Any success stories and ideas for secondary infertility?

[Annabellaboo]

Hello ladies.
I am hoping to get some ideas and support on here.
I am 35 years old, very healthy with a 3 year DS. We have been trying to conceive our second child for 2 years now. I became pregnant very easily with my first and had an easy pregnancy.
This time nothing.
I have had all the tests the nhs provides. Progesterone normal, I ovulate, DH sperm count is normal, no blockages etc etc. I have tried charting, ov sticks, changed my already pretty healthy diet (cut out refined sugars and have lots more greens etc, and alkalised my body). I take advised supplements and have even tried acupuncture.
I do however have short cycles, sometimes as short as 21 days but averaging 24. This is a little shorter than I had before my DS.
We cannot afford IVF and I am not sure I can face that anyway.
My consultant last month has prescribed me a half dose (25mg) of clomid, which a scan showed on the first round it definitely boosted things even more with a good few mature follicles. I already ovulate but she thought as my cycles are quite short and a little irregular it may give me a boost.
I have been convinced several times I was pregnant (oh how cruel our bodies and brains can be!) but AF always turns up.
I guess what I am asking is does anyone have any other suggestions of things I could try or why I can't conceive time. I am open to theories and alternative methods.
Any experience in this subject and success stories please share.
I try not to stress about it all, but some months it just really gets you down as there is no real 'reason'. The hard thing is watching other mums around get pregnant multiple times so easily.
Thank you for listening!
Anna

Gah! Just had another pregnancy announcement and I'm just on eggshells waiting for one of my friends to tell me hers. We do a lot of baby groups together as our sons are only months apart- so that one will hurt. Crazy how you analyse everything isn't it?

Closephine - have they given any reason why your husbands sperm has dropped? My doctor has sent him for another one (he's been sick so going to wait until he's better until he goes) but he's on zinc tablets and done everything by the book. No referral to a urologist at all just a fertility appointment at the end of March. I agree with you, it's frustrating but I think we need to go through all the tests first. It sounds like you have gone through a lot of tests already. What's the next thing? I'm guessing mine might be the laparoscopy which I was hoping to avoid!

Rose I love your optimism! I'm looking into reflexology as an alternative therapy thing- if anything to help with the stress. I hope yours helps. I think a little "me" time is worth dong anyway.

Also - I use those cheapy ovulation sticks from Amazon (I'm sure the company are going to start just sending them out monthly out of sympathy soon!) is it worth investing in the expensive ones do you think? I guess they all do same just clutching at straws. It's a full time job this ttc....

I'm sure they are pretty good too, Katy- I used the cheap(er) Boots ones as couldn't bear to splash out so much on the clearblue, and although not as obvious to work out, they still seemed to work. I've kind of gone off using them now, as I tend to want to cover all bases and just BD as often as possible. Never sure whether to do it everyday (bloody hard work) or every couple of days so that sperm has some time to regenerate. What a palaver.

Hello and welcome katymac! I am sorry for your struggle but glad you are looking for support here.
Hi closephine. Party was good, I was ok with it actually. My DS just just had his birthday too so we have had a busy few days. I opted to not have a party this year for various reasons so we just had a nice family day out.
The gluten free eating is going mostly well and my stomach seems to be thanking me for it. It's easy enough when cooking at home but I found it difficult when we ate out a couple times recently. Still, at least there are more options these days as restaurants are catering to different diets. I haven't taken the clomid this month and think I feel better for it. No skin breakouts or crazy emotions or feeling lethargic. I think I won't take it again even if my consultant recommends. I don't feel it was necessary for me as I do ovulate naturally. I am glad I took it as it seems to have helped lengthen my cycles, but I will see this month that happens. I am feeling calmer and less desperate about getting pregnant at the moment and for that I am grateful. I just can't live in a constant state of hope followed by disappointment so I am really trying to find some sort of acceptance and peace with my situation. The reiki is helping me feel calm and positive so I am continuing it for now at least.
I hope this state lasts! I am now on my 2ww so let's see if I can remain happy and calm-prob not! 😁
How long do you have until your next cycle? Did you say you are having IUI next cycle? Did you get DH results back yet?
Rose, how was your mini break?! Hope you are feeling a little less stressed- how's the hypnotherapy? You should try Rieki it's so relaxing! Xx

Hi all

Katy - I bought the expensive clearblue ovulation sticks a couple of months ago - I don't know if I was doing it wrong (how many ways are there to pee on a stick?!) but I found them a nightmare. I ended up using 2 tests each day because the first one wouldn't register in the little digital monitor you get with it and then I started panicking I was going to run out of sticks before it detected anything. Luckily it didn't in the end... but I'll go for the boots ones if I need them again!

Anna - you sounds like you're doing well and glad to hear your finding the gluten free diet ok. I agree restaurants can be tricky but most seem to have a couple of options at least these days. Yes we are doing IUI next month (pretty pointless but may as well seeing as we are currently in limbo waiting to start down the Ivf road). AF should arrive in the next couple of days then I can call the hospital and book in for IUI/book an appointment with the consultant to get DHs results and talk more about Ivf.

Rose - yes I was under a general for the laparoscopy, think that was the part I was most nervous about but now it's done with I can say it was a breeze :) my Drs have also told me that DTD every three days is the most important thing... Not going to lie, don't find it that easy after 2.5 years ttc.

I'm feeling pretty rubbish today, pre AF Blues I think. I was expecting to get them this month knowing for definite we can't be pregnant but I just feel sad instead of the usual crazy what if emotions before she arrives. Lots of people announcing pregnancies lately, lots of people who had their first way after I had ds and are now happily onto number 2. So hard not to feel jealous.

Hi girls,
Sorry to hear you are feeling blue, Closephine. That sounds potentially exciting having IUI thoigh, something new to try, you never know. My friend who has very low ovarian reserve got pregnant first time with IUI and I think she really didn't expect to.

I know what you mean about the difficulties of having people announce second pregnancies around you, especially when they got pregnant with their first after you. It's Painful and so hard not to feel jealous. And at the same time you have to act happy and excited for them. I find being with pregnant women a lot harder than women who have had their babies, for some strange reason, I'm kind of dreading my SIster in law having her second baby - she is 25 weeks and announced to the whole family her pregnancy when she was 7 weeks and it was so hard not to burst into tears in front of everyone. They now know we have been trying but still sent us a photo of the ultrasound. It's hard isn't it, I don't want them to feel they have to tiptoe around us by any means, but when they randomly send you ultrasound pics it does make you wonder whether they have any clue how you're feeling?

Anyway. Hypno is interesting but bloody expensive and I'm not sure how much longer I can afford it. I have to say it's not as enlightening as I was hoping it may be and I think I may stop soon. Reiki sounds interesting though is that head massage? Will def look into it.

AF is due any time this week, my periods have been so odd lately starting at 25-28 days with hardy anything for 4-5 days before they get heavier. Bit depressing, wish I could go back to heavier periods again, never thought I'd say that.

I hate those tense few days where everything you go for a wee you're dreading seeing blood on the toilet paper.

Anyway best of luck to you all, it's gotta happen for one of us soon surely??!!

Oh mini break was looovely, thank you Anna. Wish I could do it every weekend, ha!
Also I have my first appointment with the specialists next Monday so am intrigued to see what they think about my weird periods, kind of dreading they're going to find out I'm early menopausal 😞

I've just made a right tit of myself :( a friend told me she's pregnant with her fourth child. She knows about our issues and she told me sensitively. I just can't control my frickin emotions. I just really wasn't expecting it and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I flipping cried and made the whole thing about me. I feel so stupid and guilty and fed up and just meh. Please can it be me next? I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

Oh Closephine, I'm sorry. That would be enough to make me blub, even at a good time of the month. FOUR?! How do some people make it look so easy?! One of my mum acquaintances told me a few months ago she was pregnant with her third, how it was an accident and 'they only had sex once'.....it's hard not to get upset when you hear things like that.

I've also had quite a few moments of crying in front of pregnant friends/those with newborns. If she's a good friend she will understand.

Thanks Rose, yes I think she did understand. I just feel rubbish that I made the situation about me and couldn't control it enough to even put on a front.

I just want to have Ivf now, I'm already petrified it will fail though and it will just make everything ten times worse. I swear someone somewhere is messing with me though... I must have done something to upset someone and they have a little voodoo doll of me they keep sticking pins in. Sometimes I even wonder if it's because I broke a mirror a couple of years ago when we were moving house... that's how desperate I am for answers!!

Hi ladies. Closephine so sorry you are upset, that sounds painful. I am sure your friend understands why you reacted that way (well no she can't really but I am sure she doesn't mind). It's hard to tell when our emotions will get the better of us, it can hit us suddenly especially at a certain time of the month!
I have a friend who is also due with her 4th, and none of her babies were planned. The latest one she apparently even took the morning after pill!! I mean really c'mon you are kidding me right?!! And she eats like crap of course
Hold on in there. Our struggles will only make us stronger and all the more appreciative of our family and any future additions. Sending hugs and positive vibes your way xx

I totally agree with you, Anna, about these struggles making you stronger. I was reading an article in the paper recently about women who had had recurrent miscarriages, and one of the things that stuck was one woman saying she really believed that for her and her husband their priorities would be different when they finally got pregnant than if it hadn't happened easily for them, and how the experience had brought them closer and taught them a great deal. I'm sure that's not what you want to hear right now though. It just helped me look at the whole thing in a slightly more positive light.

It doesn't take away how utterly shite this whole process is though.
Hope you can have a nice relaxing evening tonight. Lots of love xx

Hi ladies. Sorry to hear about your secondary infertility - it's a nasty situation to be in, I speak from bitter experience. The guilt for me was big, guilty that I couldn't be happy with my amazing son, guilty that he was missing out on fun and friends because I was trying to avoid pregnant friends. We fortunately got our daughter on our second round of ivf, but I think a big factor for the infertility was my underactive thyroid (as well as border line sperm). Thyroid levels for fertility are different to the NHS 'normal' range. I think this was a big factor because the first month after my period from our ivf baby, I got pregnant naturally (sadly it didn't stick).
Despite a helpful GP, this was never checked before we went private. You may know all about Thyroid in pregnancy, but I'm surprised at how many people are aren't told about it by their GPs.
Also I found accupuncture great at regulating my cycle before ivf, to a perfect 28 days (previously it varied by 5 days, not huge but every little helps right! ). And it was relaxing too.

Good luck and I hope you all get good news soon x

Thanks for being so nice ladies

I'm feeling better this evening (eaten a lot of chocolate!!). It's just the initial shock/stab in the uterus of finding out another person is pregnant. So many people at the moment and I just want to be happy for them, not have these hideous feelings of jealousy and bitterness about how unfair it is.

Johendy - glad to hear your Ivf worked. I've had my thyroid checked thanks, but might be helpful for some of the other ladies on here.

Is anyone else nearing AF? Had such a vivid dream last night that I had a positive pregnancy test. I was so ridiculously excited. I'm feeling so jittery every time I go the toilet and wipe- waiting to see blood.
The worst thing is when it happens whilst you're out and about or at work and you've just got to continue as if nothing's wrong. Really hope it will at least wait till the weekend!

On a positive note, my pregnant SIL sent me a really lovely text message yesterday. We told her and the rest of the family recently about our struggles to get pregnant. She said how she had been thinking about us a lot and felt awful about having spoken to me about her nct friend who is having an early menopause (she didn't know at the time we were trying), and saying she's always there if I want to talk. Sometimes people surprise you, she's really the last person I expected to get a text like that from!

We're seeing my DH's family tomorrow (including her). DH says I should just tell them if I'm feeling down cos my AF has Come, but you can't just put yourself out there like that- it's not that simple.

Argh I'm having one of those ' I really hate this!!!' Days. That dream was so vivid and I'm fed up with it all!

I hope you girls are all in somewhat 'calmer' states of mind!
Closephine- have you had any more developments with your thoughts about IVF? I think for the first time it's beginning to really enter my mind as something we may have to consider too.

Anyway thanks for hearing my rant. I will now try an compose myself ready for the day! 😁

Hi Rose - sorry you're feeling like this. I know it all too well, dreading going to the toilet, being 99% sure you aren't pregnant but still having the shred of hope until AF actually arrives. I have also had very vivid dreams before AF about positive pregnancy tests, I've even had a baby girl in one dream. When I woke up from that one I was convinced I'd get a positive test that month and that it was a sign! So cruel that our bodies/minds mess with us in this way.

That's really lovely of your SIL - do you have many people you can talk to in real life? I've been through three stages now. The first was tell no one, then I bottled it up for so long I went through a stage of telling everyone (!), bit of an error, but it does mean that I have now worked out who I can talk to about it so I stick to those select few and they really help when I'm feeling down. After my major meltdown on Monday my friend turned up with chocolate and kept me company until my DH came home. Such a nice thing for her to do as when I texted her I really didn't expect her to drop everything and rush round (she's 9 months pregnant!). So perhaps opening up to your SIL might be a good thing and it would give you added support when family gatherings are a bit tough too?

We have a private meeting with our hospital consultant on Thursday to discuss Ivf. If we had waited for a public appointment it wouldn't have been until the end of May at least and I can't keep waiting. We live offshore which means we will need to travel to the mainland (London most likely) for our treatment. So there are quite a few logistics to work out. Whether to bring DS along etc. whether to actually take the plunge in the first place. We can only really afford one round and hope that if it doesn't work we can freeze some. If we can freeze a few it is cheaper to do frozen transfers and at least we might have that as a back up if our fresh cycle fails. Some big decisons coming up!

Oh and sorry but your comment from you DH made laugh about telling his family you'd got your AF. Just have this vision of waking Ito a family function and announcing 'I'm feeling sh$&t because I've got my period!'. Think it would make for pretty awkward conversation in my family, so unless yours are more open about things I probably wouldn't take his advice on that one :)

When you put it that way, it's definitely not gonna happen! Haha.
That's quite exciting now that things are moving quickly with the IVF, exciting is probably the wrong word. How are you feeling about it all? That's quite a big upheaval for you to have to come to London. I hope you can 'enjoy' yourselves a little whilst you're here. I'm from London so let me know if there's any practical advice you need eg child friendly places to eat/parks etc
That's good they've suggested being able to freeze some embryos for future use. I'm crossing my fingers and toes that it all works out for you.

I do have quite a few friends who know and a few who have been really supportive. I feel like I've gone through a similar process to you, with at the beginning not wanting anyone to know, and making big efforts to hide my folic acid and my 'fertility' books And then realising that I couldn't hide it and I needed to talk to people. And then now I feel I can quite open with people but don't want to impose it on certain people and have more or less started to figure out who I can talk to. Telling my mum was quite a big deal as she'd been subtlety hinting at when we were gonna have the second baby for ages. But I think most people kinda know now and if people happen to ask when we're having our next one (which they've kind of stopped doing) then using mind telling them we've been trying.
I had one stay at home dad 'friend' who kept asking in a really jokey annoying way, 'ooh you getting broody?', a bit creepy frankly and I couldn't understand why it never occurred to him that we may be trying?!

Your pregnant friend sounds absolutely lovely though, and it's great you feel you can talk to her despite her being pregnant etc. I've als had quite a few close friends go through pregnancy and childbirth recently and it's been quite a weirdly bonding experience having to face that together with some of them (And in some situations not so great!).

Just want to get my AF now so I can stop thinking about it every minute.

Let us know how the appointment goes, Closephine.

Anna how are you getting on, it honk our cycles were similar last month so guessing you're also in 2ww?

I think not it honk!

Hi ladies,
Rose- hope you are getting through the day without too much turmoil.
It's beautiful and sunny where I am and that is always uplifting. I am about 10 dpo I think so about a week to go until AF. I don't think the wait ever gets easier but I am trying to be less crazy obsessive about it. I don't think I'm preggas anyway,
no symptoms at all. I have had a couple of those vivid dreams about being pregnant just before AF too and it is so cruel! It really makes you believe your body is telling you something. Maybe it will be for you this month-fingers crossed!
I think it is important to find someone to talk to. I don't really have another mum friend that I can really talk to although many are aware but as I mentioned before they have mostly stopped asking me anything. But I do have my best friend to talk to, although not a mum herself she is always there for me and I can be very honest with her.

I take it all back about not obsessing this month! All day I have felt nauseous, have a headache and am very tired. It is likely I am coming down with a cold that everyone else around me has had, but of course my crazy lady that desperately wants a baby is now out in full force! 😖 I know I will now prob go out and buy all sorts of pregnancy tests just because I can't seem to control myself. Even though I know it's silly and I also have been down this over symptom spotting road many times, I just can't seem to help it
Must try and regain control and get a grip! Haha!

Oh I do so hope it's good news for you, Anna. I was in the crazy lady place yesterday morning- didn't sleep well at all Friday night anticipating doing a test on Saturday morning. Went into the upstairs loo to do the test where DH had hidden my Mother's Day flowers- thought maybe this is a sign I'm gonna find out I'm pregnant! It was negative of course, AF has started today (happy Mother's Day!). So blimmin pissed off - felt so bad I couldn't be really chirpy on Mother's Day for my little girl and DH. Not that I get that fussed about Mother's Day!
Anyway I'm hoping maybe one of us should follow my premonition and gets some good news this Mother's Day?! Fingers crossed for you Anna!!

staryed looking at IVF options online today for the first time. I didn't realise some clinics do a package of 3 cycles- is this what you are going for Closephibe? I agree the create fertility website does look good x

Sorry to hear it was a negative Rose :( I know the feeling of getting AF on days where you're supposed to be happy - in the last two years mine has arrived on a Xmas day, the following year it held of until NYE and it also said hello on my 30th birthday! Perhaps that's how it became referred to as the witch!

Re Create, we liked the sound of the clinic and I've had a couple of phone calls with them, however, they mentioned I may have to come over for ALL my scans and logistically with my little boy that would have been pretty hard as we would have needed to have been over for about three weeks. They said I could discuss it with the dr at my consultation, however that would have cost almost £400 (not including flights and hotels etc) and there was still the possibility they would say no, I had to be in the uk for all of it. So looks like we are going with the Lister clinic, it is more expensive and we can only afford one round at the moment, but they have great success rates and i can have most of my scans at home and travel to the Uk for egg collection, transfer etc. so hopefully would only need to be over for a week or so total. I posted a thread asking about create a while back, it got mixed reviews and I have to say nobody gave it glowing reports. Whereas I've heard a lot of people raving about Lister. I'll try and find my create post and share the link for you.

How are you doing Anna? Have you caved and tested yet? Good luck!

Here is the create thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/infertility/2537425-Create-fertility-natural-IVF-any-experiences-or-success-stories