WANTED- cycle buddies who are ttc#1 and planning a FET in April/May

[RoseBud2016]

I'm in need of some buddies!

A long story short is that I have been ttc#1 for 19 months now. I have severe PCOS and don't ov or cycle naturally.
Last year I was told that DH and I would only have a chance of conceiving through IVF, after numerous other fertility treatments failed.

In February this year we had our first ISCI IVF cycle at Reprofit in the Czech Republic (DH has 2 DDs so we are not eligible for treatment on the NHS) We got 12 eggs, 8 fertilised and 6 made it to blasts! We had one transferred and fell pregnant! But at 4+4 blood tests confirmed that the pregnancy wasn't viable and at 5 weeks we had a very early mc (I hate the phrase CP as I think it trivialises it)

The last few weeks have been such a struggle physically and mentally but we are keen to try again so are planning another trip to Reprofit to be reunited with one of our Frosties!

Scared and excited in equal measures and would love some buddies to share in this new and unknown part of the 'journey' with. X

Will stop on Friday (13+6). Think they're being cautious given the weird progesterone drop I had.

I guess so re showing. Weird though!

Vixx The sickness is such a double edged sword isn't it?! When you don't have it, you worry something is wrong. But when you do have it, you can't function. I'm glad you're signed off work though- are you taking your meds again now too?

Stealth It must be so nice (and more than a little scary) coming off all the meds! It's a real milestone though
Have you told work about the pregnancy now or are you going to wait for as long as your body will allow you?
Do you feel any different reducing/being off the meds?

Grumpel How are you doing my lovely? Not long to wait now until your scan- what time is it on Weds?
Are you nicely settled into your new house now? X

How are you rose? God you must be counting down the days til that scan!

Weirdly I feel more tired (wouldn't have believed that was possible before!) I think it might be because I've come off the pred - it must have been giving me a steroid bump. Other than that, same as. And yes it's v v scary weaning yourself off all your meds!

Re work - I've now had the mat leave conversation with DH and have thought about how to position it. So I will tell my boss the next time we are face to face (which might not be for 4-5 weeks) but will ask him to keep it quiet until I can't hide it anymore. Of course if I properly pop then we'll go for plan B!

Stealth I'm glad to hear weening yourself off the meds hasn't affected you too much physically. I was imagining withdrawal symptoms or
It works in your favour that you see your boss so infrequently- I sit opposite my boss in my office so there is no escaping their gaze and questions!
Good luck with your scan today xxx

I was doing ok (crazy but ok) until last night. Started bleeding- red blood but only when wiping. Not lots but enough to completely freak me and DH out. I also had a low dull ache in my abdomen (it's still there now but not as noticeable).

We phoned EPU and they basically don't want to investigate unless it's heavy bleeding and/or painful or I feel really unwell. So I'm now waiting for the GPs surgery to open to get their advice.

Reprofit won't prescribe me any more meds increases until my scan result (I'm already on PIO and 200mg oral progesterone plus 6mg oral estrogen a day) so I'm now in limbo land!

I'm hoping the GP will just refer me to EPU this morn so we can get some answers.

Grumpel the best of luck for your scan today! I'm keeping everything tightly crossed for you! Xxx

PS Vixx Thank you for last night xxx

Oh rose. You really have had the worst time of it. You know of course that it could be nothing but I imagine you're going crazy. Really hoping you manage to get seen by EPU today & put your mind at rest. Could you book a private scan if not?

And good luck grumpel!

My scan is at 530pm today. Had a horrible weird dream last night where a friend convinced me to do a second egg collection EVEN THOUGH I was pregnant. So I took SIX Clomid tablets (?!) that we bought on the black market (double ??!) and then had second thoughts so told the doctor who then went mad and said I'd probably given the baby liver cancer and all sorts of other things. The sub conscious eh?! So have woken up really unsettled.

My doctor has got me an appointment at the EPU this morn for a scan.

I'm shitting myself

Stealth You would have to be a complete maniac to take 6 clomid tabs!! Such an odd dream- scanxiety has a lot of answer for! X

Good luck rose

I know re Clomid! Plus "deciding" to start an EC without seeing a doctor. Flipping bizarre!

Scan in EPU shows a pregnancy sac but no embryo- looks like an MMC. My body is officially fucked- we are completely devastated. This is never going to happen for us

I'm so so sorry to hear that rose. There's no chance it's too early? No words. Your body is not fucked and you get there, but now is not the time for that - take your time to grieve. I hope you're going straight home and that your DH is supporting you. Huge-est of hugs and much love

Oh shit, rose I'm so, so sorry you've had that news. It's so cruel and completely unfair. Totally devastated for you.

Is that the definite diagnosis or will you need to go back again in a few days? We're all here to hold your hand as needed, and are sending you loads of love. I hope you and DH can look after yourselves whatever the next few days/weeks bring.

Oh Rose, I am so so sorry. This is awful and my heart goes out to you and your dh. There are no words but we are all here for you

I've got to go back next week for another scan. They are saying there is a very small chance but I know my dates and I know I've been having BFPs since 5th June so there is no chance of this being a positive outcome. I have insisted that they book me in for an ERPC for the day after my next scan. And they have agreed- the woman was lovely and has signed me off work for 2 weeks x

Please don't hold back with your scan news ladies- I want to know that you are both doing well Stealth and Grumpel

I'm just so sad for us. Xxx

Oh and then we got back to our car and had a fucking parking ticket- fuck you world, fuck you!

What date do you have to go back? I am so sad for you. It is all so unfair. Xxx

7th July then assuming things haven't changed (which lets be honest- they aren't going to have) ERPC on 8th.

Rose there really are no words. I'm glad you have even a depressing, shitty plan of action though, if you're like me that helps rather than being in limbo.
I can't remember if you had an ERPC previously but if it's any reassurance mine was absolutely fine and the best way through it for me by far. Obviously I so hope that's not what you have to end up with. Crossing everything so tightly for you on the off-chance.

So sorry x

Ah rose. Fucking parking inspector spawns of Satan!

Am really really hoping it's a late starter but I know the odds are against it & you have to prepare yourself mentally for bad news. Am just so sorry you have to go through it all. Good on you for being firm about booking in for erpc if it's needed. And especially good that you're signed off work.

It's just so unfair.

I hope both of your scans went well Grumpel and Stealth. Please don't feel like you can't update us- I would love to know that things are ok for you both?!

I know that you guys need to move on soon- I'm not naive and I can handle it. It's been fab getting to know you all..... I've felt like I really "belong" somewhere in the last few months. So thank you so much for that. I just feel so sad that I can't join you on the next stage in your journeys.

Love to you all xxxxx

Oh rose.* * We will always be here to chat if you want to. Please don't feel that you need to leave the group after we've gone through so much together. I understand if it feels too painful right now, but know we're here for you.
I can't believe how generous and strong you are in wanting to know news from the rest of us. You're amazing

Scan was good, thanks, there's a little blob in there with a strong heartbeat for now. Booked another scan for 9weeks as mentally I need to check it all out again at the same point we got to last time, and would rather know sooner rather than later if bad news.

I'm genuinely so pleased for you! I really hope this works out for you this time. Another 2ww for you now though..... Nightmare!

Honestly I'm not strong at all- I'm crying like a demented baby. I'm so happy for you and so sad for me and DH.

I don't know how people do this over and over again!

Rose

rose - what grumpel said. I'm not going anywhere! We'll always be here for you. It's been so great having this little group. Am crossing everything that it comes good for you next week but if not we'll be here when you're ready to saddle up again. Feeling so sad for you, and echoing what grumpel said, you are so kind to want to hear our news even whilst you're so sad yourself. Oodles of for you xxx

grumpel great news. And excellent booking a 9w scan. The weeks just drag otherwise.

My scan went well. He was back in his Buddha/frog position and then started disco dancing around. We have a very active little boy! We even saw his willy .

As always, it is me who's the problem child. My placenta is currently blocking my cervix, so if it doesn't move it will be a Caesarian. But there's lots of time for that to change.

I also had an extremely low PAPP A score. I'm a little bit worried about that, as it seems to be loosely linked with early delivery, pre-eclampsia, and restricted growth. I think it just means a bit more monitoring – the worrying never ends!