The mind numbing boredom of infertility IV

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

Yes it's the return of the thread where we're so fucking bored of being infertile and talking about infertility and thinking about infertility and worrying and infertility and learning about infertility treatment and explaining infertility to other people and making up lies to cover up for going for infertility tests and treatment that we can't even be bothered to think of a better name for the thread.

Join us if you are barren, bored and bitter, or any combination of the above. We'll listen to your tails of woe when everyone you've ever met upduffs in an instant, accompany you through the trials of tests and treatment and commiserate the inevitable setbacks and disappointments.

Welcome to the ghetto.

When I can work out links, I'll post linnks to threads 1, 2 and 3

Fourpaws ah I see, the water supply is just your family, I was envisioning an entire town on the same supply, and therefore wondering why the fertility clinic hadn't come across it (assuming it's very local) but as you've discovered, minerals are not routinely tested anyway. The sheep thing makes sense though. I was found to be low in zinc too and DH low in copper - but he was told not to do anything as increasing copper would affect (lower?) his zinc which was more critical. I think the nutritionist said that they fight in the body or something.

Tiger only your second loss Hope it goes well at work today.

Bean sounds like a good plan of action. The IVF cycles and drugs can change things so good idea to get tests redone if it's been a while.

Hello ladies....

fuzzy I read that link, the rationale behind the priming seems very viable. Nothing wrong with trying it. I hope it's does the trick for you.

tiger I am so very sorry for your loss. It's an actual nightmare come true. I know it will take you some time to heal from this but when you do, I wish you all the luck in the world. It's shit to happen anytime of year but Xmas is the worst, hope You and DH mange to get through the Christmas bullshit.

blue congratulations again to you and thank you for the heads up on the other thread. I had a good read through it and recognise lots of names
I am just not ready to step foot onto a thread discussing pregnancy 🙈
The fear of this ending badly is crippling me, it's gone way beyond anxiety and really getting me down. I am driving DH mad.
He caved and told My MIL on Sunday (didn't mind that). She has already bought an item of baby clothes this week...it's really unnerved me....it's far too early and unnecessary to being doing that.

Well I am a nervous wreck and going back into my infertile cupboard. I'll try my best to lurk and keep up with everybody's updates.
Lots of love

Me again.....suddenly just realised I totally missed a few updates!
four good on you for not rolling over to that bastard clinic! Do they not realise the emotional hurt they are causing patients! I hope you get a good response from them and a win for you.
Glad you got some answers from the tests you did. Crazy to think the water had such a big impact on your mineral levels. I hope they balance out soon enough.
bean sounds like a good plan from your consultant. It's nice to see some of them are willing to persue all avenues for people. A good look and poke around your lady bits could make a whole lot of difference. Hope you have something in the new year to keep you occupied till it all begins.

Right back in the cupboard.....apologies if I've missed any other vitals or ladies out.

Thanks pebbles I really hope everything works out. The anxiety is understandable as self-preservation but everything looks very positive for you.

How is everyone else today?

I am definitely struggling a bit this evening. DH is away, and the effort of two days working away and being 'normal' has been tiring. My heart just feels utterly sick. The slow progress towards being not pregnant, the plans for more treatment, Christmas, it all feels like more than I can bear at the moment. The universe is a fucking bastard.

I'm going to need a notepad and pen to organise a proper reply to this very busy thread!!! But just wanted to say to you tiger, so sorry to hear about your mc. Fucking miscarriages, fucking universe, and fucking Shitmas.

tiger I am so sorry that is beyond fucking awful. You must feel so wrung out. It is utterly sickening and I can understand you feeling hopeless. I hope you have some support? I am thinking of you x
pebbles sorry you're having a hard time- its the nature of this I think and getting so used to being disappointed that its too scarey to accept it might all be perfect... Take it easy.
fourpaws interesting about the copper - esp as you've your own supply. God to think this could be the mysterious variable. Wishing you a copper free zone asap.x
AFM am now 7dp5dt and got faint blue line when tested earlier today. Am thinkjng it could be trigger that was 12 days ago but in a state of delirium none the less! Will repeat tomoz. Eek! Have never had bfp before- surreal x

Hi all

Tiger - I am so very sorry to read this. There are no words, how utterly shit and unfair

Sorry for lack of personal replies, I've missed a week or so and there's a lot to catch up on! I will go back and read when it's not 3am! Today there was a pregnancy announcement on my fb from a family member with words to the effect of 'may all your Christmas wishes come true... ours has!' - it's someone I really should congratulate, but with an announcement like that, I just can't bring myself to. I just want to post underneath with a comment about how not everyone's wishes will come true. It's really irritated me. It's also irritated me that when visiting family today no one mentioned it to me, it's like pregnancy is now a taboo subject around me. I know they think they are doing the right thing and to be fair, probably can't do right for doing wrong, but well... you get where I'm coming from

Oh and it would appear that I am now so mind numbingly bored of infertility that pregnancy announcements no longer provoke a stabbing sensation in my uterus. I am literally that numb and bored by them.

Sara - it shouldn't be the trigger by now... good luck for today's test!

I'm sorry to bother you all with this. Good evening and I hope you are all ok.

I stayed at home from work today. Dh went out and I stood behind the door and waited till he had gone away. Because his dog chases after him If he can. Maybe three minutes I stood. Then I took dogs out. Hard to explain but we live in a valley and he went away, down the way and all was ok. I went out with the dogs and was faffing with my shit and glanced up and saw smoke. Down the valley. I stood for a. few seconds to try to understand where it was. I thought someone was burning rubbish and then I saw an explosion, and then ran back to house, called 999 have never done that before. I tried to explain as best as I could that it was between my postcode, which I gave, and the town, which I gave, and that was it.
Then I saw fire shooting into the sky, they said they had deployed an engine. I said no I think something bad has happened really bad. You need more. As I say it's hard to explain but I thought it was the town that was alight and was thinking of the school and all the people, I could not place the location because of the smoke, The operator stayed on the line and talked me over it for ten minutes or so, I saw one set of blue lights approaching, I got a little upset at the operator then, I had told him how bad it was, I was trying to call dh on mobile whilst in phone to him and could not get him.

I told him to send more engines and that i had to go, I rang every farmer I could think of and told them to take tractors and help. it was awful. Our neighbouring farm. One engine and the entire steading alight, they got some of the animals out but couldn't get to all. Eventually many more fire engines arrived. Those people are amazing.

I don't feel very well tonight, two dogs are missing. They are hopeful they got away but they must be hiding, dh had driven past it all and noticed a slight bit of smoke, and thought nothing of it. We often burn rubbish etc, he carried on to work and had no signal. He got my messages and came back but it was to late.

I feel so awful, I should have done more. I cannot stop seeing it.

I don't know why I am writing this other than to say, I was scared today, really scared. No people were hurt, but I don't know how. I am counting my blessings tonight, despite how low I am, fire and water, after the floods last week , so destructive, count those blessings ladies,

That sounds terrifying FourPaws, do you know what the explosion was? Hope you're not too shaken by the experience and have DH looking after you ((hugs))

Thank you. Blue. It was gas canisters and general farm chemicals. There was four or five explosions. By the end. I just feel sick to my stomach, can't shake it

That sounds very traumatic four, hope you're ok.

sara hope that line is getting stronger. Tentative congratulations!

I don't think I can handle any sort of pregnancy announcements closephine. It should be me right now - I should have been 12 weeks today. I am dreading some that I reckon are imminent.

Fucking shitmas indeed fuzzy! How are you?

Getting my hair cut and highlighted this morning. Feel like shit but hopefully will look at bit less like shit. That's the aim anyway.

Fourpaws it sounds like you did everything you could do, calling the emergency services and local farmers. Don't beat yourself up about not doing more - it could've been worse if you hadn't stepped in and it's great that no one was hurt. Give yourself some time to get over it, it was a traumatic experience.

Tiger I'm imagining sassy tiger stripes in your hair?! It's so hard when few people IRL know about your loss cos you just don't have the same support or sensitivity regarding things like pregnancy announcements, and yet mc is so common but not talked about.

Closephine self-preservation is important. Being numb is fine if that helps you deal with it.

Fuzzy hope hormone priming is going well?

Fourpaws - how are you? Did your dogs show up? What a nightmare.

Hi all. Hi Fourpaws, hope you're feeling ok now.

Just checking in to wave hello and say good luck to everyone.

I'm on day 9 of pre-IVF hormone priming. Not sure how I'm supposed to feel but I'm feeling completely normal.

Sorry I'm not responding to everyone individually. I'm a bit of a recluse at the moment, just trying to survive xmas in the best way that I can. Counting the days until it's all over.

All the best to everyone. Xxx

Thank you for your comments. I know that was off thread but really was shaken. Dogs came back, just spooked at smoke and noise. Although neighbours farm, the smoke was pouring in our direction.

Water results came back today. Toxic copper AND lead in early morning reading. mild by lunchtime, clear by evening. They are out fitting filters now.

Meh.

Thinking of you all.

Had a GP appointment today for various pre IVF tests I needed to have. OBVIOUSLY I managed to book my appointment for the day the midwife was doing a clinic next door so had to sit out there with all the bumps. Then as if it wasn't enough and the dr was running half an hour late anyway, a newborn comes in and takes my appointment slot. I couldn't write my life. A neighbour just a few doors down gave birth today too. That's the 5th baby born since we moved here now 3 years ago and we have been trying the entire time. 2 of these babies have been born to the same lady.

Fuzzy - really thinking of you. I moan about my life then think about what you've gone through and I think I need to give myself a huge kick up the backside. I hope you have good support in real life

Fuzzy totally understandable, look after yourself and hope the treatment provides a distraction from the festivities.

Fourpaws glad the dogs are ok now. Hope the water filter does its job but puzzled about the readings dropping through the day, what does that mean? Anyway, hopefully you'll be non-toxic soon.

Closephine I feel for you

Fuzzy and Sara how are you feeling today?

Closephinethinking of you. I feel exactly like that with neighbours and friends. As for the hospital, I have the same talent. Last time thought I had missed it then three women came into the IVF clinic to show the nurses their babies. Now I get how lovely that is for them and the staff but really, could they not do it during the infertility clinic. They must have been there.

Blue not sure I get it either. Private supply so sits in holding tank overnight on hill. I am up first, use water, either a drink of warm tea (never fully boiled because I'm in a rush) or just water and then I have shower. Everyone else up after that. Even if they are up they don't shower in morning. So I probably take the first run off the tank which seems to have the levels in it. Then presumably it's being used all day so is constant fresh water from hill. So tank is the problem. Clear as muddy water eh.

Fourpaws - I'm alright thanks just crampy and constant knicker checking. Have stopped testing now but will be anxious till viability scan on 5th Jan. Sounds like you should maybe use mineral water for your first drink. Or at least boil the kettle! Have a nice weekend everyone x

How is everyone? It's been quiet here.

These things are sent to try us closephine. I've had my first baby bomb with a due date very close to mine. I never begrudge anyone their happiness and certainly not this person who has had IVF but I think I'm going to have to pull out of a few social get togethers as it will be the only topic of conversation. I feel sick if I think about it.

How are you getting on fuzzy? Thinking of you and hope the IVF priming is still going ok.

Hope christmas provides some distraction sara, it's a tough wait.

I'm glad you're getting the water issue sorted four. I've been using a filter since I started ttc as we had new pipes and I think I got paranoid about it. Now it's just a habit to keep a jug in the fridge.

I'm trying 'fake it till you make it' at the moment. Doing everything I would otherwise be doing despite feeling like I've died inside. It's actually working, although it's a bit like running with an injury - it hurts but once you get going the pain is manageable.

Tiger - sorry about the baby bomb and I agree about getting out of baby centric social events. Self preservation needed. Your strategy sounds good but tough. Hope you are looking after yourself too.

Fourpaws poor you getting the full effect of the toxins. Hope drinking bottled/filtered water helps, perhaps change the timings of your showers too to reduce your exposure.

Tiger put yourself first and don't worry about it. As Sara said, self-preservation is really important.

Sara hope you can try to relax before your scan.

I had a really odd baby bomb yesterday, big meal out with old friends, where I found out by accident as we were saying goodbye - her husband told mine that they were expecting their second and DH asked me why I hadn't told him, and I was like told you what...? But I was the only person to offer congratulations so it seems everyone else already knew (admittedly not all the group where there at that moment so maybe not everyone). It was the only Christmas gathering I accepted this year, and now I just feel so awkward.

Just wanted to say, thinking of all you lovely ladies, the build up to Xmas is extra tough and very testing. I hope you have many distractions and a little self indulgence to help.
Best wishes for a healthy, happy New Year xx

Good luck to all fiends and congratulations to the ladies with BFPs

Things have taken a nasty turn with me as now fertility is the least of my concerns as an abnormal smear result suggests we could be dealing with endometrial or ovarian cancer. 2016 really can just fuck off 😓

Hope you're all surviving Xmas xx

Banana, sending you massive hugs. I don't know what to say. Do you want to talk? I'm listening.

To you and to you all I am sending love and strength, and hope for 2017.

Thank you for being there for me this year.

Xx