Any success stories and ideas for secondary infertility?

[Annabellaboo]

Hello ladies.
I am hoping to get some ideas and support on here.
I am 35 years old, very healthy with a 3 year DS. We have been trying to conceive our second child for 2 years now. I became pregnant very easily with my first and had an easy pregnancy.
This time nothing.
I have had all the tests the nhs provides. Progesterone normal, I ovulate, DH sperm count is normal, no blockages etc etc. I have tried charting, ov sticks, changed my already pretty healthy diet (cut out refined sugars and have lots more greens etc, and alkalised my body). I take advised supplements and have even tried acupuncture.
I do however have short cycles, sometimes as short as 21 days but averaging 24. This is a little shorter than I had before my DS.
We cannot afford IVF and I am not sure I can face that anyway.
My consultant last month has prescribed me a half dose (25mg) of clomid, which a scan showed on the first round it definitely boosted things even more with a good few mature follicles. I already ovulate but she thought as my cycles are quite short and a little irregular it may give me a boost.
I have been convinced several times I was pregnant (oh how cruel our bodies and brains can be!) but AF always turns up.
I guess what I am asking is does anyone have any other suggestions of things I could try or why I can't conceive time. I am open to theories and alternative methods.
Any experience in this subject and success stories please share.
I try not to stress about it all, but some months it just really gets you down as there is no real 'reason'. The hard thing is watching other mums around get pregnant multiple times so easily.
Thank you for listening!
Anna

[closephine85]

Sorry to hear AF arrived Anna :( it's so cruel when our bodies let us get our hopes up then nothing! Enjoy letting your hair down tonight

Shellster, don't worry you haven't made me any more nervous about Ivf. But do you mind me asking, did you ever have a laparoscopy? I'm currently on the waiting list for one at my hospital but part of me wants to bypass is and go straight for Ivf sooner rather than later, considering DHs counts are so low and all my tests have come back ok.

I'm currently on day 2 of the 2ww and not coping very well already. Have been pretty snappy with DH today :( baby bomb on Facebook this morning of a couple we know having a third child (their first is just a couple of months older than our ds). How come they get 3 and we can't even have 2?!?

[Shellster52]

Congratulations Sarah. Four years is a long time. Glad the journey is over for you.

Yeah, it's ironic Anna, I used to want longer cycles because I knew they meant higher fertility. But at the same time, it just means we falsely get our hopes us and have further to come crashing down when our periods show up later than usual. I've experienced just that. A few drinks and a nice night out sounds like just what you need before you put yourself back on the hamster wheel and try again.

I did have a hysteroscopy closephoine. From a quick google search, it seems that a laparoscoy does not actually go inside the uterus, where as with a hysteroscopy, they go inside the uterus. For me they did a uterine scraping, and said that this stimulates fresh cells and there are higher pregnancy rates three months following the procedure. Did not work for us as it turns out DH had 100% abnormal sperm.

I totally understand the frustration with waiting and just wanting to get on with IVF. Do you have any idea how long the wait is? I also totally get the frustration of baby bombshells. DH is one of 7 children. Two of his brothers were having affairs and two others didn't work and are living off governemtn benefits. I felt really ripped off that all of these people conceived while I was struggling, and felt really resentful that I was working hard to have to save for IVF for my own baby miracle, but instead had to give a lot of it away in tax to raise children for people like these who aren't working to fund their own children.

[closephine85]

So I called the hospital to ask when my laparoscopy might be, only to be told 'you call us on the first day of your cycle and we fit you in from there' am I supposed to be a mind reader now on top of everything else? I've been sitting at home like a lemon waiting for a letter when from what they've now said, I could probably have already had the op.

I've been having a bit of a rubbish week. A few things have happened but I'm feeling too drained to go over it all again. Just come on here for a bit of hand holding really from people who get it! DH works late Monday-Wednesday so I have a lot of alone time in the evenings to delve into self pity! :(

Anna - how are you getting on?

[closephine85]

Oh and I'm only 7dpo but I've ruled myself out already as my boobs have hurt from the second I ovulated. I seem to take this as a sign it hasn't worked as when I was pregnant with DH I didn't really get any boob pain until after AF was late and even then not much!

[closephine85]

Clearly I meant ds and not DH in that last post

[Annabellaboo]

Hi! Sorry you are having such a bad week. I have had many of those, especially that waiting week before AF. Glad you came on here for some support, I find it really helps.
I am doing really well actually thanks. I am feeling calmer and trying to stay positive. It's always easier when it's the beginning of my cycle as I have some hope and my hormones aren't going crazy. Just finished the 5 days of 2nd my round of clomid. No side effects yet but that only happened to me a little during and after ovulation. I am going to see a reflexologist and reiki practitioner on Saturday which I am looking forward to. Not sure it will work any miracles but it's something to try and if nothing else it should be relaxing!
Sorry about the laparoscopy situation. That is so frustrating! I hope you get on the list soon.
Sending hugs your way

[closephine85]

Thanks :) yes, the week before AF is just hideous! It's almost a relief once AF arrives to stop all the wondering and the what ifs!! I'm taking progesterone at the moment which delays AF so I test on the day it's due and then stop taking it if (WHEN) negative!

Glad you're doing ok at the moment. Hope your appointment goes well at the weekend :) what do the two actually involve? I've never had either.

I'm going round in circles with all the waiting at the moment. Just want this laparoscopy over with so that we can work out how best to move forward.

[Shellster52]

Lucky you just happened to ring and follow up about your laparoscopy closephine! So at least I assume that means it should be done in your next cycle then and hopefully not too far away?

The reflexology and reiki sounds different Anna. I used to do acupuncture through my IVF cycles. Before infertility, I was never a believer in all that stuff and couldn't see how sticking a needle in my wrist would make my reproductive tract work better, but I think I would have rolled in cow manure if they had of told me it would work. At the very least, it felt like I was doing something practical.

[closephine85]

I had a letter in the post today telling me to attend a pre-surgery assessment on Thursday. My phone all must have kicked them into action!

I'll be testing Wednesday, so that'll be a nice treat the next day. Would so love a miracle right now but it would be too well timed just before investigations and Ivf, think I'm more likely to win the lottery.

[Annabellaboo]

That is good news! Things are moving along-phew!
Looking forward to my reflexology and reiki tomorrow. Reflexology is about pressing on pressure points on the feet as apparently everything in the body has points on the feet. And reiki is a healing method to help with energy flow. Will be nice to relax and do something for me. I believe these things can really help sometimes. And yes shellster it does make me feel like I am taking some sort of control and action to potentially help myself.
I think I am definitely having a few more side effects from the clomid this month. I am super tired, have had a few headaches and my skin keeps breaking out. All great fun! 😖

[closephine85]

How did your reiki and reflexology go? Hope the side effects from the clomid are not too bad? Whereabouts are you in your cycle?

13 dpo here and I need talking down from the crazy thoughts in my head! I've managed to resist testing but will be testing with a first response tomorrow as I don't get AF until I stop taking the progesterone. 99% sure I'm not pregnant but at the same time I had twinges on Saturday (10dpo) and then crazy sore breasts the next day. That's eased off now, still sore but not unbearable. So of course there's the niggling 1% of my brain thinking it could have been implantation. HELP! Just need to get through today.

[Annabellaboo]

Oh I know that feeling all too well! Sorry you are currently being tortured! The fact is we can't help but be hopeful even when it's a stretch. That 1% just won't go away!
I would say test tomorrow and then assuming it's negative let it go from your thoughts as best you can. I had the same thing last month when I had done my first round of clomid. I was late and had a few potential symptons. I really did a terrible job of torturing myself by testing everyday from about 12dpo. I knew I was clutching at straws as I got negatives but still kept testing until AF! Trying to promise myself I won't repeat the same crazy pattern this month but we will see!
Stay strong and try and keep busy.
Hugs xx

[Annabellaboo]

Forgot to answer your questions! I am currently ovulating (got a smiley face last night) on day 12 of my cycle today. Not looking forward to the 2 ww! 😁
I ended up having just reflexology the other day but I will be also going back for reiki too. It was so lovely and relaxing so I am definitely happy to continue it! The lady said from my story it sounds like I am on track with my body again and hopefully it will just be a matter of time before I get pregnant again. I keep telling myself that too! I am generally feeling positive and optimistic at the moment so I can't complain.

[closephine85]

Negative :( not sure why I even let myself have that 1% hope! Called the Ivf clinic this morning. We are very interested in create fertility due to their natural/mild approach. I feel like we just need to go for it now, no more of this hanging about hoping for a miracle. The let down each month is too difficult to deal with.

Good luck with your cycle this month. Glad to hear your reflexology was nice and relaxing! :)

[Rose8282]

Hi all, I hope you don't mind me joining the conversation so late. I've also been struggling with secondary infertility. We've been trying almost a year. We got pregnant with our first (she's almost 3 now) literally the first time we had unprotected sex!, so this has been a bit of a shock.

The reiki and reflexology sounds interesting- I'm in the medical profession myself so have always been a little sceptical of alternative therapies, but have actually decided to have some hypnotherapy- I'm hoping it will just help a bit with the stress, which I'm sure is not helping. I can let you know how it goes, though feeling wary!

Closephine- totally sympathise with the end of the month downer, it's horrid. I'm sure I'll be joining you in just over a week.

Annabellaboo- did they decide to put you on clomid because they thought you weren't ovulating? Just wondering when they like to use it, and if it would be applicable in my case.

Wishing you all lots of luck, this infertility stuff is no fun. x

[Annabellaboo]

Hi Rose, thanks for joining of course you are very welcome. It really does come as a surprise when it doesn't happen like the first time doesn't it!
Have you and DH had all the usual tests yet? Would you say your cycles are different since having your child? Mine did change, were shorter and I had spotting before AF so my hormones must have been out of whack somehow. That has been regulated now through diet, stress management and supplements. I definitely strongly believe stress and exhaustion can really affect our cycles etc. My son has never slept well and I was particularly under pressure when my body was at it's worst. I think anything that can help with your stress is well worth exploring. Good luck with the hypnotherapy and please let us know how you find it.
I was put on only 25mg clomid as my tests show I do ovulate. However my consultant did recognise my cycles were very short and believes I maybe need a boost so to speak and help extend my cycle a little which it did by 5 days last month. My progesterone levels were very high after the first month but still no pregnancy. I am really hoping the clomid will work and now my cycles are more regular anyway and I am generally less stressed and run down I am feeling hopeful. But if it doesn't happen in the next few months I will really be at a loss as to what to do next. IVF would be very difficult for us to afford, we could probably manage one round but if that didn't work it would be a blow to stop there.

[Mummymum38]

Hi my story is below, it is a long one spanning almost 7 years from dc1 born to eventually having our much wanted dc2. During this time we tried almost everything, including acupuncture, weight loss, various vitamins, aspirin etc. randomly I do remember eating a lot of fresh pineapple around the time we eventually successfully conceived, also we got a puppy 3 months before and booked a lovely holiday, which I have never been so happy to cancel!! Good luck to you.......

I had my first child almost 7 years ago aged 31, got pregnant at age 30 without even having to try, ie we decided we wanted a baby so had unprotected sex only once in my cycle on exactly day 14 of my cycle and boom I was pregnant. It was quite a scary pregnancy and I bled a lot of brown blood until exactly the day of my 12 week scan with no real reason why. My baby girl was born perfectly healthy at term.

When my daughter was 1 year old we decided to ttc number 2 and thankfully again got pregnant really quickly in the second month of trying ( again without having to try really hard!). Unfortunately we lost the baby at around 8 weeks and were devastated. We started trying again a couple of months after that and nothing happened.

A year down the line we were referred to the fertility clinic and over the period of about a year we both had numerous tests and I had a laparoscopy which revealed I had one badly damaged tube and although my second tube appeared clear they could not be sure it was ok. No reason was given for the damage, except perhaps an infection after birth or after my miscarriage or I might even have had it for years.

I also had concerns at this time as my luteal phase by this point was down to about 7/8 days and my progesterone blood tests always seemed low but was told numerous times this was ok. I kept track religiously of my ovulation dates and spent a fortune on opks and I brought this up at every consultation but was never taken seriously.

Eventually I was referred for IVF privately since we already had a child, however just before we were about to start treatment we decided for various reasons including financial ones not to go down that route, despite spending a lot of money on the initial consultations.

So throughout this time we kept trying and trying, it was not an easy time with most of my friends and family who were pregnant at the same time with our first child now on to their second.

However one month in 2013, almost 3 years after our miscarriage I did another test and it was positive. Omg I was over the moon and we could not believe our luck, at the same time we were absolutely terrified and I went to the doctor straight away and asked for progesterone supplements, which I was refused.

6 weeks later after the BFP again the bleeding started and we were referred for 3 scans over a 3 week period which firstly showed at 6 weeks no heartbeat but a sac, then at 8 weeks a heartbeat but measuring 2 weeks behind dates, then eventually at 9 week scan we were told the baby had died. Devastated does not even cover how we felt after 3 years of trying and then this again. We also didn't even have the hope that we could get pregnant again. Thankfully I had my daughter throughout this and every day counted my blessings that we had her which kept us going, but the pain for another child and sibling for her was still there.

We tried to get on with our lives and over the next year we still tried EVERY month, looking back I think we only missed about 3 months, but being honest it put a strain on our relationship. I also lost friends and put a strain on family relations during these years as, as horrible as it sounds, I just could not cope with other people's pregnancy and babies. It was a tough time and by the time my daughter started school at age 5, some of my original antenatal friends were now onto their 3rd child.

Eventually late in 2014 we decided to get a dog and booked a nice holiday for 2015 and pretty much accepted we would be a family of 3, and although every month when my period came I still had a little cry, generally inside I had given up and thought that was it. I was not getting any younger which also didn't help the situation. However we still kept trying....

Imagine my surprise 3 months after getting the puppy when I got a BFP, now aged 37!!!! This time, again we were very scared and anxious but with the support of the recurrent miscarriage clinic ( which I was referred to by a lovely doctor after my second miscarriage) we got early scans at 6 weeks, 8 weeks and 10 weeks and I was put on a progesterone pessary which I took from 48 hours after I found I was pregnant until 15 weeks. Often I had to pinch myself when I was pregnant and hope I wasn't dreaming as I was just so happy. At the same time it was also a terrifying 9 months in which I was scared every time I went to the toilet. I couldn't even tell anyone I was pregnant until after my 20 week scan as I was that scared.

However somehow I am now sitting here aged 38 with my beautiful baby boy!

So after an almost 7 year journey I just wanted to share that it can happen and it makes us love him so much as we wanted him so so much and waited so so long for him and he is worth every second!

[Rose8282]

Gosh that sounds like such an ordeal, Mummymum, you must be so ecstatic now your little boy is finally here. I can't imagine what that must have been like. I think I can empathise with the strain put on family and friends relationships, though I'm trying hard not to let it affect my relationships- it can be tough.

Annabella- I definitely agree that stress and tiredness play a massive part- it's really hard trying to find time for yourself and to 'relax' when you have a small child to take care of (which obviously was not an issue the first time round!)

I've had blood tests day 2-3 and progesterone levels day 21, which were normal. My husband had a semen analysis which was all normal except for the morphology which was 94%- this is apparently too high according to things I've googled, but saying that a lot of men seem to have it incidentally. My periods are regular, 28-29 days. I've also noticed recently some premenstrual very light spotting (barely nothing for 2-3 days then my period comes). I was worrying a bit this may be significant- I hope it isn't but maybe like you suggest it could indicate waning fertility. I can't remember how my periods were before having my first- I never paid much attention to them before the last year and then this year I feel like I've become a bit obsessive over them.

Also have lots of friends having their seconds (in fact we are visiting one of their's new baby this morning)- it's lot of mixed emotions, obviously so happy for them, but it's such a constant reminder of what you so desperately want, it can be quite hard. I find it especially hard when I see my little girl cooing over babies and stroking their heads thinking what she would be like with a little sibling (I'm sure that stage wouldn't last long mind you!).

It's really exciting that they've started you on clomid- really really hope it leads to good news for you. I will let you know how the hypo goes, first session is in a couple of weeks!

[Annabellaboo]

Mummymum, thank you for sharif your amazing story. It must have been so hard but well done you for getting through it. So glad there is a happy ending for you and it was app worth it in the end xx

[Annabellaboo]

Sorry for typos! Meant sharing of course and all worth it x

[Annabellaboo]

Hi Rose, it does sound like your cycles are pretty much ok. Could just be a matter of time for you and with some extra tlc to yourself hopefully it will happen. I never really paid much attention to my cycles etc before DS either but oh how diffent now! I do know I never had spotting though.
I have also noticed that I get bloating and cramps now after ovulation. It can be really uncomfortable and since clomid it is much worse 😞 I even woke in the night last night and couldn't stand up due to the cramps. I am now worrying this is a bad sign in general? Anyone else have this?
Yes the sibling thing is so hard at times. I have friends who managed to conceive their 2nd or 3rd as soon as they wanted, now have their babies and I am still waiting. I am genuinely happy for them but of course it is hard. I look at them and realise they have no clue what I am going through.

[Annabellaboo]

Closephine has AF turned up yet? Hope you are at least getting somewhere with the next stage.

[closephine85]

Hi Anna - how weird just popped in to post on here and you've just posted.

Yes AF arrived on Friday :( im booked in for a laparoscopy on the 16th which means we can't try this month as I will ovulate before then and you can't have the op if you could be pregnant. It feels a bit weird. I know it will be nice in theory to have a whole month off where it's not even possible to be pregnant, but at the same time it's still frustrating. It's also thrown me into a bit of confusion about when to do Ivf - I was hoping we could try for one month after the laparoscopy just in case it did increase my fertility enough to fall pregnant, then do Ivf in March - because I'd geared by self for Ivf in March I don't want to back track, but there's still a niggling bit of me that wants to try naturally after the laparoscopy. I guess really I just have to wait and see what it finds.

How are you getting on? Are you into your 2ww now?

Welcome Rose - sorry you find yourself here. Sounds like it's still relatively early days for you (although may not feel like it!) so perhaps it is just a matter of time.

Thanks for sharing mummymum - so glad you got your happy ending in the end.

[Annabellaboo]

Hi closephine, yes that sounds a bit confusing. However in the grand scheme of things 1 month is nothing when you have been waiting this long. I know it must be a bit disappointing but I imagine there will be a bit of relief to know that for 1 month you don't have the constant question in your head! I hope you find some answers with the laparoscopy. I am wondering if my consultant will refer me for one after my next appointment in March.
I am on day 18 of my cycle so prob have about 10 days left. I am not feeling hopeful to be honest. I have had so many months of looking into symptons and wondering if this is it, that I swear I wouldn't even know if I actually was pregnant anymore. I dare not get my hopes up this month as the last couple of months have been such a blow. Think I will even resist testing unless I am super late. I say that now but prob won't actually hold out!
I phoned the consultant today about the cramps I have been having. She said to stop taking the clomid 😕 and I am going for an ovulation scan next cycle to see how my natural ovulation is. All a bit disappointing but apparently the clomid can have helped kick my cycles back to a better pattern so here's hoping it was worthwhile. I am glad it has lengthened my cycles and hopefully it will stay this way.

[Rose8282]

Hi Anna and Closephine,

Thanks for including me again. So sorry to hear your AF came Closephine, sorry I must have got confused in my first post thinking you had already got it. That's strange having a month off, I totally understand the mixed feelings; it must feel nice to have a bit of a 'holiday' from thinking about when you're fertile, trying to time sex etc etc., but then also not nice having to miss out on another chance to conceive. Thats good they are doing a laparoscopy though, as I get the impression that not all hospitals do it on the NHS? That's a point, are you both in the UK?, just assumed you were, but this is my first time on mumsnet so not sure what nationalities join!

I am also nearing the end of my cycle, on day 22 so expecting to get AF next Monday. Not feeling too positive this month, especially as my DH had the flu (fevers and all) and we were having to push on through that, hardly sexy!

Anna, yes sounds like maybe you were a bit hyperstimulated with the clomid? probably good move to come off it, I think that's quite a common side effect. Fingers crossed your cycles level off a bit though. I know what you mean about trying not to get hopes up in the days leading up to AF- I'm making an extra effort this month not to do any googling of 'what if's' and 'is x a symptom of early pregnancy??' Not healthy! This is my only internet involvement and I think this is much healthier!