery

Annie so sorry you find yourself back here again. I’m so very sorry to hear about your mc - messed up cycles are unfortunately just the icing on the cake

bean really hope the d/r gets sorted and you can crack on soon

fourpaws echoing everything the ladies have already said

closephine it sucks massive balls. I got baby bombed by Whatsapp by a friend who was with me when I bought HPTs in Jan during the 2ww of my IVF cycle. She said, whilst supping wine, she was thinking about TTC for a 3rd, but hadn’t got around to having any sex yet. Turns out she was 6 weeks pregnant and didn’t even know. She had a baby girl (after 2 boys) and sent me a baby photo and invitation to come and visit - the day after my second miscarriage (she wasn’t to know) I cried and cried and cried.

potatoes please have ALL the vodka and all the gin. Thinking of you

LH and icy everything crossed for you ladies



Just to say to the ladies who have, and hopefully for the ladies who will be getting, their BFPs - tis the norm to graduate pregnancy chat onto other threads, to keep the barren threads free of preggo symptoms, scans etc. However when I was pregnant earlier this year I felt incredibly out of place on the normal preggo threads, as all these instadiffers were planning their maternity leave while of course I was thinking ‘but don’t you know everything that could go wrong?!!!’ Anyway, I started a thread called ‘pregnancy after infertility’ for barrens-turned-preggos - which I believe is still going. Many ladies from this and other barrens threads have graduated onto that thread, safe from the smug instadiffers, so just a reminder that there is a barrens haven in the preggo zone for those of you having viability scans and the like.

AFM, well, as per usual, my uterus is a fecking disaster zone.

Once again I can't even miscarry properly. My period isn't a proper period (again), just black clotty gunge and brown spotting (again), no red flow or anything resembling a period (again).

At 5w we wouldn't expect a sac but we would expect more than black spotting.

Dr has brought our WTF appt by a week and wants to scan me on Friday. He's also brought forward my hysteroscopy and wants to do this next week - provisionally next Weds.

Glad hysto is sooner because I just want this rotten dead lining and embryo out of me. If I can't menstruate properly and can't miscarry properly, well then it'll just need manually scraping out of me.

I'm just so fed up. My uterus is this toxic hazard zone where embryos just go to die

[Blueroses99]

Hello, please may I join you? I'm going in the wrong direction as I did join the pregnancy after infertility thread which you started Banana (thank you so much, it's been a lifeline), but I sadly lost my son at 21 weeks in July. I found out just recently that it was due to an incompetent cervix, which meant I couldn't keep him in any longer as he grew. It's preventable but there are no tests for it so it is usually diagnosed after pregnancy loss.

I am 35 and have been TTC for 4 years, and conceived on the second cycle of ICSI. I am booked into the clinic next week to talk about starting a new cycle. We were originally referred to IVF for sperm issues, but they also found that I have poor quality eggs (resulting in lots of eggs collected but few fertilised, no blastos in the first cycle, no frosties from either cycle) and now I found I can't even grow a baby without medical intervention- it's a bit of a triple whammy.

[icy121]

blue I've seen your blog - so sorry for what you've had to go through. Lots of barren support here. Be kind to yourself.

[Blueroses99]

Thank you icy. Congrats on the BFP!

[LHReturns]

Understood Banana - until something awful happens I will skulk off to the other thread and peer around folornly. Almost want a thread: Pre-heartbeat pregnancy after infertility.

Quick question: is my ongoing interest in all YOUR ongoing challenges welcome any longer? Or does no one want to see our names anymore? A quick glance at the other thread tells me that they no longer actively participate here, perhaps they just lurk? This makes me sad because I will struggle to flounce off from you all and stop caring about your stories.

[LHReturns]

Blue, i am desperately sorry for your terrible experience. So much warmth and optimism and good fortune to you as you embark on a new cycle.

[Blueroses99]

Thanks for the welcome LH and congratulations on the BFP. I had the same issue but sort of in reverse (pregnancy loss amongst a pregnancy thread) but was made to feel welcome to stay. I don't post much on the other thread but I do lurk, after building relationships over months I remain interested in how everyone is getting on, as you say you don't stop caring. You will be welcome there too 😊

[beanhunter]

Blue welcome and I'm so sorry to hear your story.
LH I don't think anyone wants you to flounce and we do all care how things go and would like you to still follow us and participate. If others have left its of their own free will and I guess other things take priority. Just sometimes it's hard to read pregnancy stuff if you are in the midst of a MC or a cycle that's going abysmally.
If a pre hb thread would be helpful you could always start one? I'm sure Icy and some others would be keen and if we ever get there I would want one too!

[LHReturns]

Thanks guys!! I certainly didn't mean a MN style flounce! I meant a 'Gosh, I'm too pregnant for all of you' type flounce. Not my style at all.

I think I will start that new thread...as well as start lurking on the other. I feel SO far away from anyone that has a confirmed viable pregnancy, I don't feel authentic participating yet. I feel closer to you guys but I entirely understand that you won't feel the same.

[PeaOp]

Hi there, sorry for radio silence, been away with work. I'm still hanging in there with a little discharge every day. Testing at the weekend - trying to hold out for Sunday but we'll see!

[Blue2014]

LH (and Icy) I still lurk on the BESH page but rarely post (I clearly lurk here too!) I'm on the thread banana created. There is also a PESH thread (for BESH grads) but no one really goes there now.

Banana,I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is a world of unfair shitty bollocks.

[karlafox]

Welcome blue but sorry you are here..
LH I echo bean. We are a friendly bunch of barrens here in the ghetto so pleas don't flounce 😉 Anyone is welcome to join in, I guess banana was very subtly suggesting those who have been so lucky in getting their BFP may want to share their joy without feeling guilty or awkward..
It's just some of us haven't either had a sniff of a BFP.. Ever! (I'm one of those) or are suffering with failed cycles and MC's so may come to this thread to wollow or to let of steam amongst fellow barrens.

Good idea on the new thread, hopefully some of us can lurk or join you there! Fx

[kiwiblue]

Just to add like blue2014 I too lurk here now and am on the thread banana started. I've also had to leave that thread in the past and come back here after I miscarried so I echo what karla said. I know it feels strange joining the pg thread but they are a lovely bunch too and include lots of us ex mind numbers!

[LHReturns]

You are all so lovely - thank you. I am lurking on Banana's thread now, I promise. I'm the loser at the party looking at the CDs and family photos.

[icy121]

LH it's a difficult balance. I wrote a longish piece on other thread about that sadness I feel that being infertile has blamed me so cynical and bitter. But then deleted it because on balance, if you're in the midst of a MC or early stages of a pregnancy having lost your baby at term, or doing an IVF cycle or fucking waiting to do an IVF cycle, having someone spout on about how sad She is that she can't get knocked up and start planning the nursery or maternity leave immediately is going to fucking rankle. Poor you icy, you're so sad you're pregnant. Do you have other problems too? Is your house too big to clean? Have you got so much money you can't fit it in the bank? Those diamond shoes pinching? Bummer.

So I didn't post it because it wasn't the place to. I think an "Apparently Pregnant" thread would be a good idea tbh. I certainly don't feel pregnant enough to move onto a pregnant thread either. Not sure pregnancy is binary, there's definitely a scale as far as I'm concerned

[closephine85]

Blue - welcome, but I am so unbelievably sorry for your loss there are no suitable words really. Life just isn't fair.

Icy - totally get where you're coming from. a friend recently bought a new larger car for her growing family before she'd even had her 12 week scan. The idea that someone could be so sure everything was going to be just fine is such an alien concept to me. BUT from the point of view of someone who has secondary infertility, the reason I didn't post on this thread for so long was because I felt that others on here would think similar about me and my diamond encrusted shoes! However, no one has made me feel like that, everyone has been understanding and welcoming, as I suspect the women on the thread you are talking about would be towards you and your fears which are completely valid.

Banana - that baby bomb sounds awful. These people that just 'think' about becoming pregnant and magically do!

Nothing really to report from me. In limbo land until we go for IVF in January. I got a bit of a lecture from my mum about being too sensitive about our fertility problems the other day. I wish I could convey what is actually going on under the surface when she perceives me as being 'sensitive'.

[TammySwanson]

I completely understand that people who have only recently got BFPs and have an already checkered past don't feel ready to move to the pregnancy thread and (personally) I don't mind at all the posts on here (so long as it never degenerates into what buggy to buy or choosing names but I know that none of the ladies who've been through what we've been through would be so insensitive) Sadly we will never probably never stop feeling like an outsider with other people, no matter what the outcome for us is, so would be nice to be able to stay together whatever happens. However I can see the other side of it too and if the consensus is we need another thread then so be it.