The mind numbing boredom of infertility IV

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

Yes it's the return of the thread where we're so fucking bored of being infertile and talking about infertility and thinking about infertility and worrying and infertility and learning about infertility treatment and explaining infertility to other people and making up lies to cover up for going for infertility tests and treatment that we can't even be bothered to think of a better name for the thread.

Join us if you are barren, bored and bitter, or any combination of the above. We'll listen to your tails of woe when everyone you've ever met upduffs in an instant, accompany you through the trials of tests and treatment and commiserate the inevitable setbacks and disappointments.

Welcome to the ghetto.

When I can work out links, I'll post linnks to threads 1, 2 and 3

banana, I'm so so sorry. You must be terrified. Really hope it's not, and that you've caught whatever it is quickly. Please let us know how you're doing. I don't do xmas at all since my son died, so if you need to chat, pm me. It is a Crappy Shitmas indeed xxx

Thanks ladies

I'm absolutely terrified

It's "suspected non cervical glandular neoplasia". Which apparently means 'suspected adenocarcinoma arising from endometrial, ovarian or metastatic lesions from a non gynaecological site'

Apparently only 40 women a year get this result in London. And 70% of these women have a gynaecological cancer.

The only thing stopping DH and I from losing our minds completely is the fact I've had two normal endometrial biopsies in the last 9 months - most recently in Oct

I haven't seen a single clinician yet - the hospital fucked up and referred me to the wrong clinic. I had a letter inviting me to the colposcopy clinic, but they were supposed to send me to the rapid access gynae-oncology clinic. So my appt at the colposcopy clinic got cancelled and the first available appt at the rapid access clinic isn't till Jan

I'm seeing my fertility consultant on Fri for a cycle scan (we're doing ovulation induction with injectables to get me to have periods - can't try naturally with all these eggs I'm growing cos of the frigging copper IUD) so will see what investigations he recommends. BUPA cover general gynae and cancer, so will see what we can progress - if I need to have another hysteroscopy or endometrial or cervical biopsy, I'd prefer him to do them.

If it is cancer (or pre cancer), I don't think there's much in between 'watch and wait' and 'hysterectomy' if it's endometrial or ovarian rather than cervical

Here was I thinking all I wanted for Christmas was to get a menstrual bleed. Turns out I'd quite like not to have cancer and to keep my reproductive organs full stop. Urgh.

Hope you're all surviving Xmas xx

Oh banana, I'm so sorry, that must be so scary for you and DH. Have been lurking on here for a long time but wanted to de lurk and say we're all here for you if you need to talk/vent/just need a bit of company.

Keeping everything crossed you get some proper medical support and some more positive updates very soon xxxxxxxxx

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you Banana. Take care and keep us updated. You're an inspiration to so many of us and I wish you the very best.

banana I really hope there are no more fuckups and you're seen as soon as possible. I know it's xmas & new year but ffs - you can't be left with this hanging over your head. I was diagnosed with skin cancer many years ago and I went from first appointment to biopsy to starting treatment within a week. That's how it should be. I don't know if you work in healthcare, but I used to, and I can say from both a patient and professionals point of view - it really is a case of 'he who shouts the loudest'. Nag, pester, shout and threaten to complain if you have to. Don't think it won't make any difference because it probably will. I know it's wrong, but there it is. I had quiet unassertive people on my caseload who really did slip through the net because of my oversight, and the patients who phoned me every day nagging got more of my time. Keeping everything crossed for you. Please keep us posted xxx

Banana, so sorry to hear your latest news. The wait must be excruciating. Everything crossed for you that it is down to all the treatments/investigations you have been trying and not cancer, although in your position I know I would be equally as terrified and unable to think of anything else. How long do you have to wait until your appointment?

I'm in a premenstural grump today and when a lady asked to go in front of me in a queue in a coffee shop as she was going to work, I let her and then turned to roll my eyes at DH just as she turned round to thank me. Saw me and flounced out the shop I've now decided as an act of karma our IVF will of course fail. AF spotting started yesterday so just one more cycle to go now before starting IVF on first day of next cycle. Bricking it.

Closephine if karma should get anyone it should be the cheeky cow who queue-jumped and then stropped off when other customers didn't like it! She should count herself lucky it was you and not me. She'd have got short shrift from me. Some people.....

I've had a bit of spotting today. Waiting for full flow so I can register my cycle and then it's onto the old injections. Call me a masochist but I'm actually looking forward to it. I find the months when nothing's happening far more difficult to deal with emotionally.

Thinking of you banana

banana you have been in my thoughts this week. I really do wish you and DH would be given a massive break from having to worry.
Praying that it is not a bad outcome and you do not need to have anything what so ever removed.
Please mention to the hospital the 2 week wait rule. Any patient with suspected cancer should be seen within 2wks regardless of bank holidays etc, if there is a clinic running you should be given a slot to be seen!
Thinking of you and best of luck with the appointment xxxxx

Best wishes for the new year to all you lovely ladies x

Banana- just to say I'm thinking of you. What a nightmare way to end the year. It sounds good that youve had those normal biopsies already though and so recently. I really hope you get seen soon. As the others said be assertive with the hospital it is the patients who have to be the quality control now. Hope you and Mr banana get through next few days OK. X

Banana also thinking of you. How did you get on with the consultant today?

Thanks ladies, you guys are the best. I'm really really touched. Thank god for the barren ghetto!!

Saw my lovely fertility consultant yesterday. He said a cytology report is pretty rudimentary vs histology reports where we've done curettage and taken endometrial tissue and are looking at directly sampled tissue, so it was very unlikely anything sinister was going on that three histological analyses had missed. I'm at the NHS gynae-oncology clinic on Weds - said I should have the smear repeated and potentially a pipelle biopsy done (and colposcopy if they offer it, although it's unlikely to tell us anything as the smear itself was normal), but we agreed I wouldn't consent to another D&C. He said if they weren't helpful he would refer me to a colleague who specialises in gynae-oncology to liaise accordingly (BUPA definitely covers cancer and general gynae - they paid for my ERPC and both hysteroscopies, so a private follow up is eminently possible, but will see how we get on with the NHS appt first)

Consultant was relatively untroubled by it, although agreed we couldn't just say 'well it's PROBABLY ok, they PROBABLY didn't miss anything'.

The referral itself was indeed under the 2ww - came from the 2ww team. Unfortunately they count the 2w as being from the referral - and so they don't count the first (wrongly made) referral to the colposcopy clinic - the 2ww team only got the referral when the error was picked up. So my appt in Jan is within 2w of the referral being received.

NHS Dr is going to get a surprise when I rock up with reports from three operations, three endometrial biopsies and a HyCoSy report. Consultant said I've got one of the most well looked at uteruses in London!!

He was giddy when I told him I'd had a proper period. He practically leapt up out of his chair and actually exclaimed 'that's the best news I've had in ages!'

He got all excited saying if I had a bleed this month we could take the coil out and do a mock cycle with biopsies, and started talking about doing a FET in March. I told him to calm down as that was a long way to go!

Lining this month was looking great, after only 5 days of stims, so I trigger on Sunday. He said that it was very clear artificial hormones didn't work for me - but that with ovulation induction we seemed to have found a better formula. So we shall see.

Banana the proper period is definitely a cause for celebration! Based on your previous results, I'm hoping that the smear results are a trivial non-sinister anomaly and you can get on with cycling next year as planned. Good luck for Wednesday, it sound like you'll be in good hands whether it's NHS or BUPA.

Happy New Year! Here's to a better 2017 for all of us 🎉

Happy New Year everyone! Hope it's a good one for everyone.

Banana> hope your news gets better, you do seem to have more than your share of bad luck but I hope that changes!

AFM, Christmas was horrible (it coincides with bad memories of being pregnant 3 years ago and then finding out on NYE that I was miscarrying - so the whole festive period is like a minefield for us) but DH has agreed to go away it next year so we can just avoid everyone and celebrate together, just the two of us, which makes me feel a bit better. My hysteroscopy is in a few days time and consultant has told us we can cycle right after that (depends on how bad the polyp situation is, may have to wait another month) He pretty much told us that our only hope is ICSI, given our newly discovered MFI, and since we can only afford one more round (and I'm 42 this year) this will most likely be our last shot at it.

Banana - glad you are being well looked after. And hooray for auntie flow! Fingers crossed you will be good to go by spring.
Tammy - sorry to hear your christmas was so sad, going away next year sounds like a plan. Hang on in there. I know how time drags when you so want to move forwards but you are really close now.
Happy new year to all and though I have my bfp now I still feel most connected to this thread. Thanks for all the support this year when the first cycle failed and everything else in between. X

Happy new year all

How is everyone today?

Banana, your consultant sounds lovely and I smiled re his reaction at period. Some of them just get it don't they.

All quiet here. Had one period since mc, other one was due Thursday. Tested Friday as I do but not even a squinter. Mind messing with me again, water filters fitted and tablets being taken daily but mind going into overdrive. I was hoping to have settled into regular cycle by now. Have felt crampy since Thursday but nothing yet.

Going to take dogs to beach for a blast later. It's a drive from here but such a lovely day.

Hi fourpaws - beautiful day for beach walk. Enjoy! Good that the copper is now under control. Are your readings normal now? Not surprised your mind's all over place with AF 4 days late. Here's to a better new year x

Hello everyone. Can I join?
I have tried to read all post since September but failed after page 4 😔 so really sorry for those I miss but banana I really hope things go OK for you in your January appointment and it isn't something nasty. I believe icy and LH were pregnant. Everything going OK with that and are they still around on this thread?

In the spirit of shitty infertility I am here due to a massive nhs fuck up 3 years ago that left me almost dead. Luckily I lived but my tubes did not. However no one mentioned that so I spent 2 years trying to conceive. Then realised my tubes wee blocked. Tried to fix them but apparently there was "no chance".

Married to a woman and my wife has endometriosis and also might need ivf in the future. We always wanted a kid each- you know as women the need to birth one of your own.

So almost got divorced as it became apparent the NHS will only fund one birth and who gets to have their dream come true? They made us choose. How cruel.

Anyways I got to go. So here I am. First cycle of ivf I start in 1 week.

Nice to meet you all xxx

Welcome and best of luck Wish. I started my stims for IVF#2 last night. First round ended when none of the embryos made it to blastocyst. I'm trying for my second after losing my son to sepsis, but I've had 3 miscarriages since, so we're having PGS (if we get any viable embryos) to try & get a keeper. I'm 42 & age related egg quality seems to be the issue for me now. Donor eggs is starting to look like our best option.

If you need any advice re IVF ask away - plenty of collective experience on this thread!

Hello Wish. Welcome to the thread. I should also be starting my first cycle soon. I'm just waiting for my af to arrive (I've had cramps on and off but am still late) then I have to go on the pill for a month. I'm 42 at the end of this year and have age related infertility/ovulation issues. I have to admit I burst into tears when the bells chimed in for the New Year as this year will probably be our last shot. Although I know that there's a massive chance that after three cycles (that's the magic number of tries I've decided to go for this year and what I can afford) it won't work and by the end of the year, that I know I'll probably won't become a mum, I still need to go for it as you never know.

Good luck with your cycle wish. I'm sorry that you've had quite a shitty time. Good luck banana with your results. Hope everyone else is well and good luck for the new year.

Happy New Year everyone. Let's hope 2017 is better than 2016. Topping off the year with a mmc at 11 weeks was not how I hoped it would end.

Hi joey, I hope your first cycle goes well. Whatever happens it sounds like you're giving it a good go. I am two fresh and one frozen cycle in, two miscarriages to show for it at 5 weeks and 10 weeks. I'm not sure how much more I can do.

I hope the stims are going ok fuzzy. Are you doing anything different this cycle?

Welcome wish. The postcode lottery seems so unfair. If the NHS fucked up leaving you needing IVF it seems unfair that they then won't fund it. Not all areas fund same sex IVF either, also very unfair.

Hope you enjoyed the beach four. I love a wintery beach walk and being windswept! Any sign of your period? I got a period almost 4 weeks after my ERPC but will track ovulation now to see if I am returning to normal. I'm still spotting a bit at CD 10, so a bit concerned I have some retained tissue. We will try naturally for a couple of cycles whilst we get back into the IVF system.

banana I'm glad things are looking more positive. Have been thinking of you loads.

Hope you're ok Tammy. Christmas was sad here too, but I just drank my way through it after so many months of being tee-total. Back on the wagon now though, and I don't really mind anymore, not drinking is the norm for me.

So, a new year and trying to plan what to do next. Now I clearly have a staying pregnant issue as well as a getting pregnant issue, it all feels a bit hopeless. We've agreed we will keep trying, and so on we go. Appt booked for 27 Jan at a new clinic and then we'll look at doing a new cycle asap after that.

The worst comments I've had: "Don't you want to have kids?" (Yes, I bloody do), "Why did you wait so long?" (I haven't 'waited', it just hasn't happened yet)), and perhaps the worst one "Have you tried to relax?" (People get pregnant in war-torn areas of the world, relaxing isn't going to bloody help!). People are so utterly stupid and insensitive about infertility, it just drives you mad. I don't dare confide anymore because they think they are fertility experts and have all manner of unhelpful suggestions from herbs and acupuncture to yoga or 'stop trying and it will just happen'. And yes, it does mean that you end up losing your friends when they have babies because it hurts too much to be around them and hear them talk about how wonderful it is to have a child. Thinking of joining a meet up group for people who don't have/want kids just so I can socialise again! Three failed pregnancy attempts by IVF last year. Feel much better for this rant, thank you!

Well, banana. Looks like it's my turn. Just been to the GP about a strange mark that's appeared on the sole of my foot, and I'm now being rushed through urgent care for suspected malignant melanoma. Got an appointment on Thursday. Hope you've had better news.

Oh shit fuzzy, sorry to hear that. Fingers crossed that it turns out to be something non-sinister. Lots of these urgent referrals, especially in dermatology, turn out to be non malignant, so I really hope that's the case for you. Good luck with the appointment.

Fuzzy I'm sorry you're going through that, hopefully it's nothing to worry about but keep us posted.

Welcome newbies and good luck to those starting cycles soon

wish I still lurk here because this is my safe place and I'm still barren as fuck left to my own devices. Being pregnant doesn't make you fertile! Also I hate chipper pregnancy boards (even pregnancy after infertility feels slightly too positive for me). I've come to the realisation that coming in MN boards for support was amazingly helpful, but when it's good/progressing as normal news then I don't have anything I really want to add. I find it almost crass - sitting at home typing stuff that laparoscopy/IVF/FET me would've been screaming "AND FUCKING WHAT BOO FUCKING HOO YOU LUCKY CREGNANT CUNT" at! I dunno maybe I'm a very negative and angry woman (yes and yes) but I feel better adding to the shower of shit that is infertility - and hope that it might genuinely help someone - rather than give what I perceive to be smug pregnancy updates. I don't know. Maybe am overthinking.

Anyway - absolutely fucking bullshit that the NHS fucked you up?! Was there any consequence for them? I'm guessing not if they killed your tubes and didn't tell you? Have you looked into legal advice/suing the fuckers?? The NHS postcode lottery is just a twat too; I qualified for jack shit as my DP (male) has 2 kids, who live with their mum and we see them EO weekend. That's apparently all I need, thanks NHS for that! Tossers.