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Original poster

The mind numbing boredom of infertility II

999 replies

PotatoesPastaAndBread · 28/02/2016 10:29

This is a thread for peole who really want to get pregnant but can't, who have tried pretty much everything, and are really fucked off about it.

Have you ever nearly punched someone for advising you to "relax", "go on holiday" or "just get drunk - that's what we did"? Well then this is the thread for you.

You won't find much sentimentality here and there's no baby dust, but there is empathy, a lot of swearing and a surpirsing amount of glittery dog shit.

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icy121 · 29/04/2016 09:40

Ah overthis I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work. I agree, baby dust is crushed up babies and that's disgusting. Glitter free shit is fine, there's no need to keep your chin up here. Look after yourself and your other half. Don't let anyone's expectations add any more stress when you're having such a fucking shocker.

I'm at the clinic now waiting for baseline scan. Lots of other sad looking knackered women all avoiding eye contact. I sit in the little waiting room with the telly blaring rather than out on the landing where there's no 3rd party noise/distraction.

OH did my stab last night but fucked it up and did it soooo slowly it was well sore!! He said "last time you said I did it too quickly" I said "you plunged too quick; the stab was fine" "I don't know what you mean" so I cried for a bit (first time since starting IVF, so I'm pleased with that anyway. Steely)

Overthisshizz · 29/04/2016 09:51

Icy, the little room and landing sound suspiciously like my clinic. Poor OH can't do right for doing wrong, but at least he's helping. Mine doesn't really like doing the stabs, so I usually crack on and do my own! I also tend to blame him for not doing it right.

Well done for managing to hold off on the tears, I haven't cried yet today(although I am still in bed, and don't plan on getting up, other than to go down to the freezer for what's left of the ben and jerry's).

icy121 · 29/04/2016 10:02

I'm at the Nuffield in Woking. Handy for trains to London.

PeaOp · 29/04/2016 11:21

Also waiting for baseline this morning and got notification of drug arrival tomorrow.....today shit got real. Hopefully it is exceptionally glittery.

Hugs and extra glittery shit to all xx

findingmyfeet12 · 29/04/2016 11:32

I've been reading some of the thread and it seems I have a lot to learn about IVF procedure. I've had three cycles of stimulation with puregon. Will the IVF drugs be different? Will the injections be more painful?

I had an ultrasound today. They confirmed that I have one 4.5mm blood clot remaining in my uterus after my miscarriage. I was told it would be expelled naturally with af next month.

The doctor advised waiting two months before ttc again but I want to try straight away. Am I being foolish?

PumpingIron · 29/04/2016 12:02

Icy, the politics of the fertility clinic waiting room are worthy of a very dark sitcom. Wishing you well for your scan today.

I would wait for appointments on whichever floor did not contain other people's children (I cannot fathom why a woman would bring her precious toddler to watch their mother have a probe inserted into their lady garden in a darkened room). Also, private clinics have higher quality magazines which were quite a treat - Vogue, Conde Nast Traveller, Esquire, etc etc.

Overthisshizz · 29/04/2016 13:15

Same icy, although we've moved, so we're now a 2 hour drive away. Not sure if after 2 failed cycles, we should be looking at a different clinic, or if it's better the devil you know. We seem to get a bit further along with every cycle, so maybe next time it'll work. The joy of the IVF roller coaster.

As for the lucky mum's bringing their wee ones along rubbing my barren face in their fertility, I don't really get it either, but I guess some folks don't have any other option for childcare.

PeaOp · 29/04/2016 14:11

Gutted. Scan showed a cyst on left ovary so can't have treatment this cycle. Argghh.

Hoping everyone else's scans/stabbing is proving more straightforward.

TammySwanson · 29/04/2016 14:25

Oh no, PeaOp, sorry to hear that.

icy/Overthisshizz> That's were we'll be starting treatment (our initial appointment is not until June though so god knows when anything actually happen). Can I ask what how your experience has been so far? I was a bit reluctant to go there as we are continuing our treatment under the same consultant as saw me initially on the NHS (only now we get to pay through the nose, hurrah!) and when I eventually got to meet him (in the final 'congratulations, you now live in the wrong place to get any more free treatment you old barren hag' appointment) I didn't particularly warm to him but a) the options where we live are not great and b) you can't really argue with their statistics. Be interesting to hear what you think anyway.

TammySwanson · 29/04/2016 14:33

Maybe we can have a spy-like greeting to identify fellow threadsters, like we sidle up to people in the waiting room/landing and then surreptitiously whisper 'Don't you find this all so MIND-NUMBINGLY BORING' and then the secret answer could be 'Yes, I would rather be picking glitter out of dog shit'.

OK, maybe not... Grin

Overthisshizz · 29/04/2016 15:11

tammy my experience has been fine. I think I'm in the "grass is always greener" stage, hoping I might have more success elsewhere. Can't fault the nurses, they are truly brilliant, and make me feel like they really care. Just a shame the whole process is such a head fuck so mind numbing.

icy121 · 29/04/2016 16:07

Tammy I'm there because I've been seeing mr Curtis for years now. He's been really good in not just shoving into IVF, did my lap last year and knows his stuff. He's the one who sorted the smear issues out. Think he's mega, but he's v busy and to the point. He's properly up on pcos too. Some nurses are great some are unsympathetic. They were running slow today which was frustrating. The baby photos annoy me, toys in waiting room annoy me. Parking is handy though. Coffee is shit too...! Priorities.

icy121 · 29/04/2016 18:22

My group of friends are out tonight. I told one of them (male) about the IVF, but didn't say not to tell others. One of the girls asked me the other night about when we would start and I evaded it. They're at a drinking event so no point in my going. I'm hoping he doesn't confirm I'm ivfing but i guess it might come up, and come out. They'll then all know but pretend not to. She'll possibly be offended - not that I didn't share, but that I've told him and not others. the drama I create for myself! Not that I really care much. They'll understand/get over it. She was the one who said "gift not a given" re babies so I've distanced any chat with her. Doesn't get it & refuses to get it.

PeaOp · 01/05/2016 09:20

Minor niggles of infertility boredom #206 - realising you can no longer do a weekly food shop because half of your fridge is full of drugs.....
#207 not being able to use those drugs this cycle and having to look at them taking up space for a month....

TammySwanson · 01/05/2016 16:25

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, icy and Overthisshizz.

icy121 · 01/05/2016 20:07

What am I doing????! I don't even like kids! I get more excited over dogs than babies.

Anyway. First Menopur today. Had a mini "I can't do it" injection breakdown yday so today I got a grip.

Hope you're all enjoying the decent weather, going to be shit tomorrow.

Overthisshizz · 03/05/2016 12:48

Hope you're managing ok with your injections icy.

We've got a review with consultant on Friday to discuss 2nd failure and plan for round 3 - it seems they think metformin will help. Does anyone else feel like they're just making it up as they go?

icy121 · 03/05/2016 19:03

Who're you seeing overthis? My little bro went to school with Mr R's son; we have a very unique foreign surname (thanks dad!) so I'm pretty glad I'm not seeing him as he'd immediately recognise the name & work me out IRL vs just being "a patient". Can't wait to get married & have a nice and normal English surname!

Anyway do you have any pcos issues? Insulin resistance is either the cause/result of pcos and loads of studies have shown that getting it under control by way of metformin can help. Have they also given you dietary advice?

Overthisshizz · 03/05/2016 22:28

I have some cysts, but from what I remember, I didn't quite fit the pcos criteria. I was low carbing like a mutha fu**er on my last cycle, avoiding snacking between meals to reduce insulin spikes, and high protein (obvs). I don't drink or smoke anyway, but no, haven't really had any dietary advice other than that. Should I be doing anything else?

I found what I was doing REALLY bloody hard, was hungry and grumpy all the time. Had headaches and lethargy from the low carbing. Decided I would name my child carbohydrate if the cycle was successful - perhaps that's the universe/karma punishing me.

Pebbles086 · 04/05/2016 12:44

Hi ladies, well it seems we are all still fucking bored of this shite!
peaop that's so shit that your cycle has been delayed. You must have been so frustrated.
karla keep stabbing girl, you're practically a pro now. Look forward to pestering you for advice, when I start.
icy are you going to tackle stabbing yourself? Having a cry sometime helps, we bottle too much in at times. Hope the person you confided in didn't talk about you all night! It must be such great gossip for people, when they know someone doing IVF. It's not like woman are shouting it from the roof tops! My office will be chatting about me anytime I leave early or take time off.
over I hope your appt. goes well and sheds some light on what went wrong last time .
Hello finding sorry about your MC. I know its frustrating to wait, but the Dr must have their reasons for giving you that advice. I know that doesn't help much, when you just want to keep trying.
Big hello to the lurkers and the other ladies, I have feeling you're still out there, being bored of this shit too.
AFM still waiting for D day. But come to the conclusion that it's out of my hands now. Trying to be as chilled as possible.

karlafox · 04/05/2016 16:35

Hi. Hope it's lovely and sunny where you all are, it sure does lift the spirits doesn't it!
Have my first scan since starting stims almost a week ago, still no symptoms. No hot flushes from down regs, or bloating from the high dose gonal-f and menopur so I'm starting to worry nothing is happening in there! The only thing I have got it a face full of spots 😭 Not sure if that's a side affect or just my bad luck!
icy hope you are getting on ok.
pebbles ask away, I'm still muddling through but will help wherever I can.

icy121 · 04/05/2016 18:50

Managing to get the injections fine but I do struggle. I've taken to ice cubes and kind of leaning into the needle as I just can't physically do the stabbing motion anymore!

I have hot flashes, spotting and generally shatterdness. Karla did you have your scan? How did it go?

icy121 · 04/05/2016 18:50

Done not fine!!

karlafox · 04/05/2016 21:05

Had a scan last Friday (day of starting stims) all seemed ok. Lining thin, ovaries small etc. This Friday is the scan to check how stimming is going so kind of nervous about that as haven't had any signs of anything happening yet. But only day 6 of stims so maybe it's too soon to tell. I have felt kind of weird the last week. Almost like I'm in a good mood!! shock horror I think that's because ignorance is bliss! It might be a different story next week.

icy121 · 05/05/2016 08:23

God I'm so bitter. On radio 4 now discussion about the Downs Syndrome screening test. Some woman was on - she had the test which then caused a mc. Terrible, obviously. But then she said blithely "when I became pregnant again" because it's THAT EASY. they were saying something about being on the wrong side of the statistics. Can fucking relate to that. I hate being barren I fucking fucking hate it. Just so fucking unfair and SHIT.