WANTED- cycle buddies who are ttc#1 and planning a FET in April/May

[RoseBud2016]

I'm in need of some buddies!

A long story short is that I have been ttc#1 for 19 months now. I have severe PCOS and don't ov or cycle naturally.
Last year I was told that DH and I would only have a chance of conceiving through IVF, after numerous other fertility treatments failed.

In February this year we had our first ISCI IVF cycle at Reprofit in the Czech Republic (DH has 2 DDs so we are not eligible for treatment on the NHS) We got 12 eggs, 8 fertilised and 6 made it to blasts! We had one transferred and fell pregnant! But at 4+4 blood tests confirmed that the pregnancy wasn't viable and at 5 weeks we had a very early mc (I hate the phrase CP as I think it trivialises it)

The last few weeks have been such a struggle physically and mentally but we are keen to try again so are planning another trip to Reprofit to be reunited with one of our Frosties!

Scared and excited in equal measures and would love some buddies to share in this new and unknown part of the 'journey' with. X

Hurrah vixx! Movement at the station! So exciting.

Finally. How you feeling today?

I know! You will whizz through the actual FET bit, it's a dream compared to a fresh cycle.

Feeling ok. Still quite nauseous and cramping on and off but fine. Let's see!

I've emailed Reprofit for a thyroxine prescription and phoned the GP to ask for one too! I figure at least one of them will help me. I'm getting a call back from the GP tomorrow.

Mrs Easy to say but try not to be disheartened it's very early at the equivalent of 11dpo and it was probably very diluted urine. Try again tomoz with a FRER x

Vixx Amazing news! First week of May is really really soon! So pleased it's not been further delayed Long May this continue x

Nice work rose. You've gotta be pushy to get anywhere in all this!

Good luck with fmu mrschris! Fingers tightly crossed for you xx

BFN still today. Trying to kid myself that there is something there (almost managed), but think I need to face reality...this one has failed. Pretty gutted to be honest - we switched from NHS to private care and the difference has been pretty stark, I really hoped the improved care would swing it for us.

DH is now questioning whether we should go again, I think he feels an enormous amount of guilt as it is MFI and my first choice would have been adoption, so he feels it is his 'fault'

Quite frankly I think it would be stupid to give up now, just because it's gotten a little bit hard - we are a really straight forward case, so it should just work, and we still have three blasts in the freezer. I kind of feel that it would be a waste of all my efforts to just give those up. We always said we'd do three fresh rounds + any frozen and so far we've done two fresh ICSI, with only one making it to transfer, and one (99% sure) failed FET.

It's so hard when this happens as I am devastated, DH hates it, tries to be strong and just withdraws into himself. He is from a very 'stiff upper lip' family and basically does not have a lot of patience with emotion. Last time he kept going on about being 'stoic' and just getting on with it, and this time he said yesterday that we can have one day of being upset then we need to crack on....it's just not that fucking easy when it is your body being taking over, pumped with hormones, you are exhausted from constantly being on the lookout for symptoms and then people helpfully tell you to 'chill out' and 'think positive and it will happen' as is somehow it is my fault that its not working because I am a bit sad now and again. I just need a bit of space to be allowed to be upset and have a bit of fucking support. At the moment I just feel told off.

Disclaimer - we are totally together in this, love each other to bits, just deal with emotion very differently.

Oh crap. So sorry to hear that mrschris. I was really hoping it'd be a bfp. You're 8dp5dt right? I agree it's probably sensible to start to prepare to treat this as a failed cycle (I would still test in a couple of days though as you never know, you're still relatively early in the overall scheme of things ie 12dpo). I won't try to give you platitudes but it is true that it's a numbers game and ultimately you guys still have a very good chance next cycle with your frosties. In the meantime you should definitely allow yourself to feel rage, grief, anger etc - my DH is similar to yours so I can relate to how you're relating to each other (!!), but you need to take your time & space properly rather than being dictated to by his emotional response. And, yes, the endless scans and drugs and waiting and bollocks are utterly utterly rubbish and it is deeply unfair that we have to go through any of this.

Anyway, much love and do take care of yourself - I hope you can make today as easy as possible

Chris that is shit. I am really sorry.

Your otd isn't until 25th though?

Don't make any decisions about what to do yet. Be kind to yourself and let it all out here.

Yes, OTD is 25th, transfer was last Thursday, around 3pm ish, so that makes me approx. 7dp5dt so 12dpo- maybe I am being a bit premature and overly dramatic. I just know it hasn't worked though...success rate is around 25%, I have no symptoms, and 2 BFNs - it's not looking good!

If you're an afternoon transfer id be a teeny bit more hopeful - you're really 7dp5dt by the clock. Definitely test again. And you are definitely not being overdramatic! Xx

So sorry Mrs It's shit! There is still a chance but I understand why you think it's failed. I think I would feel the same. Maybe leave it now and wait until OTD to try and avoid more stress with the uncertainty?

Well my GP has prescribed me 25mcg per day! Woop! I'm lucky to have a helpful GP because Reprofit replied and said they wouldn't prescribe it because they don't have "the competency" to do so. I assume there cannot be a specialist there that deals with thyroid function?! Very odd but the GP is going to monitor me on it and wants another blood test in 6 months to check all is still ok. Relieved and nervous! When did you all start taking yours? Are you being told to continue to 12 weeks?

Woo hoo rose! Yay for a friendly GP. Weird that reprofit can't do it, you'd think they'd be able to cope with something basic like that.

Didn't quite manage to make it to the weekend but did hold off on a repeat test for 48 hours - I feel quite impressed with my willpower small wins. Line seems a fair bit darker so am gradually unclenching & starting to believe this might happen.

mrschris did you test again? Hope you managed to get some sleep and are feeling ok. Big hugs

Stealth that is one kick-ass line! God love those FRERs.

Mrschris I hope you're doing ok. I've got nothing especially helpful to add, as stealth said it all so much more eloquently yesterday, but all the things you're feeling are normal, and understandable. And yes, it's very shit. We're here for you, though.

Vixx your transfer date will be here before you know it- so exciting!

Rose, go Team Thyroxine! And you got any of those Pringles left...?

Wow Stealth, that is a great line! Congrats, really happy for you.

Rose well done on convincing the GP. I have been on thyroxine sine my late teens/early 20s as my thyroid went - it was picked up very quickly as my DM has the same issue.

I did test again this morning, and it is a BFN. Equivalent of 13dpo now, so pretty sure that's it. Am looking forward to confirming on Monday so I can go for a run and then drink some wine!

I also started writing a blog this morning, which I have actually found quite therapeutic - I am sure no one will read it, but it has helped me to write my feelings down rationalise a little bit and look to the future.

Oh mrs - really sorry to hear that. Was so hoping it would be good news for you. Wine is definitely an excellent consolation prize! Make sure you take care of yourself this weekend.

And if you're feeling brave then link us up to the blog, would love to have a read!

Never done a link before so here goes....time will tell if I keep this up, but for today, it was helpful

clicky

Mrschris that's really fab writing. You totally nailed how it all feels. (I'm going to consider myself temporarily in the crease!)

Thanks grumpel that's the first bit of feedback I've had so it's nice to hear you didn't think it a waste of time! Really appreciate you taking a look

I used to love writing when I was a child but haven't done it for many years now- my head is always buried in a spreadsheet!

Well I work in publishing so don't dish it out lightly! Glad it helps you to get it all down, that's the most important thing.

Fucking baby bombed on a WhatsApp group of my oldest mates, friends since we were 3.

Photo of her two kids saying omg how adorable are they, oh and BTW I'm pregnant!!!

Friend who knew all about the IVF. And the miscarriage

Who was with me when I bought pregnancy tests the day before I got my BFP

Who'd said earlier than day that they were going to start trying for number 3 but hadn't actually got around to having any sex yet

So either she was lying to throw me off the scent

Or she instadiffed AGAIN

Already got baby bombed on said group - Oh BTW I'm 18 weeks pregnant. She didn't know about the miscarriage though so I'll forgive her that.

Apparently they all just have some sex and get a baby 9 months later. One of them told me how she timed her sex so she could have a girl for number 2, as she was 'regular like clockwork' and read about when you were supposed to do it for a girl vs a boy. Shag done, pregnant, baby girl. Bosh.

I did another pregnancy test to see if Weds hysto is likely to be on or not. Yes the never ending miscarriage is still never ending. Using the leftover pregnancy test sticks for the clearblue ovulation monitor, so I don't just get a line, I get PREGNANT in massive letters on a blue cross like the Scottish flag

Well apparently they're not the only pregnant ones on the group. Except I'm the lucky one who's pregnant with no baby!!!

/stabs self in eyes

Sorry ladies posted rant to wrong thread!!!!

Sorry I'm a massive dick. I should clearly not be allowed to operate non heavy machinery.

/gets coat

Ha ha banana. You are allowed to rant on this thread too Baby bombs are the absolutely fucking worst. And you can't even reciprocate when you're upduffed as the last thing you want to do is cause pain to someone who's struggling. So you can't even have smug revenge!

mrschris you write beautifully. Please do keep going with the blog! And I hope you are feeling ok and that, erm, Mr Chris is supporting you this weekend.

And yes Mrschris please keep writing. You have a brilliant with with words. Thinking of you and MrMrsChris xx

banana and banana all that cross posting and similar names confused the crap out of me!

fish you have my sympathy, that sounds really hard and your friend a little insensitive I would say!

Thanks for the encouragement everyone, I have written another one today, makes a change from moping about!