The mind numbing boredom of infertility IV

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

Yes it's the return of the thread where we're so fucking bored of being infertile and talking about infertility and thinking about infertility and worrying and infertility and learning about infertility treatment and explaining infertility to other people and making up lies to cover up for going for infertility tests and treatment that we can't even be bothered to think of a better name for the thread.

Join us if you are barren, bored and bitter, or any combination of the above. We'll listen to your tails of woe when everyone you've ever met upduffs in an instant, accompany you through the trials of tests and treatment and commiserate the inevitable setbacks and disappointments.

Welcome to the ghetto.

When I can work out links, I'll post linnks to threads 1, 2 and 3

Just catching up on everyones news since the weekend.

blue that is a great number, do you know if are you aiming for 2/3/5 day transfer?

As for me after a bit of bed/no bed drama on Friday morning I had my op.
Ended up in surgery for three hours in the end due to them finding quite extensive adhesions. Turns out my left tube (which they previously thought was open and fine) was actually stuck to my bowel and womb and twisted round in coil effectively blocking it. The surgeon managed to free it and it is now open with free spillage during following test. As predicted my right tube was beyond repair with a huge hydrosalpinx so it was removed. There were other adhesions between ovaries, etc. which the surgeon removed.

The surgeon (who was great by the way) is very positive that I now have a working tube and sees 'no reason' why we shouldn't be able to conceive...but...after six years I just cant bring myself to believe that we could get pregnant by simply having sex. The whole concept seems so alien. I weirdly feel angry that the doctors and my dh are daring to be hopeful 🙈

(starting to think that i am more mentally deranged by infertility than i ever imagined possible!!!)

'Best' part of the whole experience (and weirdly I did laugh like a hysterical crazy woman at the time) was the nurse in the recovery room asking me as i came round..."so do you have any children?" If she wasnt in control of the morphine i think i would have punched her!!

Bitter

bluethinking about your numbers, you do have fewer eggs that were not mature so I think this cycle is better. Weird that the % of mature is exactly the same though.
Bitterbum crikey what a saga, can't believe all you've been through and now to be told you can get preg must be complete hysteria! It is enough to send you loopy but great though. As for the nurse asking you that - what a twat!
Hope you recover speedily and feel better soon rest up.⛅🌼🌱

She really didn't think that one through did she sara ?!?! 😬
It's a really weird feeling to be honest and I don't really know how to process it right now.
I realise it could be so much worse but its the thought of going back to having 'hope' each month that i'm dreading. i can cope with the bad news, failures, expense and disapointment but its the bloody hope and inevitable crushed hope that kills me!!

Hi all

Blue - sorry you're feeling disappointed. The wait must be excruciating. Good luck for today, I hope they're all still in the running!

MrFuzzy - I was thinking of you over your little boy's anniversary

Bitter - every time my DH has tried a new treatment that has supposedly worked wonders on others sperm counts I have felt that boosted hope and the same irritation that I have allowed myself to be hopeful! Sounds like you could be in with a good chance though, although I know that's the point. Perhaps you could allow yourself to give into it for say 2-3 cycles. Throw yourself into trying, allow yourself to feel the hope, then if still nothing after that let yourself wallow again? Sorry if that's not a helpful suggestion! I also know from bitter experience that wallowing in self pity can be pretty hard to control.

Sara - hope your stimming is going well (phone just changed that to stinking, glad I caught it!) keep us updated on your progress.

Banana - how are you?

Icy - (if you're out there) how are you getting on? Hope the silence means all is going well in your diamond slippers

As for me, we have had our consultation with serum. We were basically told that all will hinge on the results of the DNA fragmentation test. If they are good, then we should be able to have IMSI with DH's sperm. If they are bad, then they are likely to suggest donor sperm. We seem to have reversed roles. DH now says if it's the only option he's fine with it. Now it's a reality I am freaking out I also had a bit of a wobble when I saw the prescription. I hate the idea of pumping my body full of drugs. Has anyone looked into the long term effects? And am I just being a wimp or do others feel the same? How do you get past it as I'm worried I'm going to bottle it!!! Part of me would love to try a natural cycle but we would literally be putting all our eggs in one basket!!

Good luck for today Blue.

Bitter, hope can be a good thing. I don't think I'd have got this far without it. See it as a holiday from hopelessness. Even if it doesn't last forever, take it while you can. We've had 3 miscarriages since our son died, and each one has been very disappointing, but each pregnancy has given us a temporary reprieve from an otherwise very hopeless situation.

Closephine, when you get your protocol through, it will probably include a summary of the research into risks. There have been some studies which have found an increased risk of certain cancers, but then others have found nothing, so there doesn't seem to be any hard evidence for long term risk. I don't really care if there is - I'd rather know the joy of being a parent again than avoid any potential long term risk. In terms of the meds, they didn't bother me at all. The injections were virtually painless, and they didn't do anything other than make me feel crampy and bloated, a bit like an extreme version of a normal ovulation. I don't regret trying, even though the cycle failed, and I have no apprehension at all about doing it again. Just my personal experience though - I know my circumstances are different to most and I think it possibly makes it easier for me to put the discomfort and disappointment into context. Good luck with whatever you decide x

mrfuzzy thank you, your post gave me a bit of a kick up the arse which is often needed when wallowing is the default option- without hope this whole thing would be so pointless wouldn't it?
Think i'm just at a bit of a low ebb, too much time sitting around to think at the moment- knowing me come cycle day 1 i'll be a ttc duracell bunny again!! 🙈

closephine I totally agree with the drugs side of ivf- i really didn't find it that bad and i am a bit of a fanny with needless. Like mrfuzzy said it just felt like an exaggerated ovulation, nothing like i imagined it would be. The six months that I was on clomid were way, way worse in my opinion in regards to side effects. I was quite fascinated by the science of the process and felt like we were really doing something productive. They also monitor you very closely throughout.
Even though cycle 1 ended in a cp and cycle 2 in a bfn i would do another round tomorrow, no hesitation!
Have you spoken to the clinic about your possible protocol and a 'teach' session? Once I had seen the process and realised it was quite simple (and i couldn't accidently inject into a vein and kill myself!) I felt so much better about it all.
Can i ask as well what exactly is IMSI? Been trying to work out the acronym!

Hi everyone,

Hope is the only thing that's been helping me through each day recently, it's very powerful (though can be difficult to sustain beyond short bursts).

No-one has ever talked to me about the effects of the drugs. I naively thought that IVF just upped the bodies natural hormones 😳

I had IMSI, not sure what the acronym stands for but it's a magnified form of ICSI where the sperm is injected into the egg, more successful for male factor issues. IMSI can help identify abnormal sperm more easily so these can be avoided.

My 5 embryos are doing ok today so I'm booked in for a day 5 transfer on Saturday. It's early days I know so anything could happen still. I'm not going to get any more daily updates, which I think will help me manage my anxiety levels! Just have to hope for the best.

Blue glad to hear all 5 doing well xx

blue so glad to hear that your 5 embryos are still going strong, i'll have my fingers crossed for a successful transfer for you on Saturday, the waiting is so hard x

Good news Blue Wishing you all the best for Saturday.

fourpaws your advice wasn't bad at all, I haven't been on here since I posted my last post, I'm not always (a lot...) in the right head space to be on here, so I do tend to dip in and out.

It's funny you should say 'start telling people' though, because last week I did, and I hadn't planned to, but it actually felt quite liberating...

closephine been trying since 2013 but for the whole of that year I only had three periods after stopping taking the pill. from 2014 my periods have been mostly regular, have had all the tests going (except immunes which I'm considering going to coventry for) and not a hint of a BFP. I have some cysts on my ovaries, but not affecting my hormones enough to make a difference apparently, and DH has low count and high abnormality, although this has varied massively with the 3 tests he's had. we've been referred for IVF but I don't want to do it without immunes first, and even then I'm not sure I'm ready for the finality of it (one NHS round only where I am)

how about yourself?

hope everyone else is doing ok

oh and sending positive thoughts to you blue

Thanks everyone! Just trying to keep myself busy so I'm not constantly thinking about it.

Cooper I'm glad you got some relief from telling someone, I found the same, but I thought of IVF as a start of the journey (only one NHS cycle too, it does add pressure but try not to let it). Can I ask why you want to do immunes? I thought that just helped people with recurrent miscarriages? It sounds like male factor infertility is a factor so ICSI/IMSI would be recommended? I also thought the NHS didn't offer immunes.

Thanks ladies, you've given me a kick up the bum too and I've forwarded the protocol to the clinic we use here (going to Athens for the actual procedure) and booked my ecg (something you have to have by Greek law before IVF). I'm not fussed about the injecting myself bit (done that with iui) it's the long term potential risks but like you say Fuzzy, I think the possible outcome outweighs them.

Blue - glad they're still in the game, fingers crossed for Saturday for you.

Bitter - as Blue explained, IMSI is basically a more magnified version of ICSI where they are looking for a normal sperm to inject into the egg. My DH has a low count and low morphology so we are hoping this may help but donor sperm has been mentioned a few times lately so trying to get our heads round that too at the moment.

Cooper - how low is your DH's count? Sounds like that could be where your issues lie?

Hope all goes well tomorrow blue i'll be thinking of you

Thanks Bitter

Good luck for today Blue!

Good luck Blue

Thanks for the kind wishes. I have a 3BC blastocyst on board and I'm thrilled! Two potential candidates for freezing if they develop further overnight - we'll find out tomorrow. DH was incredibly nervous though, more than me! There was a hairy moment though when we first arrived and the embryologist took us into a meeting room rather than the surgical area, and seriously kept us in suspense while she went through our notes...we were fully expecting to be told that there were no embryos to transfer. After then being told that there was a leading blastocyst, we nearly did a happy dance in the office.

Yay blue!

Fab news blue

Wonderful Blue I've just had to Google the blastocyst grading system! Looking good! You are now officially PUPU! Yay!

Thanks everyone!

Ugh. I've just been baby bombed by my best friend. She lives far from me and wanted to tell me face to face. She is insta-diffed (married in Sept). She knows about my treatment and the ET today. She knows what happened in my previous pregnancy and in fact was the greatest support. But she swept aside my caution and exclaimed how we could share our journeys together and I need to think positive. Her 12wk scan is on the same day as my OTD. I feel like such a bitch but I don't know how to handle this.

Oh Blue firstly, so glad to hear it went well this morning! Secondly, you're not a bitch. What incredibly insensitive timing of your friend. I have no advice to offer really, the last two times I've been in this situation I've handled it really badly. It seems to me that until pregnancy/infertility goes wrong for them personally, some people have literally no understanding or compassion for others. How did you react when she told you?

Lying awake listening to force 11 winds. Pretty scary

Oh goodness blue. What a cow. They don't get it do they?