The mind numbing boredom of infertility IV

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

Yes it's the return of the thread where we're so fucking bored of being infertile and talking about infertility and thinking about infertility and worrying and infertility and learning about infertility treatment and explaining infertility to other people and making up lies to cover up for going for infertility tests and treatment that we can't even be bothered to think of a better name for the thread.

Join us if you are barren, bored and bitter, or any combination of the above. We'll listen to your tails of woe when everyone you've ever met upduffs in an instant, accompany you through the trials of tests and treatment and commiserate the inevitable setbacks and disappointments.

Welcome to the ghetto.

When I can work out links, I'll post linnks to threads 1, 2 and 3

I understand that, Close. My dad phoned the day after my transfer to ask if I feel pregnant yet! When I tell people we're still trying, loads of people say 'oh! I thought you were having ivf!' as though that's like being handed a baby. Then they say 'oh well, you can always try again' as though we shit money. People outside of our crappy little world really have no clue.

Hi Close, I completely get how you're feeling at the moment. Apart from cramping on the first two days there had hasn't really been anything since - does being really windy count? I've never been so desperate for my boobs to hurt or to feel sick. I also feel that this cycle hasn't worked for me either. I did read stories on one of the 2ww wait threads (which gives me some hope and hopefully you too) where some women had every symptom and then discovered that they weren't pregnant (don't forget that progesterone also gives you pregnancy type symptoms) and other women who had no symptoms and were shocked to discover they were. I told my friend, who's also had a few rounds of ivf, and she said that on the last cycle she was convinced she was pregnant. It turned out that it was just IBS.
Testing wise - I've decided not to until the day the clinic said. I think I'd rather stay in my bubble for a little longer.

Ugh I really would love to raise awareness about infertility more, it's so often just brushed to the side. Just no idea what the right approach would be.

Fuzzy - not a good question from your Dad! But it sounds at least like you have a more open relationship than I have with my parents. It's like the elephant in the room. They know we've been away and why, but there just seems to be a wall between us when it comes to actually talking about it. Awkward.

Joey - sorry you are in this place too! It really is the most hideous limbo. My boobs have hurt since starting the progesterone (so before the embryos were even transferred!) so at least there is no ambiguity with that symptom. When I was pregnant with my DS my boobs actually hurt less than they normally do in the run up to AF! I may also decide to hold out until OTD which is Sunday it's almost better not knowing! I'm booked for a blood test on Monday anyway... oh I don't know!

I understand what you mean about knowing your own body, Close. I've been pregnant 5 times, and I've always known by 7-8dpo. The pinches, twitches, cramps and pulls I get in my uterus are unmistakable. This month I'm feeling queasy, my boobs hurt, my mouth won't stop watering and I'm constantly running too hot, but I know without the womb action it's all just hormonal. My uterus feels very still and empty at 9dpo.

I really do hope that's not the case for you, and Friday brings some wonderful news, but I also know how irritating it is when other people think they know your body better than you do! Every time I fan myself, or complain about a headache, DH starts to get excited. I feel like I'm kicking a puppy having to tell him 'No, I know my body and I can tell you this is just progesterone!' I'm still quietly hopeful for you, though. Medicated cycles do break a lot of the tww rules.

My dad used to be the type of man who left the room if I said the word 'period'. But since we lost my son, he's so determined to have another grandchild. It's strange to get phone calls from my dad telling me things like he's read about aspirin helping with implantation!!! He really is very desperate! Losing our boy has been a game-changer for everyone.

Mr Fuzzy, I hope I wasn't insensitive when I said about your dad being more open, I so hope it works out for you soon. I really cannot imagine what you all must be going through.

Empty and still is exactly how my womb feels right now and I am the equivalent of 12dpo on a normal cycle (if I was on the conception board I'd have poas by now, had my 'is this a line?' confirmed with an 'I see it! Congrats hun!' and I would be on my merry way to sail through the next 9 months without a second thought to it). I think because our issue was supposedly a fertilisation one I had dared to hope that ivf may solve it and we would get to be one of the lucky ones. At least my DH is as despondent as I am about it all, so no expectations there.

I couldn't even bring myself to join any of the ivf buddy threads because I couldn't bear the thought of others getting BFPs around the same time I would get a BFN.

Oh dear, listen to me going on again! I'm so sorry everyone, I promise in real life I'm giving the appearance of holding it together at least :)

Not at all Close - hope I didn't sound maudlin. Just thought I'd explain how a totally old fashioned squeamish old dude becomes a fertility expert!

Oh, bloody boo for empty & still wombs. I had a bit of ovulation spotting this month, which I've only ever had once before when I conceived Billy-Joe. So stupid me thought it was some kind of magic spell. Dope.

Sorry, got cut short. Yes, very annoying. I joined an ivf buddy scheme. My buddy is just about to enter her 2nd trimester She's lovely but not sure her buddy-ness is doing much for my barrenness!

Rant away, Close. No apologies necessary. It's just shit. It might still happen for you (still cautiously optimistic for you) but either way, I totally get the awful emotions. Sending a virtual hug x

Close, I get you. I can barely write here because it seems everyone has BFP except me. I just see everyone come and go. I am twitching to rant on the thread with the lady who is pregnant with nine week old. Just had to delete my response. Nearly 300 posts, maybe 3 from her, and it's all about how offensive Irish twins is. Ffs. I wish that's all I had to be upset and offended by. Seriously, it makes me so angry.

I'm still here too. I've just been in angry mode since my surgery last week which has basically revealed nothing that wrong. The diagnoses of endo and pcos have now disappeared (how the fuck does that even work?) but I have one ovary that's so adherent to my bowel it probably won't be accessible at ec if we have another go. And now I've got yet more scars to show for it. I really wanted the surgery to either show something concretely wrong and unfixable that told us we needed to stop or something that they could improve or use to inform further treatment. Instead we get advised to go again but with further diminished success rates.

Have been following all your journeys and rooting for you all.

Ugh MrFuzzy that's annoying about your buddy (although lovely for her obviously!). Is that in real life?

Four - yes I saw that thread! weirdly I was also irritated by another thread about Irish twins - a couple had become offended after asking their group of friends who would be next to have a baby so that their imminent bundle would have a buddy. Apparently this lady had commented that they should just have Irish twins and they'd told them they were offensive. No one responding to the thread seemed to pick up on the insensitivity of the couple in the first place for going on at their friend's to have babies when they have no idea what might be going on in their lives!! Just don't think anyone else thinks in that way.

Really sorry to hear that Bean :( one of the hardest parts is having no answers. Are you planning on another round of ivf?

I've just got into bed to discover a massive cold wet patch from the ice pack I put on my thigh this morning before my clexane injection and clearly then forgot about and left in there all day, delightful!

Probably close. But looking into maybe embryo adoption when that inevitably doesn't work. Would look at adoption in the more traditional sense but dong think I can hack the social worker aspect of it or the likelihood of a majorly damages child (which makes me a shitty person).

Staying with same consultant but going to a new CARE clinic as she's moving so will see if that changes anything.

Bean - weird. I nearly started a thread about embryo adoption this morning but decided I really should at least do my test first! We will try our FET in a few months and then if that fails embryo adoption seems like the route I'd be happiest to pursue as well. Are there any rules about who is allowed to do it (I worry that because my eggs are ok, they'd tell us we had to go down the donor sperm route instead)? Do most clinics offer it do you know or is it something you have to go abroad for? (Sorry for questions if you don't have the answers! Will probably start a thread about it in a few days when I've had my inevitable BFN).

Close been thinking of you. Any news? My 'buddy' is through a FB page, so not IRL.

Bean how do you make sense of diagnoses like that disappearing?! I have a stubborn ovary pushed behind a fibroid. They got to it for EC but only because it dropped. Annoyingly it's the active one that produces most of the eggs. My body hates me. We have also considered embryo adoption if all else fails for the same reason as you. We would only be eligible to adopt an older child due to DH's age.

Soz Close -crossed posts. I thought you might be testing today x

I was going to try and hold out until Sunday but I've decided it's just prolonging the inevitable so will do it tomorrow morning as at least DH will be home to pick up the pieces. I had a little feel of my cervix last night (as you do!) and it feels down and a bit open as tho it's basically just waiting to allow AF once I stop the drugs so I really have no hope left. I just feel empty and barren and sad.

Fuzzy - I don't know. It makes no sense. Well the pcos disappearing is probably because of the number of cysts I've had removed so effectively have had wedge resections. The endo? Not a clue. Makes no sense at all.

Close - I don't know much about it yet either. I think it's more of an abroad thing probably - certainly in times of wait. From my point of view neither eggs or sperm are actually bad enough that anyone says we need donor but the fact is the are both a bit crap and so it seems increasingly unlikely it'll happen.

Also I'm personally not sure if I could manage to use donor eggs with my husbands sperm. I think I'd resent it not being my biological child but still being his. If it was neither of ours but I carried it I think that would be ok for me. Which admittedly probably makes no sense to other people but I know how I work and one donor for either of us would be likely to result in resentment. "Normal" adoption has so many difficulties. And could take several years as they want it to be after a wait after fertility treatment.
Embryo adoption from what I understand gives a choice of using embryos that are left over frozen from other people's fertility treatment or double donor. I think I would be inclined to go for the latter as the success rates are higher - although it's a bit more expensive. But as I say I don't yet know that much about it. I know my consultant has links with a clinic in Spain and because it's basically a FET you can have all your treatment at home and only fly out for transfer which makes it more logistically possible.

Close, sorry you feel 'out'. Keep us posted though. Still, maybe....?

Bean Serum in Athens do embryo adoption. I think it's €2-3K. It's cheaper than donor eggs. They don't use people going through fertility treatment. Only carefully vetted donors who have living children and a proven fertility track record. That's why we're going there. In the U.K. a lot of donors are egg/embryo sharing to make their own IVF cheaper, which means that you're getting donations from couples with a history of infertility.

Yep fuzzy. That's what I would prefer too. Also I prefer the anonymity aspect. Though that perhaps is selfish on my part for any further child. Although my mum was actually adopted and def didn't want to ever know anything about her biological parents (she was adopted at 6 weeks of age).

Bean I have a friend with twins from donor eggs. They know all about how they came to be, and are totally comfortable with it. I think it's a lot to do with how you explain it, and how secure they feel. My dads adopted and not even remotely interested in finding his biological parents. The success rates for embie adoption are brilliant - like, nearly 70%. If I could convince DH, I'd just cut all this crap and go straight for it. But he's still hooked on us having a full or half biological sibling to our late son. But then he's not the one have dildo-cam, nightly injections and operations every few bloody months. It's all getting rather tedious for me.

Thanks Fuzzy for that bit of information. I had no idea that in the UK a lot of donor eggs are from couples who are saving money towards their own treatment. I'm due to test on Wednesday but as I think I'll die of shock if it's positive, that piece of information is definitely something to bare in mind as donor eggs are our next step.

I've already got my list of questions prepared for Penny for when I emailed her with my (negative) result, I'm going to ask about embryo adoption. Ultimately I just want a baby, if adoption was easier I would go down that route, but there are so many hoops to jump through and still no guarantees at the end I don't think it's for us. We could do donor sperm, but I'd have to start all over again and can't face it, plus as I've said before it feels 'fairer' to me that the child is biologically neither of ours than half me.

Almost tested just now but heard a niggling voice in my head saying 'you've drunk a lot of water today, it could affect the result!' So I decided against it. I don't want to give my head any room to doubt the result.

Joey - how are you getting on? Managing to stay saner than me!?

Close good luck. I think embryo adoption is a wonderful way to go. Like you I just want a baby! Now!!!!!!

Joey I've attached the price list from Care. You can have eggs from an exclusive donor, but have a look at the difference in cost. Those prices are excluding the various tests, consultations and medication. Then have a look at the cost of IVF if you agree to share your eggs. It's no wonder people do it. Also I'm not sure how they vet exclusive donors, but I don't think proven fertility i.e. their own children, is among their criteria. Also at Care you can be a donor up to 35, whereas Serum prefer early 20s.

Not really Close. This is my first cycle and I can honestly say this has been the worst part of whole process even worse than the injections and the egg transfer! I've spent the last 9 days either hoping that I might get a symptom (I convinced myself yesterday that my boobs had grown) to dreading going to the toilet as I'll discover that my af has finally arrived. I think I'm now at the point where I'd rather my af come just come now so I can finally deal with it and move on to my next step.

Joey - just checking you know that you won't get AF until you stop the progesterone? Feeling like af is going to start is the symptom I've been hoping for, so if you're having that it could be a good sign.