The mind numbing boredom of infertility IV

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

Yes it's the return of the thread where we're so fucking bored of being infertile and talking about infertility and thinking about infertility and worrying and infertility and learning about infertility treatment and explaining infertility to other people and making up lies to cover up for going for infertility tests and treatment that we can't even be bothered to think of a better name for the thread.

Join us if you are barren, bored and bitter, or any combination of the above. We'll listen to your tails of woe when everyone you've ever met upduffs in an instant, accompany you through the trials of tests and treatment and commiserate the inevitable setbacks and disappointments.

Welcome to the ghetto.

When I can work out links, I'll post linnks to threads 1, 2 and 3

Hi all. Quick update. Today (day 5) I had one blast which wasn't quite good enough quality to PGS & freeze, but the embryologist thought it was viable and gave me the option of having it transferred. So it's now in!

Fuzzy that's great news! Best of luck to you on the 2ww. Sorry to hear about the melanoma though, but hopefully it's nothing sinister.

Tiger my pre-cycle escape was to Sri Lanka, it was paradise! Highly recommended and have plenty of tips if needed.

Closephine hope you can delay the jury service so it doesn't interfere with your treatment.

Hi to everyone else xx

Thanks Blue. If we hadn't had it transferred it would have gone in the bin, so we took the risk. Not very good timing given that it'll be another couple of weeks before I find out if the lesion is in-situ, but it's the only chance we'll have to show for our £16,000!

Fingers crossed for you Fuzzy, hopefully in a few weeks you'll have two lots of good news!

Thinking if you fuzzy. Crikey you must be stressed out. Here's to great news for you on all fronts. Have a feeling you're gonna need lots of distractions!

Oh wow, best of luck with everything MrFuzzy. You deserve some so I hope it all comes good in a couple of weeks.

Tiger, I tend to go MIA at times when I'm so mind numbingly bored that I literally have nothing to say. I've seen so many people come and go now, I've lurked since the very beginning on here, I'm starting to resign myself to it meaning it's never going to happen. I am chronically barren now. On a lighter note, any progress on your holiday? I can't help with knowledge of travel restrictions I'm afraid.

Everything tightly crossed for you fuzzy, hope that embryo is the one.

I do that too closephine, it's all just so mind numbingly boring that there isn't much to say.

Oh blue I would be interested in hearing more about your Sri Lanka experiences - that is also on my list. I need some sunshine desperately!

I don't feel at all well in myself at the moment - tired, sleeping badly, hot flushes at night. I also stopped following a gluten free diet over Christmas, and although I've gone back on it now, I feel really poorly and have terrible bloating and stomach pains, and all sorts of toilet issues and thrush to boot. Just generally look and feel like shite! Am seeing the Gp next week to see if she will re do the Coeliacs test (it runs in my family) as I think I may have tipped over the edge into having an issue. My sister was diagnosed after a pregnancy, and I wonder if I am following the same pattern.

First appointment with the new clinic in a week's time, so that's something at least.

Tiger I know a woman with coeliacs triggered by pregnancy. Definitely worth getting checked out. Like you I fell off the gluten-free train lately, as I think with me it's just IBS that gluten seems to make worse. Going to have to get back on the programme though - I get incredibly sharp pains like a stitch.

As for bloating - between the stims, the egg retrieval and now the progesterone pessaries, I look ace! My mum came with me for the transfer. She's one of those people who verbalises her stream of consciousness with no filter whatsoever, so her first words on arriving yesterday were "Look at the size of your belly! It's huge! You're all bloated. You look like you're already pregnant!" Yeah. Cheers. So much for keeping my stress levels down.....

Hello everyone. Well after years of trying and lots of tests, my first cycle is starting soon. I have my baseline scan booked for the 2nd February and then I start the medication. A quick question - did anyone get their medication from a chemist, for example, Asda or did you just get it from your clinic?

I hope everyone is well. Good luck Mr fuzzy - finger crossed that good news is on its way to you.

Good luck Joey! God, DON'T get your meds from the clinic!!! You will pay double, and given the atrocious cost it can be the difference of nearly £1,000! I got mine from Asda. You take your script to them, they order it in & you pick it up the next day. They sell it at cost price, so make no profit from it; hence they don't keep it in stock. One thing we didn't take into account was the additional cost of the drugs after transfer (our clinic prescribe progesterone pessaries and Clexane injections) so just shelled out an unexpected £152 on that too

Tiger I'll PM you re Sri Lanka, it's amazing! I know a few coeliacs but didn't know it could be triggered by pregnancy.

Fuzzy I got just one blast from 16 eggs and it worked so don't lose hope.

Joey I got my meds from Healthcare at Home but must confess I didn't shop around on prices. Arrived by mail.

Hi to everyone else

Baby bomb for me this evening. Better brace myself as going by past experience they tend to come in clusters.

Also still lurking with nothing to say. Surgery in a month to check out my insides and possibly clip tubes if blocked by endo. Which bloody terrifies me as then any chance of it happening naturally will be gone. Which is stupid because after 2.5 years of pristine regular cycles nothing so clearly it isn't going to happen anyway. Feeling extra morose as period arrived today. Bang on time. Thanks for that.

Hello everyone can I join?
Here are my stats
Ttc #1 for 15 months, never a bfp
35 yrs old
Oh 32 yrs old
Currently day 7 of regular ish cycles
Strongly considering ivf abroad
But on NHS ivf treadmill, have to wait til I'm 36 (in august) to qualify for my one free cycle. If I pay for a cycle of ivf I lose my chance of any help on NHS.

Not sure what to do, shall I go abroad and keep it secret? Is that even possible? Worried my remaining fertility is withering away as we speak, although at last check amh and antral follicle count were fine.

We haven't told anyone irl. On top of this my disabled father in law has got cancer! Trying to stay positive is really hard and feeling very bitter about other people. Gosh, it sounds very depressing putting it down like this! Anyone got any advice?!

Hey Mira of course you can join.

Welcome to you and waves to everyone else. I've been lurking and not posting because I'm not feeling very well, at all. Part of me thinks I may have outed myself with the info I have given on this, but the other part of me really does not care.

I would like to post a bit about how I feel, and might do tomorrow, I'm just so low.

Hi everyone,
Thanks Mr Fuzzy and Blueroses for your advice. I got my prescription through this morning. Had a little wobble (told myself it will never happen) but then said to myself shut up, get over it and try and relax.
Welcome Mira and Fourpaws if you're not feeling great then talk to someone whether it's us, your partner or someone you know.
Closephine I've just gone through my cluster of baby bombs. There were some that hurt but I could take (the work colleagues) but others I found very hard. The day I became a godmother my best friend sent me a message saying that his wife was pregnant again. I spent the day, at a family occasion, surrounded by babies and children feeling completely devastated that they had another child on the way and I couldn't even produce one.

Fourpaws - sorry you're feeling so low. You've been through so much though that I'm not surprised. All the stress with the NHS, your miscarriage. But you always encourage and support others. Everyone deserves to be a mum and I really want this to be your year. Stay in touch. X

Glitter shit to you all, have been lurking in the background, cheering you on and shaking my fist generally at the world in solidarity

I've been busy stabbing myself with stims (just so I can ovulate, so I can have a period), and having chunks of my cervix taken from me for more investigations at the cancer clinic. Three different consultant gynaes have all independently reached the same conclusion: that there's unlikely to be any genuine endometrial malignancy, given I had a hysteroscopy and endometrial curettage with normal histology just 6 weeks before the dodgy smear. But that it is a very very strange result (story of my life), and although it's hopefully just a wonky result from all the bazillions of hormones I've been taking, they have to rule everything out. So had colposcopy (fine - as we knew it would be), cervical biopsy & repeat smear, going for bloods and just have to wait for the MDT to review them all and recommend next steps.

The good news was that I've had another period! I actually bought a menstrual cup (grim) and examining my piddling amount of menstrual flow became a full time hobby

I'm feeling exceptionally grumpy today, which is unusual as I'm normally fine on stims (It is my 8th stims cycle in 15 months, after all). I think I'm just fed up of being poked and prodded and just feeling very worn down by it all. Still bleeding from the cervical biopsy and just generally pissed off.

Was just really depressing when the gynae consultant reviewed my histology reports, and thought the most recent one was my ERPC because it said 'retained products of conception'. I had to say no, they ALL said 'retained products of conception'. Both the ERPC and both hysteroscopies. Three in six months all had bits of pregnancy tissue (from 2 pregnancies, from 4 IVF cycles) - was just a reminder at what a failure I was at being pregnant, because I couldn't even miscarry properly.

Sara, Tammy, Tiger: thank you xxx.

I just got back from a hols, so only saw your replies now. I haven't started looking for the next round yet. We plan to buy our own place this year, so it feels a little overwhelmed both finance and time wise :(. I think i might want to try abroad as it is way too expensive for us here.

Also, anyone else find the aftercare of a failed IVF cycle is hiddeous? I have to chase my clinics for the wtf appointment and I still have not got one booked. I just want all my records, and perhaps ask abt the cost of having another one with them. cough King's College cough.

Hope everyone is doing well. Sending positive vibes to you all xxx

Fourpaws, please do vent all you need to on here, it's what it's for and it's a safe space. Hope you have someone IRL to talk to as well, I know it helps. I've mentioned it before but if you want to talk to women in your own situation (or that have been through it and come out the other side) then try looking on meetup.com for Gateway women. Hope you have feeling a bit better, I know it can hit you and then stay over you like a grey cloud but we are here for you.

banana, so relieved for you that everything is looking well after all. Just so sorry that you've been through such a tough time, and had all that worry. I'm having a melanoma removed & tested on Wednesday so I can relate to your anxiety.

Fourpaws hope you're ok.

I'm 4dp5dt now, so technically 9dpo. Absolutely no pg symptoms whatsoever. In my previous 5 pregnancies I had my suspicions by now, and in one of them (my first chemical mc) I tested +ve at 9dpo. So I'm pretty certain this cycle is a bust. I'll keep taking the meds just in case. It was a single 5dt of a blast that wasn't good enough quality for PGS or freezing, so we knew it was a long shot. Looking forward to getting the ball rolling on a donor egg cycle.

Hey banana, hope you're feeling a bit less grumpy today, although it's Monday so I think I'll join you. I felt angry yesterday which is a sure sign my period is on its way - due on Friday. Glad things are looking ok, and wishing this all to be behind you soon. Big hugs.

fuzzy, on both my BFP cycles I didn't think it had worked - it's still very early. Fingers crossed for you.

ekam yes to the shit aftercare! I didn't have a wtf appointment at my first clinic as they cancelled it and then I moved. This cycle I got pregnant and then miscarried at 11 weeks, so was already discharged. Will be taking all my notes to a new clinic on Friday to get back on the bandwagon.

What did you decide about getting your meds joey? When does your cycle kick off? No useful advice from me but I'll be doing the same soon!

Hope everyone else is doing ok? Just plodding along here, am glad it's January as no excuses needed for hibernating in front of the fire!

Hello everyone ah, Monday again, but weeks seem to go so fast at the moment.
Feeling sorry for myself all the time now, so easy to feel like you're the only one suffering, then I come on here... Feel so sorry for what you are all going through. But it helps a little to know I'm not alone, I mean Sometimes I feel like some kind of freak!

I'm just waiting for my hsg to get done, then I might feel better if we can at least rule out my tubes as a reason for our infertility. But also worried that it may find something. I'm having a day 13 endometrial scan done privately as that's what one of the clinics wants done before we go over for ivf.

Anyone know where to get hiv and hepatitis screens done privately that doesn't cost the earth?! I don't want NHS to know we're thinking of having private ivf...

Hi, have been lurking but no new news since our failed cycle.
mira your local family planning clinic can do those tests. It is so secure with info that we had to do them all again when we did start the NHS route as they aren't allowed access to them.
I am just waiting for the call to tell me the dates for our FET - final nhs go.
to everyone else.
Feeling fairly Meh at the moment as, stupidly, still thought we might get pregnant naturally before getting to this point. So many years and still that idiotic hope.

I'm with you Pea - I've been not so secretly hoping for an ironidiff this month before starting IVF. All the usual signs that AF is about to arrive, not one BFP in 3.5 years but yet i STILL hope!!