The mind numbing boredom of infertility IV

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

Yes it's the return of the thread where we're so fucking bored of being infertile and talking about infertility and thinking about infertility and worrying and infertility and learning about infertility treatment and explaining infertility to other people and making up lies to cover up for going for infertility tests and treatment that we can't even be bothered to think of a better name for the thread.

Join us if you are barren, bored and bitter, or any combination of the above. We'll listen to your tails of woe when everyone you've ever met upduffs in an instant, accompany you through the trials of tests and treatment and commiserate the inevitable setbacks and disappointments.

Welcome to the ghetto.

When I can work out links, I'll post linnks to threads 1, 2 and 3

We were out with our husbands, so we said congratulations and DH did really well, asking a few questions, I was a bit shell shocked. Think they were doing expecting lots of pregnancy talk - but we didn't do that. They have planned a baby moon next spring to the exact same place that DH & I are driving today for a weeks holiday so it's taken a bit of the shine off the trip

I don't understand how she could have expected a positive reaction from you given what you've been through! I'm so for you.

I hate the phrase baby moon. I hope you can put it to the back of your mind and have a lovely week away.

She'll be one of those naive people with a charmed life who thinks that a pregnancy automatically means you're having a baby. I used to be one of those. One ectopic, 3 mcs and a failed IVF later, and I know better. Hope for her sake she's right. What with her bloody baby-moons and grand plans, she's got a long way to fall if she's wrong.

I went out with a friend last night. Her son is the age that my son should be. She was in tears because her first month of trying again has failed, and they don't get to baby-make as much as they would like because they've got a 2 year old. CRY ME A FUCKING RIVER.

Well that was a really shit thing for your friend to do blue especially at this stage in the 'game' 🖕🏻To her!!!!!
fuzzy and this woman knows you and your story?!?! 😱

It's so horrible when its face to face, especially when you then have to spend the evening together. Hard enough when its somone who has no clue what you have been through - cruel when its someone that does know yet doesn't stop to think.

My dh is luckily better than me in these situations so I can usually get away with a brief 'congratulations' and find a reason to escape for a minute or two to pull myself together whilst he goes through the motions!

I am blown away sometimes by people's sheer lack of thought. One woman in work burst into the staff room at work to announce her daughters pregnancy (loudly and with squeals) a few months back and paraded a scan picture around the whole room on the day that another member of staff had returned to work after a very late miscarriage that all her colleagues knew about.

Wtf is actually wrong with some people?!

Bitter, that kind of thing is the reason why I haven't been able to go back to work. Aside from the fact that I worked in mental health with people living with trauma (!!!) I just couldn't deal with the utter insensitivity of the muggles around me. My heart aches for your poor colleague. She must have felt like she'd had a knife to the heart.

Yes, my friend knows everything. Her son was born 5 days before Billy-Joe, so she's fully aware of what I've had and lost. She knows about everything that's happened since. She eventually got around to asking about what happened with my IVF, but not until she'd had her pity party. She also has a friend who has just aborted a perfectly healthy baby boy at 22 weeks because he had Downs Syndrome. She can't understand why I feel like I would knock her block off if I met her. I thought that kind of shit died out with the nazi regime.

I'll be honest now (and very ranty!) - I've found that there's so little empathy in this world it should be classed as a superpower. Within hours of Billy-Joe's death, 'friends' were posting jolly family photos with his little pals on Facebook. They never stopped sharing stupid memes and jokes, and banging on about how wonderful life is. There were the motherhood challenges and bucket list challenges (one of the list was 'watched someone die' to which you put a smiley face if you'd done it). There was one meme that said 'The saddest thing about having kids is when they grow up'. A bereaved friend tweaked it to say 'when they DON'T grow up' and I posted that on my wall. I've coped over the last year by unfriending a LOT of people, and unfollowing almost everyone else. Only a few muggles make the grade, and the rest of the people I follow are other bereaved parents. It's been quite an eye-opener!

I'm shocked by both of those stories bitter and fuzzy. Some people just don't get it do they.

I had a call from the clinic this morning and 3 embryos have stopped developing and the other one reached blastocyst but too poor quality to freeze . So we have all our hope pinned to the little embie on board.

En route to Cornwall and I've done most of the driving as DH was struggling with tiredness. The last few weeks have taken their toll, bless him. We're going to shut ourselves away from the world for a few days to recover. Tomorrow would've been our son's due date. I'd be struggling even more if I wasn't PUPO.

Oh god people are such fuckwits.

blue sorry to hear the shit news about your embies. None of our embies that we didn't transfer were ever good enough to freeze it just adds to the pressure doesn't it? I am a big fan of cocooning with Mr Bitter during the toughest bits, sometimes you just need to be with the only other person that understands and fuck the rest of the world.

Fuzzy it really does make you wonder about the majority of people doesn't it? People just seem so cold, uncaring, insular and selfish. I don't consider myself to be a 'touchy feely' or overly emotional person and I have never met you or your oh but my heart still breaks for you whenever I think of your story and I find it incomprehensible that anyone that knew you, your oh and Billy-Joe could be so cruel, unthinking and discompassionate. I honestly don't understand it.

For some reason social media seems to really exaggerate this type of behaviour. Facebook can be a very ugly place.

P.s. On a lighter note- 'Muggles' does make me smile a lot!

Thanks Bitter. I could do with more cyber-friends like you! It's a shame we can't all meet in the real world. If anyone wants to 'be my friend' I don't mind PMing you my details (she says, sounding like a sad 8-year-old with no friends..... )

Blue, you will be in my thoughts tomorrow. I'm sure it will be a difficult day, as will the coming weeks when you should have your son in your arms. I'm doing a little cheer-leading move for your little one on-board - come on, baby Blue, your mama needs you more than ever. Sorry the others didn't make it. So disappointing.

Yes, I'm in a few bereavement groups on Facebook, and we call the idiots out there with no clue about loss 'muggles'. They look like us, we live among them, but we may as well be a different bloody species. It applies very well here too when we talk about the muggley things people say to those of us who suffer with infertility and/or baby loss. It's used interchangeably with words like 'twunt', 'fuckwit' and 'arsehole'. We swear a lot.

I am so shocked by some of the things you ladies have witnessed, yet at the same time not at all surprised.

Fuzzy - I despise that motherhood challenge or any meme that starts 'only a mother will know'. Fuck off. I'm sure there was a thread started on mumsnet a while ago raising its insensitivity and so many women were basically just like 'I'll do what I want, I can't spend my life worrying about who i might upset'. Fuckwits ;) I do post the odd photo of my son on Facebook but I purposely never post anything on ocassions such as Mother's Day, first day of school etc as I am SO aware that it could be a knife to the gut of someone who is going through shit. It's not rocket science but so many people either fail to grasp it or just do not care.

Blue - sorry to hear your other embryos didn't make it. I will also be thinking of you tomorrow take care of yourself.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=cHD-mMN5xF8 Miranda gets it

Ha! Like it Closephine! Ok, well, if they shouldn't worry about other people's feeling (the basic premise of that superpower EMPATHY) then they shouldn't mind when people like us reply with what we think too! I used to follow The Unmumsy Mum on Facebook but a few days after Billy-Joe died I PMd her to say that she just encourages women who are lucky enough to have children to whinge about them. All the gripes about the extra work, the lack of privacy & sleep, the impact on their social life, etc etc. She uses the acronym IHMFL a lot (I hate my fucking life). I asked her if she'd like it better if her children were dead, like mine. She sent a great long reply justifying herself, and why it's ok to slate motherhood on a daily basis. She's going to feel like ending it all if something happens to one of her kids. Why can't people see that?

MrFuzzy - had you told her that your son had just died? I'm so surprised she tried to justify her blog instead of just understanding where you would be coming from at that point in time and just offer her condolences!

I'm 12dpo today and for the last few months have had spotting already by this point. Even though I have all the other usual signs that AF is on the way (just yelled at DH for lack of help round the house which happens every month at this time, plus my boobs hurt) obviously I've still started that flicker of never ending hopefulness. It's so pathetic!!

Hope your crankiness is a good sign Closephine. I knew I was pregnant back in Feb when I got the overwhelming urge to punch hubby in the face when he told me he loved me....

Yes, I told her about Billy-Joe. She did say 'sorry to hear that... blah blah' but then proceeded to justify why she wasn't going to change the tone of her blogs. She was in the process of publishing a book so she probably wants to make lots of money out of whinging about motherhood. And there are lots of mothers who will want to read it. I was in a queue behind one yesterday - did nothing but moan about how much her beautiful chatty little boy was doing her head in. I find it very hard to bite my lip sometimes.

People are so self absorbed. Girl on checkout yesterday asked if I'd done my Xmas shopping. I said no haven't started it yet. She replied you haven't got children then god you are so lucky. Dosy mare.

The spotting started literally the next time I went to the loo after writing my comment. Clearly I jinxed it and would have been pregnant had I not written that! I've read a few things lately that suggest with my DH's count we have along the lines of 0.5% chance of conceiving naturally each month. I don't know how I manage to get my hopes up with such pathetic odds. Roll on January.

These women really should know how lucky they are. I feel like if our IVF is successful and we make it out the other side of this hell hole then I will try and do a little bit of educating of others into the shit that is infertility. It's too painful right now and I don't have the emotional stability to respond to the inevitable idiotic comments but there are so many things I want to scream and shout from my soapbox. The closest I ever get currently is liking the odd Facebook post

Closephine - sorry to hear that. It's the energy all this hope uses up. I am the same when trying naturally.
Take care.

Thanks Sara :)

Amazon have just won the worst Christmas advert award. At the end of their perfect Christmas Day woman presents man with gift "I kept a little something back"... man unwraps Penguin book of baby names. Bleurgh

Good morning all, sorry for absence, been away with dh for a week to try and switch off a little. Did not work for one reason or another but hey ho.

I just thought I would update re hair test results. Not what I was expecting at all.

I do have a high lead reading which we did expect. It is about three times what it should be.

I also have high magnesium and calcium, that may be my shampoo.

My zinc and selenium are very low. This is where it gets interesting. My copper reading is at toxic copper overload levels. So it should be below 20 and it is at 550.

Having done some research this morning, (I just got the results today) copper at that level would never allow a pregnancy to be successful. It causes both infertility and miscarriage.

I feel strangely positive in that I have something to look at. I need a mineral programme to sort this out, which I am going to do. I have also booked blood tests specifically for toxic metals. Finally, we need to find out where the heck it's coming from, probably the water supply.

So overall I am in shock. I thought some stuff may be a little out but did not expect something as drastic as that.

I am toxic. Who knew

That's very interesting Fourpaws, wonder where all the copper is coming from and how it can be reduced?!

Fourpaws great to hear from you. Those results are shocking. 550 for copper? Really hope you can get it sorted somehow. Where do you get the test from? I might look into it too.
I had egg collection today - got 13 eggs much like last time in August. The tense part starts now again! Keep us updated with the copper info.

9 fertilised today - fiends where d'yall go ?!

Great news on the 9 Sara! Fingers crossed for you for the next few days. The uncertainty and waiting is both exciting and horrendously stomach churning isn't it?

Newest facebook 'challenge' doing the rounds here..."post a picture of your child as a new born then your most recent picture to compare...."

How is this a fucking challenge!!!!!!!!!!!

Definition of a challenge:
a call to someone to participate in a competitive situation or fight to decide who is superior in terms of ability or strength.

Well done, your ability to produce a child and photograph it regularly is way superior to mine! You win, I lose!!!! Go give yourself a big fucking pat on the back you epic twat!

Fuck. I don't think anyone would be stupid enough to tag me into that 'challenge' but you never know. If they do I'll let rip and post a photo of his grave, just to hammer home the point. Muggles.

Well done Sara! That's a bumper crop! Keep us posted! Xxx

Well done Sara, fingers crossed for you!

Not seen that latest 'challenge' thankfully

I had a call from my consultants office on Friday, whilst on the phone I asked if my AMH results were back. I'm VERY confused right now because it's gone from 16.6 last year, to 32 now!! She said this could be bordering on PCOS? Does anyone have any advice for me/any idea why it has GONE UP and how it is even possible for it to go up?! Is 32 a number I need to worry about or should I just be pleased (I am 31 by the way)? I did post a separate thread to ask this question but have had no replies